Beyond The Walls #21 - A 24/Love Story

[Super Chrisss]

[The following takes place between 5:00pm and 6:00pm]

I turn off the TV. Everything is set, and I couldn't be happier.

I run down the hallway into my bedroom and open my closet, searching for something to wear. Nothing too fancy mind you, but still, I do want to look my best tonight.

Skimming through my sweaters and John Cena t-shirts, I finally find something worth wearing: a white-collared shirt with tight, blue jeans. Perfect. She'll love them.

As I'm getting changed, my cell phone rings. Before my ringtone can play, I quickly answer.

"Hello?"

"Hi", says the woman on the other end, "are you ready for tonight?"

"Of course! I haven't seen you in forever! I mean, ever since you got your new job and all, it's been hard keeping track of you. It's nice seeing you on TV every week, but M-"

"Well, I miss you too. We're still having at dinner at 6:30 right?

"That's the plan. Or is it too early?"

"Nono, it's perfect. I'll see you soon. Oh, and I have a surprise for you!"

"For me? Aww you shouldn't have M-" But she's already hung up.

I check my watch. It's 5:32. Perfect. I even have time to shower.

Stripping myself down, I head to the bathroom. I turn on the water and jump right in the shower, allowing my senses to be pleasured by the hot liquid. Hmmm that feels so good! Maybe I'll just stay close my eyes and enjoy the sensation a little bit longer...

***

[The following takes place between 6:00pm and 7:00pm]

Oh shit! I fell asleep! How the fuck did I doze off?

Jumping out of the shower, dripping wet and all, I stumble into my bedroom and grab my watch.

6:08 it flashes. Shit. Just how am I supposed to make it downtown in less than half an hour? Time is not on my side.

I grab a towel and quickly dry myself off. I then dress myself as fast as humanly possible, not bothering to wear a tie. I don't think she'll mind, anyways.

Not bothering to gel my hair, I savagely comb it until every hair is as straight as can be, then put on some expensive cologne. Every lady likes it when a guy smells good.

Snatching my wallet and car keys from my dresser, I run back down the hallway and jump into my mini-van. Pulling back from the driveway, all I can think about is whether or not I'll make it to the restaurant in time and how angry she'll be if I don't. I really want that surprise she promised me.

***

It is now 6:24, and I am not at the restaurant. I'm stuck in traffic instead. Some idiot decided to run off the road and cause a scene on a Sunday night. How nice of him. I guess I'd better tell her that I may not make it in time. Taking out my cell phone, I dial her number. It rings and rings, but no answer. Fuck. What do I do now? She's going to kill me if I'm late. Patience was never one of her virtues.

***

6:32. Finally, the traffic has cleared up, and I'm on my way. If I push the speed limit just a little bit, I could be there in ten minutes, no problem.

Just as I begin to speed up, my phone rings. Debating whether or not to answer it, I let it ring a few times. No harm in doing so. But wait, that's not right. She'll just have another reason to yell at me for. Grimacing, I open the phone and put it on Speaker.

Hello?"

"Where the hell are you? I've been here ten minutes already, thinking you'd come early. But no, typical you you're running late. We're never going to make it in time for SummerSlam at this rate."

"I know, I'm sorry! I lost track of time, but don't worry M-"

"You lost track of time?! What kind of excuse is that? Look Mister, you better be here in ten minutes or else you're in for a surprise, and not the one you were expecting. Kapish?"

"Yes, I got it! But M-"

Too late. She had already hung up, making me sweat even more. My dashboard read 6:35. If I'm not at the restaurant by 6:45, there was going to be hell to pay, so I'd better hurry my ass up.

Slamming my foot on the gas pedal, I rocket down the highway, determined to please M-

"Aww crap," I say to myself. "Don't tell me those are police sirens I hear..."

***

[The following takes place between 7:00pm and 8:00pm]

The police station is pretty dirty. I mean, I wasn't expecting to be held in a palace or anything, but jeez, they could at least pass a broom every now and then. Sighing, I check my watch.

