Voices In Your Head 2

[TheDavid2.0]

Another week, another column, and another completely predictable PPV…wait what? Kudos to the WWE, just when we all had them figured out, just when we knew everything, they promptly kicked the entire I.W.C square in the nuts. Normally I don’t like being kicked in the balls, in fact it’s something I’d rather avoid, but just this once I’m letting it slide.

If somehow you haven’t heard by now, I’m talking of course about Now Way Out. In my book this will go down as one of the better PPV’s of the year. I know, I know, it’s way too early to make that claim. Well, you know what…shut the hell up. (Do I smell a heel turn coming?) Seriously though folks, if you haven’t watched it, do so. I don’t care if you order an encore presentation or watch it online, just find a way. Now I’m not going to sit here and review the entire show, that would be too time consuming and it’s been done…to death….many times….by many people. That’s pretty much the end of my N.W.O love fest. Now Way Out RULES! (DAMN IT!)

While I'm at it I also just watched "The Wrestler"...I feel like an ass for not seeing it immediately. Stop reading my column right now, go find a place showing this movie, sit down, watch it, bow to Mickey Rourke, and come back and thank me.

I would just like to congratulate Matt Kenseth on his Daytona 500 victory. Matt is one of the most underrated drivers in the history of NASCAR and it’s great to see him pick up the win…even if they did shorten the race due to a little water.

By God, I haven’t even done the intro to the column yet. I of course am “The David” *waits for applause*
Calm down people, I understand I’m awesome, it’s a gift. I’m also the Voices In Your Head. You know the one’s who say that breaking into the zoo at 3AM just to make fun of the gorilla is a good idea or that one more beer couldn’t possibly hurt…I’m those voices.

Last week I threatened to do a John Cena column, but opted not to, but since this is my column and I can do pretty much as I please, I’m going through with the column. Don’t worry though Cena Haters…I’m not Pro Cena….and don’t worry Cena Lovers, I’m not Anti-Cena either, I’m Cena Neutral. Of course by the time I end this column, who knows, I may very well change my mind. I’m very convincing folks…look into my eyes…go ahead, I’ll wait for you to find me. You’re not doing it are you…guess maybe I’m not that convincing, onward and upward!

I’ll start with a quick John Cena history lesson. And when I say quick, I mean it…if you want the entire John Cena history go to Wikipedia, they have it, I’m sure. Anyway, He came, he saw , he conquered. That about covers that…what you want more? Fine. John Cena first graced our television screens in the summer of 2002 against Kurt Angle, during an Kurt Angle Invitational , Cena almost won the match, but came a little short. That showing was enough to garner him a spot on Smackdown.

This John Cena though was a little bland, nothing special, but he had heart, aside from that nothing stood out about him. He was just a wrestler…great gimmick. Luckily during a Halloween episode of Smackdown he came dressed as Vanilla Ice. This gave him a gimmick, a little edge, something to differentiate himself from the rest of the crowd. He would be a rapper And their was much rejoicing ….yay.

The gimmick of a rapper pushed Cena to new heights, even earning him a title shot against Brock Lesnar. He didn’t win the title but you had to get the feeling by this point, that this Cena guy might just be something special.

Now I’m going to skip ahead a few years, roughly to the point when Cena started acting like a marine. Why a marine? Simple, he played one in a movie…yeah, I’m lost too. This to me is when Cena started losing crowd support. He had slowly and quietly dropped the gimmick that got him to the big dance in the first place. Lucky for him the marine gimmick was patriotic enough to keep him going.

Let’s fast forward again…to now. What is Cena’s gimmick?

A) Rapper
B) Marine
C) John Cena

If you answered A…you are wrong…wrong wrong wrong wrong WRONG. You’re all wrong. (Sorry Edge moment)

If you went with B…also WRONG!

So clearly the answer by process of elimination would be C. Nope. Again you’re all wrong. You see John Cena , the man, is a pretty cool guy; funny, charming, witty, and smart. John Cena, the wrestler, is more or less the most boring individual in the history of wrestling…aside from Steve Blackman but even he got to be part of Head Cheese.

