RKO Edition XI

[Kano]

RKO Edition XI.

This is the start to my main page campaign. Why’s that? With Skaos recent announcement of his retirement, and the same with DaveyBoy, I will be stepping up. Someone has to fill the void of no weekly dose of “The Kaos Engine” and "The Wrestling Menu" and this will be my time. This will not be done disrespectivly, but I will be on the rise. Whether you like it or not, these next columns will be awesome, these are going to be main page worthy. I’m like Edge on his quest to become World Champion. I will not give up. With this, let’s start with the column, because, I can talk the talk, but can I walk the walk?

Grand Slam Champions

This is an accolade that is the highest honour for any superstar. And rightfully so, look at the members in this exclusive group, Shawn Michaels, Kurt Angle, Triple H, Jeff Hardy, Eddie Guerrero and John “Bradshaw” Layfield. This was the term Shawn Michaels gave himself when he won the WWF European Championship. Kane surprisingly is in this elite group, purely because he won the hardcore championship. Yes that’s right people, the WWE accepted the Hardcore Championship a substitute championship, while ignoring the United States Championship and ECW Championship.

But hold on, there’s one person on this list that the WWE would like to put a black mark on. And that wrestler is none other than “The 5 time WCW World Champion” Booker T. Booker T to the WWE is nothing. He jumped ship, and now is working for the enemy. Let’s face it, as much as TNA sucks, it is currently is WWE’s enemy, along with ROH. But let me not rant on to much I will present you with another RKO statistic.

GST= Grand Slam Title

Shawn Michaels: Date won GST September 20th 1997
Triple H: Date won GST April 29th 2001
Kane: Date won GST May 20th 2001
Chris Jericho: Date won GST December 9th 2001
Kurt Angle: Date won GST October 20th 2002
Eddie Guerrero: Date won GST February 15th 2004
Rob Van Dam: Date won GST June 11th 2006
Booker T: Date won GST July 23rd 2006
Jeff Hardy: Date won GST December 14th 2008
John “Bradshaw” Layfield: Date won GST March 9th 2009

60% of GST winners are still active
20% of GST winners wrestle for another promotion
10% of GST winners are unfortunately not here with us today
10% of GST winners don’t wrestle actively
The most number of GST crowned was the year of 2001, with Triple H, Kane and Jericho achieving this accolade.
5 more people can still become a GST (Christian, The Undertaker, Big Show, William Regal and Goldust)

To give you an overview of what a Grand Slam Champion needs here is the following objectives needed for this accolade

1st Tier Championship: World Heavyweight Championship
Tag Team Championship: World Tag Team Championship
2nd Tier Championship: Intercontinental Championship
3rd Tier Championship: European Championship or the Hardcore Championship

This is something that a lot of the older wrestlers can achieve, so don’t worry Cena haters, he can’t be a Grand Slam Champion, unless they bring back the 3rd Tier Championship. But does a Wrestler really need this accolade. Sure it is one of the biggest things you can win in your career, but is it needed to make you a top star. John Cena, Randy Orton, Batista, The Undertaker, Rey Mysterio and Edge just to name some wrestlers, are considered in this day and age to be some of the biggest names around. And if you want to go way back, name likes Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock and Hulk Hogan haven’t won it. Those names are some of the biggest in professional wrestling. The amount of Merchandise Cena, Steve Austin and Rey Mysterio have sold compared to Jeff Hardy, Kane and Booker T is unquestionable. Some even question, if John hadn’t sold as much merchandise as he has, would he even be champion?

While I’ll agree having this accolade is something of epic proportions, it isn’t exactly the thing that can make or break your career. People like JBL and Jeff Hardy have been with the company a long time (The same as Edge, but he is getting rewarded in a totally different fashion) this was nothing more than a thank you if you will from the WWE. While yes some of the biggest names in sports entertainment have won the accolade, I am going out on a massive limb and saying, even bigger names haven’t won this accolade.

But, let’s have a look at just some of the biggest names who haven’t won this achievement, it is time for another RKO statistics people.

John Cena: 4 Time WWE/World Heavyweight Champion spaning over 1069 days.

Wow that is a 4 long championship reigns, it averages out to be 267 days per reign, quite impressive for Cena, seeing as though he started his championship reigns on Wrestlemania 21 2005 and it is now Wrestlemania 25 2009. To add in this Kane has had a what? 1 day reign as WWE Champion, yet he is a grand slam champion.

