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  • Steven
    The Doc

    The Doc

    Column Titles: Doctor’s Orders, Under the Bright Lights
    Additional Contributions: Smackdown Recapper (2004-2006); Raw/WWE PPV Recapper (2006-2007)
    Home State: NC
    LoP Columns Debut: Late 2003
    LoP Main Page Debut: October 2010
    CotM Wins: 2
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2016

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by Steve)

    There are a few names in LOP Columns history that are blatantly conspicuous by their absence within this Hall. Hopefully that has been largely corrected with our recent inductees. I get the feeling that for many, it will be after this.

    Of that conspicuously absent lot, there are very few that can claim an LOP columns history dating all the way back to 2003. There are very few who can claim LOP main page runs that lasted in excess of 5 years. There are very few who can claim to still be actively continuing that run, with no foreseeable end in sight.

    Of that lot, there is only one writer who can claim all three. That one writer is The Doc, Chad Matthews.

    LOP has been criticized, in the past, for the fact that main page columnists have to earn their spot by working their way up the ranks, traditionally by way of the Columns Forum. Those registering those critiques, of course, were and are typically folks who have either an inflated opinion of their own writing prowess or who are short on patience, often some combination of the two. Those who have actually been through the system can attest to the fact that it makes that main page call up that much sweeter, that it means more due to the work you had to put in to achieve it. That it feels like a true accomplishment as opposed to just something that was handed to you.

    Virtually every LOP writer since 2002 has gone through that system, has worked their way up the ranks. Doc certainly worked his way through the ranks, and in a manner that was very much different than many that came before or since. After first trying his hand at writing two, count 'em, two well received columns back in late 2003, he didn't quite feel ready to jump in head long. It was not too long afterwards, though, if you journey back into the annals of LOP, that you'll find that the name Chad Matthews is attached to Smackdown Results posts dating back to 2004. He would contribute results for almost 6 years, off and on, along the way dipping into the CF once more, this time looking to make a mark, with the now lost to the sands of time column Under the Bright Lights.

    Still, between school and moving around and just in general not quite feeling ready to fully commit yet, Under the Bright Lights ended right as it was starting to gain some steam. It would be a few more years before he made the firm decision to set out upon the path towards following in his mentor, Daveyboy's, footsteps. And despite his long history as a contributor to the site, despite having built a rapport with the owner of the joint within that time frame, he sought no preferential treatment and expected absolutely nothing to be handed to him. After having reached hundreds of thousands of readers over the course of his recapping days, CMV1 sought to work his way up just like every other columnist.

    Entering into the fray in the midst of a renaissance within the CF, Doc started what would wind up being his permanent run in 2010 alongside Hall of Fame names like Shane, Super Chrisss, Uncle Joe and 'Plan. It was a running theme in his cracks at column writing, as his first very brief stint in 2003 saw him posting alongside Hall of Fame names like Winter, Pt2, doublehelix and Xanman and his second, somewhat longer, stint in 2005 saw him jump into the midst of even more Hall of Famers with names like 1,000,000 BC, Monkey, Zuma and RIPBossman. The guy just couldn't seem to stop himself from jumping headlong into the deep end. Surrounded in that 2010 run by folks who would establish their own sterling legacies at LOP, Doc worked at shaping his voice and standing out from the pack, a goal that was achieved in short order by gaining a main page spot mere months after taking up the endeavor.

    Thus would begin a run that's virtually unprecedented in LOP Columns history. A run that has, to date, lasted almost 6 years. Only Super Chrisss and the omnipresent Tito can claim sustained ongoing main page runs that exceed that length. Along the way he has established himself as, in the minds of many, the standard of excellence for LOP columnists. Consistently churning out quality, constantly looking to improve upon an already successful formula, Doc has put together a legacy that rivals, if not outright exceeds, that of his LOP Columns hero, the previously mentioned LOP Hall of Famer, Daveyboy. Indeed, it is arguable that Doc is the Daveyboy of his era, not only drawing in readers with unfailing regularity but also inspiring others to take their shot at maybe, one day, following in his shoes.

    If he'd just stopped at columns then we'd still be doing this based upon that legacy, alone. He didn't stop there, though. Chad Matthews took it to the next level, a level that thousands of internet wrestling writers have literally dreamed about, and became the first published book author in the history of Lords of Pain, opening the door for others, such as 'Plan and hopefully others yet to come, to walk through and prove yet again, without dispute, that Lords of Pain boasts the flat out best wrestling columnists in the history of the internet. Period. It's not even close. Hell, I'd put Doc and 'Plan alone up against any full roster of columnists that another site could put together on their best day.

    His legacy continues to be shaped as you read this, with further publishing endeavors yet to come and his LOP Radio podcast endeavor, The Doc Says..., consistently ranking among the top of the charts. If you haven't noticed, the dude is a workhorse. No matter how many things are on his plate, either personally or professionally or here in the semi-real world of the internet, The Doc keeps on chugging along as the single most consistent columnist on this website, perhaps in its entire history. Very rarely is it that a week will go by without a column bearing his name appearing on LOP, to say nothing of the previously mentioned podcast that hits the air like clockwork every single Wednesday, and they always, for lack of a better term, draw. The simple fact of the matter is that the name itself, "The Doc", has come to represent a trustworthy level of excellence. The man is a brand.

    And he's not done. Far from it. The Doc, whether it's his intention or simply a byproduct of his passion, is well on his way to establishing himself as the greatest LOP contributor in history. It's a tribute to what he's already accomplished that more than a few already consider him as such.

    So yeah, there are a few names in LOP Columns history that are blatantly conspicuous by their absence within this Hall. This one, arguably the most conspicuous of the lot, is no longer among them.

    It is my honor to welcome to the Lords of Pain Columns Hall of Fame, The Doc, Chad Matthews.

    Ladies and gentlemen, Lords of Pain Hall of Fame columnist, The Doc, Chad Matthews.

    Do you remember when you made the transition from reader to writer? I recall mine vividly. I was sitting at my college apartment about 18 months after I had first logged onto LOP and its Forums. I read an exorbitant amount of columns back then because, frankly, I was consumed by the fact that other people had opinions about wrestling and had found an avenue through which to share them. I would assume that most can relate when I say that I had my period of wrestling fandom when I was surrounded by people who also enjoyed watching wrestling and then one day it was just me, growing older and forming more mature opinions on the product but no longer having anyone with whom to converse about them. Enter LOP. Suddenly, I'm sharing my opinions in the forums and reading the very well put together thoughts shared by people whose writing skills were on-par with the columnists whose work I'd read on ESPN and Yahoo.

    So, there I am reading the Smackdown Recap in early May 2004 and there is a notification that the recapper is stepping down from his post and, should anyone be interested, please submit sample reviews to “[email protected]” I wrote the first of many CMV1 reviews that night and received my first email from LOP's Vince McMahon the next day asking, “When can you start?” And so began the journey to the LOP Columns Hall of Fame for yours truly.

    I always bring up my time as LOP's WWE Reviewer whenever anyone asks about my time here. That was invaluable for me and I maintain to present day that no post in any sort of writing better prepares you to think fast and connect brain to fingers faster than doing a live review. Given how much goes on in a Royal Rumble match, I used to practice doing live recaps by watching and typing every detail of old January Classics. I reached a point where I could basically watch with my eyes, recap with my fingers, and analyze with my brain in real time. Doing reviews also helped me find my analytical “voice,” develop my match rating criteria, and – perhaps most importantly – taught me how to write and helped me hone my skills at it through hundreds of hours of experience between 2004 and 2007.

    Board exams and courting the future Mrs. Doc took me away from writing at LOP for about two years, but when I opened a health clinic in my home town, God I found myself needing that outlet again. I first had the inkling to get back in the game while reading Sean Taylor's look back at WrestleMania's past in the spring of 2009, so I want to thank him for writing something that made me want to write columns again. Later that year, on a whim, I rejoined the Columns Forum (I'd had a few brief stints during my reviewer/recapper days with a column called “Under The Bright Lights” - an homage to Harley Race's 2004 Hall of Fame speech); that was my first and only real stint in the CF. For about 9 months, I wrote among a group of excellent columnists (Shane, WarChild, Benjamin Button, Super Chrisss, and ChrisBear to name a very few), all of whom stimulated me to become better than I ever thought that I could be. I thoroughly enjoyed that period of my life and have come to think of my time in the CF as like a graduate course in writing that just so happened to include a lot of classmates who ended up enhancing my existence for nearly a year. I want to thank every single writer who read and feedbacked my work in those days, but especially Shane, whose feedback meant the most to me personally. His ability to so intelligently write about pro wrestling helped me find a new gear with my own writing.

    After winning Column of the Month in May 2010, I was feeling pretty much ready to graduate to the main page and re-engage the masses. That was my goal when I joined the CF: return to the MP as a column writer. Then came LOP's NXT. During the summer of 2010, an incredible pool of talent was assembled, pairing LOP's best of the past and present with up-and-comers like myself. Talk about a rude awakening. That was humbling at first, but it was ultimately the catalyst that propelled me to where I am as a writer/author today. I came into it with a chip on my shoulder and used every piece of feedback as fuel; it was an invaluable experience. I want to thank my coach through that process, Phantom Lord, and heap massive amounts of thanks toward Mazza, who commented after one of my entries, “Doc is who he is.” No single comment in 12 years of writing for LOP has sparked a greater desire to be better than that one.

    The bottom line is that I want to be the best at everything that I do. At that time, the guy to top in order to be the best was Hustle. So, when I got called up to the main page shortly after LOP NXT, I set out to take the spot he'd earned as LOP's finest. Had it been Davey Boy, who originally inspired me to write for LOP in the first place, then I'd have done the same thing. I wanted to be the standard-bearer. Hustle was in the midst of his unprecedented daily streak and, while I knew I couldn't do that, I also knew that if I stayed consistent enough and offered the widest variety of engaging topics and formats, I could catch up to him someday. So, as much as I want to thank Davey Boy for the inspiration, I want to thank Hustle for the motivation. I've never acknowledged this publicly, but every epic series, every experiment with style, and every attempt at becoming the best-rounded columnist not just on LOP but anywhere – at least during those first few years, pre-book – were motivated by Aaron Hyden's Hustle.

    I want to thank Calvin Martin most of all. He's kind of like the Wizard of Oz, isn't he? We all talk about him, but nobody ever sees him or hears from him, but he's afforded me so many opportunities here on LOP. He gave me the chance to go head-to-head on Sunday, Monday, and Thursday/Friday nights with the most popular columnists on the internet and try to make LOP the fastest place to get the best reviews. He gave me the chance to come back to the main page as a column writer and has always been receptive to all the ideas that I've thrown his way (like the LOP Hall of Fame, which I'm very proud of, that we do every year during WrestleMania Season). He gave me an avenue to promote my book; when I finished The WrestleMania Era, my biggest concern of working with a small publisher was how I was going to let people know that the book existed. My book peaked at #3 on the wrestling charts, behind only the latest from Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho; that simply doesn't happen without LOP and Calvin Martin.

    Overall, my LOP journey has been incredibly rewarding and there are so many others who I would like to acknowledge. In addition to those already mentioned, I want to thank Mattberg (who introduced me to LOP in 2002), Winter (who I thought was just an awesome columnist back in the day), my pals from an old forum called Wrestling Matters, specifically Stinger, Q, and Snowman (I spent countless hours conversing about wrestling and life in general with them; I miss those guys), PEN (with whom I attended my first 'Mania, an experience that was the stimulus for a lot of column series), the readers who have regularly left comments in response to my columns and podcasts (there are fortunately too many to name individually, but I appreciate and respect each one of them), the various fellow writers and fans who I interact with daily on social media (also too many to name individually, but know that I love our conversations), and last but not least, every wrestler who has ever given me something to write about (no group of people on earth has earned my respect more).

    LOP has given the greatest outlet for stress management that I could have ever asked for. Wrestling is a hobby that I've been very passionate about since I was three years old, but I've been able to turn the passion for my hobby into a second career as a writer thanks to LOP. I love this place. Thank you so much for the induction into the Columns Hall of Fame; it really does mean a great deal to me.

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  • Steven


    AKA: Barney, LOP Mystic
    Column Titles: Point of Impact!, Shanetime, The Shane Time Fix video column, One Man Hype Band, Mystic Madness, CF Underworld, plenty more
    Realm: The CF Underworld
    LoP Column Debut: January 2010
    LoP Main Page Debut: January 29, 2011 (first run), May 28, 2013 (second run)
    CotM Wins: 5
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2016

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by Steve)

    There are certain writers who come through LOP and leave it changed in their wake. Tito was a pioneer, adopting a "gimmick" that inspired hundreds, perhaps thousands, of imitators. Daveyboy came through with a brilliant way with words that came off as educated but casual, inspiring dozens upon dozens of writers and becoming, along the way, the single most cited name among those who went on to establish their own Hall of Fame level legacies. Winter was the first Columns Forum "superstar", gaining praise, accolades and the following that came along with those things to the level that he redefined what a CF writer could be. Morpheus rolled through with some format changes that, hand in hand with his natural writing style, inspired a sea change in not just how columns were written and presented at LOP but also what it truly meant to dominate the landscape.

    Then there's the guy who came in under the radar before establishing himself as a presence and then burning it all down to emerge as something... different. Unique. Though there were pieces of others in his work, ghosts of writers that he may or may not have ever even read like BC or the previously mentioned Daveyboy, he was something different. Establishing a style all his own along the way to becoming the most dominant writer in the Columns Forum since Morpheus and the most divisive since Winter. That guy's name?


    Well, it was. Barney was the guy who did the establishing before setting that burgeoning success aflame and emerging from the ashes as Shane. He'd change his name a few more times over the years, shifting his tone along with the changes, but when spoken of reverently, when discussed among old timers who are debating who made the biggest impacts, he is, was and always will be Shane.

    Now I could keep on keeping on about accolades and such, influence and impact and I'm sure some other words that begin with "i" or whatever, but that information is readily available elsewhere. You need look no further than the History of CotM thread to get a healthy idea of those things.

    Much like BC did for my induction, though, I prefer to focus on my personal thoughts on Shane. There are only four guys who have come along since my arrival here in 2002 that have made me sit back upon reading their work and think, "Man, I wish I could do that." The first was Pt2. Then came the brilliance that was BC. The third was the chaotic genius of Uncle Joe. The fourth? Shane.