Cena has no character right now, sure he dresses like he’s still a "thug", but beyond that we have nothing. I understand that despite that, he still has fans, but most of them are probably taking a nap with a sippy cup in one hand and their teddy bear in the other. Some people don’t like him for that reason alone, and I understand it. You have to have some sort of gimmick to impress the rest of the audience. Anyone else in the main event/upper midcard at least has some sort of gimmick…even if it’s just an extension of who they are, I mean look at the following people;
JBL= arrogant Texan turned Yankee millionaire.
The Undertaker= Really? Do I have to explain that?
Orton= Cocky young heel with I.E.D.
Jeff Hardy=Crackhead? Did I get that one wrong? I kid of course, I actually think Hardy is great
Edge= Most opportunistic man ever
Chris Jericho= I’m not sure what to call his gimmick, but it’s great.
HhH=Bangin’ Steph (lucky prick)

Now I left one very obvious person that I constantly hear people compare John Cena to….HBK and I’ll tackle that in a moment, but first I want to focus on how we can fix Cena. We can fix him, we have the technology…okay it isn’t technology, matter of fact this one is so simple a 5 year old could do it. Are you ready? Let him be the real John Cena, the guy we see on talk shows, the guy who you can’t help but like. Let him cut his own promos instead of the watered down garbage the writers come up with. “JBL is poopy anyone?”

That man we see outside of the ring who’s not playing some sort of new age Hulk Hogan (by the way, that still doesn’t count as a gimmick and he doesn‘t play it as well as Hulk either) is probably one of the coolest people you could wish to meet. Of course we’re not given that man…often. Monday night he showed just a little bit of that…maybe I’m wrong and my hatred of Vickie Guerrero clouded my judgment, but to me he seemed much more Cenaish. (That’s probably not a word) Now onto that blasphemous comparison…

Cena=HBK? At first I laughed because in my books this is ridiculous…then someone told me “It’s because they both have a limited move set.” Okay, fair enough. I see the point, currently neither man has a boatload of moves in their arsenal.

That was not always the case though, HBK at one point was one of the most innovative wrestlers alive. His move set was much larger than it is now…and I am willing to bet that if it were not for injuries and that dreaded age, he still would have a great move set. Even with the lack of moves, HBK is still able to deliver 5-Star matches any given time…a couple of them have been with Mr. Cena. Remember the hour-long Raw match the night after Mania awhile back? Yeah me too. Matter of fact HBK seems to bring out the best in everyone, but more so in Cena. Those two have excellent chemistry and I still think a full blown rivalry between the two could help Cena immensely. He could learn more of that valuable in-ring psychology from one of the best of all time. He could learn how to really get the crowd involved in a match. I'm not saying he doesn't do those things now, but he could still learn so much and who better than HBK?

Okay, so the two have similar amounts of moves doesn’t that mean Cena should be cherished like HBK? After all it's all about moves right? Hell no, people seem to forget the amount of heart that HBK puts into his matches. He loves this business, more than anyone I have ever seen (Except The Rock….I kid.) The only man who comes close to HBK’s heart is………Cena. (Do not boo me you jerks) Cena really does have the heart, this man cares about the sport like no one in a long time. Look at how quickly he came back from injury a couple years back, most people would be content to sit at home and take their time, not Cena. He wanted to come back as soon as he could, he wanted to be in front of the WWE Universe performing whether they were cheering or booing, he didn’t care, he wanted to wrestle.

Now, if he has the same amount of moves and the same amount of heart as HBK…why doesn’t he get the same reaction? Simple…he has not been around long enough. HBK has been around since I started watching wrestling as a little David, who at the time was a Hulkamaniac. He was around before Austin, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, and Lashley. In addition, he is still around when those names have disappeared. It’s dedication, it’s an absolute inability to walk away, it’s HBK.

It’s also something Cena will have to work for…he will have to take the bumps and the bruises, he will have to bleed and sweat, laugh and cry for a long, long time before he will earn the unwavering support of the crowd. I honestly think he can do it, he can become an icon of this business…if he chooses to. He could also just walk away, after all he has nothing left to accomplish right? Not in Cena’s eyes, sure he’s held the gold, sure he’s a top draw, sure he has a loyal legion of fans. I really believe he wants what Shawn has, he wants the fans to respect him for everything he’s done…and mark my words, someday he’ll have that. Someday, I’ll be able to sit down with my own children and tell them about the times Cena was booed by half the crowd, about the times before he was an icon, and more importantly tell them about the times before he was legend.

[cicero]

A column about John Cena and Shawn Michaels;eerrg, how very horrific.

Though I suppose they're similar in the sense that neither will do what's best and turn heel.

I have a very blase feeling towards this column, although not total indifference- I at least enjoyed the attempt at heelish humour- but still... just, a little off.

To surmise than; no problems, just meh.

[L-Man]

Well done man. When i realized that this was gonna be a whole column dedicated to Cena i almost hit the back button but there was something about this that made me keep reading. I did enjoy your brief attempts at humour though like Cicero. Goood job and illl read you again.

[Cult Icon]

not bad at all dude. i chuckled several times at heel jokes and such. my only gripe is that it bounced around alot at times. you might wanna avoid that next time. otherwise good job. cant wait for the next one