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Kingzak Presents: Wrestling's Hunger Games 2: Fantasy Draft edition

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  • Kingzak Presents: Wrestling's Hunger Games 2: Fantasy Draft edition

    What’s up guys, Kingzak is back in action with another column. Last month I posted a Hunger Games simulation using wrestling’s best tag teams. I planned on a follow up in the next week but then, and I’m not sure how, but June just disappeared, in all seriousness I know it happened, but I could not remember anything that happened between the 10th and the start of July. I’m sure something happened but that whole part is just a blur of the exact same crap to me.

    So a month later, It’s time for my second Hunger Games. How do I make it better than the first. Well the best idea I have is to use my fellow writers instead of wrestlers, so I went to the Fantasy Draft group chat and asked who everyone's favourite pick was, and every writer that answered was teamed up with that wrestler. Not everyone answered so I filled it out with people I fifugred would do good for the situation. Not everyone got a chance to join as we had 14 writers and only 12 teams.


    So here’s the roster/teams

    1. Howard + Darby Allin
    2. Andrew Ardizzi + Switchblade
    3. JCool + Adam Cole
    4. Sir Sam + Samoa Joe
    5. MizFan + Aja Kong
    6. Tony "Type" + John Cena
    7. Rich Latta + Kenny Omega
    8. Matt Maher (Imp) + Roddy Piper
    9. Zak + Jon Moxley
    10. James Boyd + John Silver
    11. LWO4Life + Eddie Guerrero
    12. Anthony Bennett + Pac


    My apologies to Josh and Don who don’t have to kill anyone for the entertainment of the audience.

    So without further ado, let’s see what happens.




    Smile for the group photo everyone.


    As with all hunger games things, we start with a big weapon/supply drop that we are all there for.

    In summary
    • Eddie Guerrero, Samoa Joe, and Tony Beauchamp worked together to get supplies
    • Kingzak grabs a sword, Jon Moxley grabs a shield
    • Jay White grabs a pair of sais (Raphael from Ninja Turtles weapon for those who don’t know weapons)
    • JCool and Mizfan get fishing equipment
    • Adam Cole finds a bow, some arrows and a quiver
    • James Boyd finds a canteen of water
    • John Silver grabs a bottle of alcohol and a rag (I assume for medical purposes)
    • TheImplications grabs a spear
    • Aja Kong grabs a bottle of alcohol and a rag

    The following people ran away without getting anything
    Darby Allin
    Roddy Piper
    Andrew Ardizzi
    Howard Schilling
    Kenny Omega
    Anthony Bennett
    Pac
    Rich Latta
    John Cena


    And most dramatically

    SirSam overpowers and kills LWO4Life



    Analysis

    Sam woke up and chose violence today, I’m sure he’s hoping he doesn’t end up like our last first killer (Eddie Kingston, he killed, then regretted it and died anticlimactically days later). I’m personally happy with my team, we got some weapons, and some tools that weren’t used last time got brought in. So which of us do you think is gonna be able to kill one of these highly trained, combat athletes?

    Day 1
    • Howard Schilling and SirSam work together for the day
    • JCool scares Darby Allin off (Go JCool, you must be one scary dude to be feared by Allin)
    • Mizfan tries to spear fish with a trident
    • Andrew Ardizzi thinks about home.
    • Adam Cole attacks Anthony Bennett, but he manages to escape.
    • Pac, Aja Kong, John Cena, and TheImplications hunt for other tributes. (Hell of a team here)
    • Eddie Guerrero sees smoke rising in the distance, but decides not to investigate.
    • John Silver discovers a cave.
    • Kenny Omega, James Boyd, and Switchblade hunt for other tributes.
    • Jon Moxley picks flowers.
    • Samoa Joe travels to higher ground.
    • Kingzak13 defeats Roddy Piper in a fight, but spares his life

    And for todays death

    Tony Beauchamp throws a knife into Rich Latta's head.



    Analysis
    Tony, you have fucked up here, you just killed Kenny Omega’s teammate, last time that happened he lost the plot and started killing everyone, you may have just doomed us all. I honestly have no idea how I beat Roddy Piper in any sort of fight, meanwhile Moxley’s off picking flowers … I feel like we should really flip the roles on our team, Piper vs Moxley actually sounds pretty dope.

    We are a bunch of viscous people really, so far we’ve done almost all the attacking, meanwhile all the killing has been between the twelve of us, truly viscous.