    The common thread between all four of those guys is the sense you get from their writing that it's all effortless. That they didn't have to try, didn't have to map out or plan or outline what they had to say. That their brains just work that way, on some brilliant otherworldly plane that the rest of us can sometimes reach but only by way of, well, trying and mapping out and outlining and all that. It's frustrating. It's also awesome.

    I won't lie... much like BC before him, I sometimes read a Shane column and have no clue what the fuck he's talking about. I'll take for granted that it ties into wrestling somehow but feel that his works would often be just as comfortably at home on a message board that focused on the ethereal or psychology or some other smart people type subject. We're talking about pro wrestling, here. Grown men and women in their underpants pretending to fight. There have been many times, though, in reading a Shane column, that you would think you had accidentally typed the address in wrong and stumbled across a theology forum or an abstract creative writing workshop or something of that ilk. And he does it all, as I said, seemingly effortlessly. As though that was just what was in the dude's head and he simply had to get it out there, no different from those of us writing our prediction columns and treatises upon the complexities of why one guy pretend fights better than some other guy.

    I've discovered, in my personal dealings with Shane, that that's largely the case. It IS just what's in his head. His head just works differently than most. He's a guy who will willingly take on more work than any reasonable human being can handle and then go about doing it all brilliantly. Much like observing the seeming effortlessness of his writing, seeing this dude's life play out over the last half a decade has been frustrating, but in a good way. He'll take on these huge tasks, grouse about them constantly (while not remotely hiding the love and passion he has for whatever task is at hand) but inevitably pull them off sparklingly, achieving things that someone like myself looks upon and thinks, "I wouldn't even know where to fucking begin thinking about pulling that off." But he does it. Complaining, sure, but always with a bemused attitude, an indefatigable persistence, an inherent empathy and kindness about his persona and the charmingly annoying trait of seeming to think that there's any chance he can't pull it off, that he's in over his head.

    Why is that frustrating? Because the guy can do anything and those of us who are living out our normal existences look upon his path and marvel at just how the hell he pulled it all off. Because he seems like one of us but achieves on a level above. Because despite all he's done and accomplished and the impact he's had across the many planes of his life thus far, one always gets the sense that the motherfucker is on a perpetual upward trajectory. That we haven't yet seen the best he's got to offer by a long shot. And I mean that in a far greater sense than in terms of pro wrestling writing. I could conceivably see Shane becoming the first guy to drop a Lex Luger reference during his Nobel Prize acceptance speech.

    He's also the only guy I've ever been able to share my philosophical thoughts on the classic sitcom, Friends, with who seemed to genuinely understand what the hell I was babbling on about. The man and I have had protracted philosophical conversations about the gradual progression of Chandler Bing and how the character's evolution mirrors the inevitable march of time that brings to us all a greater sense of self and maturity.

    Yes, that really happened. More than once.

    The LOP Columns Hall of Fame is full of people who were, or are, influential and awesome and absolutely deserving. There are very few in that lot, though, past, present or future, who have embodied what it is to have truly earned a place among the honored more than my friend Shane.

    That said, if I have to Google aspects of theoretical psychology upon reading a wrestling column about some dude traversing through a dark underwater cave full of stalactites that may be real or may be figments of his imagination representing the obstacles in his path towards embracing his true self or something one more time, I just may rescind this. Making me feel all dumb and stuff...

    Who am I kidding? I'll always feel dumb next to this guy. Congratulations, Shane, on taking your seat at the table as a Lords of Pain Columns Hall of Famer.

    Ladies and gentlemen, Lords of Pain Hall of Fame columnist, Shane.

    There is a part of me that feels Steve touched so deeply on who, what, and why I have been, that there is nothing left to say. To be perfectly honest, the guy touched down on narratives that have surrounded my life since childhood.

    Narratives that he knows nothing about.

    And it only makes sense that he’d be able to do just that.

    When I arrived in the CF in 2010, I needed somebody with some credibility to understand me, to reach out to me, to give me cover.

    Steve did just that.

    And why did I need that?

    Because, in 2010, I shot up the ranks in the CF like Bill Goldberg on his undefeated streak. The heart and soul of the CF in 2010—the regulars, many of whom were newcomers, too—are the ones who put me on.

    A lot of the established writers didn’t like me or understand me.

    (Lord knows I gave them many reasons.)

    And this I can now admit: nobody understood me less than yours truly.

    You see, even though I was an adult when I joined the CF in 2010, I can honestly say that I not only grew up in the CF, but I grew up, in part, through the CF. When my brother first told me, in late 2009, that I should check out the magical place where I would eventually build an underworld, I had no idea I’d even write a single column then.

    But it was 2010, and I was on National Student Exchange as an undergraduate. I was a former high school dropout, a nontraditional student, older than the people around me and decked with so much shame, so much social anxiety, so much fear from a childhood better left unspoken about, that I had no idea how to make friends in a new state where I’d only be for one year.

    But, god love ‘em, I had no problem making friends in the CF in 2010.

    As Barney, I rode in a song, and that song was sadness.


    My first column of the month came when I wrote a series on Shawn Michaels, catching the color and mood of perhaps the most highly-sensitive and emotionally damaged superstar in WWE history, through his song, “Tell Me a Lie.”

    And the CF did just that: they told me a lie.

    They told me I was the columnist of the month. Many of them hung on my every word, even though the words I typed were all in bold font. The next month they made me columnist of the month again, and I swear, part of switching from Barney to Shane may have been trying to reveal myself enough (the self I couldn’t yet make amends with) to let them know that I was not deserving of their praise.

    And yet.

    In 2010, I saw people write columns like me, like mine. Seven years later, Steve makes comparisons to the great writers in CF history, who I’ve never read.

    I didn't have a CF history to go on.

    I was going on nothing but felt sense,

    And I watched some in the CF get mad.


    There has always been at least one consistent truth about me: I will play any role that you cast me in. I’m not going to lie—once I realized I was pissing certain people off, I got off on pissing them off.

    I went out of my way to read everything they wrote against me, and then turn those parts of myself up by 10.

    I have, in that way, always been a divisive figure.

    I used to regret that.

    I don’t anymore.

    In my time in the CF, I finished that year in Knoxville, went home and finished my degree. Then I found myself at a crossroads: go to New York to work on a degree in television or take the “mundane” route of doing a local M.A. in English.

    For those who know me, the safe bet was on me going to New York and starting that program whether I finished it or not.

    Anything that involved risk.

    But, instead, I took my next trip, neither to New York or to the English program, but to the CF. I embraced the underworld because I embodied the underworld. I did a series on the Avatar. I focused on guys who were my type, air, who were heads-in-the-clouds and often fell hard. I focused on people who were my opposite, earth, methodical and grounded like Triple H and Bobby Roode. I focused on fire, that liberating but damning trait that can burn oneself and others, with guys like Steve Austin. And I focused on water, guys like Jericho who can maneuver, negotiate, and be whatever it is they need to be.

    And I used that work in the CF—imaginative and otherworldly—to make a bet on my realest real life.

    What if, for a period of time, I didn’t behave under the influence of the air element? What if I focused on that earth element, on guys like Triple H and Bobby Roode, and made the hardest decision for me to make—the practical one.

    That decision, in 2013, to choose the local English program over New York, set the trajectory of my real life.

    That same decision almost fucked me over in 2015-2016, when, choosing a PhD program, I tried to continue being practical, letting advisers decide for me, rather than following my instincts.

    If I’ve learned anything, looking back over these seven years in the CF, it’s this: a man born in the sky might be able to touch the ground, but he damn well better get back up to the air if he wants to breathe right.

    In 2017, I’m breathing right.

    I’m embracing who and what I am, for better and worse.

    And I couldn’t have done it without this place. I couldn’t have done it without guys who came up before me, with me, and after me.

    There are way too many to name, so I will only name a few. But know that I thought about you all, about the colors you brought to my life, the fabric you made up in my CF story.

    I have mentioned Steve. My first and only mentor. A friend who had no shame being my friend. A man who had better, stronger allegiances away from me, but didn’t let that dictate how he treated me. Forever respect for that. You were the umbrella when the rain would have hit too hard. I don’t know what else I can say but thank you.

    Bear. Not a guy I talk to much anymore, but not a guy I could ever leave out, either. He was my drunken partner in crime in 2010. Nobody has been overlooked in the CF more than Bear. I use my space here to say this: he deserves a hell of a lot more than he has received.

    There are guys who came and went from my life (or come and go) but impact(ed) it along the way. Guys like Doc, Morpheus, XanMan and MissouriDragon.

    There are so many people who fed my columns, fed my ego, and who later, in retrospect, have helped feed a (finally) healthy self-esteem. I wish I could name you all, but just know I keep you all in mind, inside a 2010 Pringle can.

    To Brooklyn and Bernard. You both have been to LOPR what the CF feedback was to me in 2010. Your names belong here.

    To SkitZ-O. The man behind the rainbow. You reached out to me more times than I can count, and you gave me the space to make the wish that became nXt reality in 2017.

    Ben Button. Maybe it’s his WCW fandom, but I feel some kind of commonality with this guy. I think we’d get along in real life.

    And, of course, mizfan. I would have never returned to the CF if it hadn’t been for this guy. He never let me get but so far away. He has been the heart and soul of this place longer than seems possible. He was my partner, against the world, when we did Impact the Revolution on LOPR, and we now dig deep, shovels in hand, with WCW: The Legacy Series. Mizfan is a friend, a brother to me. If Steve and I came together because of a belief that the CF was a living space—historical and ever-moving—mizfan is one of the great representations of that truth.

    And, finally,

    To Barney, to mystic, and to all the other names that have come and gone.

    You all represented something.

    You all demonstrated the life of someone whose self-esteem often couldn’t match his potential. You represent someone who typed first and dealt with the ramifications later. You represent someone who was and wasn’t himself, who always felt, conversely, too big or too small to be what people thought/claimed he was.

    But somewhere on this journey,

    I grew into me.

    I grew into someone who could embody energy and dispense it in a way that changed the lives of people I’ve never met. Someone who could be kind to a fault, then turn around and be just as petty as I had been kind.

    As I accept this award,

    I am not Barney,

    Nor am I mystic,

    Nor am I Shane.

    I am all of these.

    But I am so much less.

    And I am so much more.

    I am ever-changing, and the CF has been one of the best screens to capture that motion.

    Because, alive itself, the CF is a moving screen.

    I have been fortunate to sometimes be the mover of that screen and sometimes to simply move along with it.

    If this award ceremony was live, in person, I’d end the way I came in.

    I would say something to put everyone on their feet. The ones who love me would cheer, and the ones who didn’t would plot their next move.

    And I’d welcome it all, because every kind of energy, good or bad, has given motion to what became hall-of-fame moments.

    So, I’d stand, on stage, award over my head, going out quoting a wrestler as polarizing as I’ve been.

    I’d stand in front of the CF,

    And I’d go out on the words of John Cena,

    Fearless to a fault,

    When he said,

    When I ride on that grim reaper highway,

    No regrets, bitch.

    I did it my way.

    Leave a comment:

  • Steven


    Column Titles: The Bright Side, Mizlining, The Life & Times of Bobby Heenan
    Additional Contributions: Columns Forum Moderator (2016-present)
    LoP Column Debut: Early 2011
    LoP Main Page Debut: January 2012
    CotM Wins: 10
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2016

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by Shane)

    Mizfan first came to my attention as a guy who was doing creative things—damn near writing a novel—in the CF. His novel had a name. It was called “The Death of CM Punk” (a title ironically prophetic at the time of this writing in 2016). How did I come across this writing? I can’t say. (A mystic’s memory is more felt and forewarning than detailed and chronological.) I’m guessing it’s the same way I’ve been pulled back to the CF on only a few special occasions since my main run in 2010: somebody messaged me and said, “You have to see the amazing, creative, new things this guy is doing.”

    And that is the thing about mizfan: he has been doing new things his entire run in the CF. From writing a novel in the beginning to currently writing the life and times of Bobby Heenan, with too much catalog in-between to name, mizfan has been breaking new ground since day one. And for those who know and care about the history of the CF, mizfan has done more than break new ground: he has broken records, too. Mizfan not only broke the record for Columnist of the Month awards, he shattered any idea of having competitors as he did it. With runner up sitting at 6 wins, at the time of this writing, mizfan stands at 9.

    But we’re talking about a guy who I feel like I know well, a guy who is a friend and has been a cohost of two podcast shows with me, ([Global] Impact the Revolution and WCW: The Legacy Series), and so I feel that documenting the records that mizfan has broken is somehow coming up short on the full legacy that he has provided the CF. Mizfan, to me, will be known as a guy who is loved by his colleagues as much as he loves pro wrestling. And that, my friends, is a lot. Mizfan is not in the CF because he has to be; he is in the CF because he wants to be. This is a guy who seems to have 48 hours in a day to our 24. This is a guy who loves to help new writers and seasoned writers alike. This is a guy who will follow pro wrestling wherever his passion takes him, from his start watching WWE, to TNA, Chikara, WCW, AWA, and anywhere else good pro wrestling might lead him. How else do I say this? If the CF awards were PWI awards, mizfan would be that rare and special bastard who wins Wrestler of the Year and Most Inspirational the same year.

    Recently I’ve taken to calling him Mizfan the Brain. I started doing this because of the wonderful series he is writing on Bobby Heenan. But there is another reason. I’ve not yet put words to this second reason, but I will try to now.

    I can’t say Bobby Heenan is the greatest of all time. But, hell, I can’t say he’s not, either. What I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, is that we may never see another performer of the same fabric and quality as Bobby Heenan again, and I can say the same thing of my man, mizfan. What was it that made Bobby Heenan so damn special? What is this fabric I speak of? Bobby Heenan, to me, might’ve been the smartest mark on the wrestling stage. When I think of Bobby Heenan, it’s not traditional smarts that I first think of. It’s passion. And it’s not a general dose of passion, either. It’s a passion that fills his cup, overflows, then fills the cups of all of those people lucky enough to witness the work that he did. In 1996, Hulk Hogan turned heel, deconstructing his WWF legacy. But Bobby Heenan, full of passion, knew Hogan was a heel before Hogan had a WWF legacy. In 1992, Ric Flair won the Royal Rumble in one of the greatest performances of all time. But the passionate performance of Bobby Heenan that night, from the announce booth, was even greater.

