The Boomerang Prophecies IX: The Solution To Banking

[Martin Riggs]

THE BOOMERANG PROPHECIES IX: THE SOLUTION TO BANKING

Hello, you little cherubs of delight! It’s me, Johnny B, here to warm up your milk and tuck you into bed with a nice story. Well, the draft has been and gone, so this seems like an ideal time for me to talk about something completely different. (We wouldn’t want to talk about current events, would we? That’s what everyone else is for!) There’s one thing that’s been on my mind recently: Money In The Bank. ‘But Johnny,’ I hear you say, ‘Money In The Bank has passed already!’ Ah but you see, innocent viewer, I have dominion over this column. Which means I get to do as I please. On that note, I think it’s time for some Briefcase-centred discussion…

Money In The Bank, eh? What a cracking idea. Some lucky so-and-so gets a title shot whenever he chooses because he’s got a briefcase. Fantastic. Now, not saying that you are, but were you to be in possession of the Money In The Bank briefcase, I would consider my options carefully if I were you. There's a lot to consider before you step in that squared-circle and attempt to procur a championship. Allow me to elaborate:

THE OPTIONS FOR SUCCESSFULLY IMPLEMENTING THE 'CASHING IN' OF YOUR MONEY IN THE BANK BRIEFCASE

1. The ‘Sneak’

A move glorified by Edge, the sneak is essentially taking advantage of the champion when they are in a severely damaged state. This could be after a really gruelling match, or perhaps following a particularly vicious beat down. Regardless of how it occurred, the champ is tasting canvas and you’re there to reap the benefits! While this is the ultimate opportunistic method for Championship capturing, it’s not exactly honourable. It’s also been done three out of the four times the briefcase has been cashed in, so you’re getting no points for originality there. Countering that, of course, it the fact that you're going to win a championship. This is undeniably a good thing. Revel in it, and honour be damned. There's an old addage: 'If it ain't broke; don't fix it!' So what if people have done this before? It worked then, it'll work in the future. Hell, it can even be considered the 'trendy' thing to do. My point being, if you see a situation that's asking for some advantage to be taken, be the one that takes it. Otherwise someone else will. And that's not cool.

Boomerating:



2. The ‘Home-field Advantage’

This is more of a respectable thing to do, you announce beforehand when and where you’re cashing in the briefcase, but it’s a place where you’ve definitely got an advantage. For Rob Van Dam, this was at the ECW: One Night Stand. The crowd was going to be decidedly pro-RVD and definitely anti-Cena. For someone like CM Punk, this could be in Chicago, if a pay-per-view were to take place there. Oh, what’s that? Judgement Day is in Chicago? Yeah, chew that over. Whether it’s in a match you’re particularly adept in, or your hometown, or even your own country, having the home-field advantage can prove a wise choice when cashing in your briefcase. Of course, the 'advantage' can be damned if you're just going to go out there and get your ass kicked. That only works up until the bell rings, so you'd better have a game plan! The trojan horse ploy wouldn't have worked if they just got out the horse when they had been taken inside the city. No, they waited for nightfall before emerging. Like the Greeks, you've got to have every part of this plan covered. Do your homework, however, and you could be leaving the arena a champion!

Boomerating:



3. The ‘Provoked’

Okay, this is not a good idea. If you find yourself face-to-face with the champ, and he’s taunting you about being afraid, just walk away. Take the defeat this time, because you can be damn sure you’re not walking away with that title if you cash in then and there. He wants you to cash it in now. He’s ready, he’s prepped, and you’re not. Psychology, it’s a tool, and right now that tool is firmly in the hands of the enemy. You need to be in the driver-seat in every situation, because otherwise you're going to act in the moment, and do something (let's be honest) you'll probably regret. Oh, And be careful, because this isn’t solely applicable to champions, but also with potential challengers. You won that briefcase, so for goodness sake, don’t put in on the line in a match you’ve been goaded into! It’s only going to end in tears. Don’t believe me? Go ask Mr. Kennedy.

Boomerating:



4. The ‘Insertion’

Really? You thought it’d be a good idea to cash in while there’s someone else challenging? A triple threat isn’t something to hope for, that’s just another person who can win the title before you! And don’t get me started on fatal four-ways. If you’ve got this magical contract, permitting you a title shot at your time of choosing, why would you ever want it to be in a fatal four-way? What’s wrong with you? Avoid multiple-man matches at all costs, unless you happen to be close (and I mean very close) to the other challenger. Even then, you’re just asking for betrayal…You want my advice? Save it. Wait to fight another day. Unless you can get into the match without putting the briefcase on the line, in which case I'm all for it. There's nothing better than holding both the title and the Money In The Bank contract. Talk about immunity, you're sitting pretty on a throne floating in a lake! Untouchable, sir!

