(CSI) History Of: The Diva Search + After School Detention

[Sean_Taylor]

“I always say I don’t need to go out for burgers because I have steak at home. But every once in a while I think I burger would be really, really good.”

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a very special Columns Forum edition of The Classroom. Right off the bat, I have to mention the evil-minded, often sadistic, fellow main page column writer JoeyShinobi. For those who may not know, for the last round of the CSI finals, Joey was to set out guidelines that I had to follow. Joey, lovingly, banned the words like “match”, “fans”, “WrestleMania”, “wrestling”, and any acronym with a letter representing the word “wrestling”. Here’s what LipBomb thought: Joey Shinobi sucks. Period. What dumb ass rules he made for Sean last round! Really? I could type up better and more intriguing rules with my eyes closed. And he thinks he is soooooooo great of a writer. Bleh, that crap he posts puts me to sleep! I'd rather masturbate with razor blades and use gasoline as my lubricant than read his boring essays! But I guess that’s how it is with you, huh? You flame n00bs and newcomers with no remorse and enjoy it. But no more! You're chances of making damn good rules are as mythical as that stupid dragon you keep talking about. (*middle fingers trust aggressively into the sky*) Rough stuff huh? But he’s kind of got a point. How the hell can anyone write a column with a wrestling theme and not write those words? It’s impossible. Need proof? Read my column. It sucked! I knew it sucked when I posted it but I didn’t have a choice. Some people liked it for which I’m grateful for. They were able to look past the suck and find something they enjoyed. But my Roast of Vince McMahon was not a column I’d like anyone to remember. And it’s all Joey’s fault. Well, to be fair, it wasn’t totally Joey’s fault. My head was packed with other things, my creativity was shot, and I probably procrastinated more than I should have so maybe it was about three percent Joey’s fault. That means, Joey, that three percent of that column is on your head.

For this special edition of The Classroom, we’ll be looking at a summertime phenomenon known as the WWE Diva Search. Five annual contests brought WWE fans on-screen antics unlike anything they had ever seen. Let’s get right to it.

In the summer of 2003, the WWE released a press statement announcing a new contest open to all WWE fans. They had already had success with their reality show Tough Enough, where the final two received WWE wrestler contracts. Fans responded in an overall positive fashion overall. It was like watching a future superstar being trained and groomed from the very beginning. Guys like Maven Huffman, John Hennigan (John Morrision), Chris Nowinski and women like Nidia Geunard, Jackie Gayda, and Shaniqua all became featured players on Raw and SmackDown. While none ended up becoming main event players, they were inarguably a part of some of the WWE’s money-drawing storylines at the time.

So what was to say that a similar idea couldn’t work for finding a WWE Diva? Women’s roles in wrestling had changed over the years. Back in the 1980s, they were either valets or wrestlers but in the new millennium, more and more women were being introduced without the forethought of putting them into the ring in a match. This new breed of female superstar became known as a WWE Diva. Divas like Stacey Keibler, Torrie Wilson, and Sable were flaunted each week in front of the crowds because of their good looks and tight, near fatless bodies. Even accomplished female wrestlers like Trish Stratus, Victoria, and Lita had their in-ring abilities pushed to the background while they wore more revealing clothing and even taking some clothing off in the ring. Women were often determined to heel when they refused to wear revealing outfits or compete in gimmicked contests like a Bra & Panties Match or a Lingerie Pillow Fight.

Old school wrestling fans detested this form of raunchy television saying that it was immoral and wasteful to give Divas two or three segments during a television show when the actual female wrestlers were lucky to get even one match a week. However, the old adage of “sex sells” was proven week after week when the ratings breakdown showed slight spikes during segments featuring the Divas. Eventually, the WWE started referring to all of the women under contract as Divas and when some of them left the company, the WWE needed to replace them.

Enter: The Diva Search.

