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LPW SuperCycle 27.3 LIVE from Anchorage, Alaska! RESULTS!

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  • Macho Mourn

    The graphic fades to Johnathan Crotchman standing in a green screen news room.

    Crotchman: We are just a few shows away from Altered Reality. I am sure there will be twists and turns along the way yet to be seen. So far, announced for Altered Reality is the Main Event everyone’s talking about where World Heavyweight Champion Mourn Despana goes against one of the greatest champions in LPW history AND defending Martinez Cup champion, International Heavyweight Champion Al in a title unification match for the Martinez Cup. Who will take their spot atop the LPW mountain?

    We also have the culmination of the Altered Reality Western States Heritage Championship Tournament where we have Bobino, Caeser Osiris and Ozzy Crerar. At out next LPW show, we’re gonna crown the 4th participant in a three way dance that will include Bane Uzzah who fell to Ozzy earlier tonight. After that match, Bobino, as terms of him winning his way in first, will pick his first-round opponent. Who will leave as THE NEW Western States Heritage Champion?

    And breaking into the studio, we have two announcements. First. Just finalized. The LPW World Tag team Championships will be ON THE LINE! It will be Champions "The Professionals" Steven Thornridge and Bronx up against the challengers of Sixx King and Steve Storme. They have been pestering Thorny and Bronx all cycle and now the tag team encounter is set. Will the Professionals be able to bounce back from personal heartbreak or will they wilt under the pressure of Sorme and Sixx?

    And now, the announcement we’ve all been waiting for, Altered Reality’s location. We’ve kept things a secret until now, and that alone is a miracle in this day and age of social media.
    Ladies and gentlemen, we will be headed to THE BAY AREA! SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA AND AT&T PARK!

    Crotchman: These are five matches announced with the new Western States Heritage Champion to be crowned.. With the Hardcore Championship match still unannounced and other matches sure to follow, we are certain this will be the greatest Altered Reality ever!

    But that’s enough from me. You’re here for action and now is the time for our main event. I send you all back to Phoenix and Lillehammer at ringside for what aims to be a massive contest!

    “DNA.” by Kendrick Lamar hits to a hellaciously hostile reaction as a scowling Chris Austin emerges from the curtain. Usually not one to acknowledge fanfare and such, the hoodie-clad self-proclaimed No. 1 Contender for Whatever He Damn Well Pleases seems to be in no mood to talk, as he proceeds down all business, torch held over his shoulder like a baseball bat with one of his taped fists tightly gripping the handle.

    Announcer: The following Non-Title contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from San Jose, California weighing in at 220 pounds … CHRIIIISSSS AUSSSSSSTINNNNNN!!!

    Lillehammer: He doesn’t look happy. Doesn’t bode well for Al, which means another great day in America is near.

    Phoenix: Al, to my understanding, asked for this match after Austin’s cowardly assault on him last show. With the mood Austin has been in, I don’t find it to be the wisest request with Altered Reality on the horizon, but something tells me that Al, ever the consummate fighter, will do more than teach the so-called “Student of the Game” an unforgettable lesson.

    Lillehammer: There you people go with your fake news. You and I sat here and listened to that fence-jumper publicly slander Austin for no reason, provoking him! Austin merely decided to shut him up, and well, we’ve seen 1888. It is deathly effective when he cinches it on, and it takes no time at all.

    Phoenix: Well, Al’s neck isn’t 100 percent after that. The longest reigning singles champion of any kind in LPW history would be wise to get this one over with quickly …

    Lillehammer: Against a man who has yet to lose a one-on-one match in LPW. You watch. When Austin has his way, he will punch his ticket to Altered Reality with a display that just cannot be ignored.

    Austin rolls into the ring and sits Indian-Style, facing the entrance way. At this point he begins to mouth the words of his theme.

    I know how you work, I know just who you are,
    See you’s a, you’s a, you’s a,
    BITCH your hormones probably switch inside your DNA,
    Problem is, all that sucker shit inside your DNA …

    Lillehammer: That right there is a man on a mission. He won’t be denied. Especially by a wall-builder.

    Austin’s theme cuts out as “Blockbuster Night Part 1” by Run The Jewels thumps through the arena as LPW International Heavyweight Champion Al emerges through the fog, title in hand and a very focused glare on his face. The crowd offers a roaring ovation as Austin rises to his feet.

    Bunches and bunches,
    Punches is thrown until ya frontless,
    Oodles and Noodles,
    Bang bullets at suckas’ noodles,
    Last album voodoo, proved that we was fuckin’ brutal,
    I’m talking crazy, half-past the clock’s cuckoo…

    Announcer: His opponent. From San Francisco, California. Weighing in at 230 pounds, he is the LPW International Heavyweight Champion … AAAAAAALLLLLL!!

    Phoenix: Listen to that ovation! And Al looks ready for a fight!

    Lillehammer: One would hope so … but I find he isn’t prepared to deal with THIS Chris Austin right now. Nobody is.

    Al walks up the steps and calmly hands over his title to the official as Austin, who has since placed his torch down in a corner, finishes limbering up. With no warning, Al rushes Austin before he can come out of his stretches, firing off clubbing blows and forearms to the back and neck before the bell can even ring.

    Lillehammer: THAT COWARD!

    Phoenix: AL IS ALL OVER AUSTIN LIKE A HOUSE OF FIRE! Austin’s getting his hands up but it’s clear the champion is looking to punish! Al ragdolls Austin across the ring and charges but Austin with an explosive double leg takedown, and now he’s trying to drop some rights and lefts!!

    Lillehammer: If I’m Austin, I try to go for a limb, his knowledge of body manipulation is second to none. If this remains a street fight …

    Austin delivers body shots to the grounded Al before a twist of the hips allows Al dominant position, from which Al fires off forearms. Austin is able to seize an arm, slapping on a kimura and using it to flip Al off him.

    Phoenix: And now we’re back to square one, and they trade rights and lefts. Al shoves Austin back and tackles him out of the ring! Al has Austin now, and he rams him into the ringpost! Al stomping away now as the ref implores both men to get back into the ring! This match hasn’t even started!

    Lillehammer: Al has ruined what should have been a fabulous main event with his roughhousing! I cannot believe Nabakov actually has the gall to like this man.

    Al backs up, having stomped Austin into a fetal position. Al yells out angrily and looks to continue the assault, but Austin grabs the waistband of Al’s dress pants – typical wrestling attire for the champion – and yanks him awkwardly into the steel steps. Austin gets to a knee, trying to shake some of the cobwebs loose. From there, he takes off his sleeveless hoodie and, akin to a garrote, wraps it around Al’s throat, attempting to choke him.

    Phoenix: The competitors have seemingly tossed out any regard for this match, and Austin trying to strangle Al again! That no-good bastard!

    Lillehammer: No, Al started this! He wanted this to be a fight, and so it is!

    Al backs Austin into one of the fan barricades, breaking the grip of his assailant. Al then turns around and with a clubbing blow, knocks The Contract Killer into the stands. Al is right out after him, striking Austin with hard rights that sends the latter staggering away with each blow. A fifth right hand sends Austin tumbling down, and Al grabs Austin, picking him up in a fireman’s carry with the apparent intent to toss him back ringside. Austin gouges the eyes to halt Al’s attack. Austin scrambles off Al’s shoulders and intimidates a fan in the front row into giving up his commemorative chair. Austin grabs the chair and charges Al, who back body drops him over his head and back ringside.

    Phoenix: This one has broken down significantly, and now Al has that chair!


    Nabakov, showing concern over the unfolding matters at hand, cautiously inches toward ringside with an event security force behind him that waits for word to act. Nabakov puts his hand up, silently asking the unit to wait. Meanwhile, Al has cleared the announce table and eyes Austin with an ill-intentioned gleam in his eye. Al rummages under the ring, pulling out a trash can. He turns around only for said item to be forced back into his face by the momentum of a recently-flung commemorative chair. Al crawls over to the steel steps to regroup, but Austin is quickly on him, grabbing Al by the head and flinging it backward into the side of the steel repeatedly, ultimately leaving Al in a heap, cradling his skull.

    Lillehammer: What a mean streak! People underestimate this about Austin, and now Al is paying the price! GOD BLESS CHRIS AUSTIN!!

    Austin tries to pull the discombobulated International Heavyweight Champion to his feet, but Al delivers an elbow to the gut to gain some space and then short-arms Austin into a hip-toss that throws Austin onto the top of the steel steps. Austin yelps out in pain, slinking off the stairs only to receive a hard soccer kick to the mush. Al grabs the steps, trying to detach them as Austin – with a freshly-busted lip and nose – tries to pull himself up. Al charges and strikes Austin in the arm and upper-body with the stairs, the force of the blow sending Austin flying across the announce table, sending Phoenix and Lillehammer scattering out of the way of a flying Californian.

    Phoenix: Al just CREAMED Austin with those steel steps! These two haven’t given each other much room to breathe! At this rate Al is looking to ensure that Austin doesn’t even make it to Altered Reality, provided he even gets a match!

    Lillehammer: That’s fear. What you see happening is fear manifesting itself. GET UP, AUSTIN!!

    Phoenix: Al now going around the other side, looking under the ring, looking for something … he’s got a lead pipe!

    Al raises it high much to adulation from the increasingly blood-thirsty crowd as Austin crawls from around the table and gets to his feet, now sporting a laceration on his shoulder where he took the business end of the steel steps. Nabakov’s eyes widen as he is clearly contemplating having physical intervention. Al turns around and spies Austin, and he hastily walks back to greet him, pipe in hand. Al goes to take a swing but before he can, Austin manages to grab Al and deliver a desperation belly-to-belly suplex-type slam onto the ring apron, Al grunting in pain upon impact. Austin falls back down as Al slides off the apron onto the ringside area, his body showing signs of spasms.

    Phoenix: Austin crafty there, I have to give it to him. Surely Al was looking to take his head off.

    Lillehammer: These two have had this pent up for a quite a while, and frankly I’m a bit dismayed we’re just now getting to it. Had I known Austin would try to break Al’s spine I would have been wished for this!

    Phoenix: WILL YOU STOP??

    Lillehammer: Oh come off it! Until now I didn’t even know Al had a spine! Yellow-bellied bean-

    Phoenix: ENOUGH!

