Project CF XV Presents Taste My Project Part 1

[James_A]

[15] – Taste My Project Part 1

Welcome my Fruity Legions of Fruit to a very special edition of Project CF. You see, a while back I participated in this columns forum tournament called the CSI. I was met with crushing defeat after crushing defeat and was sent home packing before I even got a chance to go to the opposite week round. Upset, I looked to redeem myself by trying to compete in other challenges like the CATHIEs, hot dog eating contests, and other challenges. Sadly I was met with further defeat. Then I realized that my buddy SkittleZ has posed me a challenge to list the top twenty moments of his favorite superstar Edge. No problem right? Well, he told me that I couldn’t include any PPV matches and/or PPV promos. So going only on televised matches I plan to present to you Mr. Copeland’s top twenty moments… in the very style of the man who challenged me. Enjoy.

OVER THE RAINBOW

What? I didn't wanna use too much bandwidth.

#20. Edge Makes His Return On RAW

And we kick this list off with Edge making a long awaited return to wrestling. Since breaking up with Christian, he went on to have a pretty successful singles career. He was mixing it up in the midcard, winning the U.S. Title, unifying it with the Intercontinental Title, and fighting Booker T for make-believe shampoo endorsements. Yeah, that’s right and Edge stuck it to that nappy-headed ho while he was at it! However in February of 2003, poor Edgykins suffered a serious neck injury that required surgery. This would sideline him for about a year.

At the end of the 2004 Draft Lottery, Eric Bischoff made his way to the ring babbling about how he outlasted two Smackdown! General Managers. Then the newly drafted Edge made his way out to a RAW ring to a huge pop from the audience and wasted no time making his presence known. With Bischoff still in the ring, Edge speared Bischoff like a linebacker would spear a small child. Little did anyone know that within a year’s time, Edge would be chasing the World Heavyweight Championship. PWI would award him with Comeback of the Year.

#19. Elvis Lives!

I remember this vividly and remember laughing hysterically. Actually I lied about that first part because I have no idea what the promo was about just because I was in stitches the entire time. Watching Edge and Christian in fat suits waddling to the ring as Elvis impersonators was one of the best memories for me as a small child. You can see the looks on the faces in the audience and how they were just having a ball at this. Perhaps the most blaring memory for me would be seeing Edge’s giant crack when getting onto the ring apron. That had me horrified and chuckling at the same time. If you notice, this is my only Edge & Christian moment on the list. That’s because in my opinion, this was one of E & C’s best “Five Second Poses” as it was both hilarious and it related to the crowd in Memphis, Tennessee. It also kind of epitomized the wackiness and silliness of Edge & Christian in their earlier years as wrestlers.

#18. Edge Tells Angle He Sucks

In 2002 when Edge became an active single’s wrestler, he had the privilege of being thrown into a feud with the Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle. Actually I should rephrase that seeing as Edge has seemingly done a bit for Angle as well. To this day, Kurt Angle retains the haircut Edge had given him at Judgment Day 2002 following a hair vs. hair match. The bald head for Angle seems to make him look like a more intense, serious competitor rather than the comedic character he portrayed with his full head of hair. There was also something else Angle would eventually thank Edge for and that is for the “You suck” chants.

So one nice Thursday night, Angle feels the need to get something off of his chest. He comes out to the audience and vents his frustrations over his former foe (Steve Austin) and his “What!” chants. Every time Angle cuts a promo or pauses, a chorus of “What!” is sure to follow and this aggravates Kurt. Then Edge comes out of the blue to interrupt Angle, but he didn’t do so to disagree with him. In fact, Edge completely agreed with him! Edge told the audience then that they shouldn’t be chanting “What!” to Kurt Angle but that they should instead chant “You suck.” The crowd erupted into a frenzy complying with his proposition and chanted “You suck” promptly after every one of Angle’s sentences. When Angle called quits on the promo and asked to play his music, he soon realized his mistake. But it was too late. Just like a conductor, Edge united the fans to chant along with Angle’s music. Realizing how fun this was, audiences around the world would keep this chant going for the next four years whether Angle be a heel or a face. Kurt Angle even admitted upon one of his returns that those chants were one of the things he missed while being away from the ring. In other words, it became as much fun to Angle as it did to his fans. While this moment would be more about Angle than it would be Edge, it is Edge who started this all and it is Edge who we need to thank for this.