2003 – Humble On-Line Beginnings
In the late spring/early summer of 2003, WWE.com announced that they were holding an online contest to find a new WWE Diva. The official press release said that the WWE was looking for women eighteen years of age or older who “believe they have the beauty, brawn and brains to become the newest WWE Diva”. Hopefuls were asked to send in photographs of themselves along with a written description saying why they wanted to be a WWE Diva. The press release touted the current WWE Divas as multi-media stars appearing in/on everything from Playboy to the Howard Stern. Models from all over the world sent in their resumes and eventually the field was pared down and the competition started on July 1. Fans voted on WWE.com for their favourite Diva. Over the course of the next few weeks, the number of Diva hopefuls was halved until there was only four remaining.

The final four were flown to Phoenix, Arizona for SummerSlam and appeared on a special episode of the WWE.com show Byte This!, where Jamie Koeppe was announced as the winner. Koeppe was a twenty-five year old aspiring model from Langley, British Columbia, Canada. For winning the 2003 WWE Diva Search, Jamie was featured in a photo spread in Raw Magazine. Although she didn’t receive a WWE contract, her exposure in Raw Magazine catapulted her modeling career until her retirement in 2005.

2004 – Guaranteed Contract
The next year, the Diva Search was renamed to the $25,000 Raw Diva Search and was held entirely on Raw. The prizes were upgraded as well with the winner receiving a one-year WWE performer’s contract worth $25,000 with an option to renew. The contestants’ hopes relied on the audience’s vote on WWE.com. On July 12th, Jerry “The King” Lawler took great personal joy in introducing the ten finalists to the Raw audience. They were Amy Webber, Camille Anderson, Carmella DeCesare, Chandra Costello, Christy Hemme, Joy Giovanni, Julia Costello, Maria Kanellis, Michelle McCool, and Tracie Wright. The Raw Diva Search even had its own theme songs – “Walk Idiot Walk” by The Hives, “Time And Time Again” by Chronic Future, and “Open Your Eyes” by Alterbridge.

Each week, the Diva wannabes participated in contests to win immunity from the audience vote usually set up by Raw Diva Search host Johnathan “Coach” Coachman. On July 19, the Diva contestants met Chris Jericho in the ring for a Highlight Reel interview segment. Jericho then told them that their immunity was hidden in General Manager Eric Bischoff’s office and they had to find it. The contestants turned the office upside and down looking for the immunity to no success. Bischoff, obviously furious, announced there would be no immunity that week and all of them were on the chopping block.

The next week, the contestants were asked to individually seduce a secret WWE superstar. The superstar turned out to be Kamala, who smacked his belly and moaned at each contestant. Some were unfazed and attempted to make his head spin while others were so appalled they could barely stand near him. The following week, the contestants were given a chance to plead to the crowd for their votes. On August 9th, the ladies were to attempt to sell ice cream as provocatively as they could.

As a special attraction to SummerSlam 2004, the WWE Divas challenged the Diva Search girls to a game of dodgeball dubbed “Diva Dodgeball”. The segment was pre-taped from the Toronto Raptors training facility. Carmella DeCesare no-showed the event forcing Trish Stratus to run a fake hand injury in order to even the teams. The teams lined up as the Coach went over the rules. The ref blew his whistle and Team Diva reached the dodgeballs first. Gail Kim missed her shot while Jazz hit Michelle McCool. However it was waved off because the ball hit the ground first. Christy Hemme quickly eliminated Jazz and Michelle eliminated Victoria after she unsuccessfully tried to catch the ball. Michelle then eliminated Stacey Keibler and Joy dodged two throws from Gail and Molly Holly. Joy faked a throw at Gail but surprised Molly eliminating her. Gail returned the favour and eliminated Joy immediately following. Michelle threw at Gail and it knocked off her hat but the referees ruled Gail out. This left five of Team Dream against Nidia and it was only a matter of time before she was eliminated by Michelle.

