The Sweet Smell Of Napalm vol.7 "Did You Miss Me?"

[TheLipBomb]

The Sweet Smell of Napalm vol.7 “Did you miss me?"

What is going on my favorite bunch of bitches? (hey, take it easy, it’s just a joke) Ha ha! Yes it’s me, TheLipBomb here again to bring the heat in the form of wrestling columns. The most explosive piece of writing on the brand new LOP forums, TSSON is back and not a moment to soon.

CSI didn’t really work out as I planned obviously. But, fear not because this BombKnight will have a chance to “slay the dragon”. So now that I have my priorities straighted out “Napalm” is back in action and ready to shove some A-bomb.
Now enough of that…

Let’s Light the Fuse!!!

---Tomorrow is Oscar night and although many a good movie has been made this past year, nothing has my vote more than “The Wrestler”. Not only do I want is to win do to personal byass, I want it to win so that people realize that Wrestling is more than just “fake”. That it takes more than big muscles and flashy moves to be successful in the wrestling biz. Indy or Pro, Rookie or Ledgend, male or female, it takes that much passion for this sport to make a living and entertain the fans. Someone recently said that they were glad that Brock Lesnar won the UFC world title. I couldn’t agree more. Brock being a former “fake fighter” hitting the big time in “real fighting” means HUGE for Wrestling. In fact, any positive outlook on WWE is truly welcome every since that accident with Chris B**oit.

---No Way Out has come and passed and what a night it was. World titles changed hands, feuds were cemented, and Mania 09’ is closer than ever. Last Sunday proved that NWO is a must see before the big dance and here’s why. If I were a nine or ten year old mark watching WWE and seeing the shocking results I would think, “Hey if No way out is really this good then next year I’ll save enough money to buy that one too along with the other four PPVs that I already pay for anyway!” See what I mean? If Vince keeps booking these “Sweve-N-Turns” then No Way Out will appeal to the fan and make them go out and spend their hard earned green to get it. The little boy works hard doing chores and yard work for this. DON’T LEAVE HIM DISSAPOINTED, WWE!!!!!!!

---Dammit! Why did they release Scotty Goldman? If you have seen him in his indy work you would know that Colt Cabana was an awesome wrestler and a good worker. This is another gripe I have with WWE. They hire exceptionally good talent and then they hook them up with crappy gimmicks and are already squashed before the are given a chance to succed. Dolph Ziggler, Deuce and Domino, Kizarny the list goes on and on of good talent that they screwed over. Granted I don’t think that Colt could be the next John Cena but, there is no reason that he couldn’t have been at least be a Scotty 2 Hotty. No wait…never mind.


Countdown Initiated…Destruction Imminent…



“The way they left us all in the dark, they blocked the sun so I carry the torch…”
-Fair To Midland



As it is now and how it has been I really haven’t enjoyed the way they have been pushing Champions and Championships. Do the WWE even care anymore? Seriously, is it that bad? Let’s take a look at the past year. “Chicago Made” Punk lost the ECW title on a regular edition of ECW. And later that year Chavo lost the title in 8 seconds to Kane at Mania 24. The World Tag Titles have been whored to one week reigns, winners that aren’t even legit tag teams, and exchanges on house shows. The WWE tag titles have done better but they look as if they have no real direction. Paul London and Brian Kendrick held the titles for nearly a year. Beating teams like The Pitbulls, KC James and Idol Stevens, MNM, The Mexicools, and even The Hardys. Yet, does anyone remember those teams thats first names don’t start with Matt or Jeff? Thought so. The main reason Londrick lost the titles was because they were planning on moving them to Raw. Only to job to a team like Deuce and Domino and only win one more tag title reign that only lasted 3 days.