    What does this say of mizfan?

    It says that, above all else, I think he will be remembered for the fabric of his work, work that both changed and strengthened the CF community. It says that he is a man whose legacy currently outlives the very guy he first wrote a novel about. It says that, whether watching WWE, TNA, Chikara, WCW, or AWA, his passion has so run over that it has filled the lives and work of everyone who has been fortunate enough to be introduced to him in the CF and on LOP Radio. It says that men like mizfan blow up the false boundary of mark and smark. To me, mizfan is the smartest mark who ever ruled the CF world, but he isn’t what we’d call a smark, either. Sure, he is a man who can love a product and reason it out, but his positivity and passion, always coming first, have allowed him to transcend the connotations that come along with either of the too-used words, mark and smark. He is a man who can be the most supportive guy and the most combative. He is a man who will rep the consensus mainstream guy if he thinks that guy deserves it, but he will also rep Miz until the very death of his username.

    He is commenter and writer.

    He is friend and critic.

    He is felt sense and brain power.

    And all of these ands and buts, this breaking of how we view and stereotype wrestling, wrestling fans, and wrestling writers, can now be chopped up, rolled up, and summed up under one umbrella:

    He is mizfan, and he is a Columns Hall of Famer.

    Thank you, mizfan.

    Ladies and gentlemen, Lords of Pain Hall of Fame columnist, mizfan.

    I've always had trouble writing about myself. I'm one of my own least favorite topics. You want to know my opinion on something, I'll talk for days, but you want to know about me? That's tricky. I'm very tempted to Joe Pesci the shit out of this, simply say "thank you very much", and call it good.

    But then again, the last five years show quite clearly I am nothing if not verbose (or a "waffler", as Mazza might have it!), so... we're doing this thing.

    In high school, I had high school friends to talk to about wrestling, and in college I had college friends to talk to about wrestling. After graduating? Not so much. So for the first time in wrestling fandom, I turned to the internet in earnest in order to dig up some people who shared my obsessive hobby.

    I have no memory whatsoever of how I stumbled onto Lords of Pain, but once I found it I never even tried to go anywhere else.

    My first "column" was posted in completely the wrong place, a rambling new thread started far outside the CF in the general section arguing that wrestling should be more like other TV shows and incorporate more pre-taped out of the ring/arena scenes that took place within the confines of their own world. I was mostly shouted down at the time (one poster went so far as imagining the Fresh Prince of Bel Air as a wrestling program) but many years later I have been secretly pleased to be vindicated as programs like Lucha Underground and segments like The Final Deletion capture the imagination of fans.

    I became a truly prolific poster in the general section after that, to the point where it was once joked that I was making up 50% of the total posts in any given thread. It's amazing what you can accomplish during a stretch with no job and no friends nearby!

    Eventually I stumbled across a thread outside of my normal zone. It was titled "So, You Wanna Be A Wrestler?", and was penned by a man I would come to know and love, with the unlikely name of Al Laiman. Al, part of this induction belongs to you, and the amazing stories you tell about your time in the business. Finding someone to really talk at that time helped me more than you likely know.

    I quickly became hooked on the CF and began to feedback prodigiously. I became so long winded that eventually our dear friend Mazza challenged me to get off my ass and actually write a column. Mazda, part of this induction is certainly yours, since I think I once ill-advisedly promised you a chunk of everything my column writing career would eventually bring. Without that challenge, who knows how long I would have sat on the sidelines? I will always think of you as an essential member of this community, even if you are rarely seen these days.

    My first ever column was called the "Mizfan Minute" and was part one of a three part series on how I came to love the Miz. My title was trashed in the comments, but my work was encouraged by a who's who of great writers. It was a wonderful time for feedback, a tradition that I like to think I have helped keep alive in this neck of the woods.

    From there it seems like the CF, and LOP, has meant more and more to me with each passing year. From the days of Mizlining and my highly sexualized response to CM Punk's "pipe bomb" promo, to the story of Cena's crucifixion and the tragically unfinished "Death of CM Punk", Little Orphan Z, State of the CF and two years worth of CF Rumbles, sweeping a four column tournament first round while writing dailies at the same time then losing immediately in the second round despite having much more time to work on it, finally winning a tournament many years after that, to my dark period where I was dealing with depression and was deeply touched when many CF writers reached out to check if I was ok, to winning feedbacker of the year and community awards many times over, to the Ballad of Rockstar Spud and the opportunities I have had with LOPR, and now to this day with the Heenan series which has brought me great joy... it has been an incredible journey, and in my opinion it's only just begun.

    My thanks to:

    Onibarubary, one of the best writers I have ever seen, who once told me I was a bad enough dude to save the president.

    Crown, a probably forgotten poster from years back who was a source of great positivity and uplifting to me.

    MissouriDragon, another great who is sorely missed, who without fail challenged me to expand my wrestling horizons.

    El Dandy, who shared my one and only Columnist of the Year win many moons ago and provided me a wealth of insight and conversation.

    Kerv, aka King Jerkface, one of my best collab partners and certainly my favorite troll in wrestling.

    ChrisBear, I hate you but sometimes you made me try to be a better writer.

    Skullduggery, who is an awesome dude and I wish was still around.

    Newt, who remains one of my favorite feedbackers ever.

    Double Helix, who expanded my idea of what a column could be.

    Rob, AKA TripleR, I can't believe you beat me in that tournament but DOA is the greatest thing ever created so I forgive you.

    JWG, who feels wrestling in a way very similar to me and whom I have loved reading.

    Pen15, the Doctor House of LOP. Needlessly abrasive though he was, I cannot pretend I did not learn many things from him.

    Kleckamania, who has proved himself to be both insightful and a great partner time and time again.

    Rayhagan, one of my favorites of the new school both for his excellent writing and his dedication to feedback, and I'm not just saying that because of the Heenan series my friend!

    Subho, one of the only people who was at one time as dedicated to quality feedbacking as I was. Miss you, my man.

    JCool, one of the coooolest people I have known on both a writing and a personal level.

    Prime Time, who thinks just like me in theory and just opposite me in practice for some reason, and who has also given me some of my best wrestling conversations ever over the years.

    Wayne, aka zzzorf, a tireless contributor, a wonderful writing partner, and a friend.

    Skitz, who blinds me with colors and blazing innuendo one moment then hurts my heart the next by disappearing. Stick around, for god's sake!

    LWO, my NXT rookie who should have won the MP spot, from whom I have learned more wrestling history than everyone else put together.

    Danno, who not only has amazing kids but also asked after me more than anyone when I went dark. Thank you my friend, it meant a lot.

    Steve, whom I did not even know for many years. I now cannot imagine trying to exist in this space without him, your help in all things has been truly invaluable.

    Jeff, you introduced me to CHIKARA and that alone makes you a king, but you are also one of the best partners I could ever ask for. Your incredible good nature and board perspective have benefited me tremendously over the years, and I thank you especially.

    Sunny, though you almost never speak up publicly anymore, you have provided me more support and insight privately than I had any right to ever expect from a man on the far side of the world. You have pushed me to reconsider my preconceptions and my biases, to embrace both the new and the old in a fresh light, and moreover you have been an incredible friend.

    Shane... my first words to you on this board were "I think I love you". I was right in that thought. You have expanded my view and immersed me in a world underneath reality more times than I can count. Your work has inspired me, influenced me, invaded my imagination. When I said I felt I had jumped the line to get this nomination, I was thinking of you my friend. I could not have been inducted by someone more suited, as the work we have done together has been the most rewarding of my LOP career. I am glad to have been on this journey in part with you, and cannot wait to see where we go next.

    Now that I've engaged in one of my trademark overindulgent emotional displays, let me just say thank you one more time to all the names I forgot or had to leave out for space, for all the legends that pushed me to be better, for all the feedbackers who encouraged or challenged me, to all the many fascinating voices that have appeared for a moment in time then disappeared forever, all of you, thank you. It's been a hell of a journey.

    The power of LOP is that of the blank page. Anyone who wants to, old or new, veteran or rookie, can open up a window at any given time and start creating, start sharing a piece of themselves, something wholly new. The possibilities are literally without limit. So why not? Go write something, by god. I'll be waiting.

    Until then... stay awesome, all.

    Leave a comment:

  • Steven


    Column Titles: Under the Fleece
    Additional Contributions: Columns Forum Moderator (2008-present)
    Location: 389 miles from anonymous
    LoP Column Debut: January 2004
    LoP Main Page Debut: May 21, 2007
    CotM Wins: 1
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2016

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by anonymous)

    When I stumbled across Lords of Pain (looking for porn, naturally), there were many people who sucked me in. There were great columnists on the main page and there was an incredible array of talent in the forums. It was a great time for the site. But I don’t think anything was able to suck me in quite as much as Under the Fleece. I remember clicking through the forums and visiting the column for the first time. I didn’t know the writer or anything about him and went in with a completely open mind. And I was glad I did.

    Sheepster’s creativity, laidback style and love of stats were capable of enthralling, amazing and entertaining me all in the same column. He wrote in a way which was truly unique and special and his way of thinking made you see wrestling in a completely different way. At the time, there were very few columns which incorporated a huge amount of comedy, and Sheepster stood out from the rest. From subtle wit to full on humour, you would never know what to expect. He would be an inspiration to many more “comic” writers in the years to come – myself included. The only disappointment was the bloody 6 month wait till the next column.

    Thankfully, Sheepster’s genius was recognised. He received a main page call-up and was able to show off his skills to a wider audience. He wrote some incredible columns during his main page tenure. His Royal Rumble curse column is legendary. But how about a whole column taking on CNN? Sheepster did it. A column purely about the stats of Title reigns? Sheepster did it. As a writer, Sheepster brought a breath of fresh air and a new style and variety to the main page and one I don’t believe will ever be replicated. He’s too damn unique.

    Anyway, taking into account Sheepster’s love of stats, I thought I’d list a few for his Hall of Fame induction:

    21: The average amount of stats listed in a Sheepster column.

    29: The number of people who have been cursed by the #14 entry in the Royal Rumble.

    12: The number of columnists cursed by stealing Sheepster’s Royal Rumble curse column and using it for themselves.

    2 years: The average amount of time between a Sheepster column.

    2004: Sheepster won Column of The Month in January 2004.

    32: The number of people taking part in the first CSI tournament- organized and judged by Sheepster.

    5: The number of CNN executives in Sheepster’s basement.

    100: The percentage of people reading a Sheepster column that were thoroughly entertained.

    Sheepster was and is an asset to Lords of Pain. He’s been a columnist, a moderator, a tournament organiser and a thoroughly decent person through it all. He’s always been quick to spread positivity in his columns and in his feedback to others. The one thing any columnist can learn from Sheepster is simply to be more positive in every aspect of their time here. It doesn’t just change you, it lifts the whole forum- just like Sheepster does.

    I’m lucky to consider Sheepster to be a friend. Many late nights talking about random things have shown me what a great person he is. Even when he’s threatening to stab someone in the eye with a rusty spork, he’s still excellent company.

    It is an honour and a privilege to welcome my fellow Welshman, Sheepster into the Lords of Pain Columns Hall of Fame.

    Leave a comment:

  • Steven


    AKA: Shinobi, Shibobi (Steve only)
    Column Titles: The Shinobi Series, The Devil’s Advocate, Iron Sharpens Iron (w/’Plan)
    Homeland: The Right Side of the Pond
    LoP Columns Debut: Mid 2008
    LoP Main Page Debut: February 6, 2009
    CotM Wins: 3
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2016

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by 'Plan)

    Indulge me for a moment, because I have a vainglorious confession to make.

    One of the proudest, happiest moments of my time writing here at LOP was being inducted into our Columns Hall of Fame and I don’t mind telling you that, in no small part, it was because it was Joey Shinobi who inducted me.

    Shinobi and I are of the same class here in the CF, that being 2008. He might not want you to remember that when he first started out he would e-fed briefly at the beginning and end of each of his columns. He might not want you to remember his attempt to write “HBO does WWE,” whatever the hell that was called – one of multiple projects that just sort of…well…stopped. Nor might he want you to remember he and I first collaborated on a tournament tag team column called Spot the Difference. The more left unsaid about that one, the better I think. It was a less politically correct time….

    But if you did remember any of that, you’d probably have to know by now what I have known for a long time. Joey Shinobi has a gift. I don’t want to travel the road of pomposity here, but I have long held, of all the writers who have been and gone here in the CF, who have succeeded and failed in equally impossible degrees, who have left me feedback and whom I have fed back in return, few have been outright naturals. I’m certainly not. I only got to whatever my level is through hard work and harder critiques. Shinobi not so much. Shinobi is an outright natural.

    I have often heralded the virtues of a less is more approach to those who write, here and elsewhere. I believe it holds true in any form of writing. The reason why Shinobi is the writer I have admired and continue to admire most here at LOP through the years should be clear then: he is the absolute master of less is more. We joke about him being a part-timer, but this time I make no joke. His scarcity has always been one of his greatest strengths, able to make every word count and, because of that, every column count more. Don’t know if you remember Joey, but I once implored you not to write more frequently, because to do so would rob you of your greatest asset. That asset is simple, and the single most valuable tool any writer in any field could hope to possess.

    When Joey Shinobi writes, people pay attention.

    And for good reason. Shinobi has won Columnist of the Month. He’s had a stint on the Main Page – a promotion he earned in much shorter fashion than I did. He helped found one of LOP’s longest running podcasts, The Right Side of the Pond. Best of all for me, if I might be selfish for a moment, he has been one half of our infrequent collab, Iron Sharpens Iron; a name I suggested because Shinobi brings out the best of those he collaborates with. Hell, he might even make them better. It has certainly always felt that way for me. Shinobi once asked whether it was fortune or otherwise that he partnered with me. It is without doubt or hesitation that I can say it is most certainly a fortune that I partnered with him.

    As our time here has worn on, I have had the utmost pleasure in getting to know Shinobi a little more out of character too. I think we might agree we didn’t exactly spark a friendship early, probably because I was tough to like back then (perhaps still am!). From my end, that’s far from the case now though. He chose not to break kayfabe to any radical extent when he inducted me, a favour I will now return, but I am compelled to tell the world that I have known few people in life as affable, friendly, witty, easy to get on with and as fiercely intelligent as Shinobi is. He is as great a guy as he is a writer, and that’s no mean feat. I respect nobody here more.