Over the following weeks, the contestants got to announce whom they vote off, compete in a pie-eating contest run by The Rock, and on August 30, Coach announced it was time to “Diss The Diva”. Each contestant was given twenty seconds to badmouth their opponents with a live mic. This segment was heavily edited because the ladies let out constant swear words mostly directed at Carmella (whom all of the contestants hated). The next week, the four remain Diva hopefuls competed in an arm wrestling tournament followed by a Seattle Slugfest – a beat down of Coach with oversized boxing gloves – seven days later. Finally on September 20, the winner of the $25,000 Raw Diva Search was announced. It was down to the fiery and excitable redhead Christy Hemme and the unenthusiastic and stuck up Carmella DeCesare. Christy had been the fan’s favourite ever since she stuck a falling leg split. Carmella was hated by the fans but somehow managed to survive the vote, leading the fans to speculate that she was being kept in the contest by the WWE to play the heel role. In actuality, Christy was garnering very high percentages of the votes often leaving three or four percent left for the remaining contestants and Carmella happened to receive just a few more votes than her opponents (aside from Christy) every week. Despite this, some WWE officials have placated wrestling fans and magazine columnists by “admitting” Carmella was a plant.

In the end, though, it was the fan favourite Christy Hemme who won the contest and the WWE Diva’s contract. Christy’s WWE career started with her having to square off against Diva Search runner-up Carmella Desare at Taboo Tuesday (the former name for Cyber Sunday). The fans were given the task of choosing what style of match the two would square off in. They outvoted the Evening Gown Match and Aerobics Challenge in favour of a Lingerie Pillow Fight, which Christy won. From there, Christy was chosen as the WWE’s annual Playboy candidate, which infuriated Women’s Champion Trish Stratus. Trish upped Christy in that match and a couple of months later; Christy was drafted to the SmackDown brand. She teamed with the Legion of Doom in their feud against MNM (Melina/Nitro/Mercury). On November 30, 2005, Christy was sent to OVW for training and was quickly released. While rumours circulated the Internet that Christy had flirted with Triple H thus angering his wife Stephanie, the official reason for her release was cited as budget cuts and lack of creative ideas.

2005 – Punk Chicks Rule!
The second televised $25,000 Raw Diva Search debuted on June 27. Coach introduced the contestants: Alexis Ondrade, Ashley Massarro, Cameron Haven, Elisabeth Rouffaer, Kristal Marshall, Leyla Milani, Simona Fusco, and Summer DeLin. Shortly after, “The World’s Largest Love Machine” Viscera came out and asked the ladies to strip to their bras and panties and dance with him. The following week’s event wouldn’t be so easy. It was Sgt. Slaughter’s Bikini Boot Camp Obstacle Course. Leyla accidentally exposed her breast on national television when she fell out of her top. She was disqualified from the challenge but managed to remain in the competition after the voting – surprising no one. The following challenges consisted of a talent contest, announcing whom they’d vote off, and a weiner-in-bun eating competition.

On August 1, actor Rob Schneider was the guest referee for an American Gladiators-style jousting competition. After the event, he said that the winners and the losers could “spend the night with Deuce Bigelow”. The next week, the contestants asked to do something shocking. While the other girls attempted to use their attractive bodies to gain votes, Ashley boldly gave out her personal phone number to the live and television audience and told everyone to call her and she’d personally call everyone back. The strategy paid off. On the August 15th episode of Raw, Ashley was announced as the winner of the 2005 Raw Diva Search.

Ashley’s unique look made her stand out among the WWE Divas. While still revealing, her clothes tended to resemble those of a punk rocker. Ashley, using the Diva Search theme song “Be Yourself” by Audioslave as her own, quickly entered into a feud with Vince’s Devils (Candice Michelle, Victoria, Torrie Wilson). She competed in gimmick matches like the Fulfill Your Fantasy Battle Royal at Taboo Tuesday and a Bra & Panties Gauntlet Match at New Year’s Revolution. On Raw, in early 2006, Ashley suffered a fibula injury keeping her out of action until June. In September, she joined London & Kendrick as their manager during matches. When the time came to put a WWE Diva into Playboy, Ashley was chosen. Her spread made Women’s Champion Melina jealous and the two fought at WrestleMania 23 in a Lumberjill match, which Ashley lost. Her next big venture was appearing on CBS’ hit show, Survivor. She returned to the WWE in January of 2008 and teamed with Maria to take on Beth Phoenix and Melina at WrestleMania XXIV. Ashley was released from the WWE in July but later claimed she asked for her release in order to care for her family.

