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Mizzie & The Spin’s Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project- How Many Russo Segments Can A Russo Book?

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  • Mizzie & The Spin’s Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project- How Many Russo Segments Can A Russo Book?

    Mizzie & The Spin’s Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project

    MF: Greetings, mizfan fans and Spinnerettes! Wait, I had the perfect out, what the heck am I doing here?

    SM: Just when you had the perfect chance to leave, your own insanity pulled you right back inside of the dark hole of Russo.

    MF: The only thing crazier than wrestling is me for watching it. On with the show!

    Tennessee State Fairgrounds, Nashville, Tennessee
    January 22nd, 2003

    Amazing Red, Joel Maximo, & Jose Maximo vs. Jimmy Yang, Shark Boy, & David Young

    No One Has A Spinebuster Like This Man!

    MF: Oh yeah, before this match Jeremy Borash says a bunch of junk about Australia because I guess they are airing in Australia. Yay. Anyway, here’s a weird collection of talent, but a good one? My beloved Jimmy Yang is no longer an Elvis, though I forget if that already happened before this. Also still blows my mind how good David Young got. Amazing Red is an especially great talent though, right up there with AJ or anyone you could name from this era. Red pins Yang in the end with an awesome looking Code Red from the top rope. Pretty great match, can’t wait to see what they do to ruin things!

    SM: I was expecting a complete mess when this started off with a run of 3-4 big botches. Thankfully, once it settled into a regular X-division style tag match we got some very good action and exciting sequences. Besides the moments of Don West gushing over the Young spinebuster I enjoyed everything up until the final minute. At that point things once again got a little messy as everyone tried to do too much too fast and didn't stop to gather themselves. The talent involved was undeniable and, even with what I find to be too many botches, they delivered a quality rewatchable match to start off the program.

    SM Rating: ***¼

    MF Rating: ****¼

    MF: Sure enough, as soon as the match is done Konnan shows up and beats up everyone single handedly. He’s not part of the card, they scream on commentary! Give me a break. Konnan tells Tenay “you know what it’s about”. Another weird mystery that I don’t want to know the answer to. Security pushes him away.

    I’ve Run Out Of Joke Russo Headlines

    I've Also Ran Out of Funny Russo Captions

    MF: Ugh, SEX is here, looking like the Z-list nWo that they are. Russo tells a fan he slept with his mother. That poor mother. Russo screams that TNA is up in PPV buys because of him and brags he has the best-selling t-shirt. They sell t-shirts? He gets to make the title matches tonight thanks to last week, so he puts Low Ki and Elix Skipper up for a tag shot. That should actually be very good. They already have the X Division title on Siaki, so in a really convoluted way Russo books him against some nobody and the ringside assistant Athena, though not before making derogatory jokes about her. Jesus, he’s so unpleasant to listen to. He babbles something indecipherable about “gauntlet rules” and calls Christopher Daniels by the wrong nickname. He books a very complicated 3 on 1 match for Jarrett later, which you may remember as something we did literally two weeks ago. Tenay bizarrely says that Russo outsmarted them. Russo finally stops talking, thank god. Mike Sanders, who should be the mouthpiece of the group (if they absolutely must exist, that is), brings out someone called Ashley Hudson and calls him the Australian Championship. Tenay is utterly disgusted by this in particular.

    SM: So I guess that's the breaking point for Tenay maybe? Be racist, be sexist, but don't you dare mock Australia. This was the typical bullshit cock measuring contest that we have grown used to seeing when Russo is on the screen. He needs to make sure we all know that he's the smartest man in the room, and the world. Sadly, for him, he's so fucking stupid that the only smart decisions he makes are the ones he does by accident, such as giving us our first AMW vs Triple X match. The beginning of that feud is enough to make me excited for the rest of this show. Nevermind, he just announced the other two matches and I would rather miss the tag match then have to watch those two matches. I hate Russo, especially since he has made me had SEX too.

    Jorge Estrada vs. Ashley Hudson

    Would Have Rathered This Hudson

    MF: Jorge is still an Elvis, for whatever reason. Yikes, Jorge lands really awkwardly on a dive early on, looking a bit sloppy at times later on as well. Hudson rolls through a flying crossbody for a weak win. Sanders approaches Jorge after the match but he seems to blow him off.

    SM: It wasn't offensive and Jorge is a talented wrestler. That's the only positives I can give the match. It was sloppy, uneventful, and mostly pointless. Hudson couldn't hold his own against Jorge, and Jorge wasn't even on the top of his game during this match. Hopefully the tag match makes up for the other contests we have gotten and seem to be getting tonight.