    Austin gets up, his body showing that he is the worse for wear despite currently holding the advantage. Austin looks down to Al, who still holds his back. He then looks to the Mount Vesuvius Torch resting on the timekeeper’s table. His eyes go from Al to the Torch, the Torch to Al, and you can see the gears turning in his mind. Al manages to push himself to his feet, but before he can straighten out, Austin charges and drops the International Heavyweight Champion with a leaping pump-action knee strike that echoes through the arena.


    Austin takes the torch and turns back to Al, who is on all fours. Austin walks toward Al, eyeing Nabakov the whole way before he rests the top half of the torch underneath Al’s chin, basically forcing him to his feet by lifting on the weapon.


    Phoenix: Chris, don’t you do that…

    Lillehammer: You do know Austin was an all-state baseball player in his amateur days, yes? THIS IS GOING TO BE GLORIOUS! DO IT! PUT THAT “REFORMED” STREET DOG DOWN!

    Nabakov’s eyes race as Austin, chest rising and falling rapidly, measures for his best imitation of Ken Griffey Jr.


    Austin draws back to swing, but in an urgent surge, Al grabs Austin and lifts, spinebustering him through the announce table!!! Austin grimaces as he slowly rolls away from the wreckage, mostly conscious solely because Al’s back was compromised to where he was unable to generate enough power to deliver the full force of the slam. Al sits up as the crowd tells the two how they feel about what just happened.



    Nabakov motions his team down to check on both men. Al is not here for said observation, shoving away the help as he puts Austin – who has since recovered the Torch that went flying when he was lifted – in his crosshairs. Austin, arms trembling, tries to push himself up as Al barks at Nabakov’s men to back off.


    Lillehammer: Austin, look out!!

    Phoenix: I’ve seen that crouch before, he’s looking for the Hit Stick, and Austin is dangerously close to the fan barrier … you don’t think …

    Al, bleeding from the cheek after that knee from Austin, readies to explode toward Austin. He blocks out the pleas of Nabakov’s men, as Nabakov himself has his hands on his head, seemingly frozen as to what to do next.

    Phoenix: AL CHARGES!!!

    Austin turns and sees Al at the last minute coming for him like a bat out of hell, and he Tac Rolls out of the line of fire. Al’s eyes widen as he stutter steps to try and stop himself from going headfirst into the fan barrier, ultimately using the top of it to slow down and steady himself. In this time, however, Austin has gotten to his feet and he has the Mount Vesuvius Torch in hand. Al turns around, and Austin isn’t behind him, instead off in Al’s blindside where he takes a shuffle step to gather momentum and ...


    Crowd: OOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

    Austin delivers a ruthlessly targeted swing with the Torch, connecting solidly at the back of Al’s head. Al falls face-first like a ton of bricks, limp. Clearly unconscious.


    Lillehammer: YES!! OH THANK REAGAN YES!!!

    Chris Austin: 4.35 APS + 1.6 Vote = 5.95 Total
    Al: 4.28 APS + 0.2 Vote = 4.48 Total

    An eerie hush falls over the crowd as Austin surveys the results of his handiwork. Nabakov, seeing what just happened, is in Austin’s face screaming “WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?” Austin looks to Nabakov and grins evilly, uttering, “You can’t deny me anymore.” Nabakov’s officials and road agents, go to check on Al, the faint rise and fall of his back his only sign of life … just like the last time he crossed paths with Austin.

    Phoenix: Austin has … that bas-


    Phoenix: Al may be seriously hurt after this ugly confrontation just now, Robert! Who cares about Austin’s claim to Altered Reality?!?


    Austin raises his Torch-wielding hand high to boos that quickly turn into murmurs of confusion and the sound of a woman yelling, “MOURN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!”


    Lillehammer: What the blazes! They had a damn deal!!

    Mourn tackles Austin by the legs and seizes the mount on Austin, who turns onto his back to try and recognize his attacker. Despana starts delivering hard downward palm strikes to the clearly off-guard Austin. Austin manages to shield most of the blows and bucks Mourn off of him, but a fresh and obviously agitated World Heavyweight Champion refuses to relent as the sheer force of the blows are able to break through some of Austin’s blocking as Mourn’s wife, Kassandra, looks on surprisingly displeased at what is transpiring.

    Mourn bum-rushes Austin into the fan barricade and tries to position him face-down onto it, presumably to deliver elbows to the back of the head as he did to Steven Thornridge in his most recent match, but Austin slithers free. Mourn goes for a short right elbow and Austin parries it, grabbing Mourn’s left wrist and yanking down on it while bringing his knee into Mourn’s face, knocking a momentarily glassy-eyed Desperado to his ass. Austin, now with a moment to breathe, immediately scrambles for his Torch, having to fight through Nabakov’s men to get to where it lied after Mourn’s ambush.

    Austin grabs the torch and proceeds to Mourn, who is up to his feet with a freshly busted mouth of his own. Austin swings with the torch but Mourn evades with little issue and as the scrambling Austin turns, he is stunned with a FLUSH Overhand Palm Strike to the jaw that causes him to drop the Torch. Mourn takes a step or two back and rushes in, flattening Austin with an Uppercutting Palm Strike. Mourn then grabs Austin to his feet via Cobra Clutch, twisting him around and pulling him into Ame-no-Ohabari, the Ripcord Elbow connecting soundly off the side of Austin’s face. Mourn checks his mouth, seeing blood, then storms over to Nabakov, who is still checking on Al.



    With that, Mourn takes his leave, basically dragging Kassandra by the hand as he does. Along the way, he picks up Austin’s Torch and takes it with him. He stops at the ramp for a final survey of the scene, as Kassandra looks on, confused as to what to make of matters. The show fades out with Al and Austin just now stirring, both men with freshly cleaned clocks.

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  • Macho Mourn
    Lillehammer: Well, earlier tonight we saw Ozzy Crerar advance in the Western States Heritage Championship Tournament, but now we turn our attention to two men who have already qualified. Caesar Osiris and Bobino.

    Phoenix: That’s right, and tonight they’ll have to work together as a unit, against Sixx King and Steve Storme!

    “Last Caress” by The Misfits hits and from a thick fog, we see Steve Storme with a fork clenched between his teeth. Standing beside him is his tag team partner, Sixx King. Sixx and Storme bump fists, before making their way down the ramp, and into the ring. They confidently slide inside, side by side.

    Lillehammer: Last week Storme made short work of one half of the tag team champions, defeating Bronx. We mentioned he had gained about 15 pounds of muscle. I don’t know that anyone can stop these two.

    Phoenix: Sixx King, a dominant champion in his own regard, but now he and Storme seem to have their eyes on the Tag Team Championships. We’ll see how well they work as a unit tonight.

    “Never Learn Not to Love” by The Beach Boys starts to play across the speakers, as Ceasar Osiris appears, smiling at the top of the stage. Osiris is greeted with a chorus of boos, which he soaks in. He stands confidently, looking down the ramp, as he awaits his partner.

    Lillehammer: Speaking of impressive victories, last week Caesar Osiris absolutely dominated Golden!

    Phoenix: Oh come off it!

    Lillehammer: What?

    Phoenix: Osiris jumped Golden before the match. It’s a wonder Golden was even able to get into the ring at all!

    Lillehammer: Hey, in LPW a win’s a win, and Osiris has racked up yet another big win in his short career.

    “This Is The New Shit” by Marilyn Manson hits, as Bobino makes his way onto the stage. Bobino wears a long black coat, and a stern look.

    Phoenix: There’s one man Osiris didn’t beat, The New Breed himself, Bobino.

    Lillehammer: Give it time, Blazing. Osiris will come out on top at Altered Reality.

    Phoenix: I don’t know about that.

    Osiris stands tall with Bobino. Osiris stretches out his hand, with a smile, to Bobino, but The Master of Darwinism ignores it, and brushes past him. Osiris rolls his eyes, and follows behind. The two of them climb into the ring, as Bobino starts to take his coat off, and moves to the corner.

    Phoenix: Well it’s going to be Osiris and Sixx starting this one off-

    “Party Up (Bronx Remix)” bs DMX starts to play across the speakers, as Bronx emerges at the top of the ramp. All four men freeze, as one half of the tag team champions makes his way down the ramp, and over to the commentary table. From the apron, Storme throws his fork, narrowly missing Bronx’s chest.

    Bronx: Good evening gentlemen.

    Phoenix: Champ, to what do we owe the pleasure?

    Bronx: I just wanted to get a closer look, that’s all.

    Lillehammer: You got a pretty good look at Storme’s boot last week when he pinned you.

    Bronx: Yeah yeah, that’s why I’m out here though. Learning from my mistakes.

    Lillehammer: Well it’s Sixx and Osiris starting things off here, Osiris makes the first strike, striking the former champion with a strong kick to the leg. Sixx strikes right back, going for a collar and elbow tie up. Osiris backs away, but Sixx stays on him.

    Sixx maneuvers the tie up into an armlock, and wrenches the arm of his opponent. Osiris goes down to one knee, and flips Sixx over his shoulders with a fireman's carry, and gains control of his opponents arm.

    Bronx: Yeah Osiris is pretty damn tough, you know. He’s been doing his homework no doubt.

    Lillehammer: Sixx now, back up on his feet, trying to escape, but he can’t quite find the opening he needs. Hits the ropes for momentum, and escapes. As he does, he tags Storme in, but connects to Osiris with a shoulder block.

    Phoenix: Already Sixx and Storme seem to be on the same page. Bronx, are you at all worried? It’s looked like The Professionals have been having some communication issues over the past few weeks.

    Bronx: The Professionals are just fine. Thorny and I are still large and in charge, the tag team champs.

    Osiris gets to his feet in time to face Storme. Storme lays him out with a backhand slap, that knocks him loopy. Osiris falls to the ground, but Bobino manages to make a tag before he goes down. Bobino makes his way into the ring, and not wasting any time, wraps his arms around Storme, and tosses him into the air for a release suplex. Bobino then tries to keep Storme grounded with a chinlock.

    Phoenix: Impressive power on display from the first man to qualify for the Western States Heritage tournament. If you were Bobino, who would you choose as your first round opponent, Osiris or ______?

    Bronx: Tough question, ya know? Both of ‘em are pretty tough competition.

    Lillehammer: Let’s not forget there’s still a fourth man to qualify as well.

    Bronx: That’s right, that’s right. If I were Bobino, I wouldn’t say a word ‘till it was fight day. Let them be the ones guessing, dig?