    Night 1
    • Kenny Omega climbs a tree to rest.
    • Switchblade, Howard Schilling, and Adam Cole cheerfully sing songs together. (I like this)
    • John Silver receives an explosive from an unknown sponsor.
    • TheImplications quietly hums.
    • John Cena thinks about winning. (This could describe Cena anytime between 2006-2014)
    • Andrew Ardizzi thinks about home.
    • Kingzak13 tries to sing himself to sleep.
    • Anthony Bennett attempts to start a fire, but is unsuccessful.
    • Tony Beauchamp is awoken by nightmares.

    My personal highlights of the night
    • Pac and Aja Kong hold hands.
    • SirSam fends Mizfan, Samoa Joe, and Eddie Guerrero away from his fire.
    • James Boyd destroys Roddy Piper's supplies while he is asleep.

    And of course, the kills.

    Darby Allin cannot handle the circumstances and commits suicide.
    Jon Moxley kills JCool while he is sleeping.



    Analysis
    A lot to unpack here, Pac and Aja Kong is something of an unholy union. Sam has somewhat lost his mind, somehow fending off three people, including his own teammate. I see we have some unspoken agreement between the group to bully Roddy Piper, I don’t know why but I’ll go along with it.

    JCool has had one hell of a run for a single day, he traumatised Darby into suicide before getting killed by Moxley, that is one hell of a day and depending on how you feel about the whole thing I’d be proud or horrified. Darby marks the first wrestler to die while we are now down three writers. Been a hell of a first day.

    Day 2
    • Howard Schilling thinks about home.
    • Anthony Bennett injures himself.
    • James Boyd discovers a cave.
    • TheImplications injures himself.
    • SirSam receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor.
    • John Silver collects fruit from a tree.
    • Tony Beauchamp goes hunting.
    • John Cena diverts Roddy Piper's attention and runs away.
    • Mizfan chases Eddie Guerrero.
    • Kenny Omega searches for a water source.
    • Pac tends to Samoa Joe's wounds.
    • Aja Kong begs for Jon Moxley to kill her. He refuses, keeping Aja Kong alive.
    • Andrew Ardizzi begs for Adam Cole to kill him. He refuses, keeping Andrew Ardizzi alive.


    Switchblade bleeds out due to untreated injuries (I don’t think he was injured)
    Kingzak13 dies from thirst



    Analysis
    If anyone has to die in a stupid way, I’m kinda glad it’s me. At least Mox is doing better than in his first run so I have that to comfort me. Today was all over the place, Anthony and Imp have injured themselves, Andrew and Aja want to die.

    I think my favourite thing at the moment is PAC just going around hanging out and making friends, Day one he hunts as a team, then holds Aja Kong’s hand at night, now tending to Samoa Joe’s wounds. He’s just here having a nice time and I respect that.

    Night 2
    • Jon Moxley sets up camp for the night.
    • TheImplications receives a hatchet from an unknown sponsor.
    • Kenny Omega and John Cena sleep in shifts.
    • Samoa Joe cooks his food before putting his fire out. (As opposed to putting it out before?)
    • Eddie Guerrero lets Adam Cole into his shelter.
    • Mizfan sees a fire, but stays hidden.
    • James Boyd, Roddy Piper, and John Silver cheerfully sing songs together.
    • Andrew Ardizzi sees a fire, but stays hidden.
    • Aja Kong cooks her food before putting her fire out.
    • Anthony Bennett and SirSam talk about the tributes still alive. (Potential Team Australia forming?)
    • Tony Beauchamp and Pac huddle for warmth.


    Howard Schilling dies from hypothermia.


    Analysis
    We are not doing well are we, I think about half of us are dead at this point, really goes to show how savage the internet really is considering we’ve been given the option to kill for two days and we’ve gone completely feral. Meanwhile Pac really is just out here hanging out and being friendly, he may survive just because no one wants to kill him, good plan if you ask me.
    Day 3

    Pac kills James Boyd for his supplies
    • TheImplications tends to Kenny Omega's wounds.
    • Tony Beauchamp, Aja Kong, and SirSam hunt for other tributes.
    • Andrew Ardizzi diverts Jon Moxley's attention and runs away.
    • John Cena, Samoa Joe, Anthony Bennett, and Adam Cole raid Mizfan's camp while he is out hunting.

    Eddie Guerrero taints John Silver's food, killing him.
    Roddy Piper attempts to climb a tree, but falls to his death.



    Analysis
    Well so much for Good Guy PAC I guess. I talk about how he is being so chill and then the first thing on the next day is him doing murder. Eddie poisoning someone is so incredibly on brand for him, the easy and deceptive route. I feel bad for Roddy Piper, he did not have a great time here.

    Something I just noticed, Last Night James, Silver and Piper all hung out and sung together, the next day all three died. At least they had a nice last night alive together.