The Undertaker: Longest running winning streak at Wrestlemania spanning 16-0

Again, this is something huge for the man that is The Undertaker, he has not had his shoulder counted for a 3 count at a Wrestlemania. Either way you look at it, that’s huge He also became the first person to win both the World Heavyweight Championship and the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania (at both Wrestlemania 13 and 23 respectively). When was the last time Triple H won at a Wrestlemania?

Edge: 8 Time WWE/World Champion

Some may wonder how can you compare Edge’s 8 world title reigns to someone like Jeff Hardy. Sure Jeff won his World Title from Edge, but let’s have a look at some hard facts. Edge is the go to man. When WWE need a world champion, Edge is there. Don’t agree with me? 2007, Taker got hurt, Edge was on RAW and Taker was Smackdown. Edge won the MitB from Kennedy and cashed it in the next night. Edge was now carrying Smackdown. Edge is really the go to man. I know I’ve said it but he really is. But then you look at Jeff and look at how reluctant they were to put the Championship. And look how quick he lost it. And where is he now? Going to Wrestlemania to face his brother... So much for a Grand Slam Champion.

Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin and Ric Flair: Hulkamania, The Nature Boy and Stone Cold.

This is quite hard to put into words, but come on. Two of the biggest names in Professional Wrestling. I knew of the name Hulk Hogan long before I started watching wrestling. Steve Austin and Ric Flair were also names I had heard of. And look, arguably the biggest names in professional wrestling and these guys aren’t a Grand Slam Champion. Steve Austin is one of the greatest entertainers ever to grace a WWE ring. Hulk Hogan was the man who put Wrestlemania on the map. And Nature Boy, his dedication to the company has helped put it where it is today. Some may argue this, but hell I’m going out on a limb. Steve Austin, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair have done more for WWE and in general Professional Wrestling then the likes of Shawn Michaels, Triple H and Chris Jericho.

This statement is probably going to get me a lot of backlash, but hell, it’s true. Hogan and Austin, compared to HHH and HBK, there is no comparisons. Argue, moan, bitch and complain, but it remains clear, if there was no Hulk Hogan or Steve Austin, there would be no HHH and Chris Jericho.

Again if this section hasn’t come quite clear to you, let me explain. While yes the Grand Slam Championship is one awesome accolade to hold, you don’t actually need the Grand Slam to be a big name in the WWE, as most of the big names haven’t won it.

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Mark v Smark?

An interesting question, with interesting answers. Personal opinion put first and then I think if you decide to read spoilers, you are only ruining it for yourself. Being in Australia, I find out the results a full day before RAW airs on our TV. This can be an advantage, or it can be a disadvantage. How so? Look at it this way, If I can save myself the 2 hours, I will. That being said, come PPV time, I will steer clear of results and spoilers now that I have foxtel. Why? Because I want to watch some good wrestling not knowing what will happen. Now, how I got onto this method of thinking was simple. My local indy had an event last Saturday. My favourite was a heel and was heading on a massive losing streak. He got a championship shot against the face champion Davis Storm. Needless to say the match was awesome, everything was awesome about the match. The reactions from wrestlers involved non the sidelines, as Bobby has his own stable sent them to the back. AZ and Damian Slater both reacting awesome. But that wasn’t what was awesome. After Bobby turned face by attacking Slater and AZ. What happened to bring you up to speed. Davis Storm hits Bobby Marshall with the”Eye of the Storm” (Christians Killswitch) and covers Bobby Marshall. As the Ref hits 2 Slater drags the ref out of the ring. Slater and AZ enter the ring and double team Storm. AZ grabs the EPW Championship, and gives it to Bobby. Everyone in the arena thought Marshall was going to clock Storm in the end, but he clocked AZ. Slater looks confused, and Bobby kicks him in the groin.

Oh My God moment to the max. Bobby looks somewhat impressed at his handiwork, but turns around and Eye of the Storm, Storm covers. No ref. Storm gets up calls for another, turns around and goes to pick Marshall up, school boy roll up by Bobby Marshall. 1,2,3 and we have a new EPW Champion. Straight after the match the number 1 contender attacks Marshall and owns him. The Richter picks up Marshall and power bombs him from the ring and through the table with Marshall landing on his upper neck region. The buzz quickly left the fans, and with the look on Richter’s face he knew he had cause serious injuries. This moment was not meant to happen.

