Story Time w/ Creeping Death- The Adventures of Madison Bovine

[Creeping Death]

The following story is a work of fiction, with fictitious names and events. Any similar names having gone through similar events are just a matter of coincidence. Fucking copyright restrictions out of the way, so please enjoy.



Ya’ll don’t know much about me, so I mine as well tell ya some background. My name is Madison Bovine. I grew up on a farm in Mississippi, nd yes, I do realize I’m named after a cow. I siggest ya move on and git o’er it. I’m sure ya won’t, seeing how nobody else has. As a child, I wern’t the skinniest kid on the block. I was the block. As ya could imagin, people connected my name and weight issues and some harsh things have been thrown my way. Some dumb shit called me a retarded pig. Callin’ me retarded, he shoulda learn what a bovine is. I had a lot going on that day, so I got pretty pissed. I don’t think t’was the fact that he called me a retarded pig, it was just the shear stupidity and naiveness that sent me o’er the edge. I went up to him nd got right in his face and told him to call me a retarded pig once again. Well, he did, nd I made him squeal. For ya perverts out there, I mean I beat him up mighty good. God, did it feel good. I jist let out all my frustrations with everybody that made fun of me onto him. After I got finished with him, it felt like all my stress and pent up anger was gone. That was my first fight, and I’m proud to say I won it. I was 11. God damn 78 year olds can’t fight worth a shit. Then I turned around and I found a pig with 5 legs right behind me. Oh well.

With all my troubles, fighting felt like therapy. I walked around town, lookin’ for a fight. Walkin’ around, there was a couple that must have been paired together on Noah’s Ark staring at the jewelry store windah. “My ain’t that a perty sight, ain’t it Martha?”

“What ya say about me?” I knew he wasn’t talkin’ ‘bout me. But I wanted a fight.

“Why, Sonny, I didn’t say anything ‘bout ya. I is jist lookin’ at this here jewelry.” Then he leans in t’wards me so his wife couldn’t hear him. I doubt she could hear anyway. Old hag. “I’m thinking ‘bout buying this here necklace. It’s our anniversary. What ya think about it, Sonny?”

“What I think about it? I’ll tell ya what I think ‘bout it!” I then grabbed hold of him and crashed him right into the windah. The old woman stood in fear, tears on the verge of her eyes. I told her not to worry. It’s my policy not to hit old women.

They musta known t’was me, ‘cause as soon as I got home, Mama had that look on her face. Her face was scrunched up like a rotten pumkin. “Madison Cornelius Bovine. What is this I hear about throwing an old couple threw a winder?”

“Mama, don’t make it seem as bad as yer making it out to be. I jist threw the old man, honest Mom, I swear.”

“Makes no difference, Mr. Bovine. I cannot believe ya, Madison. You’re a Bovine, not some filthy animal. When do ya go back to school?” I looked out the windah and saw some lights come on. She caught me of guard with that. I didn‘t know what I supposed to say. “Answer me!” She screamed.

“I disn’t know, Mama, sometime in September.”

As soon as I said that, she retorted “Well, you’re grounded until then. You are forbidden to leave the house, without me right beside ya, yous understand?”

I made a smart comment, and she called me a son-uv-a-bitch. I giggled a lil’ which made her more pissed. She was leaving for work soon, so I didn’t care. I figured by time she got home, she’d be calm. She sent me to my room for the night. I opened up the windah and threw anything I could git my hand on at the house next door. That was my only way to git my best friend’s attention. It took him a while, but he got his windah open.

“Madison! There’s a rumor spreadin that ya threw an angry mob threw a building! The hell happened?”

“A mob? Jesus, I’m only 11 years old. All I did was put an old feller threw a glass windah. How’d it git blown up to a angry mob?”

“Just sayin what I heard. Wanted to confirm it before I spread it myself. People are gonna be pretty upset.”

“I do fell a lil’ upset ‘bout it.” I honestly did. I jist got in the heat of the moment, throwing him in the windah. I know I was lookin’ for a fight, but I didn’t wake up this mornin thinkin “Hey! I’m gonna puy an old feller threw a windah.”

“E’erybody thought it was a giant mob. Now I gotta tell ‘em it was jist an old person. I gotta ask ya something, Madison. What got inta ya? You’re 11 years old and seems as though you’re unstoppable in fights.”

“I have no idea. But let me tell ya this. Since I started fighting, I fell so much better. Yeah, I fell bad, but nothing that I mope ‘bout. All’a my stress is gone. This is my therapy. I’ma new man. The weight of this world has been lifted off from my shoulders. You’re seeing a brand new Madison Bovine!”

“Yeeeeah, dude, sure. So hey, what ya doing this afternoon?”