    We are about half way through, let’s check how things are going.

    6 writers dead, 6 left
    4 wrestlers dead, 8 left

    Night 3
    • Samoa Joe quietly hums.
    • Aja Kong goes to sleep.
    • John Cena goes to sleep.
    • SirSam tries to sing himself to sleep.
    • Andrew Ardizzi and TheImplications tell stories about themselves to each other.
    • Anthony Bennett looks at the night sky.
    • Eddie Guerrero, Kenny Omega, and Tony Beauchamp discuss the games and what might happen in the morning.


    Pac severely injures Mizfan and leaves him to die.

    Adam Cole bashes Jon Moxley's head in with a mace.



    Analysis
    Ok so PAC was clearly just lulling us into a false sense of security, clever bastard. It was a kinda peaceful night, aside from Cole bashing Moxley’s head in. And we have officially now lost half of the competitors.
    Day 4
    • Samoa Joe hunts for other tributes.
    • Adam Cole thinks about home.
    • Andrew Ardizzi receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor.
    • SirSam tries to spear fish with a trident.
    • Pac tries to sleep through the entire day.
    • Anthony Bennett, Eddie Guerrero, and Kenny Omega hunt for other tributes.
    • Tony Beauchamp sprains his ankle while running away from Aja Kong.


    TheImplications kills John Cena with a hatchet.


    Analysis
    I feel bad for Type, Guerrero and Omega ditched him after hanging out last night and then he spent the day being hunted and injured by Aja Kong. That cannot have been fun. Not too surprised at Cena being killed off here, he really hadn’t done anything of substance here. This is however the first case of one of us killing a wrestler, my ghost applauds you Imp.

    Night 4
    • Aja Kong, Adam Cole, and Samoa Joe cheerfully sing songs together. (I cannot imagine Kong or Joe cheerfully singing)
    • SirSam thinks about winning.
    Meanwhile


    Eddie Guerrero dies of Dysentery


    Tony Beauchamp, Kenny Omega, and Andrew Ardizzi successfully ambush and kill Anthony Bennett, Pac, and TheImplications .



    Analysis
    So Eddie Guerrero was playing Oregon Trail the whole time, wonderful. Meanwhile we had a full on battle between Type, Omega and Andrew against Anthony, Pac and Imp. I was not expecting that many deaths today. I guess we are speeding towards the end game here.

    Day 5
    The cornucopia is replenished meaning another big battle for supplies can take place


    Adam Cole, Kenny Omega, and SirSam confront each other, but grab what they want slowly to avoid conflict.


    Aja Kong tracks down and kills Tony Beauchamp.

    Andrew Ardizzi falls into a frozen lake and drowns.

    Samoa Joe bleeds out due to untreated injuries.



    Analysis
    Cole and Omega arguing about leader of the Bullet Club/Elite I assume, and I guess Sam wants next or something. Sam has done really well here, he is the last writer standing, even though I think him attacking Teammate Samoa Joe Night 1 may have led to his death, it is a free for all I guess. Aja Kong finally gets a kill, I was expecting more violence from her, but she has lasted well.

    We are down to four,
    Adam Cole
    Kenny Omega
    Aja Kong
    SirSam

    The rest of day 5


    I cannot believe it. Sam wins because everyone else just dies. Objectively speaking this is the funniest possible ending, no one killing each other and just dying. I think based on the argument earlier between the three; this also means Sam is now in charge of The Elite/Bullet Club.

    This went a lot different to the one I did last month, lot less killing but a lot of entertaining stuff. My apologies if you were killed in the process of making this column, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles sometimes, at least you didn’t die of forgetting a basic bodily function like I did.

    Once again I really enjoyed making this. I’m probably not gonna do another one for a while, I should focus on doing the actual Fantasy Draft stuff now, don’t wanna lose stupidly like I did here.

    If you would like to have your own go at this for your own entertainment. Here’s the link

    https://brantsteele.net/hungergames/r.php?c=d6YWH2N0

    I’ve not really got anything else to say, I hope you enjoyed reading about murdering each other? In all seriousness, I do hope you enjoyed the column and I will be back soon with something actually related to the Fantasy Draft, see you then.




    Question of the Day: Is it ethical to trap your friends in an arena and force them to commit murder?
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  • #2
    Motherfucking Adam Cole would raid my camp, wouldn't he? If Cole got one up on me I might as well die, go to it PAC.

    The '92 Rumble! The Brain's Finest Hour!

    Comment


    • #3
      This was more fun than the last because of the writers you've included switching things up a bit. Fun to read

      Comment

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