Hierophant Vol.3 - Mr Wrestlemania Edition

[Petre Dyche]

Hierophant:- (noun) [hiro fant]
1. Explainer of mysteries
2. Interpreter of events

Good morning/afternoon/evening my fellow scurvy-ridden-columns-forum-dwellers. Greetings, and welcome to another Hierophant, with me; Petre Dyche! If this column were a dessert it would certainly be warm apple pie; it’s a treat for your tongue, one slice is never enough, and it’s definitely more than a little fruity.

I’m going to start with another TNA-based rant. I thank all who kept up with me in my last column, as I tried to find reason for my newfound fandom despite all the glaring flaws in the system. I’m going to keep this short. Bobby Lashley; you are a douche! Why the hell have TNA brought this waster in? He claims it’s the perfect job for him, as he only has to work 5 days in the month for TV tapings and the PPV if applicable. Based on the terms of his contract it can best be described as him being a ‘Main Event Contractor/Consultant’. To steal a line from Dogbert, my faithful sidekick at my workstation:

CONSULT – The act of conning someone, while insulting them at the same time.

Dixie: Is this really the kind of work ethic and commitment you want from someone who is probably going over most of your talent?! TNA is becoming known as a soft touch for wrestlers to take it easy and not blow themselves out while they wait for another crack at WWE and this shit doesn’t help.

A comment from my last column pointed out my desire to get rid of established talent to make way for breakout stars, and how it would be better to have them side by side. I completely agree, but the established stars need to be in their prime and working for the good of the company. WWE and TNA are the same in that respect. When the likes of Bret Hart, Hogan, Savage etc started making more than they drew, WWF were quick to get rid and they’ll do the same in a heartbeat, or put them onto smaller contracts with less prime spots like the Undertaker and HBK are on now.

But I tire of this malarkey. I’m not here to bore you into submission like I was Batista slapping on a rest hold, heck no, I’m here today to regale you with a story of a great legacy being left by one of, if not the finest superstar in the history of professional wrestling. He is the Main Event. He is the Headliner, the Showstopper, the Icon. He is the Heartbreak Kid. He is…

MR WRESTLEMANIA

He is Michael Hickenbottom, aka Shawn Michaels. This won’t be the standard profile piece, you’ve heard it all before, and I could never fully do justice to the amazing career this man has had since he worked in MSW and AWA, to being a WWE stalwart for nearly twenty years of his life. However, this is about how my opinion of the man has changed over the years. The first match I ever saw was a Shawn Michaels match, the Intercontinental Title opener at Wrestlemania IX against Tatanka. I’d probably seen some TV matches from WCW Worldwide and other shows from around that time, but it was this event that my Gran of all people had taped that became the foundation of my love of wrestling.

At a young age I couldn’t understand how the likes of Michaels and Bret Hart went over whilst strapping lads like Undertaker, Hogan and Yokozuna were around. The opener to the show, it was easily my favourite match of event, and one that was replayed in my living room many times over. Not long after, I found the tape of the King of the Ring PPV from the same year and Michaels had another terrific bout against Crush. I’ll always remember that match for Randy Savage on commentary; and his declaration of HBK’s viciousness as he slammed Crush’s head into the ring post repeatedly. It was hard to tell whether Savage’s tone hinted at damnation or admiration, but as a pre-teen kid I was dumbfounded at such aggression.

Despite these two lasting memories from over half my life ago, I could never claim to be a Shawn Michaels fan. I watched his battles into the Attitude Era keenly, but usually cheering on his opponents. I didn’t really like his antics as commissioner, being a rather big Triple H mark back then. Fast forward to late 2006, when I rediscovered my wrestling fandom…

You see, I missed out on things like Brock Lesnar, Eddie, JBL, Evolution etc, due to things like relationships and moving around the country. In November 2006 though I returned home, and it was while casually playing a Smackdown vs. Raw video game that my interest in the current product was rekindled. I quickly got back up to speed with things like the dominance of Super Cena, the reformation of DX and their war with Rated RKO, and the many young superstars coming through. Oddly enough Tatanka was still wrestling; beating on Jimmy Wang Yang like it was the good ol’ days in the Wild West.

In the three Wrestlemania that I have watched since my return, one man has produced the highlight in all three. You guessed it, it’s the topic of discussion today – Shawn Michaels. Finally getting to the point after all that drivel, what I want to do is talk about how every year this man is able to make me doubt what is kayfabe and what is reality through his promos and stellar abilities that are unmatched.