2006 – Forgettable. Even The Host Thought So
The 2006 version of the contest – with theme songs “Move Along” by All-American Rejects, “Face Down” by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and “Out All Night” by Damone – was renamed again. It was called the WWE Diva Search and the segments appeared on both Raw and SmackDown with The Miz acting as the new host. On July 10, he introduced the new contestants as Amy Zidian, Erica Chevillar, Jen England, J.T. Tinney, Layla El, Milena Roucka, Maryse Ouellet, and Rebecca DiPietro. During the first segment, the Miz forgot his lines and had a troubled time explaining how to vote. Regardless, he let the contestants plead the audience to vote them. The Diva Boot Camp returned the following week as the ladies competed for immunity. Over the next few weeks, the Diva hopefuls competed in a Diva Dance Off, a game of musical chairs, had their composure tested by getting hit in the face with pies, and played Diss The Diva. On August 11, Luke Perry appeared as a celebrity judge for a talent contest. The following Monday, Candice Michelle, Torrie Wilson, and Victoria challenged the final three to a Beat the Heat Water Fight.

The winner of the 2006 Diva Search was announced on a USA special on August 16. It came down to J.T., Jen, and Layla. The Miz announced that the winner was Layla and awarded her a WWE contract. Layla soon debuted on SmackDown but was quickly moved to ECW where she joined Brooke and Kelly Kelly to form the Extreme Exposé dance trio. The trio disbanded in November of 2007 leaving Layla without much to do on television. In June of 2008, she was drafted to Raw becoming the first WWE Diva to officially be on the all three rosters. Layla entered into an angle with Jamie Noble where Noble tried to impress her in the ring. When Noble defeated William Regal, Layla finally came around to Noble but a week later, she turned on Noble and sided with Regal. She remains Regal’s manager to this day.

2007 – Return to WWE.com
When the summer of 2007 passed without a Diva Search, fans thought the contest wasn’t coming back. But on September 10th, WWE.com announced that the Diva Search would indeed return and this time it was going to take place exclusively on the website. Contestants Brooke Gilbertsen, Eve Torres, J. Kim, Jessica Hatch, Lena Yada, Lyndy Frieson, Naomi Kirk, and Taryn Terrell appeared in a series of vignettes all taking place on a beach. The host was Todd Grisham and the theme song was “Let It Roll” by Velvet Revolver.

The contestants, dressed in skimpy bikinis, competed in six challenges. The first three were physical challenges – a beach volleyball game, a limbo contest, and an obstacle course. The fourth was called “Rapid Fire” where the girls where asked wrestling related questions and had to answer quickly. The final two were called Surf & Rescue and Mirandized. Surf & Rescue tested the contestants’ abilities as lifeguards while Mirandized forced the women to dress like police officers and provocatively “arrest” Grisham.

On the October 22nd episode of Raw, the final three remaining Diva hopefuls – Eve Torres, Brooke Gilbertsen, and Lena Yada were brought onto the stage where Grisham announced that Eve had won the online voting and was the WWE’s newest Diva. Eve’s on-screen role was regulated to that of backstage interviewer debuting on February 1 with Batista. Other than interviewing, she participated in the Playboy Bunnymania match at WrestleMania XXIV as a lumberjill and the Halloween Costume Contest at Cyber Sunday 2008 dressed as Raphael of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. She was booked in only two matches to date. The first was the 16-Diva Tag Team match on Raw’s 800th episode where she didn’t get involved in any in-ring action. The second was a match against Diva’s Champion Michelle McCool on SmackDown’s February 6th episode. She lost.

[b][size="4"]Losers Turned Winners
Although the purpose of each Diva Search contest was to find one new Diva, several of the eliminated contestants were signed to WWE contracts as well. From the 2004 contest, the WWE signed Joy Giovanni, Amy Webber, Maria Kanellis, and Michelle McCool. While not among the ten finalists, the WWE also signed Candice Michelle (Beckman), who appeared during the final selection show. Joy and Amy left the company while Maria, Michelle, and Candice remain on the show to this day. Maria’s role was primarily being a backstage interviewer where she played a ditzy character until she moved into an on-screen relationship with Santino Marella. This led to her posing in Playboy in early 2008. Michelle and Candice became active in-ring competitors each gaining a measure of success winning the Diva’s and Women’s Championships respectively.