    SM Rating: *

    MF Rating: *½

    AJ Styles vs. Larry Zbyszko

    Wake Me When It's Over

    MF: Larry doesn’t look like he’s aged much in the past 5 years, for whatever that’s worth. Looks good for 52. Larry slaps on a tight headscissors on the mat, AJ tries to bridge out and Larry just whacks him in the guts. It’s the little things you appreciate in a time like this. Speaking of which, Larry still has really good timing and he’s out to pick his spots against AJ, though he can only do so much. AJ gets on top soon, and Larry sells for him plenty. Plumtree comes out to observe the match and boy, I didn’t miss him. AJ gets a sudden win with his feet on the ropes. Could have been worse.

    SM: Dear lord, give me back the batching Jorge and the overmatched Hudson. At least they presented something that looked like it tried to be a match. This was Larry holding a headscissors for minutes and Styles pretending like he was his talent equal. Unfortunately I know this is not the last we see of Larry but I sure wish it was. Styles gets a cheap win that should have been a convincing squash. Three matches in and only one was watchable.

    SM Rating: ¾*

    MF Rating: **¼

    Jerry Lynn & Ron Killings vs. Mike Sanders & David Flair

    Why The Hell Did You Wake Me For This?

    MF: Yikes, this could be a dire one. I’ve been critical of Killings in the ring but he looks like Ricky Steamboat in there with David Flair. He’s just so bland. The match limps along in very listless fashion until David uses his dreaded “burlap sack” to knock out Lynn and get the win. Yeah, that was all awful. After the match Sanders claims Killings tried to join SEX but they rejected him. Tenay doesn’t believe it, but the real question is why any of us should care.

    SM: Holy shit. I pointed out the gap in talent between Styles and Zbyszko earlier but that's nothing compared to this match. The gap is so big here that you could fit the Grand Canyon inside it along with Russo's ego. Also, a note on the commentary. Tenay and West spent the entire match talking about how they can't focus on the early matches because of what is coming up. Good way to point out that the early parts of your card are not important. I don’t know if they realize this, but they are on PPV. The people watching have already paid. You don't need to sell them on the rest of the show, you talentless hacks. The match sucked, the commentary sucked, the booking sucked.

    SM Rating: FTM

    MF Rating: ¼*

    There Was a Mad Scotsman Who Lived in a Chair


    MF: Roddy Piper has a promo via video tape. He talks about Owen Hart and says he used to live in a chair(?). He also mentions Junkyard Dog and Kevin von Erich. He says Russo is a coward. He says the Jarretts are the last people holding on so Russo doesn’t overtake things. Who’s gonna tell him that Jeff is the one who brought Russo in? Piper points out that he has a Warner Brothers microphone. He… seems to be saying he has a TV show and maybe a wrestling promotion? Or… what? What the heck is he talking about? He randomly praises Kid Kash and the promo ends. I haven’t got a clue what that was about. Even by Piper standards that was all over the place.

    SM: Oh good Piper is back, because that went so great last time when he blamed a real life death on Russo. This time he didn't say anything nearly as offensive or asinine. At least I don’t think he did. Truthfully I didn't understand a damn thing he said. Something about Kid Kash fighting chairs while Jarrett saves wrestling from becoming Russo World? I don't know. It sucked and made Piper seem psychotic, and not in the regular Hot Rod way.

    Low Ki & Elix Skipper vs. Chris Harris & James Storm, NWA Tag Team Championships

    Finally!!! Let's Celebrate The One Good Thing We Have!

    MF: On paper this was the obvious highlight of the show, and it really lived up to that. Everyone involved looked really good, AMW has a streak of very good tag matches all through this era as we’ve covered many times over, and both Low Ki and Elix are ready to kill it at a moment’s notice, which they sure do here. Daniels keeps distracting the referee, and eventually Triple X gets the win after using the title belt as a weapon. Such a short second run for AMW, but at least the new champions are really, really good.

    SM: Now this is what the show needed after all that craptastic action from before and all the shit that's sure to come in the final two matches. AMW is living up to the memories I have of them, Triple X is finally getting to show that they are some of the top performers in TNA, and the best feud of early TNA has finally kicked off. I could not be happier with this being their first contest in a long line of barn burners to come. The best part is knowing that what they did here is only scratching the surface of what they will do together. This is the type of match and rivalry that makes rummaging through the Russo shit acceptable. Give us more of this!

    SM Rating: ****½

    MF Rating: ****¾

    Athena vs. Chris Vaughn vs. Sonny Siaki, TNA X Division Championship

    Who The Hell Is This?

