I'm By Myself This Time, I Swear.

[Uncle Joe]

Sometimes I like to pussyfoot around when it comes to certain things in life, and writing is no different. I get a bunch of ideas that run through my head on an hourly basis, and I either forget them, or decide it'd be unworthwhile to pursue it in the long run (column about Stevie Richards anus). What's the point? None really.



So anyway, I got into a bit of trouble at work earlier today, or last week; depending when I post this. I was talking to Azhab, when a young lady and her equally lovely friend walk up to the pharmacy counter. One of them inquired into which pregnancy test was worth the money, and I told her that no matter what she hears, they all perform the same, as patent's have expired on certain technologies and now anyone was allowed to use them. So I'm ringing her up, when she makes a snide remark to the tune of "Fucking jerk, bet you're laughing because you're a guy and you can't get pregnant." Mind you, we were joking and generally being cordial with each other, so this sudden outburst had me taken back a bit. So she slams her credit card on the counter, while her friend looks on in what I can only say is a mix of shock and embarrassment. So with the transaction finally completed, they start to walk away while her friend is turned around facing me mouthing the words "I'm sorry". The angry one then stops, turns around and pulls my arm and starts to apologize, saying she just broke that out because she doesn't want to be 'knocked up', and 'isn't ready to be a mom'. She then suggests to me that I let her take me on a dinner date to make up for her rude behavior, when I told her


'Sorry ma'am, I love me some loose women, but I don't fuck with chicks with baby daddy drama, word life.'


She then turned red with anger, and swore to "get me fired". Don't worry, I'll be fine; she's just a dumb bitch.

Joe's 10 Observations

6. Kozlov and Jackson might be the best tag team in the WWE.

Yes, over Big Show and Jericho; over Cryme Tyme and over . . . over. . . well those are the only two tag teams in the E at the moment. I don't get a chance to watch ECW because I usually work Tuesday nights, so I don't pay anything any mind. One night. however, I get a message from CoLd that the Koslov/Jackson vs. Dreamer/Christian was pretty good. So when I got home, I still couldn't watch the match because it wasn't uploaded to Youtube yet. Four days later, then match is finally uploaded to Dailymotion and I watched it then. What I saw was nothing short of magic; Dreamer was getting his anus ripped open with a rusty fork, as Kosloz and Zeek were just killing him with power move after power move. I like how they still incorporate their 'one up manship' storyline from earlier in the year, while still in Regal's stable. The Russian and the black guy have improved so much that they have totally opened up my eyes to how good they were. Now, they are still diamonds in the rough, but they are still potential diamonds nonetheless. Koslov needs to develop a bit more submission holds and strike a bit better, and Jackson needs to learn some new offensive moves, but with Regal taking them under his wing, the sky's the limit for these two. Credit to cold though for putting me up on that shit.







10. Tommy Dreamer needs to retire.

Speaking of which, I really hate Tommy Dreamer, like real hate. I joke around when I say I hate CM Punk and whoever the flavor of the month happens to be (unless he's Rican), but I really have a natural and authentic disdain for one Mr. Laughlin. He seems like a genuinely nice and decent guy in real life, but I don't know him in that aspect, so I don't care. He's probably the worst wrestler and the most offensive wrestler I have ever seen in my life, and I watched a match where this Jap puts his opponents head in his tights and touches their cocks. His moveset is terrible, as his DDT is awful waffle, and he makes an awesome move like the Death Valley Driver stink like my toilet after a night at Taco Bell. His mic work is subpar at best, save for . . . man, I was going to make one up, but I can't do that as everyone knows he's never had a decent promo in his life. I understand his fans never have him high in regard due to his ability, just his dedication and willingness to destroy himself for the enjoyment of the audience. Well the Brooklyn Brawler was 10x the jobber and seller Tommy is, and you don't see any DVD's based on him or any story lines. "When you sleep, you dreamin', and when you dreamin'; your girl getting pumped full of semen.' Fits Tommy to a tee.