    Lillehammer: Bronx you got the chance to fight Storme last week, his first match back since that Solitary Confinement match with Al. Did you notice any ring rust, anything that you could expose?

    Bronx: I mean, if I had, I wouldn’t have lost, right? I hit him hard, and he just kept coming.

    Phoenix: Certainly a great showing from both of you last week, but looking ahead you’ve gotta think that this team of Storme and Sixx is only going to get better and better. They could become serious threats to your titles.

    Bronx: Man, everyone’s a threat. That’s just how we roll. You win a title, you’ve really just gained a target on your back. I know I can watch my own back, I know Thorny can watch his back, so as far as I’m concerned, ain’t nobody taking these titles from us.

    Phoenix: Back to the match, it looks like Bobino is in control now, he’s got Storme in the corner, and stomping him hard.

    Bobino plants boot after boot into the chest of Steve Storme. He backs himself up, and connects with a cannonball splash, driving Storme back first into the corner. Bobino plants his foot on top of Storme’s neck, but the referee forces him to break it up.

    Lillehammer: Bobino picks Storme up on his shoulders, and makes his way back to his corner.

    Phoenix: Good tag team wrestling, cut the ring in half, and keep your opponent away from their corner.

    Lillehammer: Osiris reaches out for a tag, and makes it. He gets up to the top rope, and comes down with a forearm smash. Osiris in control, but not for long. Storme sneaks a forearm into the mix, and Osiris is stunned.

    Phoenix: Storme looking so impressive on his return. He goes right for the Octopus stretch, holding Osiris firmly in place in the centre of the ring. Osiris can’t move an inch.

    Lillehammer: Champ, we’ve gotta know, the Professionals record hasn’t exactly been a winning one, as of late. Looking out into the ring, can you honestly say you two will be able to stand tall against a team like Sixx and Storme if your paths cross?

    Bronx: Gotta believe we will. The professionals are good at getting it done when it matters most. That’s how we got these belts, that's how we’ve kept these belts, and it’s how we’re going to keep keepin’ these belts.

    Lillehammer: Back in the ring, Osiris has entered the ring, not the legal man at all!

    The referee goes over to get Caesar out of the ring, but as he does, Bobino wraps his arms around Storme’s neck, and starts to choke him, forcing him to release the submission. Sixx is screaming for the referee to turn around. But Osiris is still in the ring. Finally The Master of Darwinism releases the choke, distracted by Osiris’ meandering back to the apron. Storme slumps down, and manages to roll to his corner before Bobino can react.

    Phoenix: Sixx back in!

    Lillehammer: Sixx not wasting any time, charging with an elbow right to the jaw, follows it up with a headbutt, and Bobino is down to one knee!

    Bronx: He’s going to need to capitalize on that if he wants to win.

    As Bobino is on one knee, Sixx King charges at him, and drags him down with an flipping neckbreaker into a bridging pin.

    Phoenix: 1



    What athleticism from Sixx King! He went right overhead of Osiris!

    Lillehammer: And he’s not done yet either. Snap kicks from Sixx King to the back.

    Bronx: Let’s not forget that Thrornridge beat Sixx in under two minutes just a few weeks ago.

    Lillehammer: That was then, this is now.

    Bronx: Let’s not forget even after those two punk asses tried to jump us, it was still the Professionals standing tall.

    Phoenix: Bobino grabs the legs and slams Sixx onto the mat, quick tag and Osiris is in. Sixx tries to get onto his feet, but Osiris has him locked in firmly. Vertical Suplex! And the former champ is now flat on his back. Sixx struggles to get to his feet, here comes Osiris off the ropes, and he connects with a dropkick! Sixx King rolls out of the ring, onto the mat below.

    Sixx King starts to pull himself up, using the announcers table. It’s there that he comes eye to eye with Bronx.

    Sixx: You shouldn’t even be out here!

    Bronx: Better focus on your match, chump.

    As Sixx turns around, he walks into a Suicide dive from Caesar Osiris. Osiris is back on his feet quickly, though he shows signs of wear and tear. The referee stands at the edge of the ring, telling both men to get back inside. Steve Storme however starts to slide into the ring. The referee sees him, and turns his head to stop him. Osiris turns his attention to Storme, and begins taunting him, waving goodbye to him. He even goes so far as to blow Storme a kiss. Without warning we see Osiris fall, taken down by Sixx King, holding a steel chair. Sixx throws the chair down to the ground, and Storme makes his way back to his corner.

    Phoenix: Cheap tactics from Storme and Sixx, trying to take the low road.

    Lillehammer: What low road? Bobino and Osiris tried to do almost the exact same thing earlier.

    Phoenix: And they were wrong to do it then too! It hasn’t changed.

    Lillehammer: Sixx rolls him in, he’s got Osiris right in the middle of the ring now, but he tags in Storme.

    Phoenix: Smart move, Sixx acted out of desperation earlier, he’s going to need a chance to recover. Storme is far fresher than Sixx at this point.

    Lillehammer: As he gets inside the ropes, Osiris is trying to get to his feet. He’s there, and going for a tag, but Storme stops him with a leaping lariat! Osiris is down, and Storme covers him!



    No! Osiris kicks out!

    Lillehammer: Storme is back on the assault, but - What the! Osiris rolls him up!



    No! Storme kicks out!

    Bronx: Osiris is nothing, if not sneaky. The guy knows exactly when to pick the right moment to strike. One more second, and that could have been it.

    Lillehammer: Yeah, but it wasn’t Osiris is the first to get to his feet, and whips Storme into the corner. Storme is stunned. Osiris backs himself up, he’s got room to run!

    Osiris grabs the ropes, but before he can move, Bobino tags himself in. Osiris stands stunned, raising his hands in frustration. Bobino waves him off, and points to the corner. Bobino then charges toward the corner, and connects with a massive cannonball splash.

    Phoenix: Bobino on the assault now, he pulls Storme away from the corner and locks in the Figure Four leg lock! Storme has nowhere to go, he might have to tap!

    Lillehammer: Storme has nowhere to go! He’s trying to reach for the ropes!

    The referee turns to look at Storme, asking him if he wants to quit. As he does, Bobino grabs the ropes themselves, and holds himself up at a higher angle. Storme winces, in noticeably worse pain than before, but the referee still doesn’t see it. Before this can go on for much longer, Sixx winds up and kicks Bobino’s hands, until he lets go of the ropes. With the grasp broken, Storme reaches out and snags the side rope himself, and the referee forces Bobino to break the hold.

    Phoenix: Bobino may have broken a finger or two there.

    Lillehammer: Sixx King with that great ring awareness, he knows exactly what it takes to stay in the match.

    Bronx: What’s Osiris up to!?

    On the outside of the ring, Osiris is looking under the ring. He pulls out a steel chair, and slides it into the ring. The referee notices it immediately, and grabs it before it can be used. He yells at Osiris to get back to his corner, before motioning for an attendant to take the chair back outside the ring on the other side. Osiris starts to move as if he’s headed back, but goes back under the ring and pulls out another chair.

    Lillehammer: He’s got another one! The referees back is still turned!

    Osiris has the chair on the ledge, but he can slide it into Bobino’s hands, Sixx King is on the scene with a Superkick to the face. Osiris goes down. Sixx sees the chair, and slides it in to his own partner. Storme picks it up, raises it, and smashes it over top of Bobino’s head. He then kicks it out of the ring, towards Sixx. The referee turns back around to see Storme covering Bobino.

    Phoenix: 1



    Somehow, some way, Bobino kicks out!

    Bronx: It’ll take more than one chairshot to take that man down, I can tell you that.

    Lillehammer: Bobino looking over to his corner for a tag, but nobody’s home! He’s standing now, but so is Storme! Bobino comes running through, but Storme lifts him right up on his shoulders! There’s that extra muscle at work! End of Discord! That’s gotta be it! Osiris can’t make the save, he’s still down!




    Announcer: The winners of the match, the team of Steve Storme and Sixx King!

    Sixx and Storme (3.93 APS + 4.23 APS + 1.5 vote = 9.66)

    Osiris/Bob (3.9 APS + 3.43 APS + 0.3 vote = 7.63)

    Phoenix: Champ, thanks for joining us, hope you got the look you needed.

    Bronx: Until next time, boys.

    With “Last Caress” by The Misfits playing, Bronx claps from ringside at Storme and Sixx. As their hands are raised, they both look towards Bronx.

    Lillehammer: Hey Bronx, you have a target on you.

    The sound of a headset being yanked off is heard and the cameras catch Bronx stepping up onto the announce table with a fresh steel chair in hand. The crowd gains in furver chanting “Bronx, Bronx, Bronx.” After soaking in the atmosphere, Sixx and Storme look to one another unimpressed. Sixx motions with his head and Storme nods. Both men turn their back on Bronx. This causes the crowd to grow into one a massive set of boos.

    Phoenix: Sixx and Storme back down here. Bronx is facing them and they don’t attack. Typical.

    Lillehammer: Ridiculous. Only you would believe backing down from a mad man with a weapon in hand is cowardly.

    Phoenix: That is not what-

    The camera pans across to see Bobino lining up a damaged Osiris. As he is about to strike, Osiris looks over quickly. Instead, Bob walks around the corner away from Osiris.

    Lillehammer: Bob waiting for a better spot to send a message. Osiris now knows Bobino can strike when he wants. Have to keep people like Osiris in check.

    Phoenix: Bobby…

    Lillehammer: A future opponent.

    Phoenix: Yeah…

    Lillehammer: We’ll be back! AND DON’T CALL ME BOBBY!

    Backstage, we see EMTs escorting David Gideon Smith, pulling a stretcher behind them. DGS, stern gaze on his face, walks slowly.

    EMT: This is strictly precautionary-

    DGS: Let me walk in.

    EMT: But-

    DGS’s eyes transfix on the visage of LPW’s masked star Joe Citizen looking on from a short distance away. His eyes furrowed with his arms crossed. Once their eyes lock, Citizen shakes his head in disappointment.

    DGS: You’re pleased. Aren’t you?

    Citizen shakes his head again. The Blackstar heads to the trainer’s room, ignoring the EMT’s arguing with him. Once he reaches the door, his eyes return to a Citizen who is already in step heading away from the vehicle. Before the Hardcore Champion can say something Joe’s way, the door is shut.

