From the Podium XIX: Terrible Faces Throughout History

[Leonard]

FROM THE PODIUM XIX:
TERRIBLE FACES THROUGHOUT HISTORY

After my last soirée with you fine folks here in the Columns Forum, I’ve had a bit of trouble coming up with my next topic. For this exciting edition of FTP (yes, because initials are COOL!), I thought I would create a spin-off of sorts from a previous edition (From the Podium XVI: WWE’s Most Shocking Heel Turns). This is different in that this piece of prose attempts to outline the qualities of convincing “babyface” wrestlers, and defines who (in the past or present) does not fit that mold. Granted, there are many folks who could be included in this work, but I included those who came to mind for me personally. I’d love to hear your opinions on the matter after you read what I present.

Here we go…

Wikipedia is our friend, whether we want to admit it or not. Yes, it is edited by the public mass, and I would never dare use it on an academic paper/article (nor would I except it as a source from my students), but this isn’t school, is it? ‘Tis an internet article, after all! No harm in using the resource, then. Our friends at Wiki define babyface as “a character who is portrayed as heroic relative to the heel wrestlers…faces need only to be cheered by the audience to be effective characters.” Sure, generally this is true, but it is the second part of this quote with which I take issue. A person is not necessarily a good fit for their role based only on the fact that they are cheered in arenas. There’s a reason for this—most of the “fans” that fill the arenas on a weekly basis are simply that. Unlike the losers that crowd the internet looking to get their opinion out in the open (present company included), they do not look to analyze the industry that they enjoy watching. These fans take what’s given to them and (usually) return the reaction (good or bad) that is expected of them. Are there exceptions? Sure, but for the most part, my observations throught the years have found this to be true.

Those that do frequent internet sites and message boards such as this one look at things just a little differently. But while we think we have insider information, we’re really not that different from the “marks” that are sometimes looked down upon. On the flipside, I think we too often forget that without those marks the existence of a professional wrestling idustry would be in doubt. A bit tangental, yes, but true nonetheless. Since us “professional wrestling enthusiasts” look at things a bit differently, it should come as no surprise that we do tend to disagree with the masses through overanalysis of the product. We then, through that process, deem a face (or heel) either as a good face or a bad face. Just as there are several types of faces (and heels), there are many reasons as to why a face doesn’t necessarily belong in that label.

MOVEMENT I: THE ANTI- ANTI-HERO

Take the role of the “anti-hero,” for instance. Our friends at Wikipedia give the obvious definition of “a protagonist whose character or goals are antithetical to traditional heroism.” Arguably the first prevalent anti-hero in wrestling history is none other than “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. Around the middle of 1997, Austin was still being pushed as a heel against Canada’s own Bret “Hitman” Hart. In what could be considered the “dawn” of the Attitude Era, the infamous “double turn” occurred at WrestleMania 13. Did the fans drive this change in attitude? Certainly. My point is that the creation of an anti-hero wasn’t something that the “powers-that-be” had in mind when feuding the two men. In other words, it wasn’t driven down our throats, much like many subsequent anti-heroes would be.

Look no further than the Internet Wrestling Community’s best friend, Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Triple H’s initial heel turn in 1999 (after all of the “blue-blood” crap, of course) was one of the best decisions that Vince McMahon made in the midst of the Attitude Era, and added the proverbial “fuel to the fire” in the war against World Championship Wrestling. Fast forward to 2006, when Triple H begins his less-than-subtle face turn, in which he teams up with former degenerate Shawn Michaels for a lackluster DX reunion that overstayed its welcome by about six months. After tearing his quadriceps, and returning as “The Game” of old, the logical move would have been to make him a heel, and have him feud with the top faces in the company. The problem was (and still is, in my opinion) that, while Steve Austin’s anti-hero tendencies were made so completely by the fans, Triple H’s were forced upon us by those same “powers-that-be.” While Austin had that “blue-collar, standing up against the boss” thing going on, Hunter’s current face situation doesn’t lend itself well to the “anti-hero” tendencies that Triple H uses on a consistent basis; this is especially true because everybody knows that he’s the boss’s son-in-law. The fact of the matter is that the sledge-hammer wielding, up-and-comer crushing, bad-ass persona is better suited as a heel character. Also, what kind of a rub does it give a face that can overcome a beast of a heel such as Triple H?