9. Alicia Fox has some big fucking nipples.

I was watching RAW, specifically the Fox/Gail Kim match, when Cold tells me that Alicia must have have some huge nipples, which was what I was thinking of at the time as well. If you think back (or use youtube), you'll notice their ninja-ish ways of trying to hide her apparently saucer like areolas. Whenever she's out, she always has this huge, none revealing top, which is weird, since you'd think someone with such a nice pair of jugs like Fox would be displayed with no problem. Another clue they give out is that whenever they have a bikini competition, she's never out. While I love Jillian, her cartoonish body is no match for Alicia's. Plus, when her nips get hard, they look like two hollow points. Fuck, she's hot.







2. Hernandez is the 2nd best player in TNA

The first, obviously being AJ, was the best the company had to offer for a looooooong time, so no need to debate there. So might as well start looking for the 2nd, 3rd and so on and so forth. Stronger than Abyss, more agile then most X-Divisioners, bigger than anyone else on the roster and as over as well, Hernandez has the requisite ability to be a star in wrestling, not just TNA. This may sound a bit prude, but my grading curve for TNA wrestlers involves whether or not they'd be able to survive and thrive in the WWE. Other than Eric Young, Robert Roode, Brutus Magnus and maybe AJ, Hernandez is the one in the company who's best capable to make it in Vince's company, as he has the size, moveset, psychology and charisma to make it. Yes, he has his flaws (needs to sell better, get a tiny bit ripped and defined) but those are easily fixable. This guy is what Mike Awesome was supposed to be, in regards to hosses. People often credit Mark Henry's improvement to his working with smaller wrestlers, but Hernandez's abilities with the little guys is top notch. But not to limit him only as a monster, he can work well with the bigger guys in the company; his matches with them are equally as impressive. Seeing as he can throw around anyone on the TNA roster at will with raw, unadulterated strength, he needs the push now. He needs to stop with the Mexican gimmick; he's half Rican, and needs to rock the better half.








8. Maryse is not that good

We'll keep this a bit short. When I was able to start catching RAW again, I noticed this French whore and thought she was just another Diva who would be gone by the way side in a few months. But when I saw her entrance to the ring, I really liked what I saw. She was rude, uppity, high maintenance, conceited, cocky all rolled up into one deliciously artificial body. What impressed me was her mannerisms, and she showed more charisma in one wave of the hair than Briank Kendrick showed me in a year. Her smirks were top notch, and she did things that were noticeable but seemed subtle which put an exclamation point on her heelish tactics. In ring, she wasn't special, but not bad; a bit rough around the edges but very promising. But then I was sent a link to a match of hers from the last year . . . and she was doing the same shit. EXACTLY the same shit, and that's when I noticed she's a one trick pony. But she can meet my horse any day.








3. Kevin Steen still sucks

Ok, I hate this guy too, not personally, but I want him to receive the wrong end of a knife every time I see him wrestle. I really don't see what it is that everyone who watches him is in love with. The guy has a TERRIBLE look and shit. No homo, but c'mon man, the guy looks like shit, and it's irritating. Let's see, oh yeah; his moveset is as visually pleasing as Chaz Bono's live sex transofrmation. Don't get me we wrong,he has a dazzling array of moves, but he has too many. I know it sounds gay complaining about someone with a bunch of 'hot' moves, but they are apart his regular moveset. The Sweet Chin Music, Swanton Bomb, Double Cradle Piledriver, Steiner Screwdriver, Reach Around, Sharpshooter . . . all used in the same fucking match. Now to be fair, SCM is not really a finisher in the independent circuit, but fuck he sucks anyway. If you still don't get where I'm coming from, it's like fighting those cheesy create-a-wrestlers from No Mercy. Yeah, now you get me. He sucks so bad that he blindly me (and many others) into thinking El Generico was anything better than 'decent'. His selling (Generico) is superb, but that's it. And for those who don't know, EG is a super pale Canadian pretending to be a luchador, mask and all. Isn't as awesome as it sounds.