From the 2005 class, only Kristal Marshall remained with the WWE for anything length of time. Her biggest storyline was her marriage to Teddy Long. The wedding never happened because Long suffered a kayfabe heart attack during the ceremony. Kristal was released shortly after.

Maryse Ouellet, Rebecca DiPetro, and Milena Roucka were all brought back after the 2006 Diva Search. Maryse defeated Michelle McCool in Toronto, Ontario on the December 31th episode of SmackDown to become the Diva’s Champion. Rebecca, after a brief stint in Deep South Wrestling, became a backstage interviewer on ECW. Milena Roucka gained a measurable level of fame as Beth Phoenix’s obsessed fan and later became Santino Marella’s personal intern.

After the 2007 contest, Lena Yada and Taryn Terrell signed WWE contracts. Lena started as a backstage interviewer on SmackDown before becoming a valet to Layla and Victoria. On Raw’s 800th episode she debuted made her in-ring debut as a part of the 16-Diva Tag Team match but a week later she was released. Taryn made her on-screen debut in June of 2008 as ECW General Manager Teddy Long’s Assistant General Manager under the name of Tiffany.

Diva Search Effects
Normally, I don’t add my personal opinion to my History Of columns but according the rules for this one, I must. The question is was the Diva Search competition good or bad and did it have a positive effect on the WWE Women’s Division. The first is easy to answer – no. The segments on Raw were long, wasteful, and was nothing more than a topic discussed at your local chav church. All of the contestants, aside from Christy Hemme and Ashley Massaro, were not interesting and not entertaining. Sure they were attractive women in skimpy outfits but I’m a wrestling fan. I tune into Raw and SmackDown for wrestling. If I wanted to see half naked women, I can just go to the Internet and see millions of them and I can also see more of them if I chose to. Most of the Diva Search segments were just painful to watch. These women could not act and they mostly yelled into the microphone. I can remember watching Raw with a non-wrestling fan friend of mine was in the room. He looked at me in a way as if to say “Really? This is what wrestling has these days?” and I was actually embarrassed to be a wrestling fan at that moment. Embarrassed. There was nothing I could say to defend it or even dismiss it. It was what it was and it was downright shameful.

The second question – did it have a positive effect on the WWE Women’s Division – is more difficult to answer. On one hand, you can look at the characters that came out of the Diva Search. Names like Christy Hemme, Candice Michelle and Maria pop into mind. Each of these women had a positive effect in some way. Christy was so energetic, it was hard not to cheer her on in at least some small way. Candice, over the years, actually became a decent women’s wrestler. She’s not on Trish Stratus’ level by any means but she’s not as horrible as many of the others in the WWE today. Maria probably has the best career out of any former Diva Search contestant. She’s had many memorable moments such as her ditzy backstage interviews, her uncharacteristic intelligence babble during Eric Bischoff’s trial, her on-screen moments with Santino, and even the WWE Kiss Cam.

But on the other hand – and more to the point – what the Diva Search has done to the Women’s Division is deplorable. During the heyday of the WWE (circa 1997-2001), they had attractive women in skimpy outfits but those women could manage other wrestlers, cut promos, and actually wrestle good matches. Nowadays we’re forced to endure mindless gimmick matches like Bra & Panties Matches, water balloon fights, and Playboy-Evening Gown-Whirlpool-Bunnymania-Snowbunny-Gravy-Chocolate-Bikini-Don’t-Pull-My-Hair matches. I mean, I like half-naked women as much as the next guy but actual wrestlers who have trained for years are being left off shows just to make time for this garbage. It seems like these women do nothing but walk to ring, wave, take off their clothes, and leave. It’s okay but at the same time *yawn*. Even when it’s around the waist of someone like Beth Phoenix, it’s obvious that the Women’s Title means nothing anymore. Plus, now we have the Diva’s Title. What the hell? Seriously, it looks like Dame Edna and Elton John combined their reproductive juices and painted a leather belt with the result.

