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What AEW must NOT do with CM Punk

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  • What AEW must NOT do with CM Punk

    As Punk’s debut looms over and radiates AEWS’s roster and the smarky apocalypse of the wrestling world, some of us have fingers crossed that this doesn’t get screwed. While I’m not keen on pipe bombers or pipe bombs, it was a nice enough bit of controversy that Punk is still talked about to this day and his return has all eyes on it, whether from his fans or people who want to feel like something is happening again. Given this deserves the hype it’s getting, some believe AEW’s debuts have mostly underwhelmed and been nonsensical, and the talent’s usage the same. So, let’s go ahead and prevent AEW from failing with Punk. I’m going to reveal what AEW must NOT do if they want to maximize the opportunity.

    #1. Do NOT have Tony Khan introduce him

    There’s a story here, Tony built his promotion around the idea of acquiring Punk. By all means the former could tell that story to make the big introduction, especially if the latter turns and pipe bombs it. However, this must not happen. For all the potential you may see in that idea, there is no more hideous execution Punk’s return could get than that from Tony Khan on a microphone. Talk about bombing, Khan’s MO is sputtering repetitions like something out of One Flew Over the Coo Coo's Nest. Tony’s personal appearance is also questionable for wrestling programming and TV in general. Here’s what I mean--

    Lay off the acid, Paul Fifer.


    He comes out looking like Paul Fifer from the Wonder Years only fueling the speculations people have of this company’s creative: that it’s an unhinged, E-fed booked nerdfest.

    I was speaking with Mystic and he mentioned Tony’s dad does have a more wrestling appealing look. Maybe, he can make the introduction, after all he looks as if he could Camel Clutch Tony and break him into two pieces.

    # 2 Do NOT allow Punk’s ego to get out of control in the locker room.

    I’ve worked with people like him, over analytical, whiny and complaining, always finding a problem with something. It’s ok for TV, but decent humans don’t deserve that around in real life. My suggestion is for AEW to hire Mickey Gall. If Punk starts piping up behind the curtain, have Mickey give him a nasty scowl. The way Mickey worked him over in the octagon, this should be enough, if not, give the UFC star the greenlight to swell that wannabe's ear up again.

    # 3 Do NOT stick him near a comedy shtick.

    The difference between Mae Young giving birth to a hand and Orange Cassidy and Bozo the Clown playing footsie? At least I get the humor in Mae Young’s ordeal, and the WWE's motto wasn't "sports based." AEW gets Darby against the son of Haku. Here’s a supposed up and comer, Darby taking on the son of the toughest man to ever lace up boots and you have Darby’s clown grandpa out there playing with Cassidy. I think Darby’s supposed to have a mystique about him? Well, to me he looks more like Sam Goof getting embarrassed by daddy Goofy joining the school. While god knows which viewers are getting chuckles out of that, what they're sacrificing is small nuances that make the bigger picture matter. For one, they're distracting from whatever I can imagine one would hope to accomplish from the talent and match going on in front of them. But something like that drags down any serious angle they want to do. Like horror movies? How about spoof horror movies? How about a half spoof horror movie except the part we want to be scary? Don't care for spoofs setting up a serious climax in your favorite genre, well let's get this stupid shit off the show before we introduce something as big as Punk can be. Which brings me to ...

    #4 Do NOT pair him with any of their undesirables.

    Evil Uno, Marko Stunt, Sonny Kiss and the many who reek of low production need to be far away from this. Many times AEW does something like this and they get eyes on them that quickly go away. While I’m not saying it’s all the Dark Order, they seem to be repeat offenders, looking like jobbers, throwing tacky punches, and generally being goofballs. Nothing takes you out of a show faster than the light going out and the Dark Order appearing like a lower budget Scary Movie take over. When I was trying AEW out, and very hopeful for them at the start, this zapped my soul right out of me. I think the lesson here is just because it was a big hit in the E-fed doesn’t mean it’s a hit with a real audience, Mr. Fifer.

    #5 Do NOT aim to put Punk in forty minute All Male Six Star encounters without properly building the stories to them.

    If you don’t know what the All Male Six Star Encounter is, read my column with that title. Basically, it’s a nonsensical match with a foolish storyline where two people hit each other with every move ever made and kick out for the holy shits of it. Really it's when they're dancing and prancing like ballerinas and proving tremendous cooperation without the pretense of telling the story of a struggle.

    For God sake, man, give Punk a storyline that feels like a grudge, not a sports entertainment porno for the excuse of hitting one-thousand moves on each other, and going through great pains to not capitalize on each other in order to set up shop to jump off ladders.

    What's a sports entertainment porno story? Glad you asked. It's a bullshit story to set up what we're all drooling for, the stunts!

    Bullshit sports entertainments stories include but are not limited to:
    1. Kidnapping
    2. Coming out to announce you talked to the promoter and he's giving you title matches and letting you break the news.
    3. Throwing any kind of liquid on your opponent, so they can fake slip and slide in it. This worked one time and one time only, the beer bash.
    4. Anything Steve Austin did to Vince McMahon. Most likely if you're not Steve Austin, you are much worse.
    5. Work shooting to fool us into thinking your sick burn was unplanned, so that we're reminded the rest is planned. I don't like when Cena does it, and if you've showed up in the last ten years, you're probably not as talented, have a bland appearance, and have string bean arms.

    In other words, when introducing Punk into storylines and matches, how about try to act like you're a wrestling show and let things happen in ways that seem organic with matches that culminate those on-goings, rather than forty minute stunt fests designed to get a little rise out of us.

    By the way, I hear Omega has broken the star system, so now Dave Meltzer is going to the sun system. What’s the sun system, you ask? Well, here it is explained in his eloquent, sophisticated speak ...

    "Really, Kenny’s broken the star rating, so we’re going to have to go to suns. I know the sun is a star but it’s kind of not one because people think of it as something bigger and brighter, and I learned to elaborate on things from watching Cindy Brady on a show called the Brady Bunch, where she had step brothers, but kind of not step brothers because their family was so close and blah, blah, blah."

    Alright, AEW, Punk stated that he does not want to be another guy making bad television. Let's make that happen. I know you've been told at some point "just be yourself." Well, I'm telling you the opposite. Throw all your tapes away, hide the Dark order in the closet, hire a decent booker, and don't let any of your new viewers know what you've up to these last two years. Don't be bad TV.
    Last edited by Benjamin Button; 08-13-2021, 08:29 PM.
    See the latest of my Ric Flair saga click here. View my story inspired by colorful wrestlers I've come across in my fandom.

  • #2
    I may agree that AEW's debuts haven't always been up to par but more often than not the follow up rectifies any mishaps. I'd know idea that Punk was close to debuting on AEW as I don't go on the main page to check news as I'm always behind with shows so I always see spoilers.

    1. I think it'd be great for Tony Khan to introduce Punk and then he pipe bombs him and AEW, but that may lead to a sign of your 2...

    2. Which I think should definitely be controlled as Punk is well-aware of how much his return means to the IWC and he holds all the cards so he shouldn't let that get to his head.

    3. Yeah, this is a serious situation and AEW needs to be careful with what character they saddle him with, although that will likely be Punk's call anyway.

    4. Punk should be a solo act as he's not one that needs any aid in any aspect of wrestling so I doubt he'd be paired up with anybody.

    5. I really hope Punks matches do not take this route as what I've seen from his work he does not need this to have exciting matches.

    Man you you really disdain AEW lol but I'm definitely on the opposite spectrum of that. Anyway, the best we can ask for his Punk's debut to live up to the hype; but these days nothing ever really does.


    • #3
      Your complete and utter disdain is indeed overflowing here Benny, haha, but that's no surprise as I know your tastes. I'd rather have Darby Allin and Orange Cassidy than Punk himself so I don't think we have any ground to even attempt a conversation here. Looking forward to discussing something older again soon!

      The '92 Rumble! The Brain's Finest Hour!


      • #4
        You guys are right that I showed disdain for AEW but just as much for CM Punk. I was never a fan…but he had good matches and Paul Heyman’s presence did him good.

        My thoughts of the initial clips is bring in the clowns, let orange Cassidy do whatever he does, let Tony khan play wrestling, because regardless of how I feel about Punk, what I saw did not live up to the potential of the moment.

        i think of Scott Hall on Nitro saying “you don’t know why I’m here.” Luger getting in Hogan’s face on night one.

        It’s a given he was going to pop the crowd, question is what do you do with that pop…

        20 years from now I wonder who’s going to be talking about Punk coming out and randomly challenging a mid card baby face. I’m not down on Darby as a performer, but he’s presented at best as a big up and comer and CM Punk is going to “help” him. That’s what they went with in what should have been the biggest moment in their history. He looked sickly. Definitely another guy doing bad TV.

        Very flaccid reveal. This company needs a blue pill. I think WWE would have done a better job with this soft ball and that’s pretty bad

        See the latest of my Ric Flair saga click here. View my story inspired by colorful wrestlers I've come across in my fandom.


        • #5
          Wow...this reminds me of all the million plus viewers watching WWE Raw so that they can spend some time online to crap all over it. Turns out AEW managed the CM Punk debut very well. Turns out CM Punk is not as miserable and whining as we had imagined for all these years. It was just the WWE machine which had made him the way he was. Even I had many many questions and opinions of how CM Punk should go about, what he should do, what he should not do, what he should say, what he should not say....and what do you know it seems like he read my thoughts! He didn't come with contempt in his mind, he did not come with superiority in his mind, he had self-doubts after long absence from the active wrestling...he seems to be in a happy place right now....I love seeing this side of CM Punk and turns out he can be just as gifted without the use of pipe bomb. Hate towards Evil Uno? Really? Mann....


          • #6
            Yeah, funny to read this now that Punk's debut is past us. I generally think you were a little harsh on AEW and Punk just for harshness's sake, but I recognize that you were trying to emphasize your hopes and get your point across.

            When it comes to Punk being egotistical/difficult to work with - my hope is that being in his 40s and in a non-toxic locker room will help prevent that from happening. He's certainly saying all the right things in his media appearances about coming in to work with the exciting young talent and not telling them what to do, but just offering an opinion that they can take or leave based off his experiences. If that holds, I think that's certainly a value-add for the locker room.

            Given the rumored buy rate for All Out and the ratings numbers for Dynamite and Rampage in recent weeks, it's hard to argue that Punk isn't materially moving the needle for AEW. My biggest concern is that they'll run him into the ground by shoving him down fans' throats too much. There's more of an appetite for him now than there probably ever will be given his seven year hiatus. But I hope they quickly get to the point where Punk isn't the first person mentioned on every show. There's too much other talent on AEW's roster to allow that to happen.

            Even though I disagreed with a lot of it, I still enjoyed the column BB, so thanks for the compelling read!


            • #7

              See number 4.
              See the latest of my Ric Flair saga click here. View my story inspired by colorful wrestlers I've come across in my fandom.


              • #8
                Originally posted by Benjamin Button View Post
                That was an unbroadcast segment that happened after the show.

                Also if you think Hook is an undesirable then you have clearly not been watching AEW.


                • #9
                  More a reference to Dannhausen, I assumed?

                  "The worst moron is the one too stupid to realise they're a moron."


                  • #10
                    Yeah, Dannhausen. And if Hook has momentum and they booked him with Dannhausen, there you go…

                    See the latest of my Ric Flair saga click here. View my story inspired by colorful wrestlers I've come across in my fandom.


                    • #11
                      The point I’m making is CM Punk could have been a big enough name to draw a wider audience, but everything around him keeps the audience narrow.

                      I think this column is spot on. They had something with CM Punk and Daniel Bryan and they punted for that one base instead of swinging for the fences.

                      Yeah, it’s just a YouTube video, but that video is a reason for me not to watch their product. It’s uninteresting and unfunny. The name CM Punk makes me look, shit like that makes me look away.

                      And casual fans are the same. They see the obvious cooperation and are turned off by it. Average people want meaning. Wrestling use to give that to them in subtle ways. Now they’re being obvious about how meaningless it all is.
                      See the latest of my Ric Flair saga click here. View my story inspired by colorful wrestlers I've come across in my fandom.


                      • #12
                        I understand the point you're making but on the other hand I'm not sure Danhausen is significantly more ridiculous than The Boogie Woogie Man.

                        The '92 Rumble! The Brain's Finest Hour!


                        • #13
                          I think he is. That’s a separate argument. I’d argue he’s as ridiculous as Papa Shango, which is a different level. But Boogie Woogie man was paired with other over the top wrestlers. Didn’t suck the life out of up and comers or big stars. And the entire show wasn’t Boogie Woogie men with Dusty Rhodes somewhere in there
                          Last edited by Benjamin Button; 05-21-2022, 05:43 PM.
                          See the latest of my Ric Flair saga click here. View my story inspired by colorful wrestlers I've come across in my fandom.


                          • #14
                            In my younger days I've met people that you could say were Jimmy Valiant with the volume turned down...

                            "The worst moron is the one too stupid to realise they're a moron."


                            • #15
                              Unless it comes to it, the last person I ever want to have to defend is him, but there’s a defense to be had if we’re comparing and contrasting with AEW turn offs. People outside the bubble see these guys and turn around and go the other way.

                              Tony Khan should hire an experienced booker.
                              Last edited by Benjamin Button; 05-21-2022, 06:03 PM.
                              See the latest of my Ric Flair saga click here. View my story inspired by colorful wrestlers I've come across in my fandom.