    Nor envy anyone more. In a sense, I’ve always been a little jealous of you Joey. You make this all look easy; something you reinforced in recent history by winning out over Mav, Maz and I when the Mega Ponders exploded. I don’t need to tell the man how much the fact I’ve never beaten him competitively eats away at me, and I think both of us relish the idea of one day, finally, having that definitive one on one write-off.

    On paper, Shinobi may not have the longest list of peer-voted accomplishments here at LOP, whether COTM awards or tournament wins or Main Page stints or the like. He may not have ever written some obscenely over-long column series. He doesn’t need to. He is a man who has singular ability, able to write little and say much, unlike so many of the rest of us.

    These are the reasons why, when Joey Shinobi writes, people pay attention, and none more so than me.

    I was over-joyed when afforded the opportunity to repay the favour he paid me when he inducted me into the LOP Columns Hall of Fame Class of 2014. Somehow, it feels like our friendship – our friendly rivalry - has now come full circle. So to you, Joey, I say this directly, and on more levels than one: thank you. You deserve this mate.

    It is with pride, honour and gratitude I officially induct Joey Shinobi into the LOP Columns Hall of Fame Class of 2016!

    Leave a comment:

  • Steven
    Super Chrisss

    Super Chrisss

    Column Titles: My Two Centsss, Taste My Centsss (w/Skittlez)
    Location: Canada
    LoP Column Debut: October 2009
    LoP Main Page Debut: April 2010
    CotM Wins: 1
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2016

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by Skittlez)

    Super Chrisss sucks. Why am I even doing this? He inducted me a couple years ago and now I’m expected to repay the favor? That’s bullshit.

    ..…Did I say that out loud? Errr my bad. Must have gotten mixed in with my other note cards. Anyways, good evening ladies and gentlemen. I was approached recently by an anonymous fellow about writing an induction speech for Chrisss which came as a bit of a surprise. Mainly because I figured there were people closer to him better suited for this type of thing. Then I realized Chrisss has no friends and pictured how sad it would be watching the guy approach this podium to induct himself. Not wanting to sit through such an awkward and uncomfortable ordeal, I reluctantly agreed and thus here we are.

    Chrissstopher and I aren’t BFFs but we’re certainly tighter than Sunny. I’m not sure that’s saying much but there is plenty to be said about the legacy Super Chrisss will leave behind when he walks away from LOP. Partly due to my supporting roles in several of his columns but I‘ve gotta praise the kid‘s solo work first and foremost. Chrissstopher made a name for himself in the forums with a long streak of dailies that stretched onto the Main Page when I promoted him in April 2010. And he’s been there ever since to the delight of no one. Super Chrisss’ tenure on the MP has lasted longer than any of my relationships and he‘s still going strong. Hell I’ve had three or four stints on the Main Page and they still don’t total up to the 6+ years he’s logged.

    My Two Centsss is always worth a read no matter the topic or format. Whether he’s lamenting over TNA’s latest miscue or boycotting WWE in protest, the dude always stands his ground. But more than anything, Chrisss should be valued for the level of consistency he’s displayed since first starting out at Lord of Pain. Writing collabs with him is something I sorely miss. Then I’ll remember the soreness that comes from carrying his limited ass through all those PPV prediction columns. Despite weighing me down though, Chrisss has become an anchor for the Main Page; always touching on wrestling headlines with timely articles. He may rub some people the wrong way but as history’s shown, opinionated Canadians make the best heels.

    The two of us have never beefed (I did give Chrisss shit though when he used to flip burgers for a living). I’ve brought him along for the roller coaster ride that is my love life and we’ve often amused each other with tales of wild Tinder adventures. Chrissstopher has experienced the highs and the lows. He did an awesome job rounding the Main Page into shape as acting Manager after I handed him over the keys. My reign was so horribly mishandled, I knew he couldn’t possibly fuck it up any worse. Give Chrisss credit though because it ain’t an easy job; especially nowadays when the boss is never around. Chrissstopher has done his duty and served the site well. Does his name belong in bright lights next to mine? No but it definitely warrants a spot just below in smaller print.

    I see him constantly patting guys on the back but Chrisss deserves to be stroked as well (which is where I come in). He’s bent over backwards for more dudes than your favorite porn star and taken ass reamings from various readers. Yet Chrissstopher’s undeterred and remains as determined as ever. Unlike a lot of writers who’ve come and gone, he’s stayed put. Super Chrisss just keeps motoring forward and he sure as hell isn’t driven by money because we‘re not even paid slave wages. Between school, work and women, Chrisss still finds the time to write about wrestling which is a chore in itself. Passion will drive a man to do crazy things and I’ve got the cold sores to prove it.

    Don’t fret though, Chrissstopher. Your columns aren’t quite as unsightly as lip herpes. Reading off all this bubbly shit is starting to burn my retinas though. I know you’re not used to getting many compliments so drink it in, man. Cheers to you for one helluva run and here‘s hoping it continues. In this moment, I mark hard for Super Chrisss. I’m even willing to forgive you for being a Zack Ryder fan. You’ve suffered long enough, homie. Pull up a chair and join the table because you‘re one of us now.

    Ladies and gentlemen, Lords of Pain Hall of Fame columnist, Super Chrisss.

    If someone had told me nearly a decade ago that I would be inducted into the Column Hall of Fame of the world’s most notorious wrestling website – Lords of Pain – I would have politely laughed at you and shook my head. Not in a mean-spirited, hateful way, of course – I’m Canadian, remember? Actually, when I first started writing columns in these here forumss many years ago, people would often congratulate me for overcoming a language barrier once they found out I hail from Montreal, Quebec. Contrary to popular opinion, French is NOT my first language; English is my mother tongue. Only 5% of Montrealers come from similar roots, but yes, people – there really ARE Montrealers who speak better English than they do French. And this one just landed himself in the 2016 CF HOF.

    I won’t make this very long, as I’m not a huge fan of award shows & speeches myself, but I’d never be able to fall asleep if I didn’t give a special shout-out to certain people. First off, a major thank-you to XanMan whose daily columns (“Seven Things I Think I Think…”) were the main inspiration for yours truly to start posting daily. In the same vein, Hustle and his “HIPE Train” provided a great model to style my columns after as well (minus the playlist). DaveyBoy was the columnist who got me hooked to LOP and made me truly appreciate the art-form of what we do as writers. Even though his columns usually suck, I never would have made the Main Page if SkitZ never threw me a bone. Once I got up there, I became good friends with the Fruity dude as well as Mr. Tito and The Doc; these friendships still exist to this very day. I even ventured into the world of LOP Radio – both solo and alongside The Doc – all thanks to The Man himself, Steve.

    Those guys are all awesome, but I can’t neglect shouting out some of the homies I shared this forum with back in 2010 – the legend himself, ’Nony, Johnny_Boomerang, da_shee, shane, pringle, morpheus, chrisbear and many others whose usernames escape my mind thanks to all the cheap, Canadian beer I consume up here. I can’t believe it’s been nearly six years since my first – and only – COTM win and Main Page call-up. Time flies, man…

    Even though I will never consider myself the best writer, the hippest, the most controversial, the funniest or even in possession of the best username, it’s pretty cool to know I managed to leave behind a legacy here in the Column Forums. I admittedly don’t stop by anywhere as much as I used to, I do creep and enjoy the hell out of countless writers, both new and veteran. Without this place, there will be no one to replace the current crop of MP writers once our time is up. If you’ve read this far, thank you. If you skipped to the end, thank you all the same. It may be cliché to say so, but the best way I can describe this HOF induction is with one word and one word alone…


    Leave a comment:

  • Steven


    AKA: Ripper
    Column Titles: Hardtime, Ripped to Shreds, Rippey’s Believe It Or Not
    LoP Column Debut: November 2004
    LoP Main Page Debut: July 17, 2006 (first run), December 1, 2008 (second run)
    CotM Wins: 3
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2016

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by Steve)


    It can mean a couple of things, at least as it pertains to columns here at LOP. It can mean that someone kicks out columns like clockwork, that you can pretty much always count on seeing their name pop up on a regular basis for a sustained period of time. It can also mean that someone is always good, always brings quality to the proceedings, even if they post somewhat sporadically.

    In a few somewhat rare cases, both apply. In the midst of all the folks who show up and write for a couple months before getting bored and fizzling out and those who, even if they stick around for a bit, struggle with finding their voices and producing truly quality work, there are those select few who can come in with guns blazing and knock out quality from the jump before sticking around to do so on a regular basis for an extended period of time. Most of those select few can be discovered by digging around in the Hall of Fame subforum a bit. Either by looking at the HoF itself or by scanning the History of CotM thread, one finds that some names stand out immediately as folks who were around for awhile and obviously pretty damn good along the way.

    You'll often hear CF old-timers (of which there are increasingly few) talk about the "Golden Age" of the CF, generally considered to span from about 2004 through 2006. Many of the names already in the Hall of Fame came from that era. Names like Xanman, Morpheus, Randomguy#5, Pt2, Monkey, BC, Degenerate. If you look over those years in the aforementioned History of CotM thread, you'll see those names pop up fairly regularly. You'll also see a couple more in the mix, garnering accolades alongside those frequently heralded names, besting those now "legendary" (taken in context) folks to earn plenty of kudos of their own.

    One of those names is that of RIPBossman, a writer who embodied "consistency". He was ever present in that era and always came with quality, knocking out excellent column after excellent column, making his voice heard and demanding that his talent be appreciated even while surrounded by arguably the most exceedingly talented bunch of writers to ever reside in the CF at one time. Seriously, if you take a look at that History of CotM thread you’ll see Ripper’s name surrounded by those of all-time greats. In the year that he won his first TWO CotM awards, 2005, eight of the other 10 were won by the likes of 5 Hall of Fame writers. He wasn’t just surrounded by greatness, he walked right alongside it on the same level.

    The kicker? After an excellent main page run that ended far too soon, he came back to the CF and proceeded to reestablish himself yet again, this time surrounded by such names as Uncle Joe, aisce, anonymous and Skittlez. In an era in which creativity was quite possibly at its peak in the CF, RIPBossman proceeded to lay down the same straightforward flat out quality that had defined him years prior. This reestablishing of that overall consistency earned him a second main page run that spanned in excess of 3 years, well into the resurgent years that brought to the fore such names as Hustle, Mazza, Plan, PEN15 and many of those columnists that, alongside Ripper, himself, inspired a fair amount of the current crop of LOP writers to take their own shot at doing this.

    He walked into the CF when it was in the midst of what many consider its greatest, most competitive era and excelled, earning himself a main page spot along the way. When he got bored he left, only to come back when the CF was again entering what many consider to be an incredibly fruitful and competitive high point era and excelled all over again, earning yet another main page spot along the way. Hell, he even changed his gimmick for that second stint up top just to add some flavor to the mix.

    And the kicker to the kicker? The dude very likely still isn’t done. Though he isn’t around as much as he used to be, far beyond having reached the lengths necessary to establish his name among the greats, he still sometimes feels the itch and shows up to write columns of the same time tested quality that readers have come to expect for over a decade. His most recent run, as of this induction in August of 2016, saw him tackle an ongoing series while simultaneously writing separate single topic columns along the way.

    That, my friends, is a track record of unmistakable excellence. That, my friends, is a blatant example of consistency. That, my friends, is Hall of Fame worthy.

    So please join me in welcoming to the Lords of Pain Columns Hall of Fame, the Ripper himself, RIPBossman.

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  • Steven


    Column Titles: The New Joint, Viva La Lucha
    LoP Column Debut: December 2004
    LoP Main Page Debut: May 30, 2007
    CotM Wins: 2
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2016

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by Al.pYro)

    My memory isn’t great. Those who know me will be the first to tell you it’s a real issue. But this… this memory is clear, vivid, in full vibrance and color. It’s of a guy I know. You know him as Zuma. I’ve always simply called him “brother”.

    It’s night. The hardwood floors of his house by the beach creak as I walk over to the small inlet he used as an office that looked out over the backyard. Only steps away from the kitchen, refrigerator, and cache of beer. It’s dark, but his face is illuminated by the white light of his computer screen. His eyes are big, and he types furiously. It’s Monday night near midnight. We just finished watching Monday Night Raw together, in person, a rare occurrence due to the fact that he lived 300 miles away from me. We talked a little after. I told him what I liked, what I didn’t. He listened, shared a thought or two, and walked to his computer with the pen and paper he’d been scribbling notes on throughout the show. This was before smart phones, before Twitter. Thoughts were jotted on pen and paper. Imagine that.

    “What are you doing?” I ask him.

    “Writing something. Go to sleep. I’ll show you tomorrow,” he responds. And I listen. I go to sleep.

    The next day he’s showing me what he’s written. A column. Maybe his third or fourth. That I don’t remember. It’s longer than anything my thirteen year old mind can comprehend writing. People have left comments about how much they enjoyed it. Some fucker named Valleyboy has given it his “THIS COLUMN DIDN’T SUCK” stamp of approval.

    I was introduced to the Columns Forum. I was introduced to the world of The New Joint. A unique world where my Brother welcomed readers into his unique brand of sarcasm and satire and stoner humor. His mind wandered, perhaps meandered at times, but a Zuma column was always highly curated and usually perfectly succinct. He was a writer who rarely used unnecessary verbiage.

    I realize many reading this never experienced a Zuma column. Never knew the structure familiar to us old-old-timers. Let me explain.

    He’d Open The Bag and throw at you thoughts on the product - what he was feeling, what he felt like clowning. In one installation he ranted about Funaki being Cruiserweight Champion, in another he shared his favorite sign from that Monday’s Raw “Heidenreich is an idiot”, and complained about Jericho’s singing ability. Yes, that Jericho. The one who is literally the lead singer in a semi-successful rock band. You sure this guy should be in the HOF, Steve?

    He’d Roll It Up and hand out some awards. Namely - the “Bah Gawd Hoss of the Week” and the “Match of the Week”. To understand Zuma you must understand one truth about the man - he loves himself a big, sweaty, low mobility bastard.

    The “Light It Up” section was about deep dives into a topic, exploring the ins and outs of what had caught the man's ire that particular week. At times, it was a rant. Others, it was an homage. He’d express disappointment in the business. He’d express realization of why he held such a passion for the industry. And always, always, did so in convincing and supremely readable prose. Perhaps that’s the strongest toolset in Zuma’s back pocket (aside from the weed itself). The man could express any idea in layman's terms and have you nodding along as you read. You never had to double back and make sure you had read that right. You never had to slow down the pace of your eye to ensure yourself full comprehension. At his roots - Zuma was a storyteller of precision, clarity, and did so while practicing an aesthetic that contradicted both of those virtues. It was a high-wire act that the CF truthfully couldn’t get enough of.

