A King's Buffet: Lost Love (NXT)

[Lazyking]

A King’s Buffet

Welcome boys and girls to another edition of the Buffet! Last week, I spun a tale of great foreigners and unfortunately for me, the tale bombed. I was on the brink of NXT elimination and I thought I deserved to go, but I was given a second chance. Not only that, but I was given a new pro, Box Car Rocco. I plan on maxing BCR proud with my tribute column today. Before we get to the main course though, I’d like to talk about a few things that I love about RAW right now. Let’s head to the Salad Bar!

Salad Bar

Three things I love about RAW right now:

1.Evan Bourne’s push-


I’ve been an Evan Bourne fan for a long time now. I first saw Evan (then Matt Sydal) on a few ROH DVDs and was amazed by his athleticism. When he came into the WWE a few years ago, I was happy for him but thought he was too small for what the WWE usually likes. After his impressive ECW run, which ended in an injury, Bourne was shipped off to Raw. He languished in the lower mid card for months until about almost a month and half ago, where he started RAW with a brawl with Edge. After that, Evan has been in Raw main events, pinned Chris Jericho clean on PