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Mizzie & The Spin's Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project: Welcome to Rock Bottom

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  • Mizzie & The Spin's Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project: Welcome to Rock Bottom


    Mizzie & The Spin’s Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project





    MF: Greetings, mizfan fans and Spinnerets! You probably know the drill by now, we watch early TNA, we suffer, you laugh, everyone goes home happy except for us. Ready for another round of pain, Spinny?


    SM: You've asked me that every week, and at no point will I ever be ready for this torture. You might as well just start the show. Bring on the torture.


    MF: Let’s get right to that sweet, sweet agony. Hit me, Russo!

    NWA/TNA Weekly PPV
    Tennessee State Fairgrounds, Nashville, Tennessee
    May 28th, 2003



    Disco, Lord of the Lot




    The Only Lord More Terrifying Than Disco




    MF: We open the show with an immediate dose of pain, as hoped! Disco Inferno is guarding the parking lot. He confronts Raven’s minions, Julio and Mickie James, as they try to enter the building. He says they aren’t welcome because of their boss Raven. He says he will kick Raven’s ass tonight one on one and they should give him the message. A Disco Inferno main event, the thrills have already begun...


    SM: I can already feel a sense of dread settling over me. It's never a good sign when you start a wrestling event with the face of Glen Gilberti. If that's the selling point for your episode, then I'm channel surfing faster than Russo can screw up a segment. Raven deserves better tonight, and sadly I don't think even Raven can pull something good out of Mr. Inferno.


    CM Punk & Jason Cross vs. AJ Styles & D’Lo Brown




    I’ll Never Get Tired Of Seeing Him Back




    MF: Still a bit surreal to think that Punk is once again doing his thing in a wrestling promotion in 2021. This one starts at a super fast pace and it’s cool to see Punk and Styles going at it, they did wrestle a few times but not in the high profile way you might expect being contemporaries. Also funny that Punk is probably the guy TNA was least interested in out of these four. Punk hits an amazing looking hammerlock leghook DDT on Styles, damn. And Jason Cross hits a kind of flip over Unprettier?!? Just wild stuff. Cross and Styles are going at each other like crazy. Beautiful Frog Splash/450 Springboard for the finish, that opener was a blast.


    SM: That fact absolutely amazes me Mizzie. That Punk was considered the bottom of these four. Even in this match I would have taken him over Brown and Cross. As for Styles, it's hard for me to say that I would put Punk above him at any time during Punks career. I'm a massive AJ fan. This was the same fun opener that we have come to expect from the the X-Division. I just wish that some of these matches actually meant something. Instead it seems like they are just throwing random little dudes in matches and telling them to throw random flippy flops into their matches. It makes for a fun match, but doesn't do much for the overall story of the show.


    SM Rating: ***½

    MF Rating: ****½



    MF: After the match, D’Lo says they make a great team but they still have the goal of the world title. He blames Jarrett for getting them thrown into a tag team opener, and says in TNA Jarrett is “The Game”. AJ says he’ll go through anyone, Raven, Jarrett, Disco (AJ rolls his eyes, as he should), or even D’Lo, he will go after the world title. D’Lo and AJ both say the tag team should end, and they hug. Honestly surprised at the lack of swerve, but there’s time.


    SM: So they end the tag team in order to pursue the World Title. I'm OK with this, at least it might advance some storylines, and get Disco out of the main event scene for a bit. I am surprised that Russo booked such a simple split. I figured it would have been a major blow up where Styles slept with Brown's sister, or something of that ilk. I appreciate the normalcy of this one.