7. I miss the Coach <3.

I do man. I miss his smell, I miss his scent, and when this is all over, I think we should get an apartment together. The guy was awesome in whatever he did; whether it was being the GM, or third man announce booth, doing recaps on WWELive.com or whatever it was called, he was great. The Coach was a character, and had such humor in his style and delivery that he was one of the more unique guys in the WWE and I Think the last true character that was developed by the WWE. His facials were great; when he was the brunt of the Rock's punchlines, or when it's been announced that he has to face DX 2 on 1, when he makes Mickie James lick his shoes, he had range. His natural nerdiness and just this stigma of being such a nancy boy, he was an ultra heat magnet, and in a good way. You don't want to see the guy die, but it was fun to boo him, and you would pay to see him thrown around the ring. The most overlooked aspect of the Coach was his mic work, which was superb. He had an excellent delivery, was never afraid to speak in front of a large crowd, and always seemed authentic when speaking. Now he's on ESPN, where he doesn't have to show his thong off while getting thrown through a wall by DX . . . until the next Sportscenter commercial.








4. HBK is overrated

Yeah, I said it. The guy who can "get a 4 four star match out of a broom" sucks a lot of ass. And dick. Shawn isn't terrible, but this perception that he's a great wrestler is nonsense. He just happens to be beneficial of working with underrated workers who can carry someone who's workable. Cena carried him in their encounters, Taker carried him in their Mania match, and etc. How can someone who's been in good matches be so average? Well perception is key, and the way the E' subtly and unsubtly mention how 'exciting and excellent' Mr. Wrestlemania's matches is in the same way they skillfully trick you into believing is a great heel in the ring. Hickenbottom is blah in a few ways; 1, his offense. He has none. He chops, kips ups, top rope elbow, shitty Manhattan drop, shitty figure four and SCM that "comes out of nowhere" even though he know does it in the same respect. I ask someone to show me a match where he throws a dropkick, that's not a Rockers match. His vaunted "selling" is also overrated. He can sell adequately enough when he cares, but more often than not, he doesn't, and once in a blue, he'll shift into cartoon bumping mode. That borders on ridiculous so hard that I dunno, but fuck him. Check out the Hogan/HBK match to see how stupid it looks. Blow me HBK. Wait, you'll probably do it.











9. Awesome Kong is just that

Awesome. She is one of the 2 women on this planet that I want to see compete against men (the other being Beth Penis) in a non sexual way. This bitch is an absolute beast, and is too fucking good for the women's division. She cannot be authentically beaten by anyone on the current Knockout roster, as she should and has walked all over the roster in the past. I know you have to make for compelling TV, but how can ODB convince you that she can beat Kong now when she was DESTROYED when she first arrived? I know SPIKE doesn't want girl on boy violence, but c'mon man, let this bitch wrestle the guys. I want to see her wrestle Matt Morgan, Brutus Magnus, and for as much as I dislike his bitch ass, Kurt has gone on record saying he wants to wrestle Kong. She won't have to go over Morgan or the larger guys, but she could beat Jimmy Rave's ass. Speaking of Rave, that nigga is niiiiiiiiiiiiiice son.









1. Cena is going to be hailed as fresh

And as early as late 09', probably early 2010. Why you say? I'll get to that in a bit. I have never been one of the many Cena haters in the IWC and in general, as I felt he was one of the best workers in the WWE, and at one point (2007) he was my wrestler of the year: yeah, of the YEAR, nigga. His selling was exquisite, his comebacks were nothing short of textbook, his psychology (while a bit erratic at times) was good, he finally got around to working on the cardio that he hates so vigorously,and his matches were fantastic. From Umaga, to HBK, Mysterio, Edge: the list goes on and on as 07 was the year of Cena. But ever since his neck injury/time off to film 12 Rounds, he has been garbage. He had an encounter with Batista that 07 Cena would have carried to a 4 star match at the very least: instead, it as average. As I said elsewhere, he had a fun match with Swagger (who he let test his in ring prowess by letting him lead for a good portion), a very good post PPV match with Miz, one fantastic match with H on Raw, and that's about it. He was having bleh matches, his promos were getting monotonous, and was just generally being stagnant. I was starting to finally see what the haters were seeing, but rationally. And I feared the worst . . . until last Sunday. In his match with Orton, Cena displayed a prowess unseen since his match with RVD at ONS II. Once the newly established stars make their break into the Main Event, Cena will have new partners to dance with. Cena vs. Koslov, vs. Tyson Kidd, vs. Knox, vs. Christian. Just imagine the goodness.