7:47. I was supposed to be downtown right now, having dinner with the woman who is so close to my heart. Then we were going to go watch SummerSlam and cheer on our boy CM Punk, who was guaranteed to become a 3-time World Heavyweight Champion tonight. But alas, tonight may be Punk's night but it certainly isn't mine.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps. Who could it be? Most likely the deputy who brought me in on "speeding" charges. Speeding, yeah right! I don't consider going 10 miles over the limit speeding, nor do the majority of Americans so why should I be punished? I can't wait to spit in his face once he realizes he was wrong for taking me in.

At that moment, the door opens, but it's not the deputy. God I wish it was though because I am now forced to confront the last person in the world I wanted to talk to right now.

"So THIS is why you missed supper? Because you were speeding? Of all the idiotic, irrational things a young man like yourself can do, you decide to get caught SPEEDING? Christopher Robert Rodi, just what the hell is wrong with you?!"

I am ashamed. Beaten. I didn't want her to see me like this. Not now. Not ever.

"I'm sorry M-"

"Oh, you're gonna be sorry! Remember that surprise I told you about? Well it was actually an all-expenses paid trip to Wrestlemania 26 that I got from Vince McMahon last week. It came with a pair of front-row seats, but rather than give them to you, after what the police officer told me on the phone, I've decided to return them to Mr. McMahon with my deepest gratitude. So, surprise!"

I just sit there, shocked. I mean, I know things haven't been going well lately between her and Vince, but I hadn't expected Vince to give her such a nice little gift. One that she returned all because she was angry at me for something that I didn't really do? No way. She has crossed the line. No more fooling around.

"Well, you know what M-"

"And another thing! As soon as we get home, I'm taking away your Xbox 360, your internet connection, and your cell phone. Also, you will be doing chores for the next five months in order to make it up to me. Oh, and by the way, until your punishment is over, you are forbidden from watching any and all wrestling programs, and that is final. Do you understand me?"

Sighing, I look at the clock on the wall and I see that my time has run out. Even if she bails me out at this very second, we'll never make it home in time for SummerSlam. 7:59:58, 7:59:59, 8:00:00

"Yeah, Mom. I understand."



Well readers, that's all I have for you this week. Hopefully I didn't ruin 24 for any of you fans out there by failing to include any terrorists in my column. The truth is, I have nothing against terrorists, as I believe they are human in their own right. Go Canada!

For those of you that tuned into the latest Fact or Fiction, you would have seen my sad attempts at 'dry humor' and if so, I apologize in advance. I'll be back in about a week with whatever has tickled my latest fancy. Until then, this is Super Chrisss signing out and please, be safe bros.

[Lazyking]

At first, I thought you were going on date and then realised it was mom. I loved 24 hour theme and I love 24 so this was really cool.

[Andy_Savana]

The words

Tickle and Fancy in the same sentence is trademarked by me.

[Uncle Joe]

You already know my feelings on first person narratives.


I also hate 24, but this was a nice take on it. Although the prospect of you going on a date with your mom is kind of . . . creepy.

[Jason Boy]

: clap3:

[Benjamin Button]

Hmm. 24/Love story? Very interesting mix! But it's a love story and the girl is your mom? I'm baffled. It was well written and def a surprise at the end, but I really got to see where you're going with this before I know for sure what to think.

[Box Car Rocco]

Mostly used to seeing you tackle a serious topic so this was a nice change of pace here Chrisss. I can only say that you pulled it off well as I was kept entertained all the way through.

[The Maz]

Very gripping writing. I should have had no interest in what was going on but somehow you kept me reading. From a content perspective it was meh for me (I don't watch 24 so I do not get the connection) but from a writing perspective it was absolutely top notch.

[Freeman]

Hello Chrisss,

Sussed it was your mum when she used your full name, only mothers do that, and it's always when they're mad at you for something.

A nice change of pace from the norm though man, I've never watched an episode of 24 in my entire life, but I appreciate the creativity. This was entertaining and compelling though, I enjoyed it despite my ignorance to 24, so props.