    Jarrett Doesn’t Understand Big Words




    Jarrett Screaming At Raven Backstage




    MF: We see some clips of Jeff Jarrett in New Zealand, working with the ill fated WWA promotion. We see him fighting Sting, so that’s some foreshadowing. Jarrett comes out to the ring and acknowledges that people are booing him. He mentions Raven, which gets a big pop. Jarrett says too bad, life sucks. I have no idea if this is a heel turn or just Jarrett being “badass”. Raven comes out and some fans chant “Raven sucks”, so good to know that nobody is over as a babyface anymore. Raven says Jarrett is whining and egotistical, and compares him to Shane and Stephanie McMahon in a moment that made me laugh. Raven is, as always, a great promo. He challenges Jarrett to face him again in one his special matches, and now the crowd chants heavily for Raven. Jarrett stumbles over a response saying he didn’t understand Raven’s words, but says Raven couldn’t beat him on his best day. Jarrett says Raven is a disgrace because of alcohol and drugs. Jarrett says he will accept the match if those in charge decide to make it. After the promo Jarrett is given a big envelope that says “confidential” by some random guy.


    SM: Oh yay, a big confidential envelope. I'm sure this won't be a convoluted storyline that makes zero sense. Thank God that Raven is amazing on the mic. Otherwise the entire main event scene would be a bunch of fighters who can barely string a sentence together. That division is in dire need of both some actual wrestlers, and some charismatic performers. Right now, they are really dropping the ball at the top of the card.


    MF: We cut to Disco and he says he just got Raven suspended on live TV, which is confusing since Raven never even saw the papers that were handed to Jarrett. Disco talks a lot but literally none of it is interesting. After the segment, Mike Tenay explains that it was Jarrett who was suspended, so the only important thing Disco was supposed to say in that promo he completely botched. What do they see in this moron?


    SM: HAHAHA. My point about not being able to string a sentence together looks even more apt now. What a fucking dunce. Disco literally couldn't manage to advance the storyline even when it was relatively simple. The poor guy is never gonna keep up once the typical Russo bullshit comes into play.


    Sandman & Sonny Siaki vs. Konnan & Road Dogg




    3 Live Kru!!




    MF: This is part of the stupid tournament where enemies have to team with each other. Oh good, Road Dogg is back. That was sarcastic, he’s been gone for months and I absolutely did not miss him whatsoever. He declares before the match that he’s not a smart man, so at least he’s honest. He’s now wearing TNA gear so maybe he’s not in SEX anymore? Who cares. Sandman doesn’t want to tag in and help Siaki, why on earth would he? Who would actually want to advance in this stupid tournament where you have to team with your enemies? Sandman does the only smart thing in the match, he canes his partner and simply leaves so that he’ll be free of this stupidity.


    SM: First off the match sucked, as can be expected. However, I just want to take a moment and embrace the beginning of the 3 Live Kru!!!! They are a pretty dumb group but I loved them growing up, so nostalgia is going to play a factor here. Can't wait to see them grow into what I know and love. Hopefully they will have some better opponents than Siaki once this tournament is over.


    SM Rating: ½*

    MF Rating: ½*



    Slash vs. New Jack, No DQ




    This Entire Tournament In A Nutshell




    MF: Earlier today, New Jack was throwing water bottles off a balcony as a metaphor for Slash dying. Shark Boy shows up and wants to play Chutes and Ladders, which I admit I actually found pretty funny after Shark Boy roped him into playing Candyland last week.


    SM: I know it's extremely stupid, but I love the Shark Boy and New Jack stuff. I would keep this going for weeks, with Shark Boy constantly bringing out new games for them to play. At least it would add a good laugh to every episode.


    MF: Mike Sanders is on commentary and he is so god damn obnoxious. This is part of the other moronic tournament they have going on, where you have to score points to win. It’s just painfully stupid to watch these guys slowly wander around, hitting a guy once to gain a “point”, then drop their weapon and wander around some more. They just wander around and slap each other and since you have to win by two points and they are tied, it just drags on and on and on with these awful crappy “hardcore” shots. Finally Slash is thrown through a table and New Jack wins. I guess the final bump was good but this concept is horrid.


    SM: They have literally taken the punch kick brawl to a new level of stupid here. I always hated this style of hardcore brawl where they just walk and hit, but I never imagined that it could be worse. TNA stepped up to the plate and showed me just how bad it could be. I hated this, and I'm sure I'll hate every other match in this tournament.