    Zuma wore many hats as a columnists. His fly in the face of public opinion style differentiated him from the class of columnists he came up with. And perhaps that’s the highest praise I can heap upon this now Hall of Famer --- when Zuma stood alongside CF Giants like Morpheus and 1,000,000BC and Degenerate and Xanman and The Monkey…. He belonged. He was just as good, in some cases better, and always fearless to fly a big “fuck you” to anyone and anything.

    So here’s one last “fuck you” for the road.

    My Brother and I were sitting at my house in 2007. I believe it was a WWE PPV Sunday. I go to check my column feedback on LOP. I have a private message on LOP. I click over. It’s from Calvin, the owner of and these here forums. Calvin is asking me to write for the Main Page. My heartrate heightens. It takes me by surprise. I didn’t think of myself as that level at all. I call my Brother over. I tell him. He’s coming off of two Column of the Months. I have zero. Maybe two votes total. Both from him probably, and only because he couldn’t vote for himself.

    He congratulates me. He’s annoyed. He hasn’t got the PM.

    I give him a “fuck you” and laugh in his face as we finish the show. I made the main page before him. I started writing after, reached the top before him. Suck it, Big Bro.

    He goes home.

    Once again, this is really before smart phones.

    He calls me when he gets home and logs on. He had a PM waiting too. He calls me. Tells me to check my PMs. I do.

    In it is a screengrab with a red circle highlighting the timestamp of Calvin’s message. Sent hours and hours before I received mine.

    I hadn’t beat him at all.

    At the bottom of the PM are these words,

    “Fuck you. I made it first.


    I’m proud of you, little brother. See you on the main page.”

    And that’s Matt. Flipping you off with one hand while rubbing you on the back with the other. He’s a special, special dude. And it’s my pleasure to here, once and for all, induct him into the Lords of Pain Columns Hall of Fame.

    Fuck you for making it first, Brother.

    I’m proud of you. And I hope to stand next to you in the Hall one day.

    I love you, man.

    Leave a comment:

  • Steven
    Raw is Snapple

    Raw Is Snapple

    AKA: Snapple
    Column Titles: Wrestling In A Bottle
    Location: In A Bottle
    LoP Column Debut: Mid 2002
    LoP Main Page Debut: November 22, 2002
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2016

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by Steve)

    You know what one of the awesome aspects of having been a part of the LOP Columns Community for so long is? I've had the absolute pleasure of reading the works of hundreds of excellent writers over the years. Some of them much ballyhooed, some woefully overlooked (at least by my perspective) and many who have, unfortunately, been lost in the sands of time as new grains constantly fill the hourglass.

    One of the not so awesome aspects? I often find myself alone in remembering the excellent work of someone who wrote a decade and change ago. Speaking frankly, sometimes I sit and recall someone who was very much a valued and consistently quality contributor to the LOP Columns landscape, who deserves to be honored as such, but that I wasn't so much a monster "fan" of. Not that I disliked them or anything of the sort, mind you. As everyone reading this knows, we all have our favorites and our focus sometimes rests a little too squarely on those individuals, to the point that we pay far too little attention to those in our peripheral field of vision. Not because they're not excellent writers but simply because, well, we weren't paying attention as much as we should have been.

    Raw is Snapple was one of those valued and consistently quality contributors. He was among the first lot of Columns Forum writers, back when one didn't have to rack up multiple CotM awards and such to be tapped for a main page spot. Back then, if you were good and there was a spot, (which there often was as those early main page contributors could be something of a fickle bunch), you got your shot. Indeed, if you look back at the History of CotM, you won't find Snapple's name on the list but he most definitely made his impact. I remember him from those early days in 2002, shortly after the CF was born, but he was one of those who was just outright good and skipped the formalities to garner his position on the main page. That was proven by the fact that he held onto that position for some 3 years, consistently putting out work that was always entertaining and always very well worth the click.

    Snapple was one of those columnists that established what it meant to be the "prototypical" LOP columnist. Back in the day when there were actual mini-conflicts across the internet between writers for other sites and writers for LOP, they would often accuse us of having a uniform style. That everyone was the same and that the Columns Forum, specifically, did little more than produce carbon copy writers who all had the same thing to say. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. Not only were those folks simply being pissy about the fact that they couldn't sign up to the Forums just to pimp their own websites, not to mention that they couldn't just show up and get a main page position based on the fact that they had written a piece or two for some two-bit wrestling site's main page, the fact of the matter is that they were willfully ignorant of the hypocrisy of what they were accusing us of.

    THEY were the carbon copies, all producing the same old prediction and review columns. There's nothing wrong with those kinds of columns, mind you, but LOP has always demanded a bit more of its main page contributors. As I said, Snapple was an early example of what would become the "prototypical" LOP columnist, one of those guys who helped shape the mold. Not in terms of a uniform writing style or anything, of course, as that has never been the LOP style.

    No, he helped shape that mold by being diverse. He'd write a prediction column, play to the masses by kicking out reviews of big shows here and there, but he would also explore the creative side of wrestling writing, a trait that I feel is truly the hallmark of LOP Columns. He wrote pieces based upon classic works of literature, composed Christmas wishlists to Santa, performed fictional (and often funny as hell) interviews with superstars and pontificated upon the history of the business as a whole. He covered all the bases, executing multiple styles without any dip in quality along the way. He was varied, he was entertaining and he was, above all else, damn good at all of it.

    Coming out of an era in which every third columnist who showed up was doing their best to rip off Tito, with many of the others thinking that simply reviewing a PPV for five or six paragraphs was worthy of being called a column, Snapple followed his own path. He wasn't the first, he wasn't the most ballyhooed or hyped, but he was himself. Not a clone, not derivative, not one of those writers who simply wrote what he knew would get clicks. He wrote what he wanted to, displaying creativity and genuine talent along the way.

    If that's not an apt description for what an LOP columnist should be, I don't know what is.

    Though there aren't many people left around here who read his work and though the folks he wrote alongside, like Daveyboy and Wevv, have soaked up the majority of the accolades, RiS was an integral contributor in the early days of Lords of Pain's ultimate columns legacy. Wrestling in a Bottle was one of the early examples of how diverse wrestling writing could be and an excellent example of how consistent quality, more than any other aspect, is what truly defines the supposed LOP Style.

    As such, it is my pleasure to welcome Raw is Snapple to the Lords of Pain Columns Hall of Fame.

    Leave a comment:

  • Steven


    AKA: SkitZ
    Column Titles: Taste My Rainbow, Taste My Centsss (w/ Super Chrisss), etc.
    Home City: Assfuck, Connecticut
    LoP Columns Debut: April 2007
    LoP Main Page Debut: June 6, 2008 (first run), May 26, 2013 (second run), June 23, 2016 (third run), August 19, 2017 (fourth run)
    CotM Wins: 6
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2014

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by Super Chrisss)

    Davey Boy. Steve. Mr. Tito. Morpheus. SkittleZ. Hustle. XanMan.

    That right there, are some of the greatest writers to ever grace the Main Page of Lords of Pain. Out of those seven names, which one stands out like a sore thumb?

    If you say SkitZ, well guess're dead wrong. In my humble opinion - and others too, apparently - Sir Fruity is more than deserving of joining the elite ranks of LOP. And it's not because he threatened to stuff a dildo down my dog's throat, I swear! Although I wouldn't put such a thing past him...

    SkitZ, love his racist and often inappropriate jokes or not, has been bringing a unique substance to both the LOP Main Page and the Columns Forums for many, many years. Let's be honest - when you click on a Tito column or an artcile by The Doc, I bet my left nut that you won't see multi-coloured font or some terribly photo-shopped images, trying to be funny. That's why every SkitZ column is so much fun to read - you never know what the hell is going to cum come out of that guy's mouth, and that chances are, it will be dirty and full of vulgarity.

    But I'd be lying if I said we didn't love him for it. Underrated by some, over-appreciated by many, SkitZ is a true pioneer of Lords of Pain. Taste My Rainbow has been enlightening readers about the going-ons in the world of wrestling long before Super Chrisss even knew what an "LOP" was. Whether SkitZ was busy singing the praises of one Adam 'Edge' Copeland, or collaborating with any writer who found the strength to put up with him, The Candyman has made a lot of sacrifices over the years to keep us, the readers, coming back for more. I can't begin to count how many times SkitZ has put his personal life on hold - or prolonged a sure-fire pussy meal - to logon to LOP and post a column instead. Like many of us, The Candyman has experienced some personal highs - as well as some personal lows - yet here he is, still finding the time to Google some messed up pictures and somehow make an enjoyable column out of it. My hat's off to you, sir.

    Some of you may not know this, but I owe my Main Page career almost entirely to SkitZ. I was just another face in the very competitive pool of talent known as the CF, doing whatever I could to make people remember me and my columns, when SkitZ - Main Page Manager at the time - offered me a coveted spot on the front page of I dumbfoundedly accepted, knowing in my heart there were more than a handful of people that should have got that call-up instead. But he believed me, and so did many other great writers, from both the MP and the CF, and soon afterwards, "My Two Centsss" was born. None of that would have ever happened without SkitZ and his vote of confidence. So thank you, SkitZ. Thank you for seeing something in me that I didn't even know existed.

    Well, you Fruity Bastard, I think I've sung your praises long enough. No need to further enlarge your already-massive ego. We may no longer be Pay-Per-View prediction partners, but it was a pleasure spending all those late nights discussing wrestling with you (#pause?). You're a vital part of LOP and quite frankly, I couldn't begin to imagine how mundane and cleaner this place would be without you. So thank you for everything, SkitZ. There will never be another writer quite like you. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is up to the reader's discretion, of course.

    Do you have final words before you resume jacking off to close-ups of AJ Lee's bum?

    Ladies and gentlemen, Lords of Pain Hall of Fame columnist, Skittlez.

    AJ? Nah I just flopped my dick around on Zack Ryder’s face for a bit. He was none too pleased… that I didn’t let him upload it on YouTube afterwards.

    Thank you for the rousing induction speech, Chrissstopher. That was by far the greatest thing you’ve every written on this site (seriously). A huge THANK YOU to everyone though who had a say in this or made it possible. I’m all about sexual innuendos, choppy vaginas and masturbation jokes but this place means a lot to me. And during the many low points in my life, it meant everything to me. Pathetically, I owe my life to LOP. And yet I’m pretty sure Calvin owes me some money... I’m willing to take half of whatever Tito’s getting and call it even.

    I’m not gonna bore to death you with a long and tired explanation of how I got here. Because truth be told, it’s boring and clichéd. DaveyBoy, parodies, divorce, gay stuff, COTM, collabs, Main Page, departures, returns, more collabs, yada yada. That’s seven years I just crammed into 15 words (you’re welcome). I’m just amazed – and humbled – that you bastards have put up with my shenanigans since the beginning. Lords of Pain has exposed me to a shit ton of awesome people and I wouldn’t feel right without giving them some much deserved props.

    To DaveyBoy – My initial inspiration. Despite having a full schedule and probably 43 pages of emails to sort through, Davey took me under his wing in the early stages and gave me some invaluable advice. I touched base with the dude this past Christmas after a dry spell and can clarify that he is, in fact, still alive. Davey’s like a father to me; the kind that cares but can never be in your life (daddy issues much?).

    To Hustle – We’ve always had somewhat of a love/hate relationship but there’s an underlying mutual respect there. Hus befriended me when I first started posting consistently in the CF and played a huge part in getting my green ass on the MP. He’s right up there with the greatest LOP columnists of all time. Writing dailies for nearly two years is an incredible accomplishment and something I’d fail at three weeks into committing. My hat’s off to you, sir. I’m just disappointed we never got the opportunity to run the train on Pnk.

    To Nony – Although we’ve grown apart in recent years, I still consider you a good pal. We used to shoot the shit on a nightly basis. You were always wasted which made for some hilarious late-night conversations (say hi to digital Hilary for me). I find myself missing them once in awhile but hey… at least one of us grew up. You’re a selfless dude and I love that about you.

    To Sheepster – One of the most positive people I’ve ever met (who knew they existed on the internet?). Every time I think of Sheep, it’s nothing but Patriots love and comic strips. Too inactive for my liking but he conjures happy thoughts for me regardless. Stay fluffy.

    To ‘Plan – My bitter enemy (okay fine I’ll admit it’s been largely one sided). Even though I wrote my first couple columns the previous year, we both wrote frequently from January 2008 on-forward. Not only were you impressive but it helped fuel me to improve overall. I saw you as friendly competition as we fought for more real estate in the CF. Watching you transform into an immaculate writer has been a pleasure. Here’s hoping you remember the little people when you become an award-winning novelist someday.

    To Romans – A gifted writer and favorite of mine from 2007-08. We spoke on a handful of occasions back then and he’s a solid dude. Real life shit took you away from here too soon. Now I feel jipped and bitter. Another big influence of mine. Hope life’s been treating you well, homie.

    To Joe – When the gloves come off, you’re untouchable. I’ve never laughed so hard reading anything ever in my life. The “Matt Hardy has Tourettes” bit you wrote for TMR [57] still leaves me in stitches whenever I stumble upon it. Another guy whom I selfishly wish had been around more often for my own amusement.

    To Mavsman – You were so young that I’m sure our friendship would’ve been frowned upon by outside eyes (and/or gotten me arrested if your parents knew the deal). Wise beyond your years and a tragically underrated writer. At 16, Mavsy could’ve went neck-and-neck with anybody. I can’t imagine what level he’s at now. Scary talented but destined for far greater things than this place can offer. I wish you nothing but the best, kid. (Sorry about your Broncos…)

    To Steve – The glue that holds this place together. You’re like a Lords of Pain encyclopedia. I love picking your brain and haven’t forgotten our old chats during the Pnk Saga. The CF needs you like my tranny roommate needs more plastic surgery. No matter what, you always come back to this place stronger than before and with grand ideas. If I suddenly leave one day and return in 8 years, you’ll be the first person I contact.

    To L-MAN – Wait how the fuck did you get on this list!?