Did the Diva Search have a positive influence on the WWE Women’s Division? Overall no. It was a failed experiment that fans ended up hating. As a matter of fact, I’m sure it caused more than a few fans to turn away from the product all together. It was a bad idea with poor execution. The only comforting thought I have is that it looks like the Diva Search isn’t coming back.
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Well folks, that about wraps up the History Of: The Diva Search. Comments and feedback are always welcome and you can post them below. But keeping reading because we have a brief Pop Quiz and then a bonus column. That’s right. It’s the return of After School Detention.

Pop Quiz
1) Joy Giovanni was involved with what superstar in a kayfabe relationship?
2) Which former Diva Search contestant went to be a briefcase opener on Deal or No Deal?

All right class, settle down. Yes, you’re getting two columns in one today. Welcome to the Columns Forum return of After School Detention. Today, we’re going to be judging the physical attractiveness of the Diva Search contestants currently active in the WWE today. These women will be rated under several different categories that men most judge a woman by: Face, Bust, Ass, Legs, and Overall. Each category will be scored out of 10 and the total combined score for each will determine once and for all which one is likely to turn out like Mae Young and which one will be spank-worthy for years to come. Every put on your glasses and let’s get to it.

EVE TORRES

Face: 8
Bust: 6.5
Ass: 7
Legs: 8
Overall: 7.5

Being a brunette, Eve scores bonus points from me right off the top (pardon the pun). She has that girl-next-door kind of face yet her bedroom eyes scream, “Come and get it, big boy!” Her breasts seem to be a little smaller for her frame but her behind is tight and firm. Someone get me a quarter! Eve’s legs are slender and feminine but also seem to have a bit of muscle to them that she could use to wrap around your torso and pull you closer. Total score: 37

MICHELLE MCCOOL

Face: 6
Bust: 9
Ass: 7
Legs: 8
Overall: 7

Blonde. I hate blondes. Blondes are so cookie-cutter these days. But Michelle’s face is cute so it saves her from a lower score there. It was hard to find a decent picture of her ass but it turns out to be high and well placed with just enough sticking out to be an actual ass. Very long legs reminiscent of Stacey Keibler so thumbs up there. Most importantly, what a rack! Seems like you can have fun with those all day long. There is a bonus for Michelle too. She’s been tapped by The Undertaker. Sure, Taker is old but he adds some legitimacy. Total: 37

MARYSE

Face: 4
Bust: 9.5
Ass: 7
Legs: 8
Overall: 8

Maryse starts off below par for her blonder hair (obviously dyed), lack of real eyebrows and too-pointy nose but the bust certainly makes up for that. Real or not, they’ve got to be something to see once before you die. The rest of her doesn’t really have much to write home over but she does stay upright on those longish legs. Her “Overall:” score was bumped up a bit because her last name is Ouellet. That means she’s French. Which means she probably speaks French. You Americans can scoff all you want but when you have a girl whispering French in your ear, it’s launch time. It doesn’t even matter that you have no idea what she’s saying. Total: 36.5.

ROSA MENDES

Face: 6.5
Bust: 7
Ass: 6
Legs: 6
Overall: 6

Yeah those scores are a little low. I’ll tell you why. I’m not that into Spanish chicks. I’m sure they’re just as attractive as other women, but they’re just not cup of tea. Bust is good but the upper legs are a bit chunky. Her rump is a little too much of a ba-donk-a-donk for my taste. Overall, if I saw her on the street, I’d glance once and probably not turn back. Total: 31.5

LAYLA

Face: 7.5
Bust: 8
Ass: 8
Legs: 6
Overall: 8

You got me on my knees, Layla. If you thought there wouldn’t be a Derek & The Dominoes reference here, you’re nuts. Layla definitely looks better with the straight hair than that God awful curly she-fro she had a while ago. Bust gets a higher score because of the way she’s always putting them forward when she’s on TV. If you got them, flaunt them. Nice ass, legs are a little thick but okay, and I might be the only one, but an English accent can just add so much. Total: 37.5