Boomerating:



5. The ‘Instantaneous’

So you want the headlines? Nothing will grab everyone’s attention like getting your title shot on the same night you won the right to it. We’re talking Wrestlemania, baby, and you’ve got high hopes of finishing the show as a champion. Let’s face it, this is showmanship at its very best. Two high profile matches on the biggest stage of them all, and you’re going to win both of them. The best thing about this plan is that people haven’t even started to see you as ‘Mr. Money In The Bank’ yet. They’re completely unprepared for this. A surprise attack on a night when the Champ is most focussed on his opponent than anything else. Brilliant. It's also, by the way, a guaranteed way to cement a 'Wrestlemania Moment'. The tears streaming down your cheeks while confetti rains, the crowds hoarse with delight as the defeated champion drags himself to the back, the perplexed look on his face filling you with a sense of accomplishment. Now tell me that's not something to aim for!

Boomerating:



6. The ‘Year-Long’

So, tired but enthused by your recent Money In The Bank win, you announce, at Wrestlemania no less, that you’ve already decided when you’re getting your shot. And it’s going to be at Wrestlemania… next year. Seriously? Okay, first of all, you’ve just taken away the element of surprise from everyone. We didn’t even get a few months into the wrestling season, secretly hoping you’d show up at the end of a lacklustre pay-per-view to brighten our day, and you‘ve already told us when you‘re going to challenge for the title! Secondly, you want a ‘Mania spot so bad? You’re freaking AT ONE! What’s wrong with tonight? Oh, you’re tired? The Money In The Bank match usually takes place at the start of the show. You’ve got four hours to get ready which, need I remind you, is four hours more than your opponent has! The audacity of announcing your match a year in advance is as disappointing as it is stupid. Don't forget, there's almost a 50% chance that a superstar from that brand will win the Royal Rumble, so then bang! You've got yourself a triple threat match. Whoops! Of course, so far this idea is the only one to have a 0% success rate. Go back to Mr Kennedy. See if he'll tell you that story as well...

Boomerating:



7. The ‘Switcharoo’

You’re not on their roster… but you’ve just turned up, briefcase in hand and a glint in your eye. You, sir, are a genius! Now, this can actually be used in accordance with a few other options, most obviously the ‘sneak’, but works perfectly fine on its own. The champ’s not expecting it because you’re not on his brand, so he’s not used to your face. The crowd’s not expecting it because you’re not advertised to appear. And the rest of the locker room’s not expecting it because why would you leave your roster to come here? As surprised as they are, that’s how ready you are. Eye of the Tiger, baby, you’ve been waiting for this for days, you’re stretched, you’re ready, and it’s time to kick some ass and win yourself some championship!

Boomerating:



There are a variety of different ways one can use the briefcase, but when it comes down to it, you’ve still got to beat the champion. That requires guts, skill and bravery, but a little timing wouldn’t hurt either! Remember, if you’ve got that contract then you’re one of the most powerful forces in the WWE. It’s because the champions have something you don’t: Fear. They know you’re out there and they’re holding the prize, and all they can do is wait for you to strike. I’ve said it before, it’s all psychological. You’ve got the edge over them, so use it! However, unless I’m severely mistaken, you don’t have the briefcase. CM Punk, however, does. So if you’ll excuse me for a second, I need to address him directly.

Dear Mr. Punk,

Firstly, I’d like to take this opportunity to say what a pleasure it’s been to watch you perform for the last few years. You’ve really brightened up WWE programming since your arrival (even if you did embarrass Edge most thoroughly). My congratulations on your championship win last year, and my condolences on a less-than-stellar reign. I am a firm believer in you and your abilities (even though you aren’t using all of them quite yet) and I feel confident that you shall regain championship gold before the year is out. On that note, however, I would like to offer you some advice, free of charge. This pertains to a certain briefcase you have in your possession, the contents of which permit you a title shot at the time and place of your choosing. My advice, Mr. Punk, is simple: Be careful. Many are tipping you to be the first to lose your title match, as if to put an end to the speculation that Money In The Bank guarantees you a title reign. To this I must admonish these people, warily, as such an outcome is a possibility. Another worry of mine, which I wish to share with you at this time, is your continued presence as a ‘good guy’. We get it, you’re a hero. You love the fans, you pander to the fans, you respect the fans. But, come on. Really. What exactly have they done for you? Cheered you? If you drop your pants at a frat house, everyone will cheer you. Doesn’t mean they like you, it just means they enjoy watching someone make an ass out of themselves for their amusement. So enough with this ‘good guy’ stuff. Let’s be bad. It’s time to misbehave. And most importantly, it’s time to stop these people from laughing at you, from egging you on to do something you know is stupid, but you do it anyway because they’ll like you for it. Get a spine, grow a pair, stand up and act like a man.