Wrestlemania 23 – vs. John Cena in a WWE Championship-Threatening Match

If you believe every rumour you read, this title shot should have been Triple H’s. However, Trips blew out his quad again and up stepped the sexy boy to fill in the void. I didn’t really buy into Shawn Michaels as a main event force after our exiles resulted in me not seeing him in action since his loss to Stone Cold all those years ago, and I was less than pleased at seeing him go over the likes of Edge and Randy Orton who I felt at the time were more apt to strike. Nonetheless, at the Royal Rumble a rejuvenated HBK stormed his way through the pack only to be stopped by the phenom Undertaker.

Being Raw’s ‘winner’ of the Rumble, Michaels took that as being enough encouragement to pursue his dream of becoming a five-time champion, and a triple threat victory over Rated RKO ensured he was on his way to the main event at Wrestlemania. To throw into the mix along with his date with destiny, HBK and John Cena teamed up to capture World Tag Title gold also, forcing an unlikely union between them. What followed was two months of suspense and intrigue as neither wanted to be the one who broke the uneasy truce, Shawn saying himself that he had Cena’s back until Mania. Finally, on the eve of Wrestlemania, after performing a double ‘Five Knuckle Shuffle’, Shawn superkicked an unsuspecting Cena into oblivion. The stage was now set for the big showdown!

The build up was excellent, the timing of the feud superb. With the exception of a toothless main event at No Way Out everything went according to plan. The reality was rather different though; any smark worth his salt knew that Michaels had no chance. At the time WWE weren’t big on swerves and short title reigns, as they are now. I was cheering on Cena, confident in the knowledge that my champion was going to retain tonight. I certainly wasn’t buying into the kayfabe hype that Michaels had truly risen back to the pinnacle of sports entertainment.

That confidence lasted all of about five minutes, as a great back-and-forth match ensued. Twist and turn, bumps and counters, both men threw everything they could at the other. Every FU was reversed, every Sweet Chin Music was dodged or avoided. Michaels hit Cena with a piledriver onto the steel steps, and Cena locked in the STFU with Michaels only barely inching his way to the ropes.

I was so sure that Michaels could not win, I was so certain…and I was finally proven right when the STFU was cinched in again with HBK having no choice but to tap out. The match was the second face-face main event and it far surpassed its predecessor in my opinion. After the match they shook hands in the middle of the ring, nothing but respect for the war that had just climaxed, and Shawn walked dejectedly to the back.

Falling short against Cena

Wrestlemania 24 – vs. Ric Flair in a Career-Threatening Match

Imagine my surprise returning as a fan of wrestling in 2006 to see this old codger still at it. The hair was a lot thinner, the love-handles were more prominent, the man-boobs had to be tucked into his tights, and his moveset consisted of purely chops, woos, struts, back body drops and figure four leg-locks. Still more exciting than Batista, but I digress. Back in the day Flair was said to be able to have a 4-star match with anyone he chose, but those days were gone. It was HBK’s turn to pull up the average in what would eventually be Ric’s in-ring farewell.

The match was nearly 6 months in the making. After a long leave of absence, Ric stood in the ring one night, proclaiming to the world that he would never retire. Mr McMahon’s response was to say that was all fine and dandy, so long as he kept winning. Opponent after opponent was thrown at Ric, from Umaga to Triple H, Kennedy to MVP, at every turn the wily veteran escaped with his career intact. Then, as the Road to Wrestlemania began in earnest with the announcement that Flair was the star inductee into the Hall Of Fame, a challenge was made…

Ric didn’t want to simply hang on; he wanted to prove he still had it. Cue Michaels, his long time friend and colleague. Despite his initial hesitancy, Shawn accepted the challenge under one condition; he wasn’t going to let emotion interfere. He was going to put down Old Yeller. Ric was looking better this retirement run that he had done for years, and Michaels playing the reluctant villain was hardly the wildest stretch of kayfabe. We’d seen Ric survive on PPVs up to this point, but in our heart of hearts we knew it was coming to end.

Considering the match was between someone considered over the hill, and someone so far over the hill it was a mere mound by perspective, no-one could have been disappointed by what became known as the Match of the Year 2008. It was almost as though both had been transported through time to produce a spell-binding 20 minutes of action which captivated me at every counter and near-fall. It was at the point when Ric kicked out of the Sweet Chin Music that my mind began racing…

We knew Ric was going to retire. We knew that a career spanning nearly 4 decades was over after tonight. Could it be? Would Ric win one final match and retire on his own terms, at the top of his profession? Out of nowhere Michaels countered Ric’s offense with another superkick and he began to tune up the band. Stopping, as he watched Ric on his knees trying to raise his body one last time, Shawn mouthed the now-immortal words “I’m sorry, I love you”. And then it was over.