Mini Observations Worthy of one line.

-Traci Brooks has an even weirder vagina than Mickie.

-Matt Hardy isn't as bad as I thought.

-Primo will be a top 5 guy in the WWE by years end.

-Evan Bourne, while I dig the guy, is a blatant homosexual.

-Alex Shelley has some weird, tiny nipples.

-If Goldust lost 20 lbs., he'd be in contention for the ECW title.

You are now observing the part where I'm done.

[Box Car Rocco]

I agree with you on a few points:

1. HBK sucks. I can't get into his matches because his character is almost non-existant to me.

2. Hernandez is awesome. If he was in the Terrordome match a month or so ago, it would have been 10x better. Did you see a couple of weeks ago where he held Morgan above his head for like, 20 seconds. Very impressive. He also did it to Joe aswell.

[Glacier]

7. I miss the Coach <3.

I do man. I miss his smell, I miss his scent, and when this is all over, I think we should get an apartment together.





does this mean that you want coach to fondle your nutsack like HBK shows us in the gif?

you're a weird guy Gohan. a weird one.

as for the column, i think Coach is needed on the announce team. the only thing good about HBK are his matches. and i havent seen traci brooks' vagina, so a link would be much appreciated.

[The Maz]

Joe, I have to say I absolutely loved this column and in fact, there may have been a little homo involved in that too. We have come to expect randomness and craziness from you and then you put out a list column of random thoughts. 2 things that a n00b would put out and get slaughtered for. But you know what, I love me a list column and I love me some random thoughts if they are done properly. This was a prime example of how to succeed with both. If anyone is disappointed that there was not much "vintage" Joe, that intro right there was more than enough for the whole column. As for the actual content, I do not know enough about the non-WWE stuff to pass comment but I can on the rest.

The Alicia Fox one was hillarious. Dreamer does suck some serious ass and there is a lot of potential to Jackslov (TM Mazza). The Cena part was very interesting as was the HBK part. You know, growing up I was not much of an HBK fan. He had an interesting character but I never bought him beating guys that much bigger than him. On his return he has impressed me much. BUT, his selling is downright comical at times as is his cheesy acting (which I can't believe some people class as second to none). In fact, I did this column here http://www.lopforums.com/showthread.php?t=406 where I looked at the Hogan overselling and slapped Shawn's wrists a little for it. At the same time, we cannot forget that he is a throwback to the oldschool where OTT and set of signature moves was the name of the game. However, I do feel you are a bit harsh as he does, time and time again, have 4 star matches and the guys you (rightly or wrongly) pointed out as carrying him, dont have that consistency for great matches.

My last point is saved for Mr Coachman and I have to say The Coach was brilliant in what he did. I feel the guy came 10 years too late. He could have been brilliant in the era of managers. He provided entertainment in everything he did and was an awesome bitch to Vinnie Mac. I miss him too. Let's start a petition to get him rehired.

Please, please, please do one of these again down the line.

[Benjamin Button]

You want Coach in your apartment. Get in line. He’s mine! Seriously, it’s great to hear someone mention Coach. When Jerry Lawler is gone, WWE will regret not having him to be the greatest colored commentator in the world.


HBK has had wayyyyy too many good matches to be the one that is always being carried. He had match of the year with a couple of broomsticks, Vince McMahon and Flair.


Kong vs. men? Let’s see it.


Best two highlights of the column


1.

'Sorry ma'am, I love me some loose women, but I don't fuck with chicks with baby daddy drama, word life.'