Yours sincerely

Johnny Boomerang

Right folks, that’s all I’ve got time for today, I’m afraid. Tune in next week for more of the column you hate to love. From the top of the Leaning Tower of Boom, I’m Johnny Boomerang. Nice.

[NightofDay]

This. Was. Awesome.

Seriously, this was your best column to date. A good look at the ways to cash in your MITB. There were some things I knew already like the 'surprise' cashing and the 'tell your opponent ahead of time' cashing but also ones that I hadn't really thought of before like the 'insert yourself into a triple threat/fatal four way' cashing.

Great job. You're becoming a force around these parts.

And I noticed you used last year's participants in your poster. Couldn't be bothered to use this year's?

[Captain Awesome]

Great column, one of the best I've read recently.You have a great writing style that makes your columns fun to read. Well done.

[Lucas_Nova]

Brillinat, simply brillaint. I, personally, am fearing for the MITB its a great idea from the WWE but im not thrilled with the way it's been used so far, just seems to be a cheap excuse to get someone new in the main event scene by having the title changed with a quick pin after a beating on the champ. I hope the bookers somehow find this column as they could learn the art of variance. Great ideas and great column.

Nova

[cicero]

Yes yes, they're all quite right. Now bathe in the glory of success.

question- isn't mitbuh rather silly though in the sense that holder always acts illogically?

[Leonard]

Hey JBoom:

Nice little "handbook," if you will, on the possible uses of the Money in the Bank briefcase/contract. I think this shows the varied ways that the privledge could be used, and keep it from getting stale, if used in moderate rotation. I've personally always been a fan of letting the briefcase simmer for a while...ever since the first "cashing in" with Edge, there has been (I think) too much of a rush to cash in the contract. That's just my opinion though. Good work, Mr. Boom.

--Leonard

[JoeyShinobi]

I was disappointed by this, Johnny. Forget the content, which was pretty thorough and well-written, forget the topic, which was imaginative and intriguing, and forget the execution, which was as good as we've come to expect from you.

You talked about banking for an entire column, and you didn't make a single penis joke, and you didn't make a single recession joke. Terrible.

[Cult Icon]

you remember how you called me a hero when giving feedback on my column? YOU sir, are the real hero. another outstanding effort from you, and you just keep getting better and better and better. this should be the standard for mitb cash ins from now on i say. outstanding job j-boom, and may you continue your heroic rise to greatness.

[Stinger]

Not a whole lot to be said here J-Boom, simply because it was pretty well written, so good job. This was actually my favorite of your columns, everything about it clicked.

I'd actually like to see the Year Long at some point, although I wouldn't want it to be announced beforehand. I'd even build up suspense by doing a number of "Sneak" teases throughout the year.

Good read.

[Martin Riggs]

Let's do this:

NODdy, I thank you for your praise! I'm glad that you're finding my columns to your liking, I was skeptical about this column at first, I'm glad I went with posting it. On the picture, however, there were two reasons I chose it, 1) it's a damn cool picture! 2) I just wanted something depicting MitB, and that happened to come up and I liked it.

Awesome, Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to stay in my corner of the Forums, and glad you enjoyed yourself while you were here!

Lucas, I can only hope, my friend! Maybe they'll accidentally drift through and discover this. Until that time, we'll have to just hold our breaths. CM Punk's done this before, we might be in for a treat!

Cic, bathing, it's nice.

Answer- Yeah, illogical decisions to seem to be commonplace amongst the holders. Although I remember back when Edge had it (and held onto it until January, which was awesome) and yet he also won the Goldrush Tournament, meaning he had two title shots! Brilliant!

Len, see above for my thoughts on waiting, I get the feeling Punk's cashing his in within the next two PPV's, but yeah, the fact that Edge got to JAN with the briefcase was really brilliant because by that point it had become part of his character, and we'd taken it for granted! Thanks for stopping by, hombre.

Joey. *sigh* I am sorry. So embarrassed! The thoughts never occurred to...nevermind. My bad. (stoopid Johnny!) Thank you for trying to find the positives in a failure of a column, your optimism will go a long way. Although in future, try not to start sentences with 'i was disappointed with this'. Heart in mouth moment for me, there.

Cult! One day maybe you'll be profiling me! Thank you for all your kindness, your flattery does not go unappreciated!

