Mythology: An Explanation & Us vs. Them

[LimeFlavored]

MYTHOLOGY
By DJ “Lime Flavored” Allen

THE VILLAIN IN OUR MIDST

For those who are not familiar with my feelings on Michael Hickenbottom (a.k.a. Shawn Michaels), I would like to elaborate on that particular subject.

My first exposure to Shawn Michaels was when the Rockers debuted in the WWE in 1988. Michaels and Jannetty came in during an era where you spent an obnoxious amount of time building up to a singles/main event status and then hovering only as long as the company and crowds allowed you to. At the time, I had no idea that things would become much more accelerated and thus didn’t put much thought into the idea that either one of these guys was going to amount to much in the long run.

Looking at just their in ring talent, there was nothing extraordinary about either Michaels or Jannetty. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say that if they weren’t being presented as baby faces against nobodies like the Twin Towers, the Brain Busters, the Bolsheviks, and the Rougeaus. While some other fans may rave about the performances that these guys put on, I can honestly say that the one live event I saw the Rockers at did little to impress anything but disappointment on me.

Eventually, for whatever reason, Marty Jannetty and Shawn Michaels split up as a team and that made Shawn Michaels into a singles competitor. His lackluster abilities (in my opinion) were enhanced by the “Heartbreak Kid” gimmick, which did (to me) exactly what it was designed to do: piss me off. I can’t pin down exactly what it was about the gimmick that actually irks me but to this day, I refuse to refer to Hickenbottom as HBK. I suppose the old saying goes “once a punk, always a punk.”

The advent of Monday Night Raw was something I had been highly interested in as a concept for some time (because taped matches and seeing the same results in multiple locations was killing the illusion for me) and when the show spent more time than I cared to devote on Michaels, I was pushed into checking out other avenues of entertainment while he was being profiled. Then he disappeared for a while and I was once again content to watch without being annoyed.

I think that the major reason most people like Michaels is the creation of the Ladder Match, which saw Razor Ramon and Shawn Michaels use as the catalyst for the Intercontinental Championship. Without blinking an eye, I can say that I hate ladder matches because if you have to melodramatic on a ladder to avoid winning too early, then you could choose a different way to wrestle the match. (In my opinion, Ladder Matches gave a green light to other crappy match types like the “on a pole,” tables, and hardcore style of matches.) This was the first real crack I saw in my wrestling fandom because what I grew up watching was turning to crap.

Another strike against Michaels was the creation of the monthly “In Your House” pay per view schedule. Why did we need more pay per views to dilute the big ones that we already had? I hated those worthless monthly pay per views and I blame Shawn Michaels for their creation... because without Shawn Michaels leading the way (which I believe he was digging in as the Clique did then), there wouldn’t need to be more pay per views. I find it funny that since the monthly pay per views, revenues for each of the “big PPVs” has dropped because people aren’t getting as many as they used to get.

Thankfully, I had WCW to start watching. While I was still solidly behind Bret Hart at the top of the WWE, I started checking out WCW more and more. Sting was turning into the Crow, the n.W.o. was not only interesting but also mind bogglingly genius, and all of the guys from WWE I used to care about were moving to WCW to get face time. I was also ecstatic about the chances to see Ric Flair take on Hulk Hogan, a “fantasy match” makers dream before live wrestling TV.

The one thing I don’t blame on Shawn Michaels, nor do I give him credit for, was the breaking of kayfabe (because I think that kayfabe is ridiculous). When the Clique really started showing that they were doing a lot of “string pulling” is when I started hating Shawn Michaels in earnest. I shouldn’t have known about the Clique but they were unavoidable at the time. The whole lot of them really ruined things and scarred the landscape of professional wrestling for a long, long time.

My disgust with Michaels continued when his off and on feud with Bret Hart resulted in several avoided matches with the Hitman. Michaels was, in my opinion, being a stuck up ass in not wanting to “play the game” in losing to Hart at WrestleMania 13. When Hart started outing Michaels about his alleged knee injury is another thing that pushed my respect for Michaels out the door.

Then came the day WWE died… the first time, anyway. To begin the heralded “Attitude Era,” Degeneration X was born putting together Triple H, Shawn Michaels and Chyna. Though I don’t consider this a “stable,” by definition they were a “managed tag team,” I do consider this version of DX to be a very disgusting and stupid way for two grown men to act. The utter childishness of DX during this time period really turned me off and I actually stopped watching WWE all together and switched completely to WCW. They were at least being mature on television. If WWE wasn’t going to give mature audiences Bret Hart and the true “force” of the company, then I wasn’t going to waste me time hoping for more Hart and less immature behavior.