This is my example of how marks have the one up on the smarks. When Bobby won, I had no clue he was going to win. He won, the feeling that went through my body, it almost was like Maryse giving me a blowjob. This was a moment to be cherished forever. People cheering and Marshall celebrating being the best wrestler Australia has ever seen. Then when Richter threw him through the table that feeling was then murdered. It looked surreal. Bobby was then carried away from the ring by fellow comrades; he was not in a good way. Everyone thought Bob was dead, it was unreal. This is what the marks have on us people who read the spoilers, when they see something like this go down, they think it’s real. When someone wins the championships who are their favourite, they go nuts. For a smark who has read up, he does nothing but analyse it. Think how it could be done better, and not be caught in the moment. People wonder why ECW isn’t interesting, people wonder why RAW’s rating is declining. People wonder why no one watch’s Smackdown on Friday nights. That’s thanks to the IWC. I am in no way having a sad, but when people wonder why wrestling doesn’t interest them, well they take the interest out of wrestling when they read spoilers and rumours. Oh and just to add, I don’t know of Bobby’s condition, but here is a video of exactly what happened.

GoldRush II Recap

It comes down to you. You can ruin wrestling for yourself or you can make it better for yourself. You have the power to avoid those spoilers and rumors. But in the end what is it to you, knowing what’s going to happen or watching it in the excitement that we once use to watch it in? I’ll leave it to you to decide.

Eyes of a Superstar.

I wake up in my bed, thinking to myself I just had the best sex of my life. I smile, this is great, I have been overlooked for years to wrestlers like Triple H and John Bradshaw Layfeild. I have given myself to this industry like no one before. I am the one who wowed the audience at Wrestlemania 17 in the first ever TLC match. I am a 12 time Tag Team Champion. I look over at Lita. True she is one of my best friends’ girlfriend, but something I learnt a long time ago, if you want something, you have to take it. Not just beat around the bush. I have been fucking Lita for the last 6 months, just to set this up. My plan cannot fail. I know by the end of this I shall be the main event. I will be the WWE Champion, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

I admit I never wanted this to end like this. I never wanted to have to resort to having to fuck Lita, but hey, she was easy and by the time I am champion, it would have all been worth it. I don’t care if people like Shawn Michaels, Randy Orton and Triple H have a problem with this. Hell, if I was game enough I would have fucked the living daylights out of Stephanie McMahon for a championship reign. But I smile, I am going to Wrestlemania 21 in the money in the bank ladder match. I will be Mr Money in the Bank. That will only help me rise to the main event scene. I had bigger and more rated R plans. I was going to become WWE champion by Wrestlemania 22.
Wrestlemania 21 was over and done and by the time it was done with I was now Mr Money in the Bank and I had the chance to become world champion. Actually I would become world champion, just when was at my disposal. Word had starting getting around about me and Lita shortly after Wrestlemania.

Head office found out about it and well, needless to say they didn’t approve, but Vince being the business man himself told me not to worry about it. Sometime before Summerslam, as they say is history, Matt found out about us. Leading to a massive IWC and WWE universe rant on me and Lita. Hell they were right I didn’t love the bitch; I was hoping this day would come. I wanted to rise to a main event player. I wanted people to take me seriously. I had been that midcard champion. That guy who got the reactions but only to be dogged by starts like Triple H and Shawn Michaels. I don’t think people understand how annoyed I was by now. The fact was that I am sick and tired of being overlooked from the main event. To lose to no hopers like Batista and John Cena.

By the end of 2005 I had rid myself of Matt Hardy and most of my haters. And I was entering to New Years Revolution pay per view with Ric Flair on my back. I walk into Albany with my lovely lady, and Flair thinks he can touch her, he thinks she wants her? Flair paid the price and I walked out without the IC Championship. And watching the main event, I would make my mark Cena would no longer reign as champion.

That wraps this up for another RKO Edition. Got any feedback, you know what to do, or if your a visitor and want to leave me some feedback, I am reachable at kanewjburt@gmail.com . Later hombres but before I do. I am about to give out some plugs, as I think they have produced some good work in the last week or so.

From the Podium IX
lenjr04

The Dark Review: Wrestlemania V
NightofDay

Dropping the Bomb #7: Elevation
Swanton Bomb

(CSI) A View From Paradise - Vol III
Mazza

[Petre Dyche]

An interesting column Kano. Kinda went here and there without settling onto anything specific, but otherwise there was enough to keep me interested.