MOVEMENT II: BUT DOES THIS REALLY WORK FOR ME?

A face tendency is sometimes uncharacteristic in other contexts as well. I would like to present a few of these scenarios to make my case. Let’s take a look at Lisa Marie Varon, better known as Victoria and/or Tara. I will go on the record to say that her move to TNA Wrestling was probably the best decision she ever made. She has been properly utilized and, even though it was in an impromptu match, she has already captured the TNA Knockouts Championship. Our friend Tara, for the most part, has played a psychotic woman hell bent on being the best in her division. Remember the alliance she had with fellow nut-job Stevie Richards? Great stuff there.

Don’t forget Goldust, who is arguably one of the most bizarre characters in wrestling history. When he debuted in 1995 as the quasi-stalker of Razor Ramon, he introduced tactics such as groping his opponents and generally making them feel uncomfortable with a homosexual vibe. Not only very creepy, but also very effective, as he gained the Intercontinental Championship fairly quickly from his adversary. Anybody remember that heart “tattoo” on his chest that he showed Razor shortly before his match? What about when he tried to “resuscitate” Ahmed Johnson in mid-1996? In late 1997, he became “The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust,” and got even weirder. I specifically remember him wearing a green jumpsuit, Madonna-like undergarments and a ball gag, while walking with a walker. Really creepy, and very much a “bad guy.”

My point is that these psychotic, bizarre, and weird-ass characters should not be faces. In both of my cases, the “unbalanced” nature of the character does not lend itself to face tendencies. This is purely my opinion, but this very much relates to the point I was making with the “anti-hero,” in that it should only be the fans that decide they like the character enough to start cheering them, rather than a turn handed down by the “powers-that-be.” This one is more of an opinion than a matter-of-fact statement, so take it for what you will.

MOVEMENT III: UM…YEAH…I’M A GOOD GUY

The point where many faces fail is that they are too unnatural in their role, and are naturally better heels (we’ll get to that momentarily). My two examples, ironically, are John Morrison and Melina. John Morrison, for example, played a very arrogant, cocky, and sometimes humorous heel. I felt like he carved himself a bit of a niche, especially with his particularly notable self-worship thing he had going. As a face, he comes off as very “cookie cutter” or generic, and I feel that less of his personality shines through because of this. Melina is a very similar situation. She played her heel role well, mainly in a prima donna fashion (much like “The Beautiful People” do in TNA Wrestling, except they’re not as good). When she turned face during her encounters with Beth Phoenix, I felt like it detracted from the feud. Initially, I found the dynamic of that heel feud very interesting (especially because Mickie James was in the mix), but it died off when she made the all-too-obvious face turn. Her personality has been stilted very much, and the only proof I have that Melina is actually Melina is her entrance and move set, because her personality disappeared faster than Zack Gowen did from the WWE. I guess what I’m saying is that faces and heels should be typecast in accordance to their real-life personality (unless the person is a good actor). Melina and Morrison obviously have not been typecast.

MOVEMENT IV: WHAT CAN I SAY?...I’M GOOD AT BEING BAD

Just as there are certain guys and gals who are bad at being good, there are just as many who are simply very good at being bad (not to say, of course, that they are not good at being good, but they are not bad at being bad). Now that all of the good/bad combinations have all been used in generic statements, let’s move on. When thinking of this, none other than the “Fregend Killer*” himself, Randy Orton, comes to mind. Randy wasn’t a terrible face, but he has definitely proven himself as a mega-heel, from the “Legend Killer” days, all the way up to his current “viper” persona. I’ll be the first to admit that his current deal is less than stellar, but it is still not bad by any means. I think a return to the “Legend Killer” would do this guy some good.

Jeff Jarrett has always been a personal favorite of mine, dating clear back to the “Double J” Jeff Jarrett days (“That’s J-E-Double F, J-A-Double R-E-…Double T!). He’s always had a consistent style in the ring, and he’s always been a great arrogant heel. Simply put, he’s a dick. He’s doing alright in his recent face tendencies over in TNA Wrestling (I even liked him as “King of the Mountain”…I liked something in TNA Wrestling!), and it makes sense given that he is the founder of the organization trying to protect his creation from the Millionaire’s Cl—the Main Event Mafia. He can conjure up heat like nobody’s business though, and it’d be neat to see him back to that role sometime before his career winds down.