2. The look at John Cena. . He did have his best times in 2007, and the mention of Cena vs. Christian makes me salivate. Orton has been given a much better storied history, as of late, than Cena, yet he just doesn’t have what Cena has.

[CoLD]

Where would you be if it wasn't for me?

[doublehelix]

Originally Posted by Uncle Joe

You are now observing the part where I'm done.

The only accurate sentence in this entire "column". In quotes. I put "column" in quotes. That shows derision. That is expressing an idea subtly through text. Something you evidently can't do. Evidently <------- an adverb. Do you even know what those are? No, of course not. Maybe you think I'm being harsh. I don't know because you can't express that idea through text because you are not skilled at writing (i.e., wordcraft). Cry me a river. Play me a fiddle. Explore Stevie Richards anus. The check is in the mail, the cum is in the check. Holla!

[Barney]

Great stuff! You are gifted at saying a great deal in a little space which is what every writer is to strive for. I just choose to completely ignore the HBK section and account that either Bret Hart put you up to that or you wanted to write one ridiculous paragraph just to make sure everyone was really reading!

I am/have always been a huge supporter of Cena. Even if I hated him, I would have to admit that he has had Hogan/Austin potential but little has been done with it.

Ps. My next column is going to be venturing into the pysche of HBK, so you should def. give it a read whenever it gets posted. ;-)

[Martin Riggs]

Forget about vs Men, i want to see Awesome Kong face Beth Phoenix! That's gold, right there.

Enjoyment in column. Yay.

[Tony Starx]

Forget about the Coach; who needs to come back is heel King. This PG rated imposter sucks. Also, Maryse isn't bad, she's just competant, much better than Mickie though. I think Alex Shelley is TNA's 2nd best roster talent, but I don't think he'll do much outside of the Indy's, which is why I think he's fine with what he's doing in TNA.

[Super Chrisss]

I don't think I could disagree with your points anymore.

HBK, Dreamer, and Punk are fucking awesome.

I hate the Coach even more thsn Michael Cole.

Hernandez is the "flavour of the month".

Awesome Kong is over-rated.

And Cena still sucks.

These are just my opinions of course, and I'm lazy enough to NOT back them up so ha.

Good column though.

[FutureDonkey]

Regale me with tales of your pharmasutical (fuck me for butchering the spelling) adventures and I am a happy man. Word life, bitch.

6. Sure.

10. So you don't support talentless fucks in the WWE, for shame

9. Yes, indeed, I saw them on Raw and...I really didn't get a hard-on, since you're always asking me about that. Or maybe I'm delusional. Anywho, that bitch has a big distracting forhead so boo, and she used to have big distracting hair when she was on SmackDown (it looked like it was alive and might eat her) so boo again.

2. I don't watch TNA. For all I know, you might be lying to me. Bastard.

8. I don't care. She makes me come alive.

3. Cockmeat.

7. Me too, I hated his commentary, but his GM work was incredible. Best bald guy ever.

4. Speaking of bald guys. I'd defend him, but he's an old man and will probably die soon anyway, so why bother. I bet you wish that was your imaginary dick that he was sucking off?

9. Eh.

1. I stopped caring about Cena in '95, I shall be using this space for Evan Bourne and Matt Hardy.

Evan Bourne and Matt Hardy: This year's best non-existing homo-couple.






















You are now observing the part where I am not done.


Dig it, sucka!

[Freeman]

Fantastic work homie. I didn't think I'd enjoy this, but I'm pleased to say it was as good and perhaps maybe even better than your usual work. A welcome change from the norm, your ability to switch up topics and styles is quite something at times.

[Uncle Joe]

Originally Posted by Box Car Rocco

I agree with you on a few points:

1. HBK sucks. I can't get into his matches because his character is almost non-existant to me.

2. Hernandez is awesome. If he was in the Terrordome match a month or so ago, it would have been 10x better. Did you see a couple of weeks ago where he held Morgan above his head for like, 20 seconds. Very impressive. He also did it to Joe aswell.