“Soon as Mama leaves, getting out of this hell uva hole.”

“Ya best lay low for a while. Betcha the cops are on a manhunt for ya right now.”

“ I betcha they are too….Can I come to your place? Gotta wait ‘till Mama leaves, though.”

“Come on over.”

So we both shut the windah and I lays on my bed, waitin’. Waitin’ for Mama to leave so I can see my best friend. His name is Thomas Swine. Crazy, ain’t it? E’rybody picked on him too, which is why we developed such a close relationship. We had some common ground. We got to know each other and found we had a lot more in common. I can’t remember exactly, but I think we were friends since we were both 8.

Twenty minutes passes when Mama finally left for work. I contemplated going outside, seeing as how the cops were on a manhunt for me. I wound up the courage to open the door. I peaked out my head and looked around and looked for sirens and bright lights. No sign of cops, so I headed on over to Thomas’s.

He asked what I wanted to do. I didn’t fell like doin’ much, so I jist said lets watch some T.V. He handed me the clicker and left to use the toilet. I flipped to Channel 3 and started flippin ‘till anything ’ill catch my eye. Several channels later, something did catch my eye. A half naked man. He was shirtless and oiled and had some blood on his chest. Not a lot, just a smear. In the background, a man rolled out of the boxing ring, at least that’s what I thought it was. He looked like he was in pain. The man standing had a microphone in his hand. I really couldn’t make out what he was saying. I just couldn’t git over the fact that there’s a half naked oiled man on the screen. I’m not sure what he said, but it sounded great and filled with emotion. T’was like nothing I’ve seen before. He left, and another greased up guy came out, and soon a nuther. A bell just rung, which I’m guessing means go, and Thomas came back out.

“Tom! Look at this!” I said, eagerly.

“Why are they fightin’ like that?”

“I don’t know, but they best hate each other.”

“Can’t believe people just beat up people like that.” Thomas said. “It’s insane.”

“…Ya wanna try it?”

He gave me a reluctant stare. ‘Ventually, he obliged. We started fightin’ and I took him down widda tackle. Just ‘bout knocked the wind outa him, too. I was on top, and he punched me in the side of the face. Nothin’ too bad, just let me know he was there. I gave him a couple punches, and his nose got a lil’ bloody. I got off of him and made sure he was all right. He got up, checking the damage on his nose, saw the blood, and boy I tell ya, did his face turn ever so red. He gave a growl and jist ran at me full speed. I went down like a sack of bricks, and he laid dem punches on me, I thought I had to defend myself. I shoved him off, got up, but he came straight back at me. This time, I was prepared. He came flying at me, and I picked him up and put him over my head. Problem was, he just kept a wiggilin’ and wouldn’t keep still. Well, I lost my grip on him and he fell right on his head. He was on the ground, not moving. I reckoned he calmed a bit, so I figured it was time to say the same thing the fella on the T.V. was sayin’.

“THOMAS! Ya try to defeat me? I am the almighty champion of this world, and ya try to defeat me? Well look what happened. Ya failed, like ya failed at everything else in your life. Ya failed to make an impact. Ya won’t git another shot at me, ya have to go to the back of the line, pal. I am the greatest thing that happened here, and here ya lay like a lump of gravy on the mat. ‘Bout damn time somebody scooped ya up and ate ya!”

I didn’t git that last part either, but that’s what the guy said, ‘cept for the Thomas part. I added that. Pretty clever on my part. Improv.

After I got done, I realized he still wasn’t movin’. I stared at him for a lil’ bit. It took a while for it to sink in. I didn’t want to believe what I think what happened. An hour and a half passed and he still didn’t move. I didn’t want to believe it. But when the house started stinking up, like pickles and onions, I knew it was true.

The funeral was the following week. The cops ruled it an accident, which it was, so nothing happened to me. Ya could figure how his mama felt about me, but when the pigs ruled it an accident, she eased up a lil’ bit. I showed up at the funeral home, and as I walked in, every single eye looked toward me. ‘Cept for one, which was a lazy eye. Pretty weird.

They had everybody walk passed the casket n’ pay their respects. Then Father said some nice things about Thomas. I found it strange, seeing as he never knowed him. He said his farewells, and everybody got up, ready to leave, but I ran up to the stand and said I would say some words, seeing as he was my best friend.

“Hey ya’ll! I’m Madison Bovine. I’m who ACCIDENTELY killed Thomas.” I thought it would be best to emphasize the accident part. “ I had a lot of time to think this past week, and I came up with a lil’ poem I writ in Thomas’s honor.

Thomas Swine
How divine
He smelled good
Like Pine

Thomas Swine
He was fine
Wasn’t thin like twine
He was older than nine

Thomas Swine
He could design
I felt bad
When he was malign..da

The End.

