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Boombox: An In Depth Look At The Underrated Theme Tunes In WWE History

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  • Boombox: An In Depth Look At The Underrated Theme Tunes In WWE History

    Hi. I’m Danno. I’m from the North East of England and my specialist subject is Eastern European porn involving beetroot.

    Has anyone else found they’re doing new things during Covid-19? I have. While half the world appears to be furloughed, skipping school and generally sitting around in soiled pj’s, I’ve been at work throughout. I’ve also taken up painting, with limited success but I now consider myself a bit of a renaissance man.

    Despite my new talents, I’ve yet to master a musical instrument. Admittedly I haven't attempted to play a musical instrument, but I know the success will be limited. I fancy myself playing a woodwind instrument, possibly a clarinet? Anyway, where am I going with this? Well, strap yourselves in.

    I love entrance themes. I really do. I consider myself a bit of an idiot savant on the subject. But it’s too easy to pick the greatest entrance theme of all time (it’s Ken Shamrock in case you’re interested). Instead I'm going to look at the top five under the radar bangers from the history of WWE.

    Number 5 - Beverly Brothers

    Ok. Click the link and close your eyes. You see two blonde blokes staring at you, one with a slightly dodgy tash. Now look at the picture. It's exactly what you thought they’d look like. It’s an obvious heel theme, but with two gorgeous blonde adonises staring back at you through slightly terrified eyes.

    Beau and Blake Beverly were destined for average, only sealed further by partnering them with Lanny fucking Poffo. Lanny Poffo touched his driving instructor, I have proof. He’s the worst. However, The Beverly’s did have a stonking theme music. The one with the tash had a glorious tash. What a waste of a banger, and tash.

    Blake is now a school teacher and Beau owns a photography studio.

    Number 4 - Owen Hart

    God, I loved Owen Hart. Owen was definitely the better Hart, I’ll die on that hill. He also had better theme music than the often praised Bret. OK, it’s very 90’s, but so are lots of the classics. Not content with this banger, Owen had a couple others that twatted too. Even his Nation theme had subtle differences that made my tinkle spit.

    Owen was an odd looking bloke though. His eyes were fractionally too close together, and he had the same hair as my mate’s mam, Maxine. Despite his facial deformities, I love his theme. Owen is king.

    Number 3 - Eve Torres

    I’ve pleasured myself to this. Just now. Can you smell it?

    Number 2 - Steve Blackman

    Now we’re talking! Originally used as a theme to a PPV (WWE In Your Quim I believe), Blackman took on this theme and never looked back. He didn’t look back as he was terrified there may be a camera there. He also didn’t look forward, for the same reason. Have you ever seen a tougher bloke looking this scared the whole time? Any TV camera sent Blackman into a cold sweat.

    I loved Steve Blackman, but really for this entrance theme only. Admittedly the Head Cheese thing was good, but I preferred when he randomly attacked Double J for some reason.

    Steve Blackman now works as a high voltage linesman.

    Number 1 - Dan Severn

    Walking to the ring like some kind of sweaty sex offender, Dan “The Beast” Severn has the most underrated music in the history of pro wrestling.

    Sporting a child molester tash, flanked by Jim Cornette holding up random belts celebrating his life as a fighting fisherman, Dan Severn was a sight to behold. His music almost subversively told his opponents he was about to carry out a cavity search, and there was nothing they could do about it. Severn famously removed his dirty grey t-shirt and inserted it in D-Lo Brown on an episode of Raw. It lost in the ratings to Vampiro vs Billy Kidman.

    But seriously, listen to this banger. It’s a tune.

    Ok, it’s short. But it’s 2:30 am, I'm on night shift for the next two weeks, and it’s not boring

  • #2
    "WWE In Your Quim", my favorite old show! I know you like Steve Blackman for his bastard pants as well though. Lovely to see you, Danno.

    The '92 Rumble! The Brain's Finest Hour!


    • #3
      A wild Danno appears! And this was indeed, wild. Your trademark humor really shone through. Would have loved to see a top 10, but hey, life, you know?


      • #4
        Underrated? Rating that Beverly Brothers theme as being 'music' is an insult to music!
        New Column: Pre WrestleMania Thoughts & Predictions


        • #5
          Always straddling the line between humor, sarcasm and an honest opinion is Danno.
          Agreed on Blackman and Owen for sure.
          You missed D-Lo Brown's theme though. The best Euro-continental champion there ever was.
          Check out all the Cool Points columns here.
          LOP's resident nXt guy
          CF since 2013