#17. Edge Wins The Tag Titles With His Boyhood Hero

At Wrestlemania VI at the Skydome in Toronto, a sixteen-year-old Adam Copeland was in the audience and got to witness the main event between Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan. About twelve years later a now twenty-eight-year-old Adam Copleland won the World Tag Team Titles with the very man he was cheering that night. I remember viewing this moment as very inspiring not only to Edge fans but just wrestling fans in general. The bewilderment and excitement in Edge’s eyes when he won told us just how special this moment was to him as a wrestler. It was one of those moments that kind of made you believe that dreams do come true. This moment does however provide a stark contrast to the next moment we’re about to see.

#16. Edge Walks Out On Benoit During Title Defense

As I mentioned earlier, Edge would be gunning for the championship by 2005. His character would change from the green fan favorite that everyone loved in 2002 to a crazed maniac with severe anger management problems who ditched his fans in his obsessive quest for the WWE Championship. When he wasn’t voted into the main event of the Taboo Tuesday main event, he would not accept his consolation prize of the tag team gold. Believing he was screwed over by the fans he left Benoit mid-match to hang while Benoit won the tag titles singlehandedly. The next night on RAW, Edge did the same thing except this time he actually watched his partner lose their titles. Upon witnessing Benoit lose, Edge attacked him sparking a feud for number one contendership for the WWE Title.

A lot of why I put this moment here is because it showed a new attitude of Edge. Even though he was already showing heel tendencies before this moment, it seemed as though this was the moment that clinched it and really made Edge seem like a bastard. I mean he literally turned his back on a former friend and someone he had already previously won the championships with. This moment also showed that no longer would Edge settle for being at the top of the tag division. He had already had that accolade multiple times and was not interested in taking steps backward. Instead, he was focused on his goal of going to the top of the single’s division and showed everybody that he wouldn’t let anybody, not even a former friend, stop him from reaching it.

#15. The Rated RKO Superstars

When DX reformed in 2006 Edge was livid. He believed that WWE should be centered on the superstars of the future and not a stable from over a decade ago. Knowing the numbers game Edge had to recruit somebody and what better way to do it than on his own talk show The Cutting Edge? So his special guest that night was Randy Orton who Edge told him that his career had been mediocre since HHH kicked him out of Evolution. Basically it was the same promo as Orton’s latest promo on RAW (minus the ending) as somebody had mentioned to me the other night. But long story short, this formation would give both men a kick start on their respective careers with a tag title run as well as World Title runs the next year.

#14. Versus HBK - Street Fight

And we see our first match on the countdown. I would’ve rated this match much higher if it didn’t have the extremely screwy and over-complicated ending. Anyways this match was great as always would a near 20 minute match with HBK always would be. Edge fought Michaels bandages and all in an absolutely brutal match. There was lots of weaponry involved namely a trash can, a ladder, a steel chain, a trashbag ho, the ring steps, and chairs. There was also lots of very cool spots involving Edge superplexing a ladder onto HBK, Shawn scoop slamming Edge onto a ladder propped up on top of steel steps and reverse suplexing him again onto the very same ladder. Both men lost a heck of a lot of blood and it really showed. At one point Edge was so tired that when he countered the Sweet Chin Music into the electric chair drop he couldn’t finish it and nearly dropped Michaels on his head. Let me reiterate that this match up could’ve been so good and could’ve been ranked so much higher had the result not seen so much unnecessary interference.

#13. Edge wins the MITB briefcase from Kennedy

When Kennedy won the MITB briefcase he managed it a little… er… boring. He didn’t surprise anyone and there was no aura of anticipation about him. In fact, he went out of his way to completely eradicate the element of surprise when he cut a promo saying he’d cash in at the next Wrestlemania. This not only frustrated WWE fans everywhere but it also frustrated Edgykins. So one day when Edgykins was walking around the back he ran into Kennedy. He gave him a piece of his mind telling him he was a chicken, a lousy MITB holder, and saying he should defend his briefcase. Well the often dimwitted Mr. Kennedy fell for Edge’s bag of tricks hook, line, and sinker and it ended up becoming a gain for the Ultimate Opportunist. With a spear, Kennedy screwed up (what a surprise) and Edge had taken the briefcase for the second time in his career. What was a terrible moment for Kennedy was a terrific moment for Edge. Little did anyone know how what Edge had planned to do with the briefcase. But more on that some other time.