Don’t even get me started on the Intercontinental Title. The current champ, Punk, is giving the belt some credibility. However, Punk held his first world title earlier that year. Therefore bringing Punk a step down from where he was before. Santino Marella held the belt for the better part of that year and only because of his funny mic skills. Don’t get me wrong I think Santino is hilarious but, don’t waste the strap on someone who doesn’t even have a finisher move! Surely a step down from the way it was respected in it’s illustrious past. The US belt is the only belt that I can respect because it’s not treated lightly. It’s given to the most deserving mid-carder in order to either push them or push others. The only problem I have with the title is that it has this bewitchment close to what Sheepster discovered with the Royal Rumble’s #14. If you win the United States title you will end up with something bad happening to you. Granted not always terrible but, regretable.
John Cena---Won numerous world titles but suffered two career threatening injuries.


Orlando Jordan---PFFFTT

Chris Benoit---Yeah.

Booker T---TNA…aka hell.

Bobby Lashley---who?

Finlay---Eternal ECW jobber

Mr. Kennedy (kennedy)---Seen him lately?

MVP---losing streak


Anyway, I’m getting off track here so you get what I mean.
The Crusierweight title…fuck, they don’t even have it anymore. Guess Hornswoggle was the final nail in the coffin. The Women’s Title has been well respected and booked thanks to Melina, Mickie, and Beth Pheonix. But it doesn’t count for the fact that women matches are not treated well, as they are normally the time that everybody goes to the pisser.



“Don’t stop moving on, and don’t be afraid to look for the way he makes you feel…”
-VersaEmerge



The divas title is a joke. I’m sorry if you like it but, it’s true. It looks like crap, they give it to Michelle “don’t call me Taker’s bitch” McCool, and keep it from real wrestlers like Victoria and Natalya. The only good thing about it is that my darling Maryse Ouellet is keeping it on her beautiful waist. (You wanna fight for her, Bloodline?) The whole divas division on Smackdown is fruitier than Sir Skittlez himself! (more on him later)



“We sew seeds to see us thru, Because sometimes dreams just don’t come true…”
-Rise Against




Forget about the World titles. First Punk wins on a regular night on Raw. Loses it without defending it. And Jericho loses it to Batista for only one week. Cena wins it back on his first night home and Edge wins it every chance he gets. Trips wins twice a year and Jeff does WORSE than Rey Mysterio. *Gasp!*


The truth is that the belts need/are begging for respect and credibility. If the title switches hands every PPV then the meaning of that belt is lost. Trips hasn’t even been wrestling half the time Ric Flair has and is only 4 reigns away from the record. What does that tell you about the prestiege of Flair’s legacy? Just look at Edge’s title reigns. It makes it look easy for someone to win the world title and beat the record. Maybe I’m being to overdramatic, but wouldn’t you be if your favorite sport’s title was won by a different team every month? What if the Superbowl was contested one a week and three teams would take turns winning. Wouldn’t it mean absolutely nothing? Indeed it would. Which is why WWE or Vince or whoever is in charge needs to make it stop. Bring back blood feuds for the title. Make the Straps important again. Look at MVP and Matt Hardy. Their feud was so important that it made the US title mean something. Give us Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart(Degenny!) at Wrestlemania Iron man matches. Make it so that neither man competing with either tap nor stay down for three seconds. Run up a time limit. Make it so that the only thing that matters in the wrestlers life is to please the fans and win the title.




“I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take, when people run in circles it’s a very very mad world.”
-Tears For Fears



TICK...TICK...TICK...BOOM!!!


-If you have an Xbox 360 or PSTriple then go play Fallout3. NOW!! It's freaking awesome and fun. It is a little hard and slightly scary but, that's what makes it good right? 4 out of 5 C4 packages. YEAH!!!

-Congratulations to Sean Taylor, Ry P, Degenerate, and Mazza for their outstanding work in the CSI Tournament. Makes me proud that I could have a part in such a beautiful gathering. Read their shit and love it because it is fantastic.




Well friends, our time has come to an end. Fret not, for I'm working on a request from Skittlez and Mazza so knowing those two it should be something interesting. And I'm writing it so it will be better than a slice of Strawberry Shortcake(I went there).