Nah man, I wasn't able to catch it since I work Thursday evenings. I'll try and look for it, but that sounds might impressive.

Originally Posted by Glacier

7. I miss the Coach <3.

I do man. I miss his smell, I miss his scent, and when this is all over, I think we should get an apartment together.





does this mean that you want coach to fondle your nutsack like HBK shows us in the gif?

you're a weird guy Gohan. a weird one.

as for the column, i think Coach is needed on the announce team. the only thing good about HBK are his matches. and i havent seen traci brooks' vagina, so a link would be much appreciated.

Well I sent you the link, but you "cant see the picture"

Originally Posted by Mazza

Joe, I have to say I absolutely loved this column and in fact, there may have been a little homo involved in that too. We have come to expect randomness and craziness from you and then you put out a list column of random thoughts. 2 things that a n00b would put out and get slaughtered for. But you know what, I love me a list column and I love me some random thoughts if they are done properly. This was a prime example of how to succeed with both. If anyone is disappointed that there was not much "vintage" Joe, that intro right there was more than enough for the whole column. As for the actual content, I do not know enough about the non-WWE stuff to pass comment but I can on the rest.

The Alicia Fox one was hillarious. Dreamer does suck some serious ass and there is a lot of potential to Jackslov (TM Mazza). The Cena part was very interesting as was the HBK part. You know, growing up I was not much of an HBK fan. He had an interesting character but I never bought him beating guys that much bigger than him. On his return he has impressed me much. BUT, his selling is downright comical at times as is his cheesy acting (which I can't believe some people class as second to none). In fact, I did this column here http://www.lopforums.com/showthread.php?t=406 where I looked at the Hogan overselling and slapped Shawn's wrists a little for it. At the same time, we cannot forget that he is a throwback to the oldschool where OTT and set of signature moves was the name of the game. However, I do feel you are a bit harsh as he does, time and time again, have 4 star matches and the guys you (rightly or wrongly) pointed out as carrying him, dont have that consistency for great matches.

My last point is saved for Mr Coachman and I have to say The Coach was brilliant in what he did. I feel the guy came 10 years too late. He could have been brilliant in the era of managers. He provided entertainment in everything he did and was an awesome bitch to Vinnie Mac. I miss him too. Let's start a petition to get him rehired.

Please, please, please do one of these again down the line.

I'll try once again at a later date in time. Thanks for the love

Originally Posted by Benjamin Button

You want Coach in your apartment. Get in line. He’s mine! Seriously, it’s great to hear someone mention Coach. When Jerry Lawler is gone, WWE will regret not having him to be the greatest colored commentator in the world.


HBK has had wayyyyy too many good matches to be the one that is always being carried. He had match of the year with a couple of broomsticks, Vince McMahon and Flair.


Kong vs. men? Let’s see it.


Best two highlights of the column


1.


2. The look at John Cena. . He did have his best times in 2007, and the mention of Cena vs. Christian makes me salivate. Orton has been given a much better storied history, as of late, than Cena, yet he just doesn’t have what Cena has.

I much appreciate your feedback Mr. Button.

Originally Posted by CoLD

Where would you be if it wasn't for me?

my house.

Originally Posted by doublehelix

The only accurate sentence in this entire "column". In quotes. I put "column" in quotes. That shows derision. That is expressing an idea subtly through text. Something you evidently can't do. Evidently <------- an adverb. Do you even know what those are? No, of course not. Maybe you think I'm being harsh. I don't know because you can't express that idea through text because you are not skilled at writing (i.e., wordcraft). Cry me a river. Play me a fiddle. Explore Stevie Richards anus. The check is in the mail, the cum is in the check. Holla!

Bitch.

Originally Posted by Barney

Great stuff! You are gifted at saying a great deal in a little space which is what every writer is to strive for. I just choose to completely ignore the HBK section and account that either Bret Hart put you up to that or you wanted to write one ridiculous paragraph just to make sure everyone was really reading!