#12. Versus Matt Hardy – Street Fight

We all know the story between these two. Lita leaves Matt for Edge, adulterous affair, it turns into a storyline, Matt gets rehired to milk this thing for all it’s worth, etc. But I believe this was the first match that Edge and Hardy had after Summerslam. I honestly have never seen so much passion and desire out of Matt Hardy before and I’m willing to bet that some of you would agree with me. It was like when he was against his former best friend with his former girlfriend by his side, he upped his game to stick it to the couple. Here on RAW they were able to beat the hell out of each other for about 15 minutes. No rules and no regulations because this was a street fight. Anything went and by God did both competitors take that to heart. We saw a ladder, a Singapore cane, trash can lids, steel steps, chairs, Lita again, trash cans, and even electrical cables. This match saw a lot of brawling (some in the crowd,) some good use of weaponry, a nice leg drop from the ladder by Matt Hardy, and a great ending that was unique and left it open ended in a good way (very hard to do these days.)

#11. He’s The Nature Boy! Woooo!

And here we end the list with personally one of my favorite Edge segments of all time. After the feud with Matt Hardy was done and over with Edge would suffer a legitimate torn pectoral injury keeping him away from the ring for weeks on end. Luckily, Edge used this time to wisely showcase (and improve) his brilliant mic skills by starting a talk show The Cutting Edge. For weeks he used it to harp on Ric Flair and when Edge had heard about the “road rage incident” involving Flair, Edge knew he had to get footage of that incident. So Edge came out with Lita one day claiming to have actual footage from the incident. What we got was a hilarious video of Edge driving on the freeway in the Nature Boy robe and a Flair wig. He imitated Ric Flair by stating numerous times that he was the Nature Boy and that all he cared about was himself. At one point, he got out of the car and beat up the pedestrian who cut him off by using signature Flair moves like chops, the eye poke, and even the Figure Four Leg Lock all whilst screaming “Woo!” Seeing Edge in a Flair robe lock an innocent bystander with the Figure Four in the middle of the freeway was a funny side of comedy gold.

We’re about to close but I thought that I would treat all of you fruits with a nice helping of…

_______________________________________________

All my life I was breathing,

At times I would not stop seizing,

Seizing what you ask? Seize my titles,

I once wore a suit from David’s Bridal,

I am also a wrestler.
_______________________________________________

Alright you fruity tooties let’s see if you can guess that. Nobody can solve my masterfully vague riddles! Guess it wrong and I’ll call attention to your inability to guess it right! Guess it right and I’ll probably change the answer to someone else that fits the criteria, leaving you high and dry with nothing! And you’ll probably love it! Man I love exclamation marks! I can’t afford another 100% guess result! These riddles are all I have!

FRUITY FINISH

Please forgive me for not going too into detail but as you’ve already seen, the column was rather long. I still have ten more moments on my plate and doggone it, I don’t want to be stuck in the ridiculous gimmick for too long. This is probably one of the worst ideas I’ve had in a while and by the time I post this, I’ll probably realize that. But since I’m about as carefree and candy coated as the Main Page Magoo, I thought this closing would give me a great opportunity to dish out a challenge of my own. SkittleZ you colorful nincompoop! I hereby challenge you to come up with the Top Ten RAW moments of my favorite wrestler Chris Jericho. And for God’s sake don’t embarrass yourself like you do with your PPV predictions! I’m counting on you. Until next time this is Jimmy in a rainbow colored jumpsuit saying all I care about is me and to catch you in the next installment. Later homos!

[Leonard]

I don't know if I'm in the majority or minority here, but I thought the SkittleZ parody was hilarious. Also, I like your picks for the moments you have so far, and I look forward to seeing your other ten. I'm glad that you never let the parody you had planned here get in the way of the actual content, which, I will reiterate, was very good. Read you next time, friend.

--Leonard

[Kano]

This was so close to SkittelZ that some may think this was SkittelZ himself. Good job homie, this was pretty accurate and the next 10 should be well worth the read. Well done, you nailed SkittelZ gimmick to the Fruity Finish. Well done Jimmy Boy

Kano

[L-Man]

WOW, Man this was really great. Almost a perfect Skittlez comparison. Good job this was very funny also. Good job

[Martin Riggs]

You did two things right here:

1. You gave an excellent parody of a well known columnist, but made it abundantly clear you weren't taking a shot at him
2. You provided a well structured and thought-out column, detailed and researched perfectly

For that I commend you.