*”Fregend Killer” used without permission from BeyondKnight. Lawsuits may be pending…

MOVEMENT V: CLOSING ITEMS

Before I close, I want to say something about a recent face turns that has the wrestling world turned upside-down. Well, not really, but it has been pretty interesting thus far. I almost shat myself when Mark Henry ended Monday Night RAW a few weeks ago to cheers from the crowd. Now, Mark has been known to show glimmers of personality (look no further than “Sexual Chocolate” for that…), but we’ve come to know him as the slightly improving big man that got the one title reign he deserved for being a company man. But since this trade/face turn, there’s been talk of him being in WWE Championship contention! It’s almost like my entire understanding of the professional wrestling business has taken a Pedigree and jobbed itself into obscurity…

Point being that the jury’s still out for me on “face” Mark Henry. You’ve got some people shunning the move since day one, and others jumping on the Mizark bandwagon, but I’m not ready to do either quite yet. I thought his outing with Cody Rhodes was a bit lackluster, but his stuff with Chris Jericho was gold. Time will tell if Mark Henry will be able to keep up his current momentum and find himself smack-dab in a WWE Championship match in the future.

Beth Phoenix as Lois Griffin
"I'm like one of those bald eagles on the Discovery Channel. Beautiful to look at, but mess with one of my chicks and I'll use my razor sharp talons to rip your fucking eyes out."

Beth Phoenix is a beast, no matter how she’s being portrayed on RAW at the moment. She doesn’t quite fit the mold of a “diva,” but she definitely knows how to fight. Lois Griffin is no different. She can kick an ass or two when needed (i.e., Gloria Ironbachs). Both know what it’s like to deal with buffoon significant others, as well. Beth spent the better part of the past year maintaining Santino Marella, and dealing with his antics, while Lois has practically made a living out of caring for Peter Griffin after his many blunders and shortcomings. Humor seems to link both couples, particularly in the case of the Griffins, who I believe would be divorced if not for their joint love for toilet humor. Both are also beautiful women, as Lois has dabbled in professional modeling. Dye her hair red and Phoenix could be a dead ringer for the Griffin matriarch.

Randy Orton as Craig Hoffman
“I play by nobody’s rules, not even my own.”

Funny that I just mentioned Orton in the above narrative…at any rate, Orton and Hoffman are the cool kids on the block, so to speak. They have their pick of the litter in regard to women (i.e., Craig Hoffman’s famous rejection of Meg: “Sorry, I don’t date dudes.”). Most interesting, however, is how remarkably similar the Hoffman quote is to Randy Orton’s way of life. The guy has admitted to having psychological issues (as recently as last Monday to Seth Green), and may not play by “his own rules.” What more proof do you need? (…okay, he doesn’t date dudes, either…)

I’d love to hear your thoughts, particularly on my feelings about “face” John Morrison, who I absolutely don’t like, even though the IWC seems high on the guy. Also, a few guys thought that I should maybe do a series on the album releases of the WWE Music Group. In the poll linked below, please state your feelings on a full-fledged series dedicated to that topic. I want to give you all the chance to dictate where I take FTP (because initials are STILL cool!) next. Thanks in advance.


Here's my poll (please click me).


Until the next downbeat…

[Jason Boy]

I voted first ! Good Column but not my cup of tea, personal reasons still a good job

[Box Car Rocco]

Firstly... I voted yes but not right away as I think you're not far off from your last music column. You have a lot to offer and a very small break (1 or 2 columns?) from music would be good as you get to show your skills when it comes to non-music topics.

Top stuff as always Leonard and you covered your topic nicely. As for Jomo as a face, I like it but then again, I like anything he does. His moveset is naturally that of a faces and he can make some wicked comebacks, his personally can still shine through but they need to give him the chance. His promo on Edge before their match was great, we need to see more of that.