    To Shinobi – Ridiculously talented columnist when he can be bothered to write something. I’m sure XanMan is proud of his protégé. You called me out for being a skimmer once or twice and it’s changed my approach. Now, even if a column’s serving no purpose other than helping me avoid conversation with actual people in the same room, I stick with it to the bloody end. Thank you?

    To Mazza – Never afraid to try new concepts. We’ve rambled on about wrestling a bunch more recently (fucking Facebook). You’re a piece of the foundation laid here and I’ve always had you to keep me company on the MP. An extremely reliable individual (admittedly I wasn’t during a few of our collabs… my bad). Excited for your British Invasion radio talk show and I hope it leads to bigger things for everybody involved. You’re always working on a new project to test out on the Main Page audience. Still hungry for success. That’s how I know your tenure here will be one of the longest.

    To Super Chrisss – My lord have we sawed through some columns together over the past couple years. You’re like a brother to me and we act like it; constantly insulting and one-upping each other. I think you’re thicker skinned than you appear to some people and boast a work rate that’s taken for granted. Trying to manage the Main Page and keep all parties satisfied is an impossible task. Nevertheless, you’ve been far more effective at said position than I ever was. Thanks for being supportive and good-natured. Continue fighting the good fight, my friend.

    To Danno – Ahhhh my partner in crime! In my opinion, we don’t collaborate nearly enough. You’re an entertaining motherfucker and have loads of untapped sperm. Uh I mean potential. Don’t ever stop being absurd and inventive in ways that only a handful of us can truly appreciate.

    To Freeman – My other partner in crime. It may not be apparent but you’ve kept me going on the Main Page for the last several months; both as an accomplice and a fan of your work. Freebee could burn this place to the ground if he just had shit worth a fuck to write about. I never really fully understood how skilled you were until we suited up for war together last summer. It’s been a fun ride ever since, dude. Don’t fizzle out on me and disappear because I’ll be pissed. Don’t make me cross the pond with evil intentions God dammit!

    To Doc – Honestly, I believe I underestimated you at first. But since joining the Main Page, you’ve become a model of consistency and the cornerstone of LOP in Hustle’s absence. I’ve yet to order your book but certainly plan on doing so soon. More importantly though, I’m excited for you. You’re the present and the future of LOP. And at the risk of outcasting by comparison, I think Doc is quickly beginning to fill DaveyBoy’s shoes. I envision your stint here at LOP turning into something special.

    To Cult Icon – My sugar-craved PM buddy. I’m bummed that we couldn’t make our WM30 rendezvous happen but then again, you only live like two hours away. We’re bound to catch a show together sooner rather than later. I’m ready to watch you spread your wings more in the CF and branch out. You have the ability to be a remarkable written but holy hell.. what could there possibly be left to say about Hogan & Steiner!?!? Ditch the WCW columns and take a bold leap! I spy greatness in you! Or maybe just a belly fully of Surge. I’m not really sure which.

    To Maverick – Living proof that a promotion can be tough to come by no matter how Main Page ready you are. I pay attention and Skul is absolutely right; everybody is. It’s a crime you aren’t up there yet with the rest of us. I don’t see me lasting too much longer on the MP. If you’re still banging on the glass ceiling when that moment comes, I want you to take my spot. In the meantime, keep killin’ it.

    To Pt2, Random, Wevv Meng, Snapple, BossFoxx, Monkey, Degen, etc. – Thru the wonders of Wayback Machine, I’ve had the luxury of researching old columns and writers who came before me. I give an infinite amount of kudos to all those infamous veterans who helped shape LOP into what it is today. It’s the ultimate compliment to be mentioned in the same queef – let alone the same breath - as any of those guys.

    Alright now that my lips are severely chapped from all that ass kissing, I’ll send you on your merry way. This place is a fantastic escape… but an even better refuge. I’m forever grateful for the Columns Forum. I’m forever grateful for Lords of Pain. And I’m forever grateful for this Hall of Fame Induction.

    Leave a comment:

  • Steven


    AKA: ManWithAPlan
    Column Titles: Just Business, 101 WWE Matches to See Before You Die, 'Planthology, Opposites Detract (w/sheepster) Spandex Fortnightly (w/sheepster), Iron Sharpens Iron (w/Shinobi)
    Home City: Sheffield, England
    LoP Columns Forum Debut: January 21, 2008
    LoP Main Page Debut: May 22, 2009 (first run), March 1, 2015 (second run)
    CotM Wins: 6
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2014

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by Joey Shinobi)

    I have been around the Columns Forum for six years now, and in that time I have seen many writers come, and many writers go. Around the same time I showed up, an adolescent Bret Hart mark with an uncanny grip on the English language showed up and started telling the forums how all things wrestling should be fixed. He was a ManWithThePlan, and he had made the inexplicable decision to write all of his posts (including columns) in ludicrous pink font in homage to his hero, and despite his obvious talent, had a tendency to upset people. Obviously, this is a talent he has honed very finely over the years.

    One thing that was never in doubt, however, was ‘Plan’s passion for wrestling and writing about it. He took on board most of the criticism going his way, and moulded himself into a very, very good writer. He made the Lords of Pain main page, but soon disappeared off it and, like yours truly, became extremely sporadic in both his appearances and contributions to the CF.

    In a bid fuelled in part to not be tarred with the same brush as me, around three years ago, ‘Plan made the frankly quite ludicrous decision to embark on his series ‘101 WWE Matches To See Before You Die’. Given his patchy record with regards to participation in the CF prior to this project, I, along with many of my contemporaries, scoffed at his chances of making it to number 97, let alone number 1. Here we are, three years on, and he has done it, and I am eating humble pie in about as public a humiliation we can get here in the Columns Forum; by inducting ‘Plan into the Columns Forum Hall of Fame. Every single name inducted so far has embodied what it is to be a columnist at, and most of them have made long and tenured contributions to the main page. ‘Plan himself had his stint on the main page, but short as it was, he likely will not be remembered for it. It is, of course, his work since his return to the CF that has earned him entry into the hallowed pixels of the Hall of Fame.

    His painstaking attention to detail and loving craft of each sentence, each phrase, is legend in these parts. For ‘Plan, the writing comes first, and he applies every principle he recognises in a great match into writing a great column. Having had the recent (mis?)fortune of working with him, I have seen how the guy operates. Attention to detail doesn’t even begin to cover it, and it is infectious. There has always been something of a copycat culture here in the Columns Forum, which is no bad thing, but ‘Plan went out of his way to change the game and be the one everyone copied. Amazingly, he’s hellbent on doing it again with his new ‘Planthology series.

    But as much as anyone already in the Hall of Fame, ‘Plan bleeds the CF. His approach to feedback makes him a valued member of our community. He leads by example, and is never afraid to offer constructive criticism, even if it goes against popular opinion. His appreciation of how the CF has moulded him as a writer and, in some ways, a person. When he first got here, he was headstrong, unashamedly passionate about his views and very clear in his own mind that he was doing the right thing - classic heel traits, of course. Over time, he has mellowed, and he is exceptionally good at providing guidance and feedback to the new guys who display those same early traits. As a competitor and mentor in numerous CF contests, ‘Plan more than does his bit in terms of the community aspect of this place.

    It’s really only over the last year that I have gotten to know the man behind the mask of ‘Plan. Out of respect for his respect for kayfabe, I won’t go into too much detail and ruin the illusion, but I have found ‘Plan to be a considerate and generous guy to know and to work with, and our collaborative efforts on The Right Side of the Pond and Iron Sharpens Iron have been some of the most interesting enjoyable contributions to this place I have made, and that is in no small part down to ‘Plan.

    This induction was designed to recognise ‘Plan for all of his contributions to the Columns Forum, but in closing, I want to focus on the jewel in his crown. The completion of a challenge like 101 WWE Matches To See Before You Die is, in itself, an incredible achievement, but to do so while maintaining the standard throughout is an inhuman feat. It is a testament to the man’s stamina and hunger to deliver quality, and what we have isn’t just a series of the man’s opinions on wrestling (although he has never claimed it is anything more than that), but a study of wrestling fandom and a comprehensive guidebook on pretty much every single aspect of professional wrestling. It is a series that has raised the bar on what it is to be a columnist here, it has proved that you don’t need to be a weekly columnist on the main page to produce work that matters around here, and it has made me very proud as a columnist, as a contributor to the series, and as a friend of ‘Plan to see him finish the series. We are so very fortunate to have been a part of this series, as readers, as feedbackers, as wrestling fans.

    Thank you, ‘Plan.

    Ladies and gentlemen, Lords of Pain Hall of Fame columnist, 'Plan.

    I’d like to start by thanking Mr T’s mother….

    Honestly, it’s hard to know where to start. I joined this place in 2008, my first column being a preview of that year’s Rumble. It was awful. When I consider how obvious it then becomes that so much has changed in the last six years and counting, including me, I realise there’s something important I have to do first today. I’ll get to my respect for Joey Shinobi shortly, and though I respect his decision to not expose my true personality I think the occasion calls for it. So for once I’m not going to write as ‘Plan. I’m simply going to write as Sam.

    You all know me as long-winded so I shall try to be as concise as I can. I want to first say that, perhaps more than wrestling, I love being a wrestling fan and there is no better place to be one than in the CF. It is true I have grown here as both a writer and individual. Not only have I honed my abilities on the page in a way that has benefitted me professionally but the CF has taught me true humility, self-confidence and, most importantly, how to be unafraid of trying to achieve the ludicrous. In no small part, my time here in the CF is responsible for me achieving a real life dream: being a published author. Soon, anyway!

    Which brings me to my love/hate relationship with 101 WWE Matches To See Before You Die. I owe so much to the success of that series. I wonder if I’d be here without it, in fact. I am proud of my achievement in completing it, and doing so in a manner that was met with great critical acclaim. So too, however, am I increasingly irritated by the long shadow it casts over me. I am truly humbled by this great honour you’ve bestowed on me today, but I will never feel like I’ve earned it until I top that monolithic three year madness. It is worth me stating though that 101 is very much the perfect example of what drives me as a writer – to strive continually for self-improvement. If I were to give any piece of advice to any writer reading this, old or new, I would tell you to never be happy with what you wrote last and use that as a means of motivation. Excellence is a habit, not an act, and I can only hope I can achieve it again in my time here. I am, as I have said elsewhere before, a CFer for life; I couldn’t be more proud to proclaim that either.

    I don’t want to keep harping on about my work though; audience dictates meaning so I can’t tell you about what it means as much as you can tell me. I do, however, need to thank all those that helped me achieve this overwhelming accolade. I am undoubtedly going to miss a large number of people - I’ve only so much room here after all! – so first of all I want to say a huge, sweeping, universal thank you to any member of this awesome community that has read my work in the past, that has given me feedback and that continues to support me during my tenure here, which I am afraid to tell you is far from over!

    Firstly, thank you Shinobi. Your induction speech was incredibly flattering and, as I’ve said before, you are one of only two guys I’ve seen play this game with utter effortlessness. When you first came along, I envied you; though I joined earlier, you were the first to win a Columnist of the Month Award, the first to reach the Main Page and eliminated me so many times in competitions one way or another. I still envy you, but not because of your successes. Truthfully I have always seen you as more than just rival. I’ve seen you as my better.

    Thanks to Mav and Maz, the other members of The Right Side of the Pond. Our conversations are something I genuinely look forward to every week and I can but hold out hope that one day TRSOTP might just meet up beyond a Skype conversation. Mav, you’re the guy I go to when I need some help. Maz, you are the guy I try to avoid at all possible costs! I think, strangely enough, you both might take those things as compliments. Regardless, dudes like you make being a fan here so much fun. You make being a writer here so much of a challenge. Both are vitally important to me.

    Thanks to Prime Time. You’re already in this place for all the right reasons. You push me to compete, you force me into proving myself again and again and your constant brilliance lights a fire under me that no one else seems able to. Your victory in the CSI over me by a meagre number of points haunts me in a good way, and I cannot wait until we can write competitively with each other again. A wise man gets more from his enemies than a fool from his friends; as ‘Plan I like to act the fool, but trust me when I tell you I’m flattered you seem to relish so much being my enemy, and I’m grateful you indulge it too.

    Thanks to anonymous. Your friendship is the most honest one I have ever had, and I think ever will have. That includes real life ones. I love how open we can be with each other, how blunt and up front, and I love the fact it’s what’s made our being mates so strong a guarantee. I won my first Columnist of the Month because of being in competition with you, but really it has been as a man that you’ve brought out the best in me, which is more than anything I expected would happen when I first signed up.

    I reserve special thanks to sheepster. You may not be around much but, in some ways more than anyone, you’re an amazing friend to me and our work together is some of my favourite stuff I’ve ever done, here and elsewhere. Our partnership, I believe, is one of genuine chemistry and I outright refuse to believe we’re done writing with one another. I’m up for another Opposites Detract whenever you are my Welsh friend! Let’s get to it! Thanks for helping me learn how to act in the CF and thanks for allowing me the opportunity to create some fantastic, original pieces of writing. You make writing a laugh, and that’s a rarity for me.

    I’m going on so I’ll cut myself short. In the end, if I could, I would simply thank every writer to have ever written in this place, from the greats of past generations like Ayatollah to the greats of this generation like Sidgwick to the greats of future generations like Subho, JacobWrestledGod, Kleck and so many others.

    This is legitimately one of the proudest moments of my life and tops off one of the most memorable weeks of my twenty-four years on this earth. Whether that’s fantastic or tragic I’ll let you decide for yourselves. What I will decide for you is that I wouldn’t be here were it not for the readership. I love wrestling. I love writing. This honour you bestow upon me I will not let go undeserved. Sorry for my self-indulgence. Thank you for your patience. And for your support. And, of course, for your friendship.

    I guess there’s only two words left for me to say then. If I were writing as ‘Plan, no doubt they’d have been “You’re welcome.” In actuality, because I’m writing as Sam, they’re simply this:

    Much Love.

    Leave a comment:

  • Steven


    AKA: nonymo (Steve only)
    Column Title: Inside the Mind
    Additional Contributions: Columns Forum Moderator (2009-2010)
    Home: 186 Miles from Sheepster
    LoP Columns Debut: May 18, 2007
    LoP Main Page Debut: November 27, 2008
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2014

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by nony's beloved 'Genny, Degenerate)

    When I was inducted into this very select group of columnists here at LOP in 2010, I was not only honored about receiving that distinction, but also honored by the person who actually inducted me. Now, I'm beyond ecstatic to have the honors to return the favor to this very worthy individual, the one you all know and love, anonymous.