    Citizen walks along for a short distance until his head turns. He stops, thinks about it, and walks towards that direction. In the hallway, near a dressing room, stands Reece Raymond with his back turned chatting it up with a stagehand. The employee is animated like a fan explaining to Reece his excitement of the match. Without breaking stride, Citizen politely pats Raymond on the shoulder as he walks by towards a side exit. Reece, seeing who did it, smiles.

    Raymond: THANKS!

    Citizen keeps going into the night. If he is truly pleased with tonight’s circumstances remains unclear.

    Leave a comment:

  • Macho Mourn
    Fade in. A stone-faced Al stares straight ahead from a cubby hole in his personal locker room area. The International Heavyweight Championship rests beside him, glistening in all its ornate glory as the light shimmers off the center plate. Al clenches his taped right fist as the thoughts of his upcoming clash dance through his vengeful mind. At this point the door opens, breaking Al’s focus. He snaps to his feet, fist drawn back. The camera zooms out and we see a hoodie-clad Chris Austin, hands in pouch and looking dressed to compete.

    Austin: I didn’t come here for physicality. I can wait. Can you?

    Al: I’ve no interest in a discussion with you, Christopher. Your mind games are tired, Dog.

    Austin: Why?

    Al: Be more specific.

    Austin: Why? You said several months ago that I deserved to lose what I earned. I just want to know why. That way, when you go down later tonight – and you WILL go down – I’ll at least have all pertinent information at my disposal beforehand.

    Al: Again, I’ve no interest in a discussion with you. Especially about an off-the-cuff remark that seemingly stuck to your ribs. Whether I thought, thunk, or think that your comeuppance was deserved make it any less likely you’ll come for my spot?

    Austin: I guess not. Suit yourself.

    Austin turns to leave, but he stops in his tracks.

    Austin: Oh, one more thing … you remember what you said to me a while back? About your kingdom? All of this you sit upon and rule? What was it … “My kingdom for a Tagalong” right?

    Al: Do you travel with a stenographer, Goddamn.

    Austin takes his hands from his pouch and tosses a box of Girl Scout Tagalong cookies at the International Heavyweight Champion, who instinctively catches them, his eyes darting from the box to Austin.

    Austin: That should suffice for payment, your Grace.

    Austin leaves as Al stares at the box of Tagalongs. He smirks, looks at box with a furled brow, and runs a finger along the cardboard to open the thing as the camera fades to black.

    “Not Gonna Die” by Skillet starts to play across the speakers as Matthew “Silver” Kazama makes his way down the ramp.

    Phoenix: Here comes Matthew Kazama. He's laser focus, and has got something to prove tonight, don't you think, partner?

    Lillehammer: Phoenix. I have to sit by you every week. Can we go one match without you saying something redundant? Of course Kazama has something to prove. He has to prove that Monroe can't smash him to bits.

    Phoenix: Fair enough. During our commercial break, Monroe entered the arena with little fanfare.

    Lillehammer: Crickets, mostly. It was almost like he was never even here. But he's been gone for awhile, maybe the crowd doesn't remember him?

    Phoenix: Well, if they don't, they sure will if he can get into high gear tonight.

    Monroe charges towards Kazama who casually steps to the side, as if he was a matador. Monroe turns around fiercely and charges once more, but Kazama drops him with a swift drop toe hold. Kazama gets back up and wags his finger at Monroe.

    Lillehammer: Monroe has to get out of first gear, before he can get any higher.

    Phoenix: Monroe back to his feet, charges once more-no. Monroe attempted a fake out but Kazama didn't budge an inch. Monroe throws a wild haymaker, Kazama ducks, Pele kick right between Monroe’s eyes!

    Monroe staggers for a bit, and goes for a big boot, but Kazama catches his leg and then hoists Monroe on his shoulders.

    Phoenix: SILVER DIAMOND! Kazama from out of nowhere hits the Silver Diamond on Monroe! What a show of strength from the smaller Kazama!

    Lillehammer: Even I have to be impressed. It usually takes more than that to get the big man down.

    Phoenix: Opting to not go for the cover, Kazama ascends to the top rope.

    Kazama looks at Monroe who is dazed from his head hitting the mat, and then to the crowd. He then points to Monroe and then shrugs before jumping off and hitting a corkscrew shooting star press.


    Ref: ONE! TWO!!! THREE!!!!

    Silver Kazama: 3.48 APS + 1.4 Votes = 4.88
    Monroe: 0 APS + 0.3 Votes = 0.3

    The crowd cheers as “Not Gonna Die” by Skillet booms out. As Kazama heads out of the ring, a flash runs down the ramp.[/i]

    Lillehammer: INCOMING!


    Bane slides in and is quickly standing over a now seated Monroe.

    Bane: Do you think you truly understand what it means to lose, Monroe?

    Bane grips the kendo stick tightly, before taking a violent swing to the side of Monroe’s head, causing the cane to shatter upon impact. He then takes one end of it, and jams the jagged end into Monroe’s forehead.


    Lillehammer: If Monroe mentally showed up tonight, this might have been Kazama! Why is Bane even out here!? He's just going to anger Monroe!


    Bane drags Monroe’s lifeless, and now bloodied body to the corner of the ring and then walks with a purpose to the opposite corner.


    Bane locks Monroe in the Hell’s Gate, and with his free hand still holding the broken end of the kendo stick, he fires off repeated stabs to Monroe’s head, before security pulls him off and restrains him.

    Phoenix: Goodness! Well, this carnage is finally coming to rest. Let us send it backstage for a special interview by our lovely correspondent, Rose Florecer.

    Backstage, Rose Florecer smiles warmly into the camera.

    Rose: Thank you, Phoenix. I’m here with a special interview. Without further ado, I welcome at this time, the NEW Owner of LPW, Mikhail Nabakov. Welcome! And thank you for this interview.

    Kid Of course, Rose. Pleasure, as always.

    Rose: Let’s jump right in. The hot button issue among those in back and the fans across the world are the actions of LPW World Heavyweight Champion, Mourn Despana. Some say he crossed the line. Others say he was within his rights as the match was still going. What about his attack on Thornridge made you take such swift action to punish him?

    Kid: What he did… that wasn’t the action of someone who is the face of the company. Something that, as World Champ, he needs to be. He’s a hell of a fighter. He’s World Heavyweight Champion. But recently, all his fans feel betrayed. We all thought he had the qualities to be someone our viewers could believe in...

    Rose: Some would say you are harder on him than others. I mean, Austin’s wrestling tonight…

    Kid: Austin isn’t World Heavyweight Champion…

    [b]Rose: But he attacked Al… outside a match, I will add.

    Kid: Is this you as an interviewer or-

    Rose: Reporter, Mr. Nabakov.

    The Kid stares at her, skeptical.

    Rose: And I don’t appreciate you questioning my integrity… I’m just saying how it looks.

    Kid: And nor do I appreciate you questioning mine, even if asking questions is your job. Be that as it may, Al asked for this match. Austin’s wanted to get his hands on Al for a while. The fans want to see it. And quite frankly, so do I as a fan and as the man with the book. If Austin gets the win, he can put himself in the conversation for a match against the winner of the Martinez Cup. That’s what LPW is about - earning opportunities and either ceasing or squandering those chances.

    Rose: So a win here doesn’t change anything for AR.

    Kid: It… no. Why should it?

    Rose: If Mourn’s not cleared for AR, Al’s gonna need a new opponent. Austin fits the bill, especially if he defeats the longest reigning champion of any kind in LPW history.

    Kid: Austin is NOT wrestling for the Martinez Cup. It’s never happened before. Somebody who wasn’t either IHC or WHC hasn’t ever been in that match. No.

    Rose: If Mourn’s not available in time, and Austin’s not a possible replacement, who do you envision standing across from Al in the Martinez Cup.

    Kid: That’s a bridge we’ll cross when we come to it. And not a conversation I wish to speculate on. Not on air, at least. I’ll say this, plenty of men on the sideline that would kill for that spot.

    Rose: But none with the name recognition of Mourn, and to a lesser extent, Austin.

    Kid: As a LPW Historian, I can think of a few legends who have bigger names than Mourn Despana.

    Rose’s eyes nearly pop out of her head.

    Rose: Wow, so LPW Management, or, you, I should say, would add a LPW Legend off the street rather than any of the exceptionally talented men in our locker ro-

    Kid: No… I’m just say-

    Rose: Because that’s disrespectful to the World Champion, I would sa-

    Kid: What’s disrespectful is the behavior of Mourn Despana on the last show. He’s decorated, yes. I thought Despana was a stand up guy. Someone I could count on. I was mistaken. We all were mistaken. His punishment is a lesson to the locker room. The ring is meant for fair and balanced competition - not brutal assaults on these men who are all business’ unto themselves.

    Rose: Speaking of your punishments… Chris Austin...

    Nabakov sighs.

    Kid: As for Austin... After all he was a part of… with PERCs and former ownership… I’ve tried to turn a new leaf and part of that was, yes, a seizure of his accolades. Yes, he earned them justly, but we saw how he treated those prestigious accomplishments. Tossed aside the U.S title like it was nothing; used the torch to intimidate instead of uplift. Immeasurable talent notwithstanding, why would I risk the credibility of our championships falling into the hands of someone as disrespectful as Austin? You’d think someone who worships this craft as he does would be better.

    He can mope all he wants. But if he’s as good as he thinks he is, as good as we know he can be, he’ll earn his way to whatever it is he wants, and when I feel he has learned to respect the symbols of greatness in LPW, he can try for them then. Besides, he had 3 damn years to use that torch. A torch he carried along with the banner for what was no more than wrestling’s version of The Gestapo. Choosing who gets to survive. This is about what’s right and wrong, Rose. You s-

    Rose: I understand, Mikhail. Golden and Sixx, the two men before Mourn to hold the World Heavyweight Championship, were not desirable people. They made lots of money for the company. Golden assaulted Mourn’s wife under your watch. What makes Austin different?

    Kid: Oscar Donnally is no longer employed with LPW. That’s as much as I’ll say on that, Rose. Are we finished?

    Rose takes a deep breath.

    Rose: Nearly, rumors have circulated that Al is contemplating retirement. Thoughts?

    Kid: I think I speak for everyone in the LPW Universe in hoping we aren’t near the end. He’s one of the best. Ever, I would say. As for now, I await the results of tonight’s main event.