Keep up the good work though, you're in good form at the moment.

[ca$hmoney]

Chrisss,

This was random. However, I read the whole way through. I speed regulary, but have never been caught. I'll think about that next time I go out.

[Phoenix Rising]

I kept reading this and every few seconds I was trying to figure out who the wrestler was in the story. I was surprised at the ending, and it very entertaining.

[Super Chrisss]

Lazyking - Sweet, I fooled you! Isn't it an amazing show? I'm glad you liked it man.

Andy_Savana - My baddd! Excuse me for trying to be creative lol.

Uncle Joe - That I do, which partly inspired me to write this column, thinking you would hate it. I guess that makes me a creepy 24-lover, doesn't it?

Jason Boy - 10 out of 10 out of 10? That's awfully high! Thanks alot man.

Benjamin Button - If you were baffled, then I was successful with this column. Unfortunately there won't be a Part II but thanks for enjoying it (whatever you did get).

Box Car Rocco - A change of pace is always nice, isn't it? Thanks for reading and liking.

Mazza - Honestly, the only connection to 24 was the pacing and the importance of time. In 24, it's usually about a superhuman guy saving the day against terrorists. So yeah, no big connection there but I'm glad you were able to enjoy it!

Freeman - I had to leave some clues, didn't I? As I said to Mazza, the connection was pretty loose and the importance quite irrelevant. Thanks for the comments and I'm quite pleased to have entertained you (no homo)!

ca$hmoney - Well, I'm glad you learned SOMETHING from this, which wasn't my goal, but hey, why not? Thanks for reading and leaving feedback.

Jett7518 - Can I just call you JettSett? It was fun to keep you guessing, and I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the feedback dude.

[XanMan]

Um...what? This was just very weird, Chrisss.

[Little Sneak]

Heyyyyyy Chrisssssssss! I used to watch 24 all the time so i get where you are coming from with this..sorta lol. It was a change from your normal stuff so its nice to see something different and new. Good column mateee!

Misss Sssneak (get it?)

[Andy]

I totally agree with Mazza; the way it was written was super and you really created suspense. The ending was a bit of a let down for me, though. I know it was a bit of a shocker because I was expecting Maryse or someone, but I just wasn't a fan of the ending. As others before me eluded to, the mixing up of column writing styles helps keep your writing fresh and exciting. Not my favourite, but on a whole, it was very well done.

[Petre Dyche]

Dude, you are never...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER...using my shower, you understand me bro?

[Super Chrisss]

XanMan - Just a 'bit' weird? Dang. I was aiming for total rubbish.

Little Sneak - If you watched at least one episode of 24, then you'll kind of understand the connection. I try and switch up my writing styles as much as possible so I'm glad you liked it!

Andy - Sorry man, I was trying to fool all of you with the wrestling references and the continuous "M-". In my opinion revealing it to be a diva would have been a boring ending. To each his own, I guess. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Petre Dyche - Can my Mom still use it? Please?

[Roger Murtaugh]

Not your strongest stuff Chrisss, though it's good to see you willing to take risks as that's one of the best things you can do. Obviously with taking risks you have to expect a mixed reaction from your readers but at the same time when you do get positive response from an experiment it's a bit more gratifying.

In short, I've personally dug other stuff from you a bit more but I love the willingness to take a chance.

Catch you next time.



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Now playing: Giant Squid - Ampullae of Lorenzini
via FoxyTunes

[Cult Icon]

really nice creative effort from you chrisss. ive never ben a fan of 24, personally ive always found it to be stupid, so the fact that you were able to make this interesting using that concept shows alot of skill. i thought the mother thing was funny, and i didnt pick up on it till the end so there was some suspense. overall, really cool stuff man. good work

[Super Chrisss]

Cult: I still don't know how or why people don't like 24, but thanks for liking my writing style. Suspense was my major goal so I'm glad it works. Super-glad you liked it man.