    However, how we got to this point, it's been many years in the making, and just about as unique as 'Nony himself. When anonymous made his debut and appearance in the LOP Columns Forum, I believe he was around the age of 16, while I was already in my late-20s. I don't know anyone in their twenties who considers a teenager to be a friend. Of course, that's how our relationship started here - not particularly getting along as buddies. As he's mentioned before, he thought I detested him at that time.

    During my time in the forums, I've sort of been one of the more serious people here, legitimately caring about how people conducted themselves in the Columns Forum to try to make this the premier place for the best wrestling columns on the Internet. I've always tried to be polite to newcomers here and help them out, and with anonymous it was no different. But it was pretty tough to give feedback to columns about sex and boobs. While I'm a red-blooded male and enjoy those topics myself, it just felt entirely out of place for me in LOP. Him calling me 'jenny' every time probably didn't really help matters in our relationship, either.

    After a while, he stuck around and became a more prominent part of the Columns Forum, and his columns started to become a must-read for me. I was able to realize that his style was a lot better than a lot of people's writing regardless of whether the content resonated with me or not, and I truly appreciated his writing for what it was. His writing was unique and witty, with no signs of being that fake, forced kind of wittiness that some people use. It was also at times thought-provoking. He proved, and continues to prove, his range with his columns. And yeah, he still loves writing about the sex and the boobs. You can't expect people to fully change, you know.

    Our relationship got a lot better in the forums - maybe because he changed his nickname to the gender-neutral 'Genny - and even branched outside of the forums as well. Some of our group chats on AIM were amazing, and made my work day so much better. Maybe someday I'll reveal some excerpts from those chat logs that I should still have around in my old laptop. Unless this has become a PG environment. Then I wouldn't be able to.

    I've never been one of the more popular or more talked-about writers here, so I've always appreciated him being one of my strongest advocates around here. I'm proud to be able to call him my friend, even after a long time of not having chatted with him until recently. He's genuinely an awesome guy.

    So ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming anonymous to the LOP Columns Forum Hall of Fame. And remember, the person responsible for 'Nony being a Hall of Famer isn't anyone from LOP. It was Rikishi. Why did Rikishi put 'Nony in the LOP Columns Hall of Fame? I don't know the answer to that question, but I'm sure it's because it was very much deserved. Or he did it for The Rock.

    Ladies and gentlemen, Lords of Pain Hall of Fame columnist, anonymous.

    Dogs look and act like their owners. They adopt their mannerisms and their attributes. An obese, lazy owner makes an obese, lazy dog and an aggressive owner makes an aggressive dog. If I had a dog, I imagine it would hump everything that moved. Legs, ventilators, walls…everything. If Steve had a dog, I imagine it’d be a big, soppy cuddly thing. If Tito had a dog, I imagine it would bark at everything that moved. Never bite but constantly barking. What’s this got to do with wrestling? Well, I think us columnists become a bit like our wrestling heroes. We’re the dogs and we mimic our owners superbly in our careers. The columns forum is full of examples of this. We have Degenerate who loved Shawn Michaels. He had a long, historic career producing great stuff but was often found putting others over. But he was a guy we all looked up to and learnt from when he was in the latter part of his career. We have ‘Plan who loves Bret Hart and has the same perfectionist attitude. He has the same commitment and drive that made Bret Hart special. We have Mazza who loves Rico. Need I say more? And we have Hustle who is one of John Cena’s biggest fans. His reign at the top pretty much equals Cena’s reign at the top of the company in my opinion. A columnist mimicking his favourite wrestler and doing an excellent job.

    I love Rikishi. I have always loved Rikishi. And like Rikishi, my career hasn’t always been glamorous. Many people think I’m just an ass. Many people think that I was pushed to the top too soon and never recovered. Many people think I’m much better at providing light entertainment than producing serious, relevant stuff. And to be honest, I wouldn’t change that for the world. I am who I am. Like Rikishi I’ve left and come back plenty of times. Like Rikishi, most people on the forums will recognise my name and have an opinion on me. And like Rikishi, I’ve been lucky enough that I have a family around me who’re a bunch of pretty special individuals. I could name hundreds of guys I’ve spoken to on Lords of Pain and care about. There are guys like Sheepster, Pt2, Mazza, MadChuck, Uncle Joe, Mavsman and Leviathan who made this place feel like home. There’s guys like Terry, Skittlez and Calvin who gave me responsibility as a teenage ‘nony and deserve a hell of a lot of credit. Then there’s some other people…

    I should start with Shibobi. I rucking love you, you English bastard. You are my brother and you always will be. Thank you for the graphics, the orgies and the memories. You are an exceptional person and a shit writer. I hope you never change. ‘Plan, meanwhile, is an exceptional writer and a shit person. But for some reason, I’ve grown remarkably fond of you and wish you the best in the world. Degenerate meanwhile, is quite simply, my favourite person in the world. Awesomeness personified in a Puerto Rican body. And then there’s Steve. Where do I start? This strange Texan Matt Hardy look-a-like and I are across the world from each other but if he asked me for anything, I’d try and be there for him (no homo).We’ve gone a long way since I was a teenage delinquent and he was a young man obsessive about girls with colour themed usernames but I still love him like a brother. All of these guys are my family and that’s why Lop Forums will always be my home.

    One day, Rikishi will enter the WWE Hall of Fame. He won’t headline it. He won’t even be given large amounts of build up or hype. But he’ll be in there and his legacy will be ensured forever. Similarly, I will now be in the LOP Hall of Fame. I have never been a headliner or the most talented guy in the world but I love this place and you guys more than anyone else. Maybe I’m a sad bastard for doing so. But you’re all sad bastards too and that’s why you’re reading this. In 20 years, I’ll still be looking at boobs on the internet and posting lolcatz and I will still love Wrestling and Pokemon. Because the more I change, the more I stay the same. Just like Wrestling itself.

    At the end of the day, I am a fish. And I’m honoured to be here. Thank you.

    Leave a comment:

  • Steven


    Column Titles: Classic/Current Paper Reviews, Smarks Court (w/Uncle Joe}, Mazlining, Kings of WrestleMania, Maz Debating, ATTITUDE! (w/Maverick)
    Home City: The Right Side of the Pond
    LoP Columns Debut: Late 2008
    LoP Main Page Debut: (First Run) Early 2009 (Second Run) Summer 2012
    CotM Wins: 4
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2014

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by Uncle Joe)

    I first met...well “met” Mazza back in spring 09. Not knowing who the hell he was or what the hell he’s done in the Columns forum; all I had to go by was his like minded sense of humor. You know the kind; lots of scat, pedophilia, misogyny, the good stuff. Back when AIM was still a thing, me and Maz would just ramble about bullshit, usually wrestling related, and would often think to myself “this guy could probably make for a heck of a columnist.”

    Well, I was only half right, but he’s still pretty damned good in his own, weird, mango eating way. What the fuck, the guys won a few Column of the Months, is a top Main Pager and was a participant (and possible captain? not sure that time was very fuzzy and full of hookers/midgets/donkeys/pineapples so pardon me) in the slaughtering of the damned American team in the US v UK Tourney after all so he can’t be too bad, nahmsayin?

    Maz is also a Mystique level expert in camouflage as he appears to be the manager of the Indian National Cricket team, but is actually as English as Katie Price. Which is actually a key turn of events since, as hard as it is for this to be admitted, but Maz’s combo of technically sound writing, stereotypical British wit and analytical style lends itself very well to him being such an awesome writer, and he wouldn’t be the same if he were from Buttfuck, Texas instead (sorry Steve).

    I always find my way into the arms of the Brits for tons of collaborations (aisce, johnny Boomerang, shinobi) and I’m not sure I’ve had a more enjoyable experience writing than when Maz and ! wander off into the abyss. When its time to formulate an upcoming Smarks court, we have a routine we usually go through;

    Maz: I think it’s time Drew Mac vs Primo get their day in Court.
    Maz: Both are being wasted to fuck in lame gimmicks and stables.
    Maz: While halfwits like Rusev and face Batista are going to waste precious spots and TV time

    Joe: Hey Maz look at this video of this guys putting a golf ball into a girls immensely gaping anus, sound effects included.
    Joe: www.*website omitted to protect the public*.com

    *2days later*
    Joe: Um Maz?

    Maz: What man, WHAT?!
    Maz: Pardon me Joe, it’s, it looked like an 8.

    Joe: I know Maz it’s cool. so about that Court?

    Maz: Oh right. Primo vs Drew Mac in who’s being wasted more. I was thinking we could get Dave Meltzer to bat for Primo and JR to head up for Drew Mac and we moderate.

    Joe: Sweet. Oh by the way, look at this video of a chick giving birth to a squid, anallly.

    And on and on it goes, so there you have a peek at behind the curtain.

    I’ve gotta wrap this up so everyone welcome, retards and homophobes alike. I want to thank you all for coming out as I make this huge announcement that’ll change Mazza for the rest of his life and well, I’ll cut the shiit; Maz, you’re HIV positive. Sorry mate.

    All jokes aside, Maz, I may not have been here (well, I was but that’s another story for another day) from the beginning but I am here now. I speak for everyone in attendance when I tell you, Mazza, congratulations on being inducted into the CF Hall of Fame. You could’ve been just a dirty pedophile, but now you’re a pedophile with a sweet Hall of Fame jacket. Proud of you bro.

    Ladies and gentlemen, Lords of Pain Hall of Fame columnist, Mazza.

    Son. Of. A… First off, I can’t believe Steve managed to have me and Unc lying to each other. Not sure our relationship will recover.

    When Tollah told me to write my acceptance speech, I was lost for words (as I am sure some of you are right now!). Playing up the “Legend in My Own Mind” persona is one thing but believing it is something else. This is quite the accolade for me to add to my CF CV now and I’d like to thank Steve and everyone else who was involved in the selection process. It doesn’t seem like I have been around the CF long enough but I’ve just realised that I’ve been at this gig for more than five years now. I still very much feel like a noob around a lot of you. I guess this is the part where I reflect back on my time.

    Like most people, I had that one main pager who really was my inspiration to try this. It will be no surprise to anyone to find out that was Davey Boy. It’s shame we didn’t have more of a crossover period where we were both writing but you can’t have it all! When I first started writing, a poster called Skaos (I am sure many of you remember him) really helped me out a lot so dude, if you are out there, still very much appreciated. We were both part of a group that came up together who SkitZ labelled the H.O.C. (ask him). It is only myself and occasionally BK left now but Soren’s awesome sideburns live on in everyone’s memory. I got so much help in the early days from feedback and just the quality of writers who were about. I am bound to forget a few but Shinobi, Bloodline, Mavsman and Plan stick out in my mind big time from the forums. Not easy to make a name for yourself when your competition is that talented. It makes you strive to be a better writer at every turn and whilst writers of that ilk move on, there will always be others who step up to fill the void. A lot of the time it is veterans making a comeback. Guys like Xan, Morph, Steve and not forgetting Prime Time are always there to make you want to tweak and tweak and tweak until you find the perfect column. Maverick is the latest to come along and make me want to step up my game syllable by syllable. The thing is though, I’ve always been drawn to the darkside.

    I quickly learned that there isn’t much more fun you can have in the CF than when you are experimenting and 90% of my experimenting phase has been done with Unc (are we still talking just columns here?). I learnt so much from with that freak of nature but of course it isn’t just Joe whose influence has had me stepping out of my comfort zone. There is so much joy to be had working with, how do I put this diplomatically, the “less conventional” columnists. BeyondKnight, SkitZ, J-Boom and ChrisBear have all made me see column writing, and life from extremely different and often disturbing angles and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love to cover as many bases as possible when it comes to columns so it probably isn’t surprising that I always call Monkey my favourite columnist. He is without a doubt the most versatile writer I have seen on this site and he is another huge influence on me.

    We didn’t have NXT back when I started but that didn’t mean I didn’t get mentored in my first tournament. After making it through the early rounds I ended up in a collab round with Degenerate. To this day that is amongst my favourite columns but I learnt so many things writing it which I still use to this day. Of course I immediately used that knowledge in the next round to send poor Deg packing (I’m sorry, I love you) and going onto win the whole thing. Then of course there are the guys that are just so good at what they do for the site. I have so much admiration for what Hustle and Doc have done on the main page over the last few years. I’m at peace with the fact that I’ll never be at that level but it won’t stop me trying to incorporate some of the things that make them so successful. Not that I no longer have goals though. God knows I will never rest until I get that monkey off my back that is a certain mythical creature from the Ozarks… We ain’t finished yet, Missou!

    So essentially the point of this name dropping circle jerk is that so many people have helped and influenced Mazza the columnist (and the wrestling fan) over the years. I could probably spout off another 50 names without even trying but this has to end sometime so I’ll just say this. Thanks to everyone who I have ever collabed with, who has fed me back, who I have fed back, or who I have interacted with through LoP. I love each any every one of you….

    …..except for T.O. Fuck that guy!

    Leave a comment:

  • Steven
    Uncle Joe
    Uncle Joe

    AKA: Unc, uncle joe or whatever
    Column Title: whatever weird thing crossed his mind that day, The Mega Column (w/aisce), Smarks Court (w/Mazza)
    Home City: New York City
    LoP Columns Debut: 2007
    LoP Main Page Debut: May 22, 2010
    CotM Wins: 5
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2014

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by Mazza)

    *Somewhere in the North of England, a phone rings. LOP columnist Mazza stirs as Curtis Axel’s theme music starts blaring out. Pissed at being rudely woken up, he looks at the screen and sees the words “Your Ayatollah”. His mood alters and he readies himself to take his best suit to the dry cleaners.*

    Hi Steve, it would be an honour…

    *But suddenly his face changes.*

    Him? Really? Are you kidding me? Do you know how much editing I have to do to make those columns readable? How does the damn selection process work anyway? Are you just picking names out of a damn trainer or something???

    *His countenance changes once more however.*

    How much? Shit, why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place? I’m on it...