Thank ya’ll for coming. Have a nice day.” I really didn’t know how to end a funeral. I ain’t good with this mushy mushy stuff. Not for me.

E’rybody was walking out, and eventually, Mrs. Swine appeared from the back. A horrid look riddled her face. I went up to her and handed her the poem and told her she prob’lly wants it. I saw her throw it out later.

“Mrs. Swine. I have to tell ya something.”

“…Okay…what?”

“ Me and Thomas were watchin’ T.V. and saw fighting. T’was the first both of us have seen it. I loved watchin’ it. He loved watchin’ it. So I decided that in Thomas’s memory, I’ma going to become a professional fighter like them on T.V.”

“…Madison…I don’t understand ya anymore. Ya used to be so calm and well mannered. But this last two weeks, you’ve changed into a hellion. Now you’re tellin’ me thatcha goin’ to make a livin’ out what the same thing that killed my wonderful son?”

“…At least I know I’m good at it. I mean, I did kill a man.”

“ ARE YOU FUCKIN’ MAD?”

“Yes I am mad. Mad-ison Bovine. This’s the start of a brand new era. ” I stole that last part, too.

[steve bullshit]

this column was good
i'm sure the saga of Madison Bovine will continue...maybe with a face turn
Keep it up, Mr. Death

[Petre Dyche]

I normally don't go for the 'abstract' pieces, but damn this was really good. You stayed in the style throughout and built the story up nicely. The humour through great also.

Can't wait for next story time man...just don't try tucking my ass in afterwards ya hear!

[Creeping Death]

Mr. Bullshit- Thanks for feedbacking.

Mr.Dyche- Thanks for the praise.

Thank you both. The story shall continue, but not next time, whenever the hell that will be.

I doubt the break between columns will be as long as it was now, since I have a lot more free time.

[Super Chrisss]

I'm not a big fan of these kinds of columns, but you made it unique and made it work. Looking forward to the next one!

[Creeping Death]

Super Chrisss- Thanks for feedbacking. I know these types of columns arn't particularly popular, but I wanted to give it a shot. Somebody told me it was all the more reason to give it a try, some will like it, some won't. I'm glad you liked it.

[JoeyShinobi]

That was pretty cool. People don't usually enjoy these kinds of column because they're badly written, but I liked the way you weren't afraid to go for the more outrageous stuff because the whole thing was outrageous. I can't wait to see where Madison goes, you've created quite a character, sir.

Good stuff.

[The Maz]

Creeping

As much as I enjoyed your previous column, I am definately a fan of this. Well done with the language, I think it works better this way. What I said before also stands I too look forward to see when on earth this madness goes.

Well done.

[Creeping Death]

Joey- Glad you liked it and took the time to feedback. And thanks for that awesome plug on the main.

Mazza- Thank you for the help that you gave. Everybody says they're excited to see where he goes. I have to say, I am too. I honestly don't know where he is going. I have a basic outline, but nothing concrete. I can't wait, either.

[James_A]

Not to jump on the bandwagon but yeah, I really want to see where Madison Bovine goes. That was quite a story you had cooking there and it really felt like I was in that culture and atmosphere. Good read man, good read. Hopebti see the next installment.

[NightofDay]

The Adventures of Madison Bovine? I smell a hit.

This was awesome. I'm basically already just saying what the others have said, so well done. Great work.

[Creeping Death]

James- Cleaver, I see what you did there. Incorporate the language that I have no idea what it means into your post. With everybody jumping on the bandwagon, I need a second bandwagon.

Thanks for feedbacking and glad you enjoyed it.

NoD- I have terrible sinuses, so I can't smell anything. I'm glad you smelled it.

Thanks for taking the time to feedback. Glad you liked it.

[BeyondKnight]

CD,

So this is what all the fuss was about? I loved this, plain and simple. Any time someone around here can create a quality and engaging narrative, you can count BK as a fan. This was like a taking Faulker, Spoon River, and WCW and throwing them all in a blender.

There were a couple spots here and there where I felt that the word choice didn't represent the narrator's character as best as they could have, although the malign'da joke at the end of the eulogy was priceless.

Also, I am not sure that this needs a sequel. I would hate to see this cheapened by a follow-up of lesser quality. I would also hate to see this degenerate into a simple characterization for the sake of a few more laughs at ol Maddy's expense

Excellent Job!

~BK

[Creeping Death]

BK- Much thanks. Believe me, my worst fear is having the series be a sell out. The series will not be rushed. I'm starting the second part, but it won't be posted next week, or whenever I post a column. Maybe the week after, I really don't know. I feel like I'm rambling, so in conclusion, thanks for taking the time to feedback, and glad you liked it.