What really puts the icing on the cake of hating Michaels was the Montreal Screw Job. I’ve seen the documentary footage and while I believe that Vince McMahon was ultimately the one who “pulled the trigger” on the event, Shawn Michaels was not only the one who came up with the idea but also feigned ignorance that he had no idea what was going to happen. His lies, on top of his immature behavior, really gave me a reason to stop watching WWE for a long time.

To this day, back injury or not, Shawn Michaels has done little to impress me with his in ring ability. Since returning from that injury (which I was praying he didn’t return because that meant I would finally be rid of him), he has done little to change my mind. While he has supposedly “found God,” I will be unable to erase the childish behavior coupled with the inability to work with true talented wrestlers for the betterment of the company. When I say that Shawn Michaels is a no talent hack that is because I truly believe that he has been carried in every “great match” he’s ever been given credit for. You give me a match that is considered one of the “all time greatest” with Shawn Michaels in it and I’ll give you the reasons the other guy did worlds better than Shawn Michaels.

I’ve mellowed a little on how outwardly disgusted I am with the man but I refuse to give him any credit for “turning over a new leaf.” His return to the WWE in a full time capacity has seen the rebirth of the “tag team” DX, plenty of pointless feuds that have done nothing to further anyone’s career but his own, and will continue to be a stain on the WWE for years to come. My sincerest hope is that he is shipped off to Smackdown or ECW if he must remain with the WWE so that I don’t have to see him anymore, because I don’t watch either of those two programs.

All I can say is that for those wondering what my issue is, that is as plain as I think I can put it without resorting to obscenities and swearing.

KNOWING IS MORE THAN HALF THE BATTLE

Here we are, writing columns on the Internet about a common passion that many of us have so that insight from one can enlighten others. We are the fans of sports entertainment (because professional wrestling doesn’t really define what we watch anymore). One thing that we, as fans, often forget is that despite our sincerest efforts, we don’t know what we’re doing when it comes to sports entertainment.

There are columnists on the Internet who profess to have a “man on the inside” who they can feed information to when they have a good idea. Others claim that their idea appeared in an efed somewhere and then they saw that same idea a few weeks later on live TV during Raw, Smackdown, or WCW Monday Nitro. Still others delude themselves into thinking that Paul Heyman, Vince McMahon, Dixie Carter, or Vince Russo can’t do half as good a job as they could. All of these people are reading my column, your column, our friend’s column, and most likely writing their own column.

What they need to remember is what I have come to understand without anyone needing to tell me: the professionals are doing what they are doing because they know how, while we, as fans, do not.

Back in the day (Wednesday, remember?), I was writing a regular column for another site and was engaged in a column war with another columnist. While my ideas weren’t necessarily rooted in the solid foundation that they are today, I still consider the ideas that I had sensible enough to be the “voice of reason” in that argument. My opponent, however, was deluded enough to believe that they were not only as good, but better at running a sports entertainment company as Vince McMahon. I state that name because that is the name they stated.

If they are so good, why are they just writing columns on the Internet, for free?

The people responsible for bringing us our weekly dose of sports entertainment are paid professionals. While the use of the “booker” might still be used today, the actual heavy lifting is being done by the television writers hired to write the shows. I do not personally like the sound of television writers bringing me my sports entertainment on a weekly basis but the fact is that I don’t really think I know what seeing the work of JUST a booker is like, and I’m only 33 years old.

The fact of the matter is that television writers have been doing the “booking” (with the help of help from insiders like Vince McMahon or Eric Bischoff) since around the original WrestleMania. A lot of us columnists (I do not speak for the current crop of Lords of Pain columnists as I haven’t gotten to know a lot of them in depth yet) have mistakenly been under the impression bookers have been the sole reason for matches, angles, and whatnot for a long time. That just isn’t the case and hasn’t been so since before Andre the Giant retired.

About ten years ago, I had a friend who did some interning for the WWE. He was basically an office gopher but got to know generally how things ran. While other columnists I knew were touting their knowledge of which wrestler was doing all the booking and whatever, I was being described how things actually worked (no specific details, broad generalities). While I don’t really know if what he was understanding is actually truth, that was the way things were presented to the employees and interns at the WWE. Television writers are doing whatever they can to work with the ideas they have that either mesh with or come from the McMahons. Period. While someone like Triple H might have some input, the position of “booker” doesn’t really exist anymore.

What I’m trying to say is that fans don’t know what their doing. WE don’t know what WE’RE doing. I am someone who sits on my couch and watches TNA Impact every week, not really knowing where things are going until they happen and I have no idea who is really calling the shots or writing the scripts. No one else does, either, unless they are getting paid to know. As columnists writing for free, I can almost guarantee that none of us have a real firm grasp on what happens behind the scenes.