    ‘Sup, CF and welcome to the Hall of Fame. When I think about the term “Hall of Fame” my mind pictures distinguished gentlemen sitting around in tuxedos. They smoke cigars and sip on only the finest whiskey which has aged about the same number of years you’d have to have aged to legally drink it. They have grown up conversations about the latest developments in the political world or the next big thing on the stock market. When it comes to joining such an exclusive club, you would think that it would be extremely important that the candidate will fit the part. Well if the CF Hall of Fame is anything like I picture it, then all I can say is “there goes the neighbourhood”. With Uncle Joe joining we’ll be swapping tuxedos for Jordans, cigars and whiskey for Taco Bell and I am pretty sure that all the conversations will end up being about porn. I’m not sure about you guys but I think I’d like it better that way.

    One of the things that happens when you first become part of the CF community (unless you’ve been about since Chris Jericho and Tito combined their powers and invented the internet) is that you’ll hear stories of some kind of mythical columnist. This will be a guy that had been tearing shit up until recently but was not around anymore. When I showed up towards the end of 2008, that guy was Uncle Joe. The funny thing is that his awesomeness was often touted but his style wasn’t. This was a time in the CF where longer wordy pieces were the vogue and so when he finally came off his permaban (which I later found out was for posting pics of himself in a compromising position with a former WWE superstar-diva couple) I was expecting to see some kind of combination of Dave Meltzer and William Shakespeare. Boy was I wrong.

    What I got was a combination of Howard Stern and Ronnie Corbett (Google him, Yanks) - A perverted, potty mouthed storyteller with sublime comedic timing. Unc went on to dominate the CF in the second half of 2009. As most of you know, comedy really isn’t an easy thing to pull off in the world of column writing. Even the funniest of funny guys would be pretty hit and miss but Joe was knocking them out of the park every time. It was a damn simple format too. A hilarious punchline with a route to get there laced with awesomeness. It’s a system that had lots of CFers inspired to try their hand at comedy to varying levels of success. Would the world have ever been treated to the critically acclaimed Maz Debating if it wasn’t for Uncle Joe? Doubtful (I guess we can’t put a positive spin on everything Unc has done). I guess the best way to see Unc’s influence is in current LoP Main Pager Freeman (probably the only guy that has really managed to do it justice since Joe).

    Of course, we cannot just define Unc by his comedy and love for fisting under-aged (allegedly) girls (again, allegedly). His views on a handful of IWC favourites are also a huge part of Joe’s online persona. Anybody who has made the mistake of praising Shawn Michaels, Kurt Angle or Chris Jericho in Unc’s presence will know exactly what I mean. It’s that Michaels hate which was the inspiration for the Smarks Court concept. The question on the first edition was whether HBK was overrated. This was in the days before I had any idea how to embed a poll into a column and there was no nifty comments section. It was easily the column that generated the most emails during my first main page stint. It caused quite the reaction too. I will never forget this one guy going on a tirade over Joe’s stance on the issue and Unc simply telling him that it wasn’t a very smart to send that from a works email address with all his details on! A grovelling apology and a weekend in a Holiday Inn quickly followed. But the point behind the Smarks Court pilot was about putting an unpopular point across. And that is where Unc is probably most underrated. His argumentative skills are second to none and that is the key to success of the Smarks Court concept.

    Working on collabs with Unc is quite the process. I am sure that my The Right Side of the Pond and Power 10 co-host Joey Shinobi would agree with that. I am not sure what it is about Joe and his collabs with Brits. If we head back to the days when I was just lurking the main page columns (aka May 2008), Unc was winning his second column of the month courtesy of a collab with another Brit, aisce. The Mega Column has been a thing of legend for those who just missed it like myself but thankfully the Interwebz Gods gave us the Wayback Machine. What I was treated to was a nice blend of cheesecake, skinny jeans, Sonic Youth and getting head from your cousin. His first Column of the Month victory came a few months earlier in November 2007 and in typical Unc fashion, he decided to write about blow jobs. Well jobbers that blow or something. It’s a shame that a lot of the stuff from his first run that I missed is lost forever. With 2 CotM wins in his first run and 3 in his second however, you could say that he has 2 Hall of Fame careers. I guess that makes him the Shawn Michaels of the Lords of Pain. Enjoy your legacy, Unc. You deserve it!

    Ladies and gentlemen, Hall of Fame Columnist, Uncle Joe.

    Thank you Maz, you always know how to capture the spirit of Hanukkah. Hahaha, wow man, I think that for one of the very few and brief instances in my life, I am speechless. As I’m sure many columnists feel this way, you have to have a certain amount of confidence, ego and most importantly, ego, in you and your work in order to have a chance around here but not even at my most braggadocious would I ever thought to be ever inducted here, into the LOP Hall of Fame.

    To be placed here, amongst the likes of the legendary Boss Foxx (who’s Choose Your Own Adventure columns got me here to stay), Morpheus (who, when choice came down to it, certainly gave me enough reason to choose the blue pill, know what I’m sayin? *call me, M*), Monkey (who is just a righteous motherfucker and awesome writer), Xan and Helix (the forefathers of the constant collaboration; the loveliness known as ETA; and fuck you helix), B.C. (my spiritual forefather) Stanman (???) Degen (who I’m sure I’m related to somehow) Steve Ayatollah (whos written my favorite column ever, about his semi friendship with a mentally challenged boy known as Brian), Tito (teets) and the rest, don’t know what to say other than I am not in any of these guys leagues. Well probably Stanman but that’s cause who is that guy?

    I came along at the era of guys like Leviathan, Big Brother, Therik; and grew up with guys like Jetsetpoker, Anthrax, Hustle, Cold, Hawkeye, madchuck, Superfan! and my brother from certainly another mum, aisce. But enough of that boring bullshit, here’s some cocks for your viewing pleasure.

    What? Fuck man, fine, have it your way. Sorry guys; no cocks.

    So I guess I’ll be wrapping this shit show shortly, but before I go, I’d have been a foul cocksucker if I didn’t give a few thanks:

    To DoubleHelix. Dear Helix, my sweet helix, what can I say? Our gmail chats about baseball, awful names, and other random things probably did little for my writing ability but fuck it, you’re still a good man. And even though you often confuse me for Chilean, at least you didn’t call me a Frenchman.

    To the Brits Shibobi, Johnny Boom Boom and Plan; although you all may be disgusted by my vast array of weird life choices and opinions, you guys judge with care. Joey and Booms, you helped me give the CF a not so subtle fuck you and proper nut checking, so thank you. And Plan, the dichotomy in our opinions helps me understand the other POVs better than anyone else, so also thank you. Plus you gave me a real kick in the ass to my column writing when I needed it most; gratzie for having some balls.

    To Cold and Hustle, for always telling me to do stupid shit, better or worse.

    To Steveatollah, who, aside from being one of the best dudes I’ve met on here and in general, gave me the best piece of advice on column writing, which is to say “fuck it dude”.

    To my man aisce, never capitalized. He above all else shaped me as a writer as he guided me on the necessary (grammar, structure) and let all else fly. His general superiority forced me to up my game and make sure I was holding up my end of the bargain. Although you are not here, neither in persona nor spirit because fuck that gay shit, we will always share a common bond; our love of Sonic Youth. Cheers *pours out whiskey*

    And finally, to my other kin, Mazza. I’ve written and “written” so many collaborations with you I’ve fucking lost count. Shit I think we may be in the middle of writing one now. But anyhow, the shit I appreciate about you the most is that you not only roll with the debauchery, you may be even worse than I, which is no small task. From the Court, to the occasional podcast appearances, to the other shit we do, it’s sometimes good, mostly unethical but always a fucking blast: thank you man.

    So that’s it. Thank you again HOF committee for the induction, I am forever honored… well until they let plan in here. To freeman (my spiritual son) Maverick (my spiritual 3rd cousin in law), and Randall (pederast) keep it rockin. Peace.

    In loving memory of
    (who who lost his fight with AIDS due to a wild mongoose on a pilgrimage to finger blind reindeers. You will be missed)
    Last edited by anonymous; 05-04-2020, 10:18 AM.

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  • Steven


    AKA: MarcusVick4Heisman
    Column Titles: Hustle Is Posting Right Now, Hustle Is Posting Everyday, Hustle Madness
    Additional Contributions: Columns Forum Moderator (2011-2015)
    Home State: Hawaii
    LOP Column Debut: 2007
    LOP Main Page Debut: 2008
    Year of Hall of Fame Induction: 2013

    (Hall of Fame Induction written by Steve)

    If you look back over the names in this Hall of Fame you'll see folks who made their way to this point via a variety of means. There's Tito, who (though the CF as a whole was his brainchild) earned his spot by being the most prolific non-dirtsheet wrestling writer of his time or, arguably, any time. There are those like Stanman, who in his time both here in the CF and on the main page wrote more than his fair share of quality columns but was predominantly known as the lead moderating force for the first half decade of the Forum's existence. Then you have a guy like Valleyboy/Boss Foxx who was a brilliant writer both in the CF and on the main page for the majority of LOP's existence, served as the inspiration for many writers who came after him (myself among them) and also headed up the Columns Forum as an excellent moderator for years.

    In the history of this website, though, if you look at the dozens of names who have appeared on the main page, the hundreds who have written in the Forum and the select few who have served as an active and influential moderator, one stands out. Only one guy has taken on the roles of all three of the legends mentioned in the previous paragraph and rivaled their accomplishments all at once. That guy is Hustle, and those accomplishments are far from the only reasons that he has more than earned his place among the Legends of Lords of Pain.

    After signing up to the forums as MarcusVick4Heisman (a name I try very hard to remind him of at least once every few months), Huss didn't even set foot in the CF. Unlike the guys who sign up to the Forums specifically to just start writing and see what happens, Hustle built his name and reputation in the FFA, the WWE Forum and elsewhere before he ever made any noise about wanting to write. Very few, only maybe three or four that spring immediately to mind, have ever taken that path to plying their columnistic wares. It was, to be quite honest, a stroke of genius.

    By the time he had redubbed himself Hustle and in late 2007 posted the first edition of Hustle Is Posting Right Now, a column name taken from the running joke on the board about how this motherfucker seemed to be posting every five goddamn minutes, morning, noon and night, no matter what, his was a name that carried weight among the tightknit group that frequented the LOPForums and, as such, also brought along with it literally thousands of views and hundreds of replies for even that very first effort. After waiting a little while to avoid the CF regulars thinking him an interloper or undeserved outsider, he posted a second column to the same response. And a third. And a fourth.

    By the time he reached his sixth column and was not only still garnering the same ridiculous amount of hype but also steadily improving upon what was already a pretty fucking strong amount of pure talent and ability, the PainLord himself, Calvin, had taken notice and personally decreed that this was to be his next main page writer. As a result, Hustle made his main page debut with only his seventh column, which was and is fucking ridiculous. Not in a bad way, mind you, though some back then surely felt it was the end of the world. I mean ridiculous as in unprecedented.

    It wasn't long before Hustle Is Posting Right Now became the hottest column on the LOP main page or arguably, like Tito before him, the hottest non-dirtsheet piece of wrestling writing on the entire internet. The demand grew to the point that he decided to welcome the Tito comparisons even further by taking his efforts daily, writing under the banner of Hustle Is Posting Everyday for months and months on end. Though the HIPE train eventually ran its course, he maintained his by then usual level of excellence as he returned to the old HIPRN format, peppering in various bits of awesomeness like the annual Hustle Madness fan voted tournament along the way. In 2010 he was made a moderator here in the Forums, a position he held until getting the promotion to Administrator in late 2013, using his influence as the most prolific wrestling writer of his time to help mold fresh minds. Also in 2013 he spearheaded LOP's official move towards the format that many believe to be the Next Big Thing in pro wrestling editorializing, LOPRadio.

    I could probably go on a bit, but this motherfucker's head is already big enough to warrant custom orders from Lids so let's just make a long story short by saying that Hustle has achieved virtually any and everything that can be accomplished by anyone who writes wrestling columns on the internet. He is the most prolific writer of the last half decade, easily the one guy who has inspired new writers the most in that same timeframe and is arguably now the "Face" of LOP. In the opinion of this writer and fellow Hall of Famer who has been around since damn near the inception of columns on, he is also among the top three most deserving names to ever join this elite Hall of Fame group.

    On a personal level, he's also a pretty alright dude. Those who have been around awhile will remember that we had a bit of... drama in the past. Drama's the right word for death threats, bans, various quittings of the board, truly incredible amounts of shit talking across the forums, in general namecalling and borderline hatred that extended beyond this little interweb clubhouse and into the really real world, right? Right. For those who don't know the story, well, that's just too bad. Though we've discussed hashing it out once and for all via a collaborative column at some point, those days have kinda passed. Truth be told, I really like the guy now. We have a crazy amount of shit in common for two seemingly diametrically opposed kind of dudes and, if you've ever heard us on LOPRadio or seen us on Twitter, we kinda figured out somewhere along the way that we work really fucking well off of one another.

    All that said, I created the Two Man Power Trip column for a reason. Maybe, just maybe, we'll do that collab one day. Goddamn, wouldn't that be some shit?

    Until that day does or doesn't come, though, I'm content to just call the dude a friend. And I mean that shit. You run across lots of acquaintances on the internet, especially here in the CF, but very few guys that you would genuinely consider really real life friends. Huss is one of those dudes for me. If he needed me for some shit and there was any way I could lend a hand, I'd do it in a motherfucking heartbeat without even thinking twice. Probably because I know that, if push came shove, he'd likely do the same. There's a story behind that assumption, as well, but that one will stay private. We both have folks we've met here that we consider closer friends and shit, but a friend is a friend. You can rank them all you want, but if you wouldn't lay down some real shit for your boy, no matter where his name falls on the list, that ain't really your boy, dig? I like to think, and I may be wrong as all fuck, that we're boys.

    Bottom line? Aaron's a good fucking guy, and one of the very, very, I can seriously count them on one fucking hand few guys that I have ever read and occasionally found myself jealous of his pure talent. He doesn't just push buttons and say random shit for cheap heat, as some have done. He doesn't say what the audience wants to hear, just looking to pop his hits and be Mr. Popularity, as others have done. He just spits real shit in a real way, speaking his mind without coming off like a preaching douchebag. That's a rare talent. Even if he hadn't made the main page so quickly or hadn't become a mod or had never even considered picking up a microphone, dude would be here on pure wrestling writing talent alone.

    He did do all that other shit, though, earning this honor even more. Therefore, it is my absolute pleasure to welcome Hustle to the Lords of Pain Columns Hall of Fame.

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