As always I'm on the side of the mark. It's the equivalent of reading a movie synopsis before watching the film. Why do it? However as the IWC don't number enough to severely impact ratings or buy-rates, I wouldn't lay the blame solely on 'our' door. The whole world is on a down-turn, financially and emotionally; but nothing The Champ couldn't solve within 12 rounds...

Hope Bobby's ai'ight bro. Sounded like an awesome spot anyway!

[Martin Riggs]

Okay, i really love your perspective pieces, i think they are the gold in your columns. However, there were a few problems with spelling and some grammar work as well. Your comma placement was still off, and the best advice i can give for that is to go back and re-read your column, but read it out loud, that way you'll get an idea for how it'll sound when people read it.

You make some interesting points for the GSC, though i think it's unfair to compare wrestlers who haven't won it now as it is no longer acheivable, with there being no 3rd tier title. Didn't the European get unified with like the Intercon? Anyway, good column, kind of flitted around, but you stayed enough on each topic to make it worthwhile, so i can't complain

[L-Man]

A good column man. Your journey to the MP is looking good. Although it went slightly all over the place but still very good. Good job, peace

[NightofDay]

Very great column. Like L-Man said your journey to the main page is looking good. You made some interesting points about the Grand Slam. Do they even mention that anymore? No one mentioned the GS when Jeff or JBL won it so I guess WWE have forgotten about it. When Shawn Michaels won it they made it out to be huge and they mentioned the same thing about HHH when he and Shawn started feuding. Who knows?

Oh and thanks for the plug!

[Kano]

Night of Day: They do sometimes mention it, but I think a bigger deal should be made out of it. It is one impressive achievement. Anways dude, thanks for feedbacking and while I'm on the subject the plug was very much warrented

LMAN: Thanks for reading dude. =] Thats about all, oh and thanks for the kind words

Johnny: Yeah dude, agreeable that it doesn't mean as much, the point I was trying to get over is that you don't need to be a GSC to actually be big in the company. It was a thought that came accross my mind. I don't think it came off well, but hey, onto Edition XII. Thanks for the advice dude.

Peter: Yeah Bob's alright from whats been posted, so thats good. The IWC annoys me, people come up with wrestling isn't interesting anymore, then they read spoilers and wonder why it isn't. Just something I wanted to get across thru EPW the other week. Thanks for reading

[The Maz]

Kano - this was a real mixed bag right here and normally I would say you went in too many directions but this kind of worked for me.

Seriously dude, your content, although still highly opinionated which leads me to strongly disagree at points (ie no Hunter/Jericho if it wasn't for Austin), it is coming along very nicely.

It's now purely down to the phrasing and spelling... You have set yourself a mission but you wont achieve this until this aspect is sorted out.

[Hustle]

Before I say anything else, allow me to give you this piece of advice..

Whether or not you're serious when you mention it, try not to bring up the "I Want On The Main Page" thing too often. Others have gone that route in the past, and it only ends up annoying people.

As for the Grand Slam stuff, that's a statistic that doesn't mean much to me, especially when the Hardcore Title is involved. That belt changed hands all the time. Even I'm a 2-time WWF Hardcore Champion. You're definitely on the right track there.

All in all, good work here. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get myself tested as even the mere thought of having sex with Lita has given me a rash.

[Leonard]

As a fan of statistics, I like what you presented on the Grand Slam Champions that we've seen so far. You make some good points about those who haven't won that title, but I don't think they really need it. Look at Steve Austin and Ric Flair, for example: They only needed a third-tier championship to acheive that accolade. Do they really need to upgrade from a Triple Crown to make their careers more worthwhile? Hulk Hogan goes with that as well...he's not even a Triple Crown-er. All in all, though, I like what you presented.

Also, I have to agree with Hustle that a "main page crusade" could heavily backfire for you. If you're really gunning for Main Page status, then you're not writing for the correct reasons. This should be fun, first and foremost (that's why I write, anyways). I'm certain that's not your only reason for writing; just be careful that it doesn't come off that way.

Read you next time, friend.

--Leonard

[cicero]

Drop the 'I want to be on the main page gimmick' now. Fact is even if you were good enough to get there advertising your desire will only make the ones in charge less likely to make an offer to one so arrogant as yourself.

Do you really want to be the next Skaos?


With that being said this was a lot better than anything i've previously read from you. Your approach to the mark/smark bit was refreshingly entertaining (biography often is) and your look at grand slam statistics was intersting, if a little simplistic.


Never, ever, begin a sentence with the word 'and'.

[Kano]

I apologize to the main page rant. It shall never happen again.

Onto to feedback shortly.