    Rose: I understand. But sir, I think it’s imperative that you understand that your actions right now are being put under a microscope,

    Kid: Believe me… I do.

    Rose: You’ve suspended the World Champion weeks before the biggest match of his life. His status depends on the health of a man he put in the hospital. You have your International Heavyweight Champion, who may or may not be retiring, fighting at less than 100% against a dangerous and well-rested opponent who’s attempting to snatch a spot in the biggest match of the year - and you say under no circumstances will he be added.

    Kid: Okay? Listen. I understand your concer-

    Rose: Sir, with all due respect, what in the hell is going on here?

    Mikhael sits stunned. He looks about the room and back to Rose.

    Kid: I… I await the results of tonight’s main event. Thank you.

    Rose: Thank you. We’ll be back after a quick commercial break.

    Leave a comment:

  • Macho Mourn

    Phoenix: It is now time, ladies and gentlemen, for what can only – only – be described as a Grudge Match.

    Lillehammer: Not if you believe what one of the participants has to say about it.

    The crowd comes awake as Van Halen’s “Top of the World” starts up. After a brief delay Reece Raymond emerges to a pop, looking for all the world like a man with a score to settle. He makes his way briskly down the ramp, still making time to slap the odd outstretched hand despite his ostensibly no-nonsense demeanor.

    Announcer: The following non-title contest is scheduled for one fall!


    Announcer: Introducing the combatants… first: from Cleveland, Ohio; weighing in at 199 pounds… REECE RAYMOND!

    Phoenix: Robert, I don’t think it’s any exaggeration to say that this is the most intense, the most focused, LPW has ever seen Reece Raymond.

    Lillehammer: Can’t say I blame him. The kid’s first run was the definition of forgettable, and DGS ghosting him at Murderer’s Row was just the icing on the cake. I’d be looking to settle up too, if I were him.

    Phoenix: And settling up is exactly what Reece Raymond will be looking to do here tonight, as he squares off in a return match against the man who, as you said, essentially put him on the shelf all the way back at Murderer’s Row he wasn’t the same after.

    Lillehammer: Credit where credit’s due, he’s looking good. Here’s hoping this match lasts longer than the last between these two.

    Raymond hits the ring and begins limbering up, pausing briefly to acknowledge the crowd’s support as his music fades. The ensuing silence is fleeting, and a moment later “6.24” by Danger starts up. Ethereal chimes herald the Hardcore Champion’s arrival, and the crowd boos heavily as the venue plunges into darkness. Erratically flickering lights – strobes, lasers, spots – briefly illuminate a cloaked form as it emerges from the back. Then the first drop hits and every light in the arena comes on at once to reveal David Smith, clad all in black atop the stage, before suddenly winking out again.

    Announcer: And his opponent: from Omaha, Nebraska, weighing in at 242 pounds… he is the LPW HARDCORE CHAMPION… DAVID… GIDEON… SMITH!

    Phoenix: This’ll be the first action the Hardcore Champion has seen since winning the title back from Joe Citizen – thoughts, Robert?

    Lillehammer: A single show off doesn’t make one rusty, especially someone with the mindset DGS has. If anything, he’ll be even more dangerous coming in well-rested.

    Smith takes his time approaching the ring. The house lights finally come back on permanently once he’s stepped through the ropes, and through it all Reece Raymond never once takes his eyes off the champion. Smith, on the other hand, appears conspicuously relaxed as he hands his title and longcoat off to the official; when at last he turns to face his opponent, it’s with an eerie, featherlight smile flitting about his face.

    Phoenix: The champion doesn’t seem to be taking this nearly as seriously as the returning Raymond.

    Lillehammer: Can you blame him? This is a man DGS all but retired the last time around, and his most recent outing saw him victorious against five other men.


    Phoenix: There’s the bell to start this bout… and a slow start from both men as they begin circling, feeling each other out in the early going.

    Lillehammer: Immediate points to Reece for adapting his game plan. He came out guns-blazing at Murderer’s Row, and damned if DGS didn’t make him pay for it. Good to see him realize that and change tacks here.

    Phoenix: It’ll be interesting to see how he’s prepared for this comeback match, and whether it avails him any against the champion – and here we go, collar-and-elbow starts things off. Both men, fighting for control… and it’s Smith who comes out with the upper hand, forcing Reece back into the corner.

    Lillehammer: Kid’s definitely put on some muscle, but we’ve seen DGS toss 300-plus-pounders around like it was nothing. A test of strength is not where he wants to take this.

    Smith crowds Raymond in the corner, pinning him against the turnbuckles even as the ref interjects and begins a corner count. The Hardcore Champion refuses to budge until the count of four, when he suddenly turns outward from the corner, dropping down and arm-dragging Reece Raymond back toward the center of the ring.

    Lillehammer: Whoa!

    Phoenix: Innovative offense from DGS, turning that collar-and-elbow into an arm drag. Reece rolls through to his feet, turns to find Smith and HOLY – REECE RAYMOND, JUST BARELY ROLLING UNDERNEATH THE LAST WORD!

    Lillehammer: Nearly took his head off! That was almost it right there!

    The crowd is on its feet from the near-finish, and Reece regards Smith with wide eyes as the latter shakes out his right arm, the same ethereal smirk resurfacing on his face as he eyes Reece from over his shoulder.

    DGS: … well.

    He gives his wrist one final flick and turns to more fully face Reece, nodding briefly.

    DGS: All right, then.

    Lillehammer: What’s that all about?

    Phoenix: Got me. Both men approach, looks like they want another collar-and-elbow… and they get it, dead-center of the ring. Reece acting quickly this time, turning and catching DGS in a side headlock and taking him down to the mat.

    Lillehammer: More smart strategy from Reece, immediately putting DGS on the receiving end while also taking him off his feet, eliminating his height, weight, and power advantages. Man, and he’s really cranking away at it, too.

    Phoenix: Reece Raymond, just grinding the forearm back and forth across David Smith’s face. You think the Hardcore Champion was expecting such precise, controlled aggression from Raymond in their return match, Robert?

    Lillehammer: Wouldn’t surprise me knowing him, but expecting it doesn’t seem to go a long way toward stopping it. Case in point.

    Phoenix: Reece, bearing down now, putting all of his weight on this headlock… but Smith counters, manages to get his legs up and lock in the grounded headscissors.

    Lillehammer: Bad spot for Reece, here. This is exactly what he didn’t want – whole point of taking David down was to remove those powerful legs from the equation, and now he’s got ‘em wrapped around his neck.

    Phoenix: Smith squeezes tight, applying crushing pressure… wait, now he’s rolling over, getting Reece facedown against the mat and OH!

    Lillehammer: Oh-ho, that one had to hurt!

    Phoenix: Push-up facebuster, using the headscissors to drive Reece Raymond’s face into the mat!

    Smith executes the maneuver a second time and then a third, pausing to cinch his legs tighter every time. He hits one more facebuster, this one with some extra sauce on it, before releasing and rising to his feet, eyeing Reece’s unprotected back as he stumbles to his feet as well. David cracks yet another sneer and then closes in, grabbing Reece from behind and snapping off a Neckbreaker.

    Lillehammer: Geez…

    Phoenix: C’mon, is that really necessary?! David Smith, targeting the surgically repaired neck of Reece Raymond. Shoots the half…


    Two – Kickout!

    Phoenix: … and Raymond kicks out right at two. Despicable tactics by the Hardcore Champion, targeting the site of an injury he himself caused.

    Lillehammer: Oh, come on. Don’t act like you and everyone else in the world – Reece Raymond included – didn’t see this coming. He knew that this would more than likely turn into a stress test for his neck, and if he’s smart then he’ll have come up a gameplan for it.

    Smith sits up leisurely, turning and eyeing Reece as the latter rolls away to create some space, both hands clasped tightly to the back of his neck.

    Phoenix: Looks like the Neckbreaker did its job. Smith now, back on his feet and stalking Raymond, who sought some reprieve in the corner.

    Lillehammer: Reece needs something big to turn this around. David called his shot and nailed it, and if he’s allowed to roll unchecked for much longer we could see this one wrap up quick.

    Phoenix: Raymond finds his feet, but DGS is there to meet him with a hard forearm. Reece is fighting back though, throwing stiff rights out of the corner… he has the Hardcore Champion on the back foot… oh, but Smith counters with a knee, doubling Raymond over and now an ELBOW, dropped right on the back of the neck!

    The crowd really lets Smith have it as Raymond drops to his knees, face contorted by pain. DGS, meanwhile, merely stands over him, smiling down and paying the crowd no mind.

    Phoenix: He’s enjoying this. He’s trying to take a miraculous comeback and break it over his knee, and he’s enjoying it.

    Lillehammer: I think you may be giving the guy too much credit – honestly, I don’t think he thinks that far ahead.

    DGS: C’mon… upsy-daisy…

    Smith hauls Raymond to his feet and backs him up to the ropes before firing him off. Reece hits the far ropes and hangs on rather than rebounding. Both men pause for a moment; Reece then charges at Smith, who drops down and elevates him up for a Flapjack, but Reece sees it coming and is able to vault over top of the Hardcore Champion.

    Lillehammer: There you go, solid counter.

    Phoenix: Reece Raymond, slipping out through the skylight and landing on his feet! Smith turns – oooh, and catches a back elbow for his troubles. Raymond has him, and DUMPS the champion on his head! Nasty Saito Suplex there, and now Reece hooks the leg!



    Lillehammer: No dice there; it’ll take a lot more than that to put DGS down.

    Phoenix: Doesn’t look like any great surprise to Reece Raymond, who’s already back on his feet. He’s stalking Smith, measuring the Hardcore Champion… and a HARD kick to the right arm puts DGS back down on the mat!

    Lillehammer: Smart. Very smart. Target the arm and you remove David’s power game, his striking game… almost his entire game, really.

    Phoenix: Not to mention the fact that working the dominant arm removes the Last Word from the equation.

    Lillehammer: Exactly. If he wants to keep DGS from going up 2-0 on him, this may he his best option.

    Phoenix: And now he’s on Smith, keeping after the champion even as he rolls away. He’s got him up, wraps the arm around the top rope… ANOTHER stiff kick, and it looks like David’s starting to feel it now!

    Smith sags against the ropes, held up by his left arm while keeping his right curled in to his side… and is somehow still smiling, despite the obvious pain. Reece looks briefly unsettled but refuses to let up, taking off across the ring and rebounding back from the ropes.