I am/have always been a huge supporter of Cena. Even if I hated him, I would have to admit that he has had Hogan/Austin potential but little has been done with it.

Ps. My next column is going to be venturing into the pysche of HBK, so you should def. give it a read whenever it gets posted. ;-)

Let me know when it's up. My Alzheimer's is killing me.

Originally Posted by JohnnyBoomerang

Forget about vs Men, i want to see Awesome Kong face Beth Phoenix! That's gold, right there.

Enjoyment in column. Yay.

Porno?

Originally Posted by Tony Starx

Forget about the Coach; who needs to come back is heel King. This PG rated imposter sucks. Also, Maryse isn't bad, she's just competant, much better than Mickie though. I think Alex Shelley is TNA's 2nd best roster talent, but I don't think he'll do much outside of the Indy's, which is why I think he's fine with what he's doing in TNA.

I like Shelley son, but I dunno, something is off about that guy.

Originally Posted by Super Chrisss

I don't think I could disagree with your points anymore.

HBK, Dreamer, and Punk are fucking awesome.

I hate the Coach even more thsn Michael Cole.

Hernandez is the "flavour of the month".

Awesome Kong is over-rated.

And Cena still sucks.

These are just my opinions of course, and I'm lazy enough to NOT back them up so ha.

Good column though.

I may not disagree with your thoughts, but I will fight for the right to defend it . . . or something like that.

Originally Posted by FutureDonkey

Regale me with tales of your pharmasutical (fuck me for butchering the spelling) adventures and I am a happy man. Word life, bitch.

6. Sure.

10. So you don't support talentless fucks in the WWE, for shame

9. Yes, indeed, I saw them on Raw and...I really didn't get a hard-on, since you're always asking me about that. Or maybe I'm delusional. Anywho, that bitch has a big distracting forhead so boo, and she used to have big distracting hair when she was on SmackDown (it looked like it was alive and might eat her) so boo again.

2. I don't watch TNA. For all I know, you might be lying to me. Bastard.

8. I don't care. She makes me come alive.

3. Cockmeat.

7. Me too, I hated his commentary, but his GM work was incredible. Best bald guy ever.

4. Speaking of bald guys. I'd defend him, but he's an old man and will probably die soon anyway, so why bother. I bet you wish that was your imaginary dick that he was sucking off?

9. Eh.

1. I stopped caring about Cena in '95, I shall be using this space for Evan Bourne and Matt Hardy.

Evan Bourne and Matt Hardy: This year's best non-existing homo-couple.






















You are now observing the part where I am not done.


Dig it, sucka!

Wheres the shovel?

Originally Posted by Freeman

Fantastic work homie. I didn't think I'd enjoy this, but I'm pleased to say it was as good and perhaps maybe even better than your usual work. A welcome change from the norm, your ability to switch up topics and styles is quite something at times.

Really? I was under the impression that I do the same shit all the time.

[Phantom Lord]

I got some good laugh's from this. Though I think there is ZERO chance of Cena becoming interesting and being hailed again. If you've seen one Cena match you've seen them all.

The Traci line was good. But I like to think she doesn't have a Arby's Cheddar melt. Hell if she does it's still good.

[LimeFlavored]

What did we learn, boys and girls? Let's review:

We learned that Alicia Fox's nipples can pick up radio signals from space.
We learned that I am no longer the only human being on the planet that thinks that gif Joe posted about Michaels' is what he actually does: suck.
We learned that Hernandez is a lot better than a lot of people give him credit for.
We learned that Primo is hailed as "better than a bag of chips" in Joe's "all that and" selection of top 5ers in the WWE.
We learned that Maryse (and by my own notation most of the WWE women's roster) is a one trick pony with no talent for wrestling and does little more than serve as eye candy.
We learned that Joe thinks Evan Bourne is homosexual, though I disagree.
Finally, we learned that Coach is missed. Wait, what? Coach? I'm just glad I don't have to see that tool on ESPN (because I don't watch the stuff he's on, thankfully).

Nice column.