    SM Rating: Dumb Brawl of Crap

    MF Rating: ½*



    Kill the Harris Twins




    Russo Is Confused By Your Hatred Of His Boys




    MF: Earlier Tenay had a sit down with Christopher Daniels and Elix Skipper, the tag team champions. Daniels says they are the best tag team today and warns Tenay not to spout traditionalist propaganda. He says traditional values open the door to rooms with no doors and low ceilings. He says by embracing sports entertainment they have reached the top, which is funny since these two are very much workrate style guys. Skipper says Tenay can’t shake them with his words.


    SM: I imagine it must be hard for Daniels to sit there and say things like that. Especially when he obviously wrestles with a lot of influence from the older guys, and one hundred percent lives by workrate over sports entertainment. That does make it look pretty stupid though for the company because they say one thing and then go into the ring and show something completely different. Then again, TNA never did care about making sense.


    MF: The Harris Twins are drinking in the parking lot. Ron Killings and Konnan show up and beat the hell out of them with bats. I would like to see this segment every week please.


    SM: Yes! Another piece of the 3 Live Kru comes together in the same night. I'm sure there have been signs of this the last couple weeks, but I honestly was so zoned out with Disco being a main eventer that I didn't notice.


    Christopher Daniels & Elix Skipper vs. Joel Maximo & Jose Maximo




    Primetime Baby!




    MF: Goldilocks talks to the Maximos before the match. They talk about how much they support their cousin Amazing Red. Erik Watts shows up and leads away Goldi in a weird way. I don’t like where that’s going...


    SM: Watts and Goldi are going off screen? Oh no. We are catching up to stuff I remember from the early days. Oh Goldi, I miss you already.


    MF: Moving on to the match, I am once again tremendously impressed by Elix Skipper, he ought to be talked about more because he is damn good and shows it off early in this match. All these guys are very good, to be honest. They are all really ambitious and work hard, and Skipper picks up the win with a rope walk hurricanrana, pretty damn great stuff and free of stupidity. After the match Raven shows up and attacks the Maximos as revenge for Amazing Red fighting back against him last week.


    SM: I guess if you say you support him you have to be willing to face the consequences. Raven never was one to allow a revolution, unless he was the leader. This match was great, with the Maximos holding their own against the tag champs. Daniels was his usual stellar self, and Skipper continued to show us why he should have went on the bigger things. I feel like he was another wrestler who was hurt by not having much charisma and mic skills. You'd think that wouldn't matter in TNA, where people like Disco are main eventing.


    SM Rating: ***¾

    MF Rating: ****¼



    Respect For Women, What’s That?




    Someone Needs To Teach Russo About Respect




    MF: Traci and Desire have a catfight in the locker room. To their credit they actually try to make it a fight, instead of just hair and clothes pulling. They fight to the ring and David Young shows up to hit a spinebuster on Traci. Commentary yells that Traci is his tag partner or something but the whole storyline has been he has the hots for Desire, so, duh.


    SM: Got to love this stupid Desire, Siaki, Traci & Young storyline. At this point I don't even know where this is going, and I would be very happy if this could be one of those storylines they forget about and drop randomly.


    MF: Erik Watts and Goldilocks are… making out backstage. NOOOOOOOOOO! From day 1, Goldilocks has been one of my favorite people on this god forsaken show because she was so good at showing obvious disdain for every idiot in the company, and nobody has been more idiotic than Erik Watts. This turn of events is truly heartbreaking. Goldilocks says she doesn’t trust him because he’s a wrestler, so at least she retained part of her brain. It must be mostly gone though, because they make out some more. I am a sad man.


    SM: Oh man, I hate remembering things. I want to just erase all of this from my memory so that I don't have to relive this terrible shit in advance. I'm so sorry to tell you Mizzie, but this is going to get worse, long before it gets better.


    Kid Kash vs. Mystery Masked Wrestler




    Kash’s Greatest Foe




    MF: Before the match backstage, some lady dressed like a slutty nurse hits on Kash. Kash grabs her and says he knows it’s a trick, but the nurse just knees him in the dick and beats him up anyway. Great job, Kash.