    MF: Man, what to say about a match like this? It probably shouldn’t exist. Athena stands awkwardly in the corner until Siaki starts to choke her for no reason. Athena kicks him in the balls but is attacked by Desire, Siaki’s valet. Siaki kills the nobody to quickly win a nothing match. Siaki tries to beat up Athena but Trinity shows up, then Kid Kash comes out to help her out and everyone fights chaotically. They rip Desire’s shirt off and pose in the ring. Start the countdown for Trinity turning on Kash, because all women are evil traitors in Russo-land.

    SM: I'm not even 100 percent sure that this can be called a wrestling match, and I say that measuring it against past TNA contests. I’ll give it a tiny bit for credit for the cool finish by Siaki and the two roll ups by Vaughn. The aftermath was better than the match because Trinity is a star and Kid Kash is an underrated talent. I really hope the two of them can stay together and make some magic.

    SM Rating: ¼*

    MF Rating: ½*

    MF: After the match, SEX pulls Goldilocks into their locker room and pour champagne on her chest. She seems legitimately pissed off by this. Russo screams that they have Jarrett tonight then stares intently at the catering table. If I tried to write a parody of this, I would just accidentally write the real script for next week.

    Dusty’s Hard Times Had Nothing On Russo

    Predicting Next Month's Top Fued

    MF: Dusty comes to the ring with a chain in hand. He wants to address someone from his past who interfered last week, and he wants to have a face to face with him. Nikita Koloff walks out of the crowd. Dusty says he remembers when Koloff was the baddest man around and didn’t take orders from anyone, let alone a pimp like Russo. He says Koloff whored himself to the all-mighty dollar. Dusty brings up Magnum TA and his rivalry with Koloff. Dusty says when Magnum couldn’t wrestle anymore, Dusty asked Koloff to walk out with him and take his place. Dusty says he’ll let last week go, and invites Koloff to come stand beside him again and forget all the nonsense. Russo comes out and screeches that Koloff shouldn’t do it and that they aren’t the nWo, which nobody mentioned but me so I guess he’s a little sensitive about his terrible nWo rip off. Russo screams over Dusty and warns Koloff not to step back into 1960. Koloff walks past Russo, but then he punches Dusty. Commentary screams that they don’t know if he’s with Russo or not. Uh, what? Props to Dusty for a predictably great promo but nobody cares about Koloff in 2003, and we definitely didn’t need MORE Russo on the show.

    SM: Would you look at that, another segment that found a way to shoehorn Russo into it. Can this man let any storyline play out without him playing a major role in it? Does he seriously think we will forget about him if he doesn't appear on the screen every 10 minutes? Personally one trainwreck Russo segment will be burnt into my soul for a lifetime, so six a show might just be overkill. Dusty was great on the mic, but doesn't need to be building to a wrestling match with Koloff in 2003. Maybe I'm wrong though, maybe someone was really clamoring for this match to happen at the time. It takes all sorts to make up the wrestling fandom.

    Christopher Daniels, Road Dogg, & Don Harris vs. Jeff Jarrett, Elimination, NWA Championship

    Daniels Just Got Told About His Match Tonight

    MF: Tenay went backstage to give Jeff Jarrett and his douchey glasses a pep talk, telling him to think about history and tradition. Jarrett seems just as disinterested in this as you’d expect. We go to the match and all three heels are in the ring attacking him, and Don West gasps out that you can be eliminated by over the top rope, unless it gets down to one on one and then it’ll be normal rules. So what happens if all three guys throw him out the ring? Wait, don’t answer that, I couldn’t care less. Seriously though, what the blue hell is with this motley crew of heel challengers? Both Don Harris and Jeff Jarrett start bleeding right away, but it’s not enough to pump any life into whatever this mess is. It’s mostly Jeff singlehandedly fighting everyone off like he’s Hogan, Cena, and Triple H all wrapped up in one super package. Daniels jumps off a balcony and crashes through a table in service of this crap. Scott Armstrong takes off his referee shirt to fight Road Dogg in a battle of who is the worst Armstrong brother. Dusty Rhodes then shows up to fight everyone. Somehow Daniels ends up the last guy with Jarrett in a sequence that’s impossible to follow, let alone describe. It doesn’t matter anyway because we cut away from a chunk of the match so can watch Dusty Rhodes beating up the entire SEX locker room by himself, which in fairness is even more egregious than Jarrett doing it but at least Dusty does it in a charismatic way. To finish a match that redefines cluster-fuck, Jarrett does the most awkward counter of all time on Daniels to sort of not but not really hit his finisher, and he wins.