Give the writers some slack. Some of them are coming from dramas, sitcoms, and procedural crime shows to write for what used to be known as professional wrestling. I don’t know what kind of transition that entails but it can’t be an easy one. Anyone not doing that exact job really can’t talk about whether or not they could do a better job… don’t say you can do something, show you can do it.

LESSONS FROM MYTHOLOGY

I hate Shawn Michaels. There isn’t going to be anyone to sway me from that opinion. If you want to try, go ahead, but you’re wasting your time and breathe. In the case of column feedback, you’re wasting your fingertips typing messages that will have no effect.

What can be changed is the product of the WWE advancing into new territory or returning solidly to the formula that got them to where they are at today. I wrote about that in the last column but as long as Vince McMahon keeps hanging onto people like Shawn Michaels instead of developing new talent we aren’t going to see anything new or innovative.

As far as fans and columnists go, we should be insightful and productive with our feedback and topics rather than picking up on something and complaining about it for four messages/columns. That doesn’t do anyone any good. If the top people are reading these, then all they are seeing is negativity. I’m not saying that Lords of Pain columnists necessarily fit into this mold but I am saying that we can set the standard.

Think on it.

[Mister E]

I hate Shawn Michaels. There isn’t going to be anyone to sway me from that opinion. If you want to try, go ahead, but you’re wasting your time and breathe. In the case of column feedback, you’re wasting your fingertips typing messages that will have no effect.

Firstly I've no attention of trying to sway you but I will call you on something else.

You give me a match that is considered one of the “all time greatest” with Shawn Michaels in it and I’ll give you the reasons the other guy did worlds better than Shawn Michaels.

His iron-man match with Bret at Wrestlemania. I thought this match was a little master piece. Both of them gave it their all for the whole hour and to this day few matches compared IMO. It started slow, both men were obviously pacing themselves but as it unravelled it went from strength to strength. Shawn seemed to tire quicker but it didn't stop them going at it hard for the majority. Bret Hart's ability to work a great match was, as always, no doubt a factor in what made this match great. But I think Shawn Michaels more than did his share to make this a great match also.

So please, tell me why the other guy did worlds better than Shawn Michaels? I'm a big Bret Hart fan and never really cared for Shawn Michael's gimmicks or promos but I do believe he is a quality wrestler regardless.

As for the rest of the column, it was a good read. There's no doubting the quality of your writing. You're views on wrestling fans were very interesting and I must agree that fans, in reality have very little knowledge of what truly goes on behind the scenes.

I am someone who sits on my couch and watches TNA Impact every week, not really knowing where things are going until they happen and I have no idea who is really calling the shots or writing the scripts

In many ways thats the best way to watch a wrestling event!

All in all I really enjoyed this, you raised very interesting points even if I didn't agree with all the Shawn Michaels section. I do hope you continue to write regularly.

[Baba O'Riley]

Ric Flair vs Shawn Michaels WM24. Great match, who carried who to having such a great match?

Also, I'd be quite happy for him to be sent to SmackDown, as I believe he is still one of the best in the WWE today, but I'm not going to crucify you for not liking him, nor am I going to try and 'convert' you. All I can say is- watch SmackDown if what you like is wrestling, it is the best T.V show out there in terms of wrestling.

As for the column, I enjoyed it. Although I don't agree with you about Shawn Michaels, you did back up your opinion so I can't have any complaints can I? Also, the colour scheme is FAR better this time around.

Anyway, good column and catch ya next time.

[Uncle Joe]

Much better than your last effort, but just a few small critiques:

1. a bit too long. The HBK part was justifiable on it's own.

2. need to work a bit on the flow of the column, but that will come with time.

3. not enough HBK shitting on.


I must say that I do love you for shitting on HBK.

[Tony Starx]

Hater.

[Super Chrisss]

Sorry man, but HBK can pull a watchable match out of just about anyone. How come almost every Cena-JBL match was horrific, while the two JBL-HBK matches were at least medicore? HBK-Batista? HBK-Flair? HBK-Chris Masters?? The dude is an amazing wrestler, no doubt about it.

I didn't enjoy your first part of the column as much as the second. The first part had too much background information for my liking. The second part was very intriguing and like the others mentioned, you raised up some excellent points.

So yeah, I liked it, man. But I still like Shawn Michaels more!

[Pinky]

First off this was a very well written column, which is something people will expect from you.

Now on to the content. I am a huge fan of Shawn Michaels and personally I believe he is one of the best wrestlers to grace the squared circle. However the reasons you gave for your dislike of him were fair (apart the one about not being talented in the ring) and well thought out.