    SM: What an idiot. It's a good thing that Kash can actually wrestle, because he's competing with Disco for being the dumbest character in the promotion. It is nice to see a female beating up a man for once though. I'm sure we will be treating to something horrible in order to make up for this.


    MF: Kash now has to wrestle the “mystery luchador”, who has screwed him over for several weeks. Seems pretty obviously it’s Trinity now, even though I’m pretty sure it wasn’t in previous segments. She quickly removes the mask and yup, it’s Trinity. So let me get this straight, the person Kash was already feuding with put on a mask to… feud with him more?? What the hell??? Also I could have sworn Trinity and the luchador were seen together, but I definitely don’t care enough to check. Trinity hits a nice powerbomb but then badly botches a moonsault, that was very scary. Kash picks her up and beats her for the win, so I guess the whole stupid mask thing was just as useless as it could possibly be. Jeez. After the match Kid Kash says, and I quote, “I’m gonna kill you”. Lovely.


    SM: Hey look, I was right. We were treated to something terrible all because Kash got beat up by a girl. And based on his final words we will be treated to something even worse in the coming weeks. As for Trinity being the luchador, that was a fucking joke. I'm 90 percent sure that she was ringside for a match during an attack. Besides that, one week the luchador was quite obviously a 220+ pound man running around. He literally had a bit of a gut one week, and we are supposed to believe it's been little Trinity the whole time. Suspending believe is hard when things are this stupid TNA.


    SM Rating: Help Me

    MF Rating: Fire Russo



    MF: Backstage it is confirmed, Jeff Jarrett is suspended for one night only, for unclear reasons. Jarrett says he will wipe his ass with the suspension papers and refuses to leave. What a stone cold rebel, right?


    Jerry Lynn & Justin Credible vs. Chris Harris & Chris Sabin




    Bring On The Chris Team




    MF: Before the match, Chris Harris talks to Disco Inferno. Apparently he has no partner tonight because James Storm is having “personal issues”, direct quote. Disco offers Sabin to be his partner. Harris warns Disco not to screw him.


    SM: Based on the names in this match it could be great. However, Lynn is currently doing his "new" person thing and Sabin is offered up by Disco. With that knowledge it could be a trainwreck.


    MF: Lynn and Sabin have a really nice exchange to start. This one could be pretty good if they don’t do anything stupid. Sabin and Harris are very slick together for a randomly paired duo. Credible and Lynn miscommunicate and Sabin rolls up Credible for the win. A solid match but it underperformed based on what I was hoping for. Lynn and Credible fight for a long time after the match.


    SM: This actually overperformed for me, since I was expecting some SEX bullshit, or for Lynn to get a random DQ. Instead we were treated to a nice little average X-division style contest. Lots of slick moves and some good team work from Harris and Sabin. I don't want anything to get in the way of AMW, but I'd also be okay with seeing this tag team combination some more.


    SM Rating: **¾

    MF Rating: ***



    Raven vs. Disco Inferno, No DQ




    This Match Doesn’t Deserve An Image




    MF: Before the match Erik Watts is in the back doing Goldi’s job, for some reason. He gives a really bizarre speech about the main event. Raven is nearby and says he should rip out Erik’s eyes. Watts no sells this but then gets serious and says Raven deserves to win the title. Erik Watts is the most pointless person who ever lived.


    SM: Watts needs to have his head examined, and Goldi should too since she made out with him. What a pointless man, and a stupid storyline. He was right about one thing though, Raven does deserve to win the title.


    MF: This main event push for Disco Inferno is truly unbelievable. In between stretches of lackluster action we see the Harris Brothers, Mickie James and Julio, Sonny Siaki, Sandman, and Jeff Jarrett interfere. The stupidest part of this is that Jarrett comes in and attacks Sandman instead of going after the guy who got him suspended and bragged about it. It’s overbooked nonsense and it goes on forever, this match must be close to 20 minutes and really exposes how poorly suited Disco is for this role. OH GOD, in a scene out of my worst nightmares, Vince Russo himself suddenly runs in and hits Raven with a bat, and Disco wins. The camera lingers on Russo and he gives the crowd the middle finger. Seriously, the camera just follows him FOREVER, and finally this stupid episode ends.