[The Maz]

Jimmy - Very well done here.

It makes me think what would have been had you and SkitZ beaten Ry and Sean in CSI because this TMR parody captured our fruity friend perfectly.

Aside from that, it was a very interesting column... Week in, week out, memorable moments are created on Raw and jogging our memory of some of Edge's was great. One thing though, please don't make Live Sex Celebration number one...

[NightofDay]

James_A, This was a dead on impression of Skitz. I agree with Mazza that don't make the Live Sex segment number 1. At least make it number 2. I forgot all about the Edge heel turn so it was nice to relive that memory.

Well done. And the challenge has been laid down to Skitzy!

[James_A]

Leonard- Why thank you my musical column writing conductor friend. I'm glad that my parody has worked for you. Seems like I've been doing a lot of parodies lately. Once again thanks for the kind words. See you in my next installment.

Kano- I'm glad to see that you thought I nailed my impression of SkitZ even though I didn't rip his "Over The Rainbow" and "Fruity Finish" column banners. Well it's seems like many people think that too so it still worked out. Thanks dude.

L-MAN- Thank you L-Man I'm glad you liked it.

J Boom- I'm glad to see that I've done at least two things right =P But thank you for the encouragement Johnny.

Mazza- That's exactly what I wanted to make you feel. And Live Sex at the top??? What makes you think that a nice Christian boy like myself would ever put that smut up at the top??? Lol. I'll take it into consideration (the leaving it out not putting it there.) Thanks for dropping by and I'll see you in my next one.

NOD- Indeed the challenge has been laid down! Where are you Josh Magoo?!?! (<--- Breaking kayfabe =-O ) Accept my Wrestlemania challenge! If you don't I'll kick your wife in the head or punt a baby into a crowd of people! Or throw a TV out of a window. And I'm glad I was able to bring you back to the moment where Edge turned heel. That was a very, very pivotal moment in his career. Thanks for your thoughts.

Everyone- I can't believe none of you tried guessing the answer to my masterful riddle! I am the Riddler! Master of being vague and totally undescriptive! I love yelling!

[Roger Murtaugh]

First, you got the Skitz impersonation down pact.

Secondly, no guess on the riddle from me.

The Flair skit and Hardy Street fight were both epic as hell. You've got this column thing down it seems. You not only pulled off a solid parody but you took a difficult topic (you're welcome) and ran with it.

You got me real curious to how this list pans out.

[Jason Boy]

Great Job was an interesting view and was really well done can't wait to read the next 10

[SkittleZ]

*stands up and claps*

Oh my goodness. This was award winning, Jimmy!

The format, masterful writing, epic humor and natural charisma on display was CotM worthy!

I must say you remind me of someone though. Just can't quite put my *CENSORED* on it.

As for your riddle, it can only be one man. My Edgykins!!!

Excellent work, Jimbo. Loved the rankings, looking forward to the sequel and hell fucking yes I accept your challenge!

[Cult Icon]

nice parody of skittleZ work. the list was really good, and most of it i would agree with, although the street fight between hardy and edge may deserve to be a bit higher. otherwise, no other complaints. good job man.

[Thurl]

I see my vote for you for March CoTM was well placed. No offense to MAvs, but you were robbed, lol.

[James_A]

Dr. Monkey- The rest of the list is going to contain the best of the best, trust me on this. It's really a battle at the top spot that I'm trying to think of. My next installment is sure to be controversial. Glad you liked this one though! No one shall guess my masterful riddle! Muhuhahaha! Thanks for the feedback Monk.

Jasonboy- Thanks for the kind words Jason. See you next time!

SkittleZ- Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up (albeit pretty late.) All that natural charisma and epic humor on display eh? Well just remember that like Natasha Bedingfield, these words are my own. And you accept my challenge? Perfect. We'll put on a performance more epic than Shelton Benjamin and Jeff Hardy in a flippy, twisty, pully, jumpy ladder bungee cord jumper cable toy helicopter match. You heard me!

Cult Icon- Thanks dude but I feel I placed the Matt Hardy Street Fight in the right slot. You forget that there are still ten more epic moments left on the countdown and the fact that Edge and Hardy's Street Fight are down at #12 let's you know just how awesome the next 10 moments will be. Thanks for stopping by!

Thurl- Thank you Thurl! I took your COTM vote to heart so now I'm ready to make a run for the contest. Trust me when I say I shant disappoint you. See you in my next TMP!