Thanks to the following people for making this possible:TheLipBomb, Xanman, JoeyShinobi and SailorJerrry.



As always I switch off the detonator for now but be ready for the next installment. I'm TheLipBomb reminding you to shove an A-bomb up the A-hole.

Bring back SwantonBomb!!!

[cicero]

I agreed with your title assesment; which probably played a big part in me liking this. Otherwise it felt a little short... not sure why...

[The Maz]

This was like a breath of fresh air to the CF. I decided to take a little time out from my CSI column to read this and I am glad I did. ^^^ cicero isn't sure why it seemed short. There are 2 reasons. 1. It was quite short. 2. It was very easy to read through thereby making it seem even shorter. So in summing up

-Very good column
-It's strawberry cheesecake, not shortcake
-Was the pop at Joey really necessary (I guess so, it is you)
-I second bringing back Swanton
-Yes, we missed you

[Box Car Rocco]

In short, this was disapointing

I don't know what it was as the read was decent but it didn't click for me and it's not the length like Mazza suggested. I disagreed with most of what you said but thats also not the problem. Maybe you could have backed up your opinion on how you'd "fix" the titles.

Anyway, read ya next time.

[JoeyShinobi]

Welcome back, kid.

This was good fun again. Yeah, it was a little short, and it wouldn't have hurt to maybe go into a little detail as to how they situation can be improved. For my two cents, it seems the shift from simulating a sport to providing entertainment means that the titles (which are very much derived from sports) take a backseat to the storylines. In the Edge and Taker feud, the belt ended up being secondary. HBK and Jericho was never about the belt, and didn't need to be. I think you're right, there's less prestige attached to all of the belts these days; it's really only Edge whose entire existence revolves around being champion anymore.

Good to see you back, by the way.

[James_A]

Welcome back my young Christian friend.

There were a lot of things you did very well here that made this good. You chose an interesting topic and developed all of your points. I don't know if it's just me but I'd like to see you explore that theory of that United States Champion curse. Back to critique. Watch out for grammar and spelling. That part of your writing can be fixed by simply using spell check in a word processor on your computer (not Notepad, that sucks eggs). Also work on getting your column to a nice 2000 words or more. I used to have a real problem with that myself but it's one of those problems that start to disappear as you write more.

A really good thing I noticed is that you're getting confident and are settling into your writing. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the better your presentation. You seemed to have improved tremendously from the first time I read you. Keep it up LipBomb.

Bring back anonymous!

[Martin Riggs]

i enjoyed reading this, especially the personalisation of the column, it felt like you were talking to me, not at me.

I would've liked to see you go more in depth about each title, but thats just because i want to hear what you think!

Thank you for an entertaining read!

[TheLipBomb]

Alright! Feedback Numero Uno!!

Cicero--Glad to hear(read?) that you enjoyed it. And I'll be sure to bring up the word count up next time.

Mazza--I'm so happy that you enjoyed my piece mazza. So in summing it up...
-Thanks for the feedback
-Tomato, Tomata
-HELLZ YEAH!
-Agreed
-*breaks into song like BK* Can you feel the love tonight!


Box Car Racer--Sorry you found this dissapointing. You're right, I should have spent more time on the defense. Anyway, thanks for reading and feeding.


YOU!!--Absolutely, from memory Tommy Dreamer and Santino Marella are the only guys who actually talk about how bad they want the titles. The straps should mean more to the wrestlers than just a prop. Thanks for reading and...JUST YOU WAIT!!!


James_A--I think I will go back and revisit the "United States Championship Curse" in more detail. Your advice shall be taken, my friend. Thanks for reading. Oh yeah, bring back Nony!


JohnnyBoomerang--And thank you for the positive feedback. I never thought about my columns like that before. And I really do need to spend more time on my work. Thanks again, man.


And to the rest of those reading at home, thanks for stopping by and I hope you enjoyed this installment.

Standby for vol.8!!!