    SM: FUCK. I don't really know what else to say. This match was everything I hate about TNA rolled up into a giant pile of shit. We had the walking brawls, we had the mind numbingly dumb interference, we had the clusterfuck, we had Disco winning a match, and we even had Vince "fucking" Russo. This was the lowest moment of the promotion for me. Everything that's wrong with the main event scene was put on display, and it makes me question my own sanity even more.


    SM Rating: Rock Bottom

    MF Rating: NO GOD PLEASE NO




    MF: It wasn’t enough that they made Goldilocks swap spit with the aggressively useless Erik Watts… it wasn’t enough to give Disco Inferno 20 minutes to wrestle and a win over Raven… it wasn’t even enough to beat up multiple women on the show. Vince fucking Russo had to come back and show his horrid face onscreen again. Don’t get me wrong, many of the shows were quite bad while he was offscreen, but I feel like his physical presence makes it impossible to even attempt to enjoy anything on this product. Spinny, these are dark times.


    SM: I've ended a lot of these shows with a sense of dread, but I've never reached this level before. This was the single worse match/segment in TNA. I don't care about the Dupp Cupp, or the Penis men. This beats all of them. Disco actually defeated Raven, and Vince Russo returned. And both of these things happened at the end of a terrifyingly bad match. Still, somehow, I feel the worse is yet to come.


    MF: We asked for suffering and we got it, worse than we dared expect. And we’ll suffer again next time, for all our crimes! I don’t know what the crimes were, but they must have been bad for this to be our punishment. Say goodbye to the people, Spinny!


    SM: Goodbye people! Until next time, keep spinning through life and remember that Vunce Russo makes everything worse.

  • #2
    Haha, this hurt you worse than it hurt me, Spinny. I think I've seen worse than Russo returning to TV... not much though. Props to those 3 Live Kru references, I recall somehow knowing about them even way back when I barely knew what TNA was. Hoping they live up to some good hype soon. Great job as always taking my ramblings and making them a coherent column.

    The '92 Rumble! The Brain's Finest Hour!

    Comment


    • #3
      Yeah this definitely sounds like one of the worst shows in quite a while. Which makes me look forward to the next one even more.

      Comment


      • #4
        The worst in a while... a low bar to slink under, but I think when Russo showed his putrid face it sealed the deal!

        The '92 Rumble! The Brain's Finest Hour!

        Comment


        • #5


          For the past few weeks, Raven has really been a standout of the show - one of the only ones not from the X-Division. If the writing comes across as him being so cool, imagine how the work actually portrays on TV. I feel like I missed out on a great talker by not being around for any of his stuff and at this point, based on what you've written, Raven comes across as the main man and certainly the most entertaining parts of the show. Although I'm a bit confused by the start, considering how things ended with Amazing red last week.

          Very weird reading about Punk around this time and it appears he was nothing more than a jobber. Although, his peak years were obviously much farther ahead.

          Big LOL for Disco fucking up a promo that was IMPORTANT to the story. I swear, if pro-wrestling was not scripted he would be fired for not being able to do the basics of his damn job!

          Man, why they do Goldi like that. She seemed the only decent character on the show staying away from the nonsensical but they just had to push her into the deep end and turn her. Now there's nobody to call chauvinism out and give dirty looks to the players are.

          Man, that ending was terrible! I almost no longer feel like following this series because Raven didn't win. The most entertaining part of their show they shit on!

          Comment


          • #6
            These shows are insane. I'm sure you two going to end up like the shows after watching all of this!
            Last edited by Don Franc; 11-16-2021, 03:53 AM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Too many questions and, quite frankly, I'm afraid to know the answer!
              Russo booking in a nutshell, haha. Don't worry, the answers will just be more questions! Thanks for the read and feedback as always Don, glad you're enjoying.

              The '92 Rumble! The Brain's Finest Hour!

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