Ridin' With The Bossman #392 - Rumble Ridin'

[Wevv Mang]

Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman. It’s only been, what? Two, three, years since the last one? I can’t imagine much has changed since my last column.No, seriously, has wrestling really changed that much? The answer, yes and no. I only have a thousand words to catch up, so excuse the jumps in topic. Let’s start with the basics : wrestling is still wrestling. Duh. The names of the people on top seems to have changed. When I stopped writing it was: H, Cena ,HBK, Undertaker as the main guys. Second tier: Mysterio, Jericho, Batista, Orton, Big Show, and...um....CM Punk was talked about a lot, and er.....that’s it. I’m drawing a blank. Not being sarcastic, just telling the truth. I’m just sitting at my computer, trying to think of who the guys were, and that’s about it. Oh yeah. Benoit was there too. Then he went batshit crazy and well, that’s history. Those were the guys when I left.

So, who’s on top now? I really am going to have to look this up.

Let’s see, quick scan of recaps, and we got:

HBK
H
Cena
Orton ( HEY! Vertical movement!)
CM Punk (Ditto!)
Undertaker
Mysterio (WWE can’t ignore the Latin demographic anymore)
Batista

Bottom line....pretty much the same guys. Jeff Hardy as a top guy was a surprise. Some new faces got some significant camera time. Few has held on to the spotlight, but that’s a combination of things. It’s an old gripe, about a familiar topic. It’s a pattern. Big push, big fall. A week or two on top, and then four weeks of jobbing and surprise, the guy is not as popular as he was. Nothing new about that. That could be a topic in and of itself.

But what this column is about is another new thing.

Gimmick themed PPV’S!!!!

Feel the excitement!!!!! Lots of Exclamation points!!!!!! They don’t count as words!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YEAH!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHOOO!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grammar cunts though. Oops. Typo.

That’s right folks! While you change your shorts, listen to this. WWE has trotted out a slew of gimmick themed PPV’s. Cages, Chambers, TLC, Submission. The result? The greatest themed PPV of All, The Royal Rumble, seems to have fallen into mediocrity. In other words, the Rumble seems to be changing into just another PPV.

I probably shouldn’t have been surprised when I read the topic of this contest was about either revamping the Rumble or coming up with a replacement. I mean really, how many times in recent years has it been said that Wrestlemania, the Grandaddy of the All, the Most Hyped PPV Ever, been said to be “just not that special”. I mean really, if Wrestlemania has started to loose it’s luster and this has been said frequently WAAAY before the gimmick PPV bonanza, then what chance does the Rumble have? Why, practically none.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s the answer right there. See, the Rumble itself is a perfectly designed match. It’s a match that works best on PPV. With 30 guys, it’s going to last at least 45 minutes. Every guys gets at least an entrance, so you hear his name, maybe his entrance music. It’s a good match structure to keep fans interested in what’s going on with such basic questions and stat facts like:

Who’s coming out next?
Who’s going to throw out the most people?
Who’s going to make a surprise appearance?
Who’s going to last the least amount of time?
Who’s going to win it all?

The fact that the opposite seems to be happening, well, that’s just scary. Let’s see if we can put a finger on the problem by answering those questions like a fan might.

Who’s coming out next? I
If it’s not a big name, then it doesn’t matter.

Who’s going to throw out the most people?
Kane, Khali, H, some big guy, who then gets ganged up on and thrown out.

Who’s going to make a surprise appearance?
RVD. Some old timer. Edge is rumored to come back. If he does, he’s going to win it.

Who's’ going to last the least amount of time?
Santino, Chavo, Swagger, some other jobber.

Who’s going to win it all?
Probably not H, if he gets thrown out, then he wins the Chamber in February. Probably HBK, so he can face Taker at Mania. Maybe Cena, but he’s hurt. If Edge comes back he’s going to win.

The problem with the Rumble seems to not be the Rumble itself. It’s the build up surrounding the Rumble. I didn’t want to do this, but it appears I’m going to have to..

Back in my day, the Rumble used to have meaning. Guys would go into the Rumble with angles in place, and the Rumble match itself would help play out their story. Nowadays, guys are just thrown in there. How a guy did in the Rumble used to matter. Now it’s only the winner who counts. Edge won this year, but he didn’t need to. It was an easy way to inject Edge into the title scene, but there’s a hitch. Seven weeks of TV. 7 Raws, Smackdown, ECW’s. One PPV. At least 24 hours of TV to put on the air A lot can change in that time.

That’s where stronger writing comes into play. That’s what I really think needs to be fixed. The Rumble in and of itself is fine. The angles going into and perhaps more importantly coming out of the Rumble need to be in better shape.

It wasn’t that long ago that WWE got it right. 2005. Batista wins the Rumble. That match made him a superstar. There were some stumbles along the way, but the payoff was something people wanted to see. The Rumble CAN mean something. It just takes effort on WWE’s part.

Well, that’s a wrap.

Oh yeah, smack talk.

People got some snazzy graphics. Me? I got:

OH YEAH! THAT’S RIGHT! MANTAUR EATING A PANDA! BITCHES!

Thanks for Ridin’.

[Swanton]

Pretty much what I thought too; nothing wrong with the match itself, but it's just not special anymore.

There were a lot of grammar problems in here, but I suppose you are going to have a bit of rust in there.

This was a good, straight forward column that was realistic, which is a nice change from the crazy scenarios we've been getting.

[Roger Murtaugh]

If you move on and Bossman of the Rings doesn't come back I'll be truly crushed. At the very least give us a Kane's house.

Welcome back

[Box Car Rocco]

This!!!

Was!!

All over the place!!!

And it was cool.

Never read much of your old stuff so I was anxious to see what you would bring to the table. It didn't disapoint and if you make it through, it'll be cool to see what you can do without word limitations and such.

Best of luck.

[The Maz]

Nothing ground breaking idea wise, but I guess that is the dilemma with this subject. There is not too much to change but I was totally in agreement with you. Short sentences to deal with a short word limit? Interesting. I had an urge to say "What" after ever full stop (I am a Brit and period is what makes you want to become a wife beater once a month!). I liked it though, it created something in the style that made it easy as hell to read through and made it stand out from what is becoming a pretty big pack. Still I hope to see some more with less constrictions later in the tourney, particularly if you hit your stride. Good luck.


MAZZA CSI RATING: 8