    Phoenix: Reece Raymond, looking for a big shot… OH, but Smith has him scouted and Hotshots him across the top rope!

    Lillehammer: Giving him that separation was a mistake. DGS’ spacing and use of distance are second-to-none.

    Phoenix: That last shot, throat-first across the top rope, has Reece turned back toward the center of the ring. DGS steps through the ropes to the apron… what’s he thinki – oh, no. Ohhhh, no, no, no –



    Lillehammer: DID YOU SEE THAT?!


    DGS sprawls out on the mat for a moment before recovering himself and sitting up. Reece, for his part, lies facedown on the mat, barely moving. Smith makes his way over, still favoring his right arm slightly, but rather than going for a pinfall attempt brings Reece back to his feet.

    Phoenix: Oh, COME on! This is excessive!

    Lillehammer: That shot might’ve been a turning point in this match, but it looks like David himself doesn’t think it’ll be enough.

    Phoenix: You sure about that, Robert? You sure he isn’t just a sadistic son of a bitch?

    Lillehammer: Well… I mean, I’m not SURE, but…

    Phoenix: Reece is on jelly-legs. Smith has him hooked, looks like he might be going for a Suplex here… lifts him high, and GOOD LORD! Falcon Arrow across the knee, and Reece Raymond’s surgically repaired neck took ALL of that one!

    Lillehammer: That’s gotta be it. It’s GOT to be.

    Pain breathes new life into Raymond, who cries out and writhes on the mat in agony. Smith kneels down next to him, placing a hand on Reece’s shoulder and smiling when it gets shrugged off.

    DGS: Is this how it felt before? When you thought it was all over… when you thought I’d taken everything away from you?

    He pauses, as if expecting an answer.

    DGS: Here… let me remind you.

    Smith leans down further, now speaking directly into Reece’s ear.

    DGS: This time, you won’t forget.

    Lillehammer: Oh, boy…

    Phoenix: Somebody has to stop this! The official, Nabakov… somebody! Smith, back to his feet… he’s retreated into the corner, and now he’s just eyeing Raymond, beckoning for him to rise! If he hits the Last Word here, that’ll be it! Reece Raymond’ll be done, maybe for good!

    Smith smiles again as Reece starts to his feet, but this time there’s nothing light or slight about it: a wicked and malevolent grin spreads across his face, all teeth and gum, and he visibly licks his lips as the fingers of his right hand begin opening and closing of their own accord.


    Lillehammer: A Reverse Armbreaker, at that!

    Phoenix: He used both knees to hyperextend the right arm, and we may have just seen a swing here!

    The crowd has come alive for the sudden shift in momentum, their cheers and cries willing Reece back to his feet. He takes a slow, awed look around the arena before zeroing back in on DGS, who lays flat on his back in the corner, flexing his arm and gasping in newfound pain. Looking at him, Reece’s face starts to change: his eyes narrow, his breathing grows deeper and harsher, and his lips peel back from his teeth in a rictus of pure, unrestrained hate as Smith rolls to his knees.

    Phoenix: Reece Raymond, realizing how close he just came to disaster, once again at the hands of David Smith…

    Raymond: RrrraaaaAAAAAAARGH!!!

    The crowd pops as Reece charges headlong across the ring, drilling DGS in the side of the head and sending him careening out of the ring!

    Lillehammer: Whoa!

    Phoenix: Shotgun Dropkick by Raymond, and Smith crashes and burns on the outside!

    The crowd continues to spur Reece on as he steps through the ropes, all but seething as he hops down to the floor and begins stalking the Hardcore Champion.

    Phoenix: Reece Raymond with fire in his eyes… I think he’s out for blood here, Robert!

    Lillehammer: That last volley from DGS woke something up inside him; look, he’s practically frothing at the mouth!

    Phoenix: Reece has Smith against the barricade, and look at the kid go, lighting the champion up with those rapid-fire rights!

    The crowd roars its approval as Smith begins to collapse under the vicious assault, sagging against the barricade as Reece continues whaling on him. Reece takes his arm and drapes it over the top of the barricade, wedging it in underneath the padding to keep it in place. He then hops back up onto the apron, takes a running start, and LEAPS…


    DGS: ARGH!


    Lillehammer: That was NUTS!


    DGS falls free of the barricade with a howl, writhing on the floor and clutching his arm tightly to his chest. Reece stands over him, breathing hard, in a role-reversal eerily reminiscent of earlier in the match.

    Raymond: I told you, didn’t I?

    Now Reece is the one to kneel down, speaking directly to his anguished foe.

    Raymond: I told you I’d get you back, that I’d make you pay for what you did to me. I fucking told you.

    DGS: Yeah… yeah, you did.

    Then, through all the pain, Smith somehow manages to sneer up at Reece.

    DGS: … so what’s the deal?

    Disbelief morphs into unabashed fury on the face of Reece Raymond. He grabs David by the targeted arm and quite literally drags him over to the steel steps, where he wedges said arm in-between the steps and the ringpost.

    Phoenix: Oh… oh, no. Reece, c’mon now! This isn’t necessary, there’s no need to pay evil unto evil!

    Lillehammer: Is this really how this is gonna go?!

    Phoenix: Raymond’s backing up… and he’s off, running the LENGTH of the RING, and a SHOTGUN DROPKICK TO THE STEPS! THAT COULD BE A BROKEN ARM RIGHT THERE!


    Smith spasms on the floor, his mouth wide open in a soundless scream, but Reece grants him no reprieve, hauling him up and tossing him back in under the bottom rope.

    Phoenix: Reece, finally bringing it back into the ring… Smith rolls to his feet, SWINGS FOR THE LARIAT BUT REECE KICKS HIS ARM AWAY!

    Lillehammer: He’s oh-for-three in this matchup! Reece Raymond’s scouted the Last Word better than anyone we’ve seen thus far!

    Phoenix: Reece measuring David, wants the Backfist from the Dead, but DGS ducks underneath and –


    Phoenix: EDGE LOGIC!

    Lillehammer: All right, THERE we go!


    His bell thoroughly rung, Reece stumbles back into the ropes and bounces off, the momentum carrying him far enough forward to receive a second knee to the jaw for his troubles!

    Phoenix: And a SECOND Edge Logic from the Hardcore Champion! Reece is out on his feet… but Smith grabs him before he can go down and DARKFIRE! CHRIST ALMIGHTY, HE GOT EVERY LAST OUNCE OUT OF IT! DARKFIRE BY DGS!

    Lillehammer: Drove him RIGHT down on that neck, this one’s gotta be over!

    Phoenix: David falls across Raymond… but he can’t hook the leg, with that bad arm he can’t hook the leg!





    The crowd pops HUGE for the nearfall, and all Smith can do is stare up at the lights, an exasperated sigh escaping him.

    Phoenix: The FIGHT we’re seeing from Reece Raymond tonight! It’s unprecedented! A double-scoop of Edge Logic, topped off by Darkfire, and he STILL managed to kick out!

    Lillehammer: Working the arm paid off big for him – I don’t doubt for a second that if David could’ve hooked the leg there, sunk in a deeper cover, that would’ve been it, but that’s the thing. He couldn’t do it.

    Phoenix: David Smith, struggling to rise now, fighting for all intents and purposes with one arm... he’s got Raymond, bringing him back to his feet as well… but Reece shrugs him off and BACKFIST! BACKFIST FROM THE FUTURE!

    The blow sends DGS staggering back into the corner, and before he can even get his bearings Reece is on him, bodying him up off the mat and onto the top turnbuckle.

    Lillehammer: Hoo-boy, dangerous territory here… !

    Phoenix: And now they’re fighting, Reece Raymond and DGS, slugging it out up there in No-Man’s Land! Stiff right from Reece… and DGS answers back, doing all he can with a non-dominant arm… they’re trading blows, back and forth, but now it’s Raymond, Reece Raymond, with a vicious fusillade of rights and lefts!

    Lillehammer: I can’t believe he’s outstriking DGS, no one’s –


    Lillehammer: Spoke too soon!

    Phoenix: A VICIOUS chop from the champion, right across the face! He’s teetering… Reece is teetering, and he’s down! DGS wins that exchange, but can he capitalize?!

    Smith eyes Raymond from atop the turnbuckles as the latter stirs on the mat. He sways atop his perch, breath coming and going in great gasps… and then he lets his head fall forward, laughing softly to himself.

    Lillehammer: … all right, what is his deal?

    Phoenix: I have no earthly – wait a sec, WAIT A SEC! REECE IS BACK UP TOP! HE’S GOT DGS! AVALANCHE DDT, ALL THE WAY DOWN!

    Lillehammer: HOLY

    Phoenix: COVER!




    Phoenix: THAT’S IT!


    Reece Raymond (3.82 APS + 1.1 vote = 4.93)
    DGS (4.11 APS + 0.7 vote = 4.81)

    Phoenix: He’s done it! Returning from what many thought to be a career-ending injury, Reece Raymond is triumphant and evens the score against David Gideon Smith!

    Lillehammer: Hat’s off to the kid – he came to win, and win he did, against one of the most dangerous men on LPW’s roster, no less.

    Phoenix: We saw a completely different side to Reece Raymond here tonight - he went blow for blow with the Hardcore Champion, took him pillar-to-post on the outside, and completely shut down the Last Word before sealing the deal with that massive DDT off the top turnbuckle. There's no way to underscore how huge a win this is for Reece, or how much momentum it'll give him going forward.

    Reece is very nearly overcome by emotion in the ring, paying a motionless DGS no mind as he rises to his feet and soaks in the myriad cheers and chants of the crowd. He hits all four turnbuckles, playing to the crowd before exiting through the ring ropes and taking a seat on the apron to catch his breath. He watches as a squad of EMTs emerges from the back, jogging down the ramp with a stretcher… only to stop short halfway to the ring, stricken dumb.

    Lillehammer: … what.

    Phoenix: How… you’ve got to be…

    Reece finally gets the hint and turns around on the apron, just in time to see DGS finish sitting up in the center of the ring. The Blackstar’s face is twisted in a pain, and his right arm remains tight against his side; he blinks hard several times, takes a deep, quivering breath, and gives his neck an experimental roll back and forth. Seemingly satisfied with the result, he then turns, spying Reece on the apron, and cracks a wry smile.

    DGS: … good.