Stinger, I knew someone would do it. I knew someone would come up with a decent scenario that I hadn't thought of. If they teased all year and then waited to announce Mania, I'd be pleased with that, yeah. Or maybe even, like I've alluded to earlier, just make it become part of their character, so you don't even notice it any more, then spring it on people right at the end! Thank you for reading!

[Hustle]

That was a really fun read. I don't want to be redundant and copy what everyone else has said, but damnit, good job here.

I definitely think we'll see a heel CM Punk before 2009 is over. You made it clear that you'd prefer the turn, but do you actually think it will happen?

[BeyondKnight]

Boom,

This was excellent and for many reasons that aren't typical. If we needed a teaching piece, this would be a great example. A couple of great points -

1 - This was "short" piece but no one said anything about it lacking because you were focused on your topic and developed your ideas fully. Great example of the quality over quantity ideal.

2 - You narrative voice and style has fully developed. You have established your unique style and ability to write and have the reader recognize your narrative voice amongst the masses. You are comfortable with yourself and the reader and have completely shed the "noob" personna.

3 - Format - You column's got a the polished look, with the stylish graphic and arrangement.

Congratulations my friend, you have arrived! Wonderful work!

~BK

[Martin Riggs]

Hustle, thanks for the kindness(es) and yeah, obviously I want it to happen, I'm not sure though. I'd be positive were it not for Cena's complete lack of a heel turn, showing that the WWE won't always turn people. I know they're two different superstars, but it's the same people calling the shots, and CM does shift his fair share of merch. Plus he's just moved to Smackdown, so there are a few new feuds open to him before he's necessitated a heel turn. Edge has unfinished business with him, as well. Maybe they'll spring it early, we'll see it by Judgement Day (Chicago is the best place for Punk to turn heel IMO, the reaction will be that much stronger) or they might hold it off 'til the end of the year. I'd prefer earlier, but only because I'm impatient.

BK, thank you for the alternative kudos! I'll be honest, the three-part story i wrote last month definitely helped me grow in confidence and relax when writing, as well as just feedbacking around and talking to people! But i'm glad you think I've shafted the Newbie image (i like to think so as well!) and thanks for the positive words!

Keep the feedback comin' yo! It's my heroin (and this is one addiction you want to feed!)

[SUPERFAN!]

Sup, Johnny Blaze!

This was such a fun piece to read on a topic that everybody has a definitive opinion on. What i especially enjoyed was the ways to cash in that I had not thought about but now think are excellent ideas, regardless of their effectiveness! Like the Insertion and Provoked and Switcheroo. And yes, you rightfully gave the Instantaneous a whopping 5 Boomerangs, which it most definatley deserves.

I also LMAO at your letter to Punk, that was a nice touch. And yeah, you may have stopped short, but I think you ended at the right time, just when I'm wanting more!

Take care, and I look forward to the next outing from you!

[Roger Murtaugh]

Another solid effort JB, and I'm so waiting for the day someone cashes in the MITB the night they win it. Outside of it killing the "mystique" it gives to the rest of the year it'd be a cool move.

[Kano]

Has anyone called you a champ recently JohnnyB?

Well here goes, your a champ JB!

This was spectatular and well enjoyable. Not to long, not to short and quite easy to read.

This and your last peice among with other names makes the CF the place to be. Well done man, can't wait until your next read, keep it up and well, CotM for April is JB and I called here FIRST

[Jason Boy]

Another great column JB, I see you as a future main page columnist with your consistent columns. Great job

[L-Man]

two words are all I will need to describe this, they are as follows:

Fucking Awsome

[Martin Riggs]

We've got most of the usual suspects here, so chances are I won't be receiving any more feedback, so it's time to respond. On with the show...

SuperSoup! Glad you enjoyed it, and i was hoping Christian was going to put into action the 'Instantaneous', but alas, he didn't win. Next year! The letter? Was actually an idea I had when i didn't really know how to sum up the column, i was like, why talk to the readers (who I've been insinuating have the briefcase) when i can talk directly to the man with the case!

Dr Monkey, Yeah, it would change the year a bit, but on the flipside it'd make for an awesome wrestlemania! I think I'd take that, to be honest. Thanks for reading!

Kano, i believe you're the first. Of course, this is probably because I've never won any titles. Thankyou for your kind words and endless support. If i ever need a campaign manager, you're on the list!

Jason Bason Boy Toy, a future main pager? Well that's something to think about. Of course, i'm not going to, the main page is doing well without me.

El Man- In the spirit of your response, i shall use but two words to answer you:
Thank you