The Boomerang Prophecies XXXIII: Decisions

[Martin Riggs]

Welcome.

Before I start, I feel you should know, this is not a story. I am not an empty narrative, filling in aspects of the tale that are otherwise ambiguous. There are no characters, no dialgue, there is no witty banter. There’s just you and me. When I speak, understand that I’m talking to you. Let your ears hear, lets your eyes see, open yourself to exploration. I am not just an empty narrative. I am a messenger, put here to open people’s eyes to the truth. I am here because you have to make a choice, and I am going to help you make the correct decision. You are at a point I was once at, with a choice that I once made myself. I am not just an empty narrative.

And with that, I welcome you to the real world.

I know what you’re thinking, it is remarkably similar to the place you live in, the environment you’ve perceived for so long. But I’m here to tell you that you’ve been lied to. The life you thought you had? It doesn’t exist. The truths you depended on? Corrupted shortcomings of a vicious web of lies. Forgive me for sounding clichéd, but you’ve been living in a dream world. I’m here to deliver a message, to open your eyes, as mine were, to the truth.

Wrestling isn’t real.

I know, at first you’re going to try to deny it. It’s been such a big part of your life for so long, you don’t know anything else. It’s part of your very fibre, it’s soaked into your skin. It runs through your blood and into your heart. I know that it’s intertwined itself with your body, spirit and mind, but that does not change the simple fact that wrestling as you know it is nothing more than a prefabricated fantasy. As hard as it is to digest, it’s the truth. Your body will reject it at first, but with me here to guide you, we’ll get you through it.


You’re scared, aren’t you? Don’t worry, everyone is frightened at first. I was. Your brain has a lot to process, so much so that it’s overloading and shutting down. You’re probably going to experience some headaches for the next few hours. Worlds were never meant to be turned upside-down. Now, sit down. I can tell you this, or I can show you this. It’s time I unveiled the full truth to you. The WWE is a billion-dollar corporation owned by Vincent Kennedy McMahon. You know this, of course. This fits with the beliefs you had. The WWE employs dozens of professional wrestlers to perform on one of three brands: Raw, Smackdown or ECW. This, also, you know. But they don’t wrestle. They pretend. I’ll be honest, there is a fair amount of physicality involved, but each move is constructed to do the least amount of damage to a superstar, whilst looking like it does the most. They’re actually protecting each other. The WWE is plagued with liars and cheats, people who go out and deceive thousands of people on a nightly basis. It’s the sad truth that this:

Isn’t real. It happened, but it didn’t really happen. It’s just two charlatans, tricking the world into believing that they’re really fighting. They were not. They performed their graceful dance of staged combat, and then they went home, patting each other on the back for their convincing and emotional performances. Yes, in that world, there are injuries that occur during the matches. But they are more punishments for unsuccessfully performing a ‘move‘, incorrectly applying a ‘hold’. An injury in that world is something that occurs when they aren’t doing as they’re supposed to. But still, it beggars the question ‘why should injuries be so important?’ The supposed idea behind most of these matches is that the opponents want to hurt one another, and yet when there’s an injury we’re supposed to act dismayed and surprised? It’s obvious when observing from above, when looking on in hindsight, how plainly the truth shone out. Do not feel embarrassed, most people do not come to understand until afterwards. It was only a select few who were enlightened at the time. It was those enlightened ones who freed the first of us. From then on it has been my mission to bring the truth to people.


The WWE has had you in a virtual coma for practically your whole life. You look, smell and act like a regular human, but deep down you’re not. You’re a victim. You’re a tool, a singular part of a larger corporate-induced machine, designed for one sole purpose. It all leads to the simple truth: Wrestling and the WWE changed everything the way they did, in order to turn a human being into one of these:

Well I’m here to show you a world without wrestling kayfabe in it. An unadulterated, smart, intelligent world in which analysis is performed from a technical point of view, where the staged status of it all is accepted for what it is. A world where people can acknowledge that not everything is as seen, where the backstage is just as important as the main stage. A place where people can discuss the depths of the core of ‘sports entertainment’ without the rose-tinted glasses of innocence. A place where people see things for what they really are. And now, the time has come to make your decision:

If you want a world full of experience, knowledge and truth, choose the blue pill


If you want to return to the world of innocence and lies, choose the red pill


The choice is yours, just ask yourself: Do you think, knowing all that you do, that you’d want to go back?

[The Maz]

N00B ERROR!!! - Sort that banner width out JB! (Feedback will be coming later)

[Martin Riggs]

Ugh leave me alone i'm ill! Done and done mazzwin, happy now?

['Plan]

I've already given you my feedback dude but I just wanted to state here, to make it official, that this was fucking awesome and quite possibly one of, if not my favourite column ever!

Everything just clicked. Great stuff!!!

[Romeo]

I'll be honest. It was well-written, you obviously had a message and a focus, you were clear and concise about that message and focus, but in the end hugely disappointed me.

Your red pill-blue pill thing was obviously intended as your punchline, your hook, but the fact that you decided that you would let the links talk for you kind of fell flat in my book.