    He nods slowly, even as Reece shakes his head in disbelief.

    DGS: Very good.

    Smith then grimaces once more, cradling his damaged arm and easing down onto his back again, face and body wracked with pain. Reece hops down from the apron and starts up the ramp as the EMTs finally hit the ring and begin tending to David, casting repeated glances back down at the ring as he goes.

    Leave a comment:

  • Macho Mourn
    Steven Thornridge appears on the titantron as the crowd cheered loudly, breaking into the familiar chants of 'Thorn-ridge clap clap clap, Thorn-ridge clap clap clap'.

    Thornridge: Man, it feels good to just hear my name being chanted again. Thank you so very much for that warm welcome Anchorage!

    The crowd cheered again as they quieted down, Thornridge looking up to reveal his face still scarred from the last event, a small appreciative smile on his face.

    Thornridge: I was told that I needed to give an update on how The Professionals were doing. Simply put, Bronx and I, we're banged up pretty bad and have not been cleared to compete tonight. I know Bronx has been back recuperating at his place of residence, so brother, I’ll get better soon and I will see you at the next event, hopefully we can kick some ass there. With that out of the way, there is something, or someone I want to address. Mourn Despana. I would have liked to do this in person but it seems through the magic of live television here in Anchorage, Alaska-

    Thornridge looked directly into the camera, staring directly at it, his smile disappeared.

    Thornridge: This will eventually get to you. It's hardly a secret that somewhere along our journey, tempers were frayed, patience was tested and broken. I apparently held you back. Are you talking about the incident where I held you back from taking liberties with Golden? Liberties that would have landed your ass in jail instead of taking him on inside the ring for the World Heavyweight Championship? The championship you worked your entire career on attaining?

    He took in a deep breath, wincing a little as he let it out, an obvious sign that he wasn't 100%.

    Thornridge: The fact is that while you are a proven, world-class athlete, you felt the need to try and take me out while the whole world was watching. Now I'll be honest, I don't remember the match at all, it was through the replays and Youtube videos that I got to relive the brutal experience over and over and over and over again. Granted there may have been a better, less violent way of doing things, but it is what it is. You've shown that my trusting and kind nature is my weakness, something I cannot really phase out and won't. It is time I make vengeance my strength.

    A smile returned to his face while his eyes grew more sinister, angry.

    Thornridge: You see, Novacain was created as a balance within my mind, an outlet to allow bad things to happen by my hands to offset the good nature I naturally have. To allow anger to course through my veins, to allow hatred to poison my heart. Novacain no longer exists, because I no longer need that balance. Mourn, you will be dealt with, by my hands, in my time, in my own way, with the whole world watching.

    Thornridge took another breath, slinging his Tag Team championship over his shoulder.

    Thornridge: Sixx King, Steven Storme, you are priority number one right now. Don't think I haven't forgotten about your returns to LPW at my brother Bronx's and my expense. Storms pass, numbers keep going beyond six, only Professionals keep on staying strong because we always get the job done. I am Steven "The Aussie Crusader" Thornridge, one half of the World Heavyweight Tag Team Champions of the world. G'night to you! Oh, and Al. Thank you for stepping in when you did, we're even.

    Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a qualifier for the Western States Heritage Championship Tournament. Introducing first. About to come down the aisle. From the United States of America! Weighing in at 225 lbs.

    David Bowie’s "The Next Day" brings the Alaskan crowd to their feet. Ozzy Crerar enters the arena with his soldiers from the Right Boot of Justice accompanying him.

    Announcer: OZZY CREEERAAAR!

    Lillehammer: Here comes Military McMilitaryface.

    Phoenix: Ozzy Crerar enters this match following a win over his former tag partner The David Maverick.

    Lillehammer: A win done under those stupid hardcore rules. There should be an asterix on it.

    Phoenix: Ozzy was in the Murderer’s Row tourney and he teamed with Maverick to challenge for the tag titles.

    Lillehammer: And lost both. Get to the point.

    Phoenix: He’s been close and maybe with this momentum he’ll pull out the upset here tonight.

    Once in the ring, the crowd starts a massive “OZZY’ chant that for a brief moment causes Ozzy to look around in bewilderment.

    Announcer: And his opponent.

    “Sapari” by Orphaned Land causes a recoil of from the cheers for Ozzy to boos for the man coming onto the stage, Bane Uzzah.

    Announcer: From Jerusalem, Israel. Weighing in at 235lbs. BANE! UUUZZAAAH!

    Phoenix: He’s been close before. He had his grasp on the Western States Heritage Championship twice before. Once when in a four-way match. And against our current World-

    Lillehammer: You running the ban down? I hate foreigners but I hate it more when people bring up the past.

    Phoenix: Aren’t you a Ronald Reagan worshiping Rep-

    Lillehammer: Yes. Praise him. Don’t you dare-

    Phoenix: Bane looking to claim a spot for a chance at the title he believes is his.

    As the ref checks Ozzy’s boots for a foreign object, Bane runs full speed into Ozzy with a corner lariat.


    Phoenix: Ref rings the bell and this match is underway. Bane with a headbutt to Ozzy. Bane, Irish whip Ozzy to the opposite corner. Bane following- Ozzy out of the way! Ozzy now with a series of right hands rocking Bane! Ozzy, scoop, slam.

    Lillehammer: He’s not wasting time-

    Phoenix: Ozzy, misses an elbow. drop. Bane up, he- misses one as well.

    Lillehammer: Both men up!

    Phoenix: Ozzy, ducks a clothesline, off the ropes- BANE CATCHES HIM WITH A RUNNING KNEE LIFT!

    Lillehammer: The good ol’ kitchen sink. That reminds me of the time-

    Phoenix: Bane laying in some boots as Ozzy tries to stand. Bane, SPINNING BACKFIST! In for a cover! 1- and Ozzy quickly out. Bane with an arm wringer.

    Lillehammer: McMilitaryface with a knee lift of his own!

    Phoenix: Bane rakes the eyes! Come on ref! Bane, scoop… POWERSLAM!

    Lillehammer: Bane’s placed him near the ropes.

    Phoenix: Bane, springboard kneedrop. And another!

    The crowd starts chanting “U-S-A” which causes Bane to stop in his tracks and cover his ears briefly.


    Bane looks Lillehammer’s way and gives a thumbs up.

    Phoenix: This is ridiculous... Bane, springboard- OZZY JUST USED HIS FOOT AND CATAPULTED BANE OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE!

    Lillehammer: That was a nasty spill. Someone go check on Bane!

    Phoenix: Ozzy recovering quick. Climbing to the TOP? OZZY- DIVING CROSSBODY ONTO BANE!


    Phoenix: This crowd is electric!

    Lillehammer: He’s slapping high fives with the crowd… he should stay on task like Bane would.

    Phoenix: Ozzy rolls Bane back inside.

    Lillehammer: Bane meets him with an elbow drop! YES!

    Phoenix: Bane’s quick to capitalize, Bane with the go behind. German Su- blocked by Ozzy. Tries to muscle him again-

    Lillehammer: He keeps blocking with his leg.

    Phoenix: Bane, one more- OZZY WITH THE ROLL-UP! 1! 2!- NO!

    Lillehammer: Bane almost got caught.


    Lillehammer: PIN HIM!

    Phoenix: Bane into a cover! 1! 2! 3- NO! Bane’s furious at the resolve of Ozzy!

    Lillehammer: He’s not letting up!

    Phoenix: Bane pulling up Ozzy! Bane lifts, BUCKLEBOMB! OZZY CRUMPLES TO THE MAT!

    Lillehammer: Bane’s on fire! I think he’s got him!

    Phoenix: Ozzy’s down! Bane’s setting up for the Final Kick!

    Lillehammer: He’s ready!


    Lillehammer: GOSH DARN IT!

    Phoenix: Ozzy spiked him with that! Ozzy using the ropes to stand. Bane’s on dream street. Ozzy with a running closeline, Bane back up, and knee lift by Bane- blocked!

    Lillehammer: I don’t like the looks of this...

    Phoenix: Ozzy has him captured, EXPLODER SUPLEX! LISTEN TO THIS CROWD!

    Lillehammer: BANE! WATCH OUT! BANE!

    Phoenix: Ozzy with the double underhook. OZZY… OUCH! THAT IMPACT BUSTER HIT HOME! COVER 1! 2! 3! OZZY MOVES ON!

    Announcer: Winner of this contest and going onto the Altered Reality Western States Heritage championship tourney, OZZY CREEERAAR!

    Ozzy Crerar (3.83 APS + 1.2 vote = 5.03 total)

    Bane Uzzah (3.61 APS + 0.6 vote = 4.21 total)

    With “Ozzy” chants almost drowning out David Bowie’s "The Next Day," Ozzy has his hand raised by the ref.

    Phoenix: Ozzy just dispatched Bane and has moved on to AR!

    Lillehammer: Never would I have thought I’d see the day where Ozzy’s opponent made more mistakes… Ozzy’s wrestling for the WSHC… At Altered Reality... Ozzy… Crerar…

    Phoenix: And he’s earned it! We now have Ozzy joining Ceasar Osiris and Bobino in the Tournament. Bane gets one more chance. We’ll be right back!

    Steve Storme stands before his locker. We watch him, a point of view shot from the doorway, the frame of the door still in view. It’s a Gonzo shot, as if someone is there with a handheld camera. Steve stands simply, wearing casual track pants and a muscle shirt. We’ve caught him at a quiet moment before his match. He organizes his locker, his gym bag zipped open on a chair as he rifles through, takes things out, and generally prepares himself and his area before combat time. He operates like a normal person, looking left, looking right, going back and grabbing something, forgetting what he’s doing, stopping, then remembering and doing the thing. His face doesn’t show Steve Storme. It just shows a guy getting ready to go to work.

    ???: Steve.

    Storme spins around, snarling at the sound of a voice he recognizes. The camera cuts to an over the shoulder shot of Storme’s perspective. We see Al walking into the room.

    Al: Hey. I just…

    Storme: I heard a rumor our International Heavyweight Champion is taking his ball and heading home.

    Al: Is that the rumor?

    Al says it smiling. Storme keeps his steely seriousness.

    Storme: So it isn’t true?

    Al: I always say, in this company, believe half of what you see, none of which you hear.

    Storme: And you and I… we’ve seen some shit haven’t we?

    Al: You’re goddamn right.