MARIA

Face: 7
Bust: 5
Ass: 8.5
Legs: 8
Overall: 8.5

Maria is considered to be the most attractive Diva on the WWE roster and it’s hard to deny that. But the nose does stick out a bit too much (What? Unless her neck tilts up a certain way, a long nose but make you lose out) and the breasts could be bigger (that way she wouldn’t need the push-up tops. Great ass and legs though. Big bonus points for the bedroom “come and get it” eyes and really cute voice. I have to admit though, I wouldn’t mind giving Maria a Strawberry Cheescake or even an Angry Pirate. Total: 37

TIFFANY

Face: 5
Bust: 5
Ass: 8
Legs: 6
Overall: 6.5

Just glancing at her face made me jolt my head back and say, “Ech! What a minger!” Nothing seems to be in harmony there. Kind of like a group of drunk girls singing karaoke. The overall package is nice but the components are just off. Chest is ok and legs fall under the ho-hum category. However, she has a fantastic rear end. Slap-able and tight enough to slap back. Overall though, she just seems too “factory made”. I think if I ordered a full-sized sex doll, this is what I would expect to get in the mail. Enough to do the job but you’d keep it in the closet twenty-three and a half hours out of the day. Total: 30.5

Wow. I’m genuinely surprised here. As the result of my scoring here, Layla is the most attractive former Diva Search competitor. I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles. Although, I’m wondering why Mazza left out Candice Michelle. Maybe he’s saving her for himself. Greedy sod. Oh well, I can just YouTube her Go Daddy commercials.

That about does it for me. I can’t tell you what a pleasure it has been to write about the Diva Search. I really can’t. I’ve tried to find the words but they’ve escaped me. Was that sarcasm? You decide.





Until next time, class dismissed.

[cicero]

I thought of a few things to say but none really fit, let me keep this short by just saying "awesome".

[TheLipBomb]

Great piece here Sean. I think it's cool for someone to do a unorthodox topics as you did here.


I must say that guy in the yellow text knows what he's talking about.


However, I'm disgusted that you gave Miss. Ouellet any less then a perfect 10! I agree that you should see those things of her's before you die.


Well done and good luck, my friend.

[Leonard]

Hey Sean:

Another stellar effort. This task was surely a difficult one, but you pulled through it with all of the grace that I'd expect from any other edition of "The Classroom." Well done, friend.

--Leonard

[Martin Riggs]

You captured the feelings of a nation with this. The Diva Search was meh at best, and this was a thorough and well thought out column on the subject! Oh, and 'mad props' for noticing Candice's disappearance at the end. You're a hero.

Game on is all i'm saying!

[Petre Dyche]

Any intelligible comment I could have made has been completely destroyed because of half-naked pics of some of the hottest women around. Eve, Layla, Tiffany, Maryse...they all sink my battleship. Tiff's chesticles deserve more than a 5 though!

Diva Search/Tough Enough, Cyber Sunday, XFL...all on that shelf of Good Ideas That The World Isn't Ready For Yet. The last Diva Search was basically Todd getting horny watching girls run around on a beach in bikinis. It was demeaning to all involved. Shows like The Next Ultimate Fighter though have shown that such reality shows are possible...granted that show is 'legit'. I'd like to see them try DS/TE again but with a more serious edge to it.

Great read hombre, good comeback!

[Kano]

Mazza or Sean, who shall take out round two. Sean needs to win to stay in this bad boy. Both stellar efforts this week.

Dude, epic awesome. Same with Mazza's who ever wins deserves it....

[NightofDay]

This was very, very good. It's going to be tooth and nail between you and Mazza. To be honest, I want you to win this round just for the epicness of Round 3. Both of you deserve this no matter who wins or loses.

Oh and hooray for the return of ASD!

Good luck Sean. Hope you do well in this round.

[ca$hmoney]

Sean,

I think you did a great job considering the crappy topic you were given. In my mind, I think you win this round, forcing a tiebreaker.

[DA I VAN]

I wouldn’t mind giving Maria a Strawberry Cheescake or even an Angry Pirate.

me either man me either