Jeff Jarrett probably won't be a heel again, they've built up wayyyyyy to much sympathy to do it successfully. How can you boo a guy, despite him being a dick, when his dead wife and 3 kids are brought up fortnightly?

Read you next time Leonard.

[Uncle Joe]

I didn't vote because I don't like to bow to peer pressure.

Very good column Leonard, pretty damned good. One thing though, I will wager that Goldust was the true start of the Attitude era, even though the SCSA/HBK Mania match cemented it as an era, Goldusts bisexuality and his...ism's were quite groundbreaking.

[Martin Riggs]

great Stuff Lenoard! Really interesting read.

As far as Morrison goes, he's shown glimmers of some personality, if he can make that a full-time gig, then he's okay in my books.

[Freeman]

Solid stuff again here Leonard. My University has completely banned us from ever using Wikipedia as a source, and any paper found referencing get's torn up and thrown in the bin. Still, no harm in using it for a wrestling column.

I've always said that I'm not completely sold on Morrison as a face, he just has so much of a natural heel vibe going on that it will take me time to get used to it. I do accept that it probably was a good idea to turn him though, because he does seem to get quite a good face reaction.

Lol @ The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust! I remember that little stint from the Bizarre one, wasn't he hanging around with Luna at the point? God that woman used to make me sick. Anyway, I still consider that stint as Goldust's best work in the WWE/F.

Very good column again sir, catch you next time.

[BeyondKnight]

Lenny,

I'll never sue anyone for propogating the Fred phenominon. Sooner or later we'l see a Fred sign on WWE TV for him and my life's work will be complete.

As for your column, I really enjoyed it but I didn't actually agree with much of it. I suppose I am just a mark at heart and most of the time I am happy to cheer for the people I am supposed to.

I believe that it's much harder to be a face than it is to be a heel and I don't consider anyone a completely rounded talent until they can prove to me that they had do both. Triple H is a tremendous face and I don't neesescarily agree that he is being forced into an "anti-hero role". I think he just "plays by his own rules" as you mentioned later in your comparison piece.

Excellent work as always,

~BK

And Fred definately dates dudes.

[Andy]

I voted yes, but not straight away. If it is something you would enjoy doing then I say go for it, but I would wait until you are completely out of ideas in regards to future columns.

I did notice one typo but hey, it didn't take way from my enjoyment of this column. I like John Morrison, even as a face, but for him to be a sucessful main-eventer in the years to come, he needs to turn heel.

Good column and I will read next time.

P.S. Go easy on Orton

[Super Chrisss]

I'm not voting not because I don't like you, but because I don't like telling people what to write about. Maybe one week you'll feel like discussing music; maybe next week you won't. It's up to you man.

I think guys cheer John Morrison because he's an amazing athlete (not gymnast, mind you), the girls love him for his looks, and the kids probably think he's the fourth Jonas Brother. Either way, Morrison's on a roll and I dig him since MorriMiz was one of my favorite tag teams ever.

Excellent column as usual - keep up the gold standard!!

[Leonard]

Jason: Fair enough...is it because I bash your boy Santino all the time? Ha...the whole point of writing these works is to get a vast amount of opinions on the matter, so I'd love to hear what you didn't specifically like (by PM or other means).

BCR: Good point on Jarrett...keep in mind that I'm not an avid TNA Wrestling guy, even though I did know that they were very much exploiting (the right word?) the death of his wife. Morrison hasn't proven much to me as a face yet, so we'll see if he has long term success in that role (and I hope he does, as I'd like everyone to succeed in the business).

Joe: Ha...fair enough. Goldust definitely was groundbreaking...I was nine when he debuted and he freaked the shit out of me, especially because his "approach" had never really been seen on wrestling television before.

Boom: Glad you enjoyed it, sir. Read above for my thoughts on Morrison.

Freeman: Indeed, Wikipedia is banned as a source pretty much everywhere by now, I'd imagine. And for good reason. Goldust and Luna were "money," as the kids would have me believe they're saying nowadays. I thought Luna added a great dynamic to Goldust's bizarre behavior (better than his then-real life wife!). She was a pretty good wrestler, too.