I mean, sure, it was clever. It was a clever allegory. But it could have been better if you took the time to even at least briefly yet thoroughly elaborate on the two links a little more instead of letting them stand alone and end the column on that note.

Basically, what I'm looking for is a resolution, and I didn't feel that what you did was a resolution to the column. Again, the build-up was good, but it was disappointing to see it build up to an anti-climax.

[Martin Riggs]

Romeo, yeah i get what you're saying. I think, when writing it, i was wary (as i always am) of just repeating myself, and saying essentially the same thing again, hence the short sentence leading to the choices.

Buuut, looking back on it, i could definitely have written around that, and padded them out somewhat to give it more emphasis and explanation, without repeating. Something for the future to think about!

Thank you for reading, and being honest!

[SkittleZ]

Holy snapcicles, Johnny B!

I'm with Plantastic on this one as you absolutely nailed it.

Oh and this..."their graceful dance of staged combat"... was marvelous stuff.

I'm sure you already know that I found it somewhat short but the message was delivered on cue. You & Cici are the masters of the swift and sound column.

Entertaining material, homie. The links were a nice touch.

[Baba O'Riley]

Mr Boomerang, I enjoyed this column. It was well written and clever. Yes, the end was slightly anti-climactic, but so what? It didn't take anything away from my enjoyment to the column as it was still a very clever thing. Sure with a bit more of an explanation it would have made it better, but I still enjoyed it so what more could I ask for?
Good read Johnny, read you next time

[UNCfan]

I loved this column, and I can't wait for the resolution. My only advice is to have the blue pill column and red pill column released at the same time.

[Freeman]

I thought the blue pill leads to an increase in your sex drive?

Throughout this whole thing, I kept thinking "where the fuck is he going with this?" "Get to the point" and "what's the purpose of this?"

Then you pulled out a moment from one of my favourite films of all time, and I marked out like a good 'un.

I must say that I don't usually like abrupt endings like that, but I think it was much more effective to do it that way and leave the reader hanging a bit, wanting more. Overall, I didn't like it one bit until the end, now I love it! Does that make sense? No? Oh well.

Nice job sir.

[Super Chrisss]

I don't think people should be critizing this column because of the sudden ending. The words were powerful, I actually felt emotions while reading, and your narrative voice can appeal to just about everyone.

In other words, I loved it.

[Andy]

I personally think that if you had have gone on a bit longer with this, people would have wanted it to be shorter, so not everybody would have been pleased either way. I thought the quality wavered towards the end, but it ended on the right note. I genuinely didn't know where you were going with this, so kudos for the suspense and all that.

[Benjamin Button]

I don't have a problem with the pictures at the end, as you used pictures throughout your narrative, not to do your writing for you but to add to the unarguably excellent writing.

The best case of this came with the HBK/Flair picture.

It’s obvious when observing from above, when looking on in hindsight, how plainly the truth shone out. Do not feel embarrassed, most people do not come to understand until afterwards.

The picture looked completely different after I read that. Brilliant. This, in itself, is COTM worthy.

[The Maz]

I read this whole thing thinking "So what?" and assuming you were losing your creative edge. It is amazing how one little paragraph at the end just turned it around. I would not go as far to say it is my favourite JB column but it was expertly executed. The length was just right, any longer and I may have switched off. I really really wish I could take that red pill and I actually think I would if my mind could have a total reset. Great work as always.

[Martin Riggs]

Time for some mandatory retaliation.

Mr Plan, thank you for your kind words, you flatter me. Yeah. Ta.

Mr Romeo, thanks again for the critique

Mr Skittlez, you find my work too short, and i find yours too long. I think we're going to have to agree that we're different people Thanks for stopping by!

Mr Turnip, the thing is, i wasn't really going for a climactic finish. The column isn't in crescendo form, and was really more of an introduction into a different world, which began with the links

Mr UNCfan, erm, the blue pill linked to LoP, while the red pill linked to WWE.com, so i don't think i'll be doing any follow-up columns on them, but still, that would've been fun!

Mr Freeman, actually yes, that does make sense. Remember how in my column i said things look different in hindsight? Well at the time you didn't appreciate it, but looking back you loved it! Magic! And the whole thing was Matrix themed. I threw in as many references as i thought were necessary. I actually based the idea of this column from Morpheus' speech after Neo is 'freed', but i set it a bit before. And the title? Matrix font, just bronzed and given a cartoon effect. Go photobucket!

Mr Chrisss, thank you for your praise! My narrative is one of the strongest things about my columns, so i'm glad it hasn't worn away after time

Mr Andy, yeah, i wrote this completely out of order, i was writing bits at one time then moving to other stuff, and i really should have just gone over it at the end, i knew it'd fall somewhere! And yeah, you can't accommodate everyone, so it's fine that some people would take issue with the column

Mr Button, CotM worthy? Nah, it's out of season. The real beasts for CotM usually come around the 23rd of each month. That way it's fresh in everyone's mind. Like the oscars, really. Still, thanks for reading!

Mr Mazza, i love it! I love how some people just disliked the column all the way through, then at the end turned round and were like 'that was actually awesome'. It tickles me so