    Storme: And yet here we stand.

    Al: I just wanted to drop in and say that, you know… it’s been fun.

    Storme: It’s been fun. Or something like that.

    Al smirks the smallest of smirks.

    Al: Something like that.

    Al turns to walk out.

    Storme: Hey, Al.

    The Champion turns back around.

    Storme: If Altered Reality isn’t the end for you…

    You better believe I’m coming for that belt.

    They both smile.

    Al: I know, Steven.

    We fade to black.

    Leave a comment:

  • LPW SuperCycle 27.3 LIVE from Anchorage, Alaska! RESULTS!

    The camera pans back to Phoenix and Lillehammer who are now standing in front of the commentary desk. Both have their hands folded in front of them, looking solemnly at the camera.

    Phoenix: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I’m Blazing Phoenix, joined by the esteemed Robert Lillehammer, and it is with a great deal of sorrow that I report unfortunate news out of Toronto, Ontario. Earlier this week we learned that former LPW competitor Paul Brooks passed away of a heart attack. Brooks was a member of the LPW family from 2011 until his retirement in 2016.

    Lillehammer nods as Phoenix takes a quick pause before continuing.

    Phoenix: This is of course not part of tonight’s entertainment. It’s never easy to lose one of our own. He will be missed by LPW and by his fans as well. Please join us as we pay tribute to Paul Brooks.

    A video package set to “Survival Tactics”by Joey Bada$$ (feat. Capital STEEZ) starts to play, showing some of Brooks’ highlights, including battles with Phantom Lord, Bobino, Morpheus, and Ozzy Crerar, as well as his tag team, Altered State, alongside Crerar. The video ends with a picture of Brooks face, along with a message;

    “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
    -Abraham Lincoln.

    The camera pans back to the crowd, which offers a respectful applause.

    Lillehammer: With that said, we’d like to dedicate tonight’s show to Paul Brooks, his friends, family, and fans. Our deepest sympathies to Paul’s family and loved ones during this extremely trying time.

    Rise up, gather round, rock this place to the ground

    Burn it up, let’s go for broke, watch the night go up in smoke

    Rock on! Rock on!

    Drive me crazier

    No Serenade, no fire brigade, just Pyromania!!

    and Insanity

    Come inside now, I implore.

    Do you think you can restore

    The crucial pieces missing from my brain?

    What seems to be the matter dear?

    Why do you cry and shake with fear?

    I've only had the best dub me insane.

    Please let me out
    Please let me out
    Please let me…


    LPW SuperCycle
    LIVE from the Alaska Airlines Center in Anchorage, Alaska!

    Pyrotechnics explode on the stage as the camera pans the crowd.

    Announcer: The following contest is a tag team match scheduled for one fall.

    Golden hued lights flicker through the arena as Periphery’s " Catch Fire" leads Trey Spruance and Sean Jensen into the arena. Jensen poses into the camera, egging on Trey to join in. When Trey refuses, Jensen playfully pats him on the shoulder and they walk to the ring together.

    Announcer: First, from London England weighing 230lbs. TREY SPRUUUAAAANCE! And his tag team partner. From Sacramento, California. Weighing in at 230 lbs. SEAN JEEENSEEEN!

    Phoenix: Tag team action here and it is two former Misfits in Spruance and Jensen.

    Lillehammer: I hope the druggy has his head on straight. For Jensen’s sake.

    Phoenix: You? Care about Jensen?

    Lillehammer: No. I see an opportunity to reduce our Aussie criminal population even further.

    Phoenix: I apologize…

    The iconic sounds of "Jump" by Van Halen brings the crowd to briefly cheer before seeing Enyo and "The Crippled Crusader" Chris Paradise appear on the stage. Paradise starts shadow boxing to the beat. Suddenly the music is cut. Paradise begins to yell into the camera as "Shut Up and Explode" by Boom Boom Satellites replaces his theme. The camera shifts to an aisle way where Joe Citizen makes his trek through the crowd to slaps onto his shoulders by the LPW faithful.

    Announcer: And their opponents. First, accompanied by his caretaker Enyo. From Buffalo, New York. Weighing in at 195lbs. CHRIS PAAARADIIISE! And his tag team partner. Weighing in at 260 lbs. JOE CIIITIZEEEN!

    Phoenix: This disjointed tag team is already off to an awkward start.

    Lillehammer: Citizen’s already trying to upstage his tag partner and it looks like The Crippled Crusader’s gonna give him a piece of his mind.

    Phoenix: He is indeed. He’s met him at the barricade and now the two men are arguing. Wait-

    From the apron Jensen interrupts Paradise’s petty annoyance with a diving senton wiping both men out.



    Phoenix: Jensen on Paradise and rolls him into the ring.


    Lillehammer: The ref called for the bell?

    Phoenix: This match is underway! Right hands by Trey!

    Lillehammer: This isn’t fair to Paradise!

    Phoenix: Paradise into a desperate side headlock. Trying grinding the match to a stop. Paradise, spins into a hammer lock. Trey trying to reverse.

    Lillehammer: Trey reversing a technical wizard like Paradise? Hardly-

    Phoenix: Trey reverses to a hammerlock of his own, Paradise quick to reverse transitions back Into a headlock. Trey pressing Paradise to the ropes. Trey sinding for an irish whip, Paradise holding on.

    Lillehammer: At this rate, Trey won’t be able to get out of this simple-


    As Trey goes for a back suplex, Paradise flips free. After a brief second to steadying, Paradise crumples to the mat holding his knee.

    Lillehammer: NO! PARADISE! He’s writhing in pain.

    Phoenix: He seemed to land okay…

    Lillehammer: HOW DARE YOU INSINUATE-

    Trey hesitates for a second as the ref checks him. When Trey heads in to capitalize, he is met with a poke to the eye by a feigning Crippled Crusader.


    Phoenix: Paradise getting pelted with boos.

    Lillehammer: Not like he was the man to get attacked from behind or anything-

    Phoenix: Trey tag’s Jensen and Paradise is still gloating.


    Phoenix: Paradise spins around… Dives back and tags in Citizen. Paradise is out of the ring with the quickness.

    Lillehammer: Can’t blame him.

    Phoenix: Citizen in. He’s in great shape! Jensen ordering him to bring it. Tie up by the men and Citizen, all 6/4” 260lbs of him, rushes Jensen to the ropes. Both men jostling for position. Fighting along the ropes.

    Lillehammer: I don’t think Citizen liked being attacked from behind.

    Citizen pressing Jensen against the ropes. Irish ship. Jensen with the shoulder block.

    Lillehammer: Yeah, like that was going to work.

    Phoenix: Jensen with a right hand to Citizen. Now a series of them, blocked by Citizen and a HUGE right hand by Citizen floors Jensen. Jensen up quick, and a second one sends him down. Citizen, off the ropes, Jensen with a drop toe hold.

    Lillehammer: The American with a smart counter.

    Phoenix: Jensen, elbow drop- Citizen moves. Citizen, elbow drop- Jensen moves! Jensen, runs the ropes. Citizen drops down, LEAP FROG BY CITIZEN? JENSEN BOUNCES OFF THE ROPES AND EXPLODES INTO CITIZEN WITH A FLYING SHOULDER BLOCK!

    Lillehammer: Trey! I think Trey blindly tagged in!

    Phoenix: Indeed! Citizen getting up, SUNSET FLIP BY TREY! PARADISE ALREADY IN TO BREAK IT UP!

    Lillehammer: Jensen eyeing Paradise! Paradise diving out of the ring. JENSEN FOLLOWING!

    Phoenix: ENYO IN THE WAY!

    Lillehammer: Of course! Protecting the man she’s hired to. The caretaker taking care.

    Phoenix: Trey, a series of top down elbows to Citizen.

    Lillehammer: Ref ordering Enyo and Jensen back to their corners.

    Phoenix: Paradise getting into the ring. Trey charges and drops Paradise back onto the apron with a forearm… CITIZEN WITH A BEAUTIFUL GERMAN SUPLEX! BRIDGE! REF WITH THE COUNT! 1! 2!! JENSEN IN TO BREAK IT UP! The ref was distracted or that could have been three!

    Lillehammer: This ref is doing such a phenomenal job keeping control of this match.

    Phoenix: Jensen and Citizen back to vertical and now trading haymakers! These men showing some fire!

    Lillehammer: LISTEN TO THIS CROWD!

    Phoenix: Citizen backing Jensen to the ropes. Citizen… CLOTHESLINE SENDS BOTH MEN OTHER THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE!

    Lillehammer: TAG!

    Phoenix: Huh?

    Lillehammer: Paradise tagged when Citizen sent them both out!

    Phoenix: The reff agrees! Paradise has Trey right where he wants him. Measuring, leaps in, POWERSLAM BY TREY! Trey with the counter!

    Lillehammer: You’re kidding me…

    Phoenix: SPRUANCE GOING FOR DUDE’S DDT! Pulling up Paradise, JAWBREAKER! Following it up… Paradise, SINGLE ARM DDT!

    Lillehammer: Trey writhing in pain. That could dislocate a shoulder!

    Phoenix: Trey fighting up, Paradise, TORPEDOES SPRUANCE WITH A PRIVILEGE CHECK! PARADISE INTO A COVER! 1! 2!! 3!!!

    Lillehammer: PARADISE WINS!

    Announcer: Winners of this match is the team of JOE CITIZEN and CHRIS PARADISE!

    Chris Paradise and Joe Citizen (3.73 APS + 3.35 APS + 0.4 vote = 7.48 total)

    Sean Jensen and Trey Spruance (3.5 APS + 2.2 APS + 1.4 vote = 7.1 total)

    Paradise is quick up to roll out of the ring to the sounds of “Jump” by Van Halen playing and the crowd booing him. Jensen, surprised the match is done, climbs in to check on Trey. Citizen never celebrates and heads from ringside the way he came, through the crowd.

    Lillehammer: Admit it! You thought Trey had him.

    Phoenix: It crossed my mind. Trey came close, but in the end, Paradise was the deciding factor.

    Lillehammer: He even got Citizen a win. The Crippled Crusader for the Nobel Prize of science!

    Phoenix: Be that as it may, huge win for Chris Paradise and Joe Citizen. They right their ships heading towards Altered Reality. We’ll be back after this!

    Camera fades with Paradise getting his arm raised by Enyo for what seems to be the 1,000th time.