BK: Thanks for stopping by, my fellow Ohio Valley-an. I'm always glad when people come around that disagree with my opinions...that's what this whole writing gig is about, if you ask me. I see what you mean about enjoying wrestlers as they are presented...for some people, overanalyzing detracts from the enjoyment, but personally it adds enjoyment for me. People are different, and a bit of overanalyzing is common for all fans, I'd imagine...but I digest (thank you, Family Guy...). I also dig what you're saying about being "well rounded" as a wrestler.

Oh, and thanks for not prosecuting...

Andy: I'm with you on the main-event heel opinion...I don't think he'll be a successful ME face, but that's just my take. As for that typo, PM me and let me know where you found it, because I just finished scanning the work several times and couldn't find it. I'd like to know, thanks!

Chrisss: Admit it, you hate me. In all seriousness, I dig your Jonas comparison (all the kids where I teach are way into that crap). I'm not sure I like the unintentional comparison to Shelton Benjamin though...

Thanks to all for stopping by!

--Leonard

[Cult Icon]

lenny imo, this was the best column ive ever seen you produce. i havent read all of them granted, but this one kept me interested throughout, your points were very well rounded, and i loved the choices for the family guy characters. top of the line work man, youve come so far from the championship columns and have really done great. outstanding work. as for the poll, ill have to agree w super chrisss in that its not my place to decide what you should or shouldnt write, only you should decide that. anyways, great job man and ill be back next week.

[Jason Boy]

Originally Posted by Leonard

Jason: Fair enough...is it because I bash your boy Santino all the time? Ha...the whole point of writing these works is to get a vast amount of opinions on the matter, so I'd love to hear what you didn't specifically like (by PM or other means).

BCR: Good point on Jarrett...keep in mind that I'm not an avid TNA Wrestling guy, even though I did know that they were very much exploiting (the right word?) the death of his wife. Morrison hasn't proven much to me as a face yet, so we'll see if he has long term success in that role (and I hope he does, as I'd like everyone to succeed in the business).

Joe: Ha...fair enough. Goldust definitely was groundbreaking...I was nine when he debuted and he freaked the shit out of me, especially because his "approach" had never really been seen on wrestling television before.

Boom: Glad you enjoyed it, sir. Read above for my thoughts on Morrison.

Freeman: Indeed, Wikipedia is banned as a source pretty much everywhere by now, I'd imagine. And for good reason. Goldust and Luna were "money," as the kids would have me believe they're saying nowadays. I thought Luna added a great dynamic to Goldust's bizarre behavior (better than his then-real life wife!). She was a pretty good wrestler, too.

BK: Thanks for stopping by, my fellow Ohio Valley-an. I'm always glad when people come around that disagree with my opinions...that's what this whole writing gig is about, if you ask me. I see what you mean about enjoying wrestlers as they are presented...for some people, overanalyzing detracts from the enjoyment, but personally it adds enjoyment for me. People are different, and a bit of overanalyzing is common for all fans, I'd imagine...but I digest (thank you, Family Guy...). I also dig what you're saying about being "well rounded" as a wrestler.

Oh, and thanks for not prosecuting...

Andy: I'm with you on the main-event heel opinion...I don't think he'll be a successful ME face, but that's just my take. As for that typo, PM me and let me know where you found it, because I just finished scanning the work several times and couldn't find it. I'd like to know, thanks!

Chrisss: Admit it, you hate me. In all seriousness, I dig your Jonas comparison (all the kids where I teach are way into that crap). I'm not sure I like the unintentional comparison to Shelton Benjamin though...

Thanks to all for stopping by!

--Leonard

Upon reading it again, I actually discovered it was my personal opinion and it wasn't with what you wrote

[Petre Dyche]

Hey man,

As always this is classic stuff. There's always been someone or another who was pushed as a face while remaining a complete heel. Razor Ramon for one...he was meant to be a greasy drug-dealer from Cuba or something...but cos he was a top worker he got cheers. Did he change his ways? Nope, he still remained the same dude oozing machismo (pronounced ma-cheese-mo).

Goldust was perfect as a tweener. He could wrestle anyone, but the heels would often give the best reactions to his antics. Someone like Cena would have been more inclined to laugh it up a little bit, whereas it would have really got under JBL's skin, for example.

Craig Hoffman FFTTWW!!!

Bloody brilliant guvnar