    SM: First off, hate Jarrett all you want, but this was no worse than Undertaker fighting 13 men, Cena taking out the Nexus single handedly, or Triple H being able to overcome entire locker rooms. In fact it was a hell of a lot more convincing than old man Dusty taking out the rest of SEX, and just cause he has charisma doesn't make it better. I mean come on now, personal dislike for Jarrett aside, I feel now you've just decided all Jarrett things suck, but others can do the same thing and it's OK. Secondly, this was far from the worst match on the show. In fact, it wasn't even in the bottom half of the card. It was a convoluted mess that shouldn't have been anywhere near a wrestling show. The rules made no sense, the booking was questionable, the talent of two men was wasted, and two others were out of place. With all that said Daniels tried his best and should be given credit, Jarrett played the role written for him to the best of his ability, and all the men involved tried to pull some much needed drama out of this piece of shit stipulation. Props to them for trying but the nonsensical booking was just too much to overcome.

    SM Rating: *¼

    MF Rating: What Did I Just Watch

    MF: All the babyfaces come out to celebrate with Jarrett, even though obviously they could have come out and helped him at any time like Dusty did. A blonde Raven suddenly shows up and attacks Jarrett, then runs out of the ring with the belt. I love Raven so this’ll be interesting. I immediately lose interest as Russo joins Raven and celebrates with him. Thanks TNA, I almost had hope for a second!

    SM: Raven!!! Oh, he’s with Russo? Nevermind then. I'll just go back to hoping for more AMW vs Triple X and more X division classics in the weeks to come. At least they can keep me sane while watching this bullshit.

    MF: I’ll give it a point for a great title match and a really good opener, but most of this is just the same hash it’s been since Russo showed his terrible face. I can’t even enjoy my guys Dusty and Raven because Russo has to stick his nose in. I sincerely believe there’s nobody in history who booked himself to show up so much and so pointlessly, and think of all the self serving bookers in wrestling history!

    SM: When an overbooked circus show is the third best match of a show you know there is a major problem with the running of the promotion. As long as Russo is in control of the Asylum I just don't see us ever getting a truly great event from them. I guess all we can do is soldier on and hope.

    MF: Well Spinny, there’s not much worse I can think of than being quarantined with only Russo for company, but at least it’s making the rest of the world look better by comparison. So that’s something, right? I’m going to go cry now. Say goodbye to the people, Spinny!

    SM: Goodbye people. Until next time, keep spinning through life and remember to never drink bleach!

  • #2
    A genuine round of applause for these time traveling troopers, honestly, I can't tell you guys how many times I've wanted to go back and check out TNA weekly PPV era, only to go find a random YouTube VHS rip full of some "what the fuck is this?" show that does not leave me wanting more.

    I always get a kick out these, I'm sure I'm not the only one who enjoys reading the "reviews" moreover watching most of these (appreciate the odd-classic matches) episodes in there entirety. Unless these old shows are graying your chin hairs, keep it up y'all! I've seen some weird shit sporadically from this company in '03/'04 and I need someone to explain what the fuck they were doing. lol.


    • #3
      You're still before the time I started watching TNA, and I'm glad I didn't find it at this time.

      People think wrestling is bad now....
      New Column: Dynamite's Dynamite Thursday
      Past Column: Bulldog's Bottom Line: Speaking Out


      • #4
        Wow this sounds like a bad week even by the standards of what you guys have reviewed before. The amount of old guys on this show, wow! Nice, lighthearted review as always!


        • #5
          this was no worse than Undertaker fighting 13 men, Cena taking out the Nexus single handedly, or Triple H being able to overcome entire locker rooms
          So it was no worse than three famously terrible things, you say? Great job as usual Spinny, though I must say it seems we disagree quite a bit on ol' Larry Z. Personally I love a good headscissors and I thought worked the match just about as well as they could, under the circumstances. But anyway, great work as ever Spin Man, on to the next one.

          The '92 Rumble! The Brain's Finest Hour!


          • #6
            The past few entries of this series sounded like Russo appreciation column and this is no different. Why does Russo absolutely have to be involved in evrything? It's like he truly believes he's a draw. Besides the X-Division and some really good wrestlers (who are booked underwhelming), these shows have been shit show since Russo came on board.


            • #7
              In fairness the shows had a lot of shit from the word go (remember "Bruce" and "The Dupp Cupp"?), but there's nothing that Russo can't make worse by sticking his face on it!

              The '92 Rumble! The Brain's Finest Hour!