Superkicking the hair right off Charles Robinson's skull...nice

Wrestlemania 25 – vs Undertaker in an Unbeaten Streak-Threatening Match

HBK was in a dark place; Chris Jericho had injured his eye to the extent he came close to retirement and then the world economic crisis brought Shawn to his financial knees. Finding solace in the benevolent arms of a self-made millionaire, 2009 saw Michaels subservient to the wrestling god JBL, being forced to climb the mountain on behalf of his boss that he had come so close to personally accomplishing two years prior. At No Way Out however, Shawn broke free of the former Acolyte’s control and was clear to pursue his greatest ambition at the not-quite-Silver anniversary of Wrestlemania.

Shawn prided himself on being Mr Wrestlemania. Knowing that when the lights were on bright he could steal the show became his mantra, something he felt inside him the same as he could feel his heart beating within his chest. Only one other could lay claim to this title, and Michaels wanted to force a meeting of the main event titans, one on one to decide who could truly boast to be The Main Event.

To say that Undertaker has got a good record at Wrestlemania is to say that Michael Jordan was pretty good at basketball, or Ronaldinho takes an alright free-kick. 16 and 0 coming into Houston, the web was abuzz; is this it? One year after retiring Ric Flair, Shawn Michaels was coming to end another streak and the fans couldn’t be more divided. There wasn’t one person among us who could really say they were 100% on the outcome of this, as there were cases for both sides. I, however, was firmly in the camp of Undertaker…90-95%...ish.

The lead-up to Mania would have us believe that Michaels had firmly planted the seeds of doubt in Undertaker’s mind. The lack of physical altercations between them didn’t remove from the tension, as week after week, they each cut their own promos about how they represent their sides of life, and why they are the most powerful Wrestlemania entity of all time. Shawn began to take on an angelic persona, one who had seen the light and had come to rid us all of the darkness spread by the Phenom. On both Raw and Smackdown, HBK proved himself more than a match for Undertaker’s mind games, even rattling the dead man with a series of petulant displays, seemingly laughing in the face of what had previously terrorised the WWE.

Even the most ardent critic of professional wrestling couldn’t give this match less than 9 out of 10. The fussy ones gave it 9.5 due to one botched spot, but the rest of us simply sat back and admired a 10 out of 10 match amongst an otherwise underwhelming Wrestlemania event. A flurry of strikes and counters started us off, Undertaker dodging early superkick efforts and even saw Michaels escape the Hell’s Gate which had claimed Edge the year previous. Michael’s performed a signature moonsault to The Undertaker on the outside only to be thwarted. Up next was Undertaker’s turn to try as we saw the Wrestlemania special over-the-top-rope-dive-thing pulled out only for him to crash and burn into a disguised Deuce.

It was during the 9-count that we saw the signs of desperation creeping onto Shawn’s face. Both men were becoming agitated by their inability to secure the win, and at the other’s resilience. Michaels hit the superkick for the two, and Taker hit the Tombstone in traditional fashion as the referee’s hand came to strike the 3 the tongue was out to signify the end. BUT NO! A kick-out at two and suddenly the spooked look we’d seen on The Undertaker’s face throughout the build up had reappeared.

Michael’s fought back with a furious offense, and Taker was reeling! Could it really be happening? It would all be for nought as another attempt at the moonsault from the top was countered into a second Tombstone Piledriver and it was over. The fan’s collective applause was incredible as two of the finest gladiators ever to step foot in a wrestling ring had finally had their one-on-one match at Wrestlemania, and unlike other such hyped events it did not disappoint. The Undertaker’s record moved on to 17 without defeat, in what was his most brutal, challenging and phenomenal contest to date.

So near, yet so far

[FIN]


Ladies and gentlemen, in honour of his return to RAW for the since time since that epic encounter, that was my romantic re-telling of the three most recent Wrestlemania matches of Shawn Michaels. Knowing that these three matches, while being three of my favourites in recent years, are not even his personal best is something awe-inspiring. I might not be his biggest fan, or even a fan at all, but I respect this man as an athlete capable of doing anything in a wrestling ring.

As a side note, I really loved the skits on Monday night. I prefer seeing Triple H and Shawn having fun as opposed to being too serious as they were at the start of year. Most will say it's another way of Triple H getting too much air time, but it was fun to watch and if it keeps Hunter out of the main event until atleast Armageddon then you can't complain! The idea of them coming back and not quite being able to hit the highs they did previously, comically, instead of being all LOD 2000, could be classic and would put over a lot of teams in the process.

Thank you for reading, I’ve been Petre Dyche, and still am to this day, signing off from another Hierophant, wishing you all good night and God bless. Please feel free to leave any comments you fancy, agree/disagree, whatever.

[Creeping Death]

This was pretty good. I could have done with out the TNA rant, but nonetheless, it was pretty good. It's gonna be a sad day when WWE losses Shawn. You have to wonder at his age, how many more of these classics we are gonna get?

I caught a few grammar mishaps, but they weren't anything major. In all, could have done with out the TNA rant, but it was a nice column.

[Freeman]

Well this was pretty darn good if I do say so myself.

I like your style and your narrative Mr Dyche, you add that little bit of personal touch to your columns which really helps get your points across, and makes your work a lot more enjoyable to read. I agree with Creeping Death, perhaps just cut out that first bit and shizzle would've been all good, but not to worry too much.

Oh, and I really enjoyed those D-X segments from the other night as well, I much prefer it when 'H and HBK are just clowning around like that, kind of like those segments they had with the McMahons a few years ago.

Anyway, another good effort from you, keep 'em coming for all us Petre Dyche fans out there!

[Box Car Rocco]

Mr Wrestlemania is Kurt Angle! ANGLE SLAM! WOO!

Like Freeman said, your narrative is really good and it really adds to the column. This felt like more then just a run down of HBK's last three Wrestlemania matches thanks to that.

Good to see you get another edition out as you said you were slowing down.

[Mister E]

Firstly I'm somewhat surprised at the similarities I now discover that I share with you.

• My first match was also HBK vs Tatanka at WM 9
• I too stopped watching during the Brock Lesnar-JBL-Cena thug life era
• We're both Irish

Now I wouldn't call myself a big Shawn Michaels fan but I have tremendous respect for whats he's done over the years. His matches are terrific and his best in ring work has arguably come since he made his return in 2002. Your choice of WM mathces were fitting, all very good HBK bouts but then again its hard to find a bad HBK match. That superkick picture is somewhat awesome also.

I enjoyed this, very good work.

Maith Thu

[Super Chrisss]

Great work my friend! This was an awesome column! Rather than doing things the 'Wiki' way, you tried something new and it paid off. I was hooked from start to finish, and although I believe that his WM23 match against Cena wasn't as good as Undertaker vs Batista, some of his ebst matches have always been at Wrestlemania.

Oh, and Triple H not in the main event until Armageddon? I got two words for ya - HA HA!

[MyLeeCyrus]

I'll be honest, I'm gonna review anything that remotely resembles a tribute to HBK as brilliant, but this really was very good! I'm very glad you didn't go with a simple run-down of his entire career, 'cause that would've been rubbish, and I thoroughly enjoyed the re-telling of the matches, particularly the last one.

Good work sir, very likeable.

[Petre Dyche]

Pretty good, pretty darn good, really good, very good...whole lotta good reports coming in!

Creepy Death - TNA stuff is generally hit & miss around here! I suppose it didn't fit the main theme of the column, but was more an epilogue to my previous one. Will try and avoid that type of thing in future.

Freesomeman - I was trying to explain the "A little different from the chaps you're usually in, Sexy Boy" bit to someone in work, but they didn't quite get it. I'm guessing some of those people were wrestlers from the way they were built and how badly they acted...surprising the main page hasn't picked up on that yet.

BCR - I am gutted to have missed Angle's best work in WWE...is that yet to come?

Eoghan - Wow, we could be brothers! Actually, the way my dad got round it wouldn't shock me...

Chrisss - To each his own I guess. I never really believed Batista would win it, as opposed to the other one which I suppose is what swung it for me.

MyLee - Glad I could do your idol's WM programs some justice, although I got bumped down from brilliant, to very good, to likeable. Hmm..lol


Again, thanks a lot for taking the time to feedback with your thoughts.

[Andy_Savana]

The first column I legitimately enjoyed in the CF in a very long time.

[Andre_Almighty]

I loved every second of this column. I don't understand how HBK isn't at the top of everybody's list but I'm glad to see that people admire him like they do. Great read.

[XanMan]

Is Shawn Michaels truly Mr. Wrestlemania? No. But was this a great column? Yep.