Now considering a lot of people believe Triple H & Undertaker can only have good matches when working with someone who is also very talented I can't see how you believe Michaels isn't a talented wrestler. His match with HHH back at SSlam '02 was brilliant and as for this year's match with 'Taker, I don't think I've seen more of a certainty for match of the year in the 8 and a half years I've been watching wrestling.

Keep up the good work and will read you next time.

[XanMan]

I enjoyed the hell out of this column and can easily see where you're coming from on Shawn Michaels. Nice job. It's nice to have you aboard.

[Vikodin]

There is no way that we can provide an all-time great match featuring Shawn Michaels where you can't try and make an arguement for the other person doing more work simply because just about all the all-time great matches featuring Shawn michaels were against great wrestlers by themselves who were able to work with Shawn to make a great match. That said.....

Shawn Michaels vs Vince McMahon at Wrestlemania. You explain to me how that was all Vince. While I wouldn't neccessarily call this one of the greatest matches of all time, it was definitely the best one featuring Vince McMahon and was another great match Shawn Michaels was able to give us.

If you actually like wrestling, you should watch Smackdown. That's about it really....

[Andy]

Did you not say in your last column that you don't write columns for other websites anymore? This seemed to me as if you were berrating Michaels to make you stand out from the crowd, because I don't think you believed in what you were writing about him. Just my belief. "efed" should be "e-fed". And that bright white font seriously hurts my eyes-- why don't you use silver?

Well-written piece.

[LimeFlavored]

Eoghan: Were it not for Bret Hart, that match would have been bad. Michaels attempts to be flashy and look like he can do more than he actually can. Bret Hart saved that match from being bad. Not much detail given for that, I know, but when Bret's involved, you don't need much.

SenileTurnip: Never saw that match, so I can't actually comment on it. If I had to guess, though, I'd say that Flair's presence had something to do with it because even right at the end, Flair was still way better than most of the WWE roster.

Uncle Joe: Too long? Wow... never heard that about one of my columns before. I personally like them a bit shorter, myself, too. I wanted to talk about something other than Shawn Michaels, so I added in more. I'll remember that for next time.

Tony Starx: I explained why.

Super Chrisss: Cena knows what he's doing. Batista knows what he's doing. Flair is legendary, are you really saying that a solid technical wrestler can't wrestle? As for Chris Masters, I never saw the match so I can't comment.

Pinky: Thanks, but I must be watching matches that others aren't seeing because Triple H isn't bad at all... Undertaker used to be spectacular and has slipped with all his injuries but he is still really decent in the ring.

XanMan: Thanks a lot and I wanted to get that out of the way so I can move on to more interesting topics... Michaels has had too much press already, for my liking.

Vikodin: I'm going to have to start watching Smackdown, I guess... I do enjoy more wrestling than antics, which is why I'm keeping my schedule full of TNA. Its been some time since I watched a WrestleMania and I certainly wouldn't have paid to see Michaels and McMahon. As I'm seeing a pattern with (from comments from others), my definition of a good match apparently differs from what others consider a good match.

Andy: Silver? I'll give it a try. As for the main topic, I wanted to cover it and move on. I wrote about how I feel because I was getting a lot of comments about my first columns' comments about Michaels. Elaboration was needed. And, lastly, I've seen e-fed done both ways, I personally like eFed, but I change it from time to time to see if anyone cares. Apparently, someone does!

[Roger Murtaugh]

I'm confused, how did HBK have anything to do with In Your House being created? It had more to do with WCW starting to replace Clash of the Champions with new PPVs and WWE wanting to keep up. How, Shawn was even mentioned in that decision is beyond me.

The writing was solid and glad to see you toned down the confrontational nature. It's ok to confront your reader and challenge their thoughts, just don't do it in a way that makes them not want to read again.

That being said, I'm a huge HBK fan so obviously we disagree on that aspect.

I will say this though, you actually believe Batista is a better WRESTLER than HBK? I can understand if you simply like Batista more, can't argue that but saying Batista is a better wrestler than HBK is like saying the Ultimate Warrior is a better wrestler than Ricky Steamboat.

Oh well, we'll have to agree to disagree on this one because I get the feeling that neither of us are going to be swayed.

[Prince-Jigsaw]

I love TNA, watch it every week, but it IS NOT something you watch for wrestling. TNA and ECW fight for most ring time every week, and last week TNA won by 5 minutes(31 to 26). Keep in mind though that TNA is 2 hours long. That's an hour and half of the so-called antics that you claim to not like.

I too don't like Shawn Michaels, so this was an enjoyable read with a few minor errors. Keep up the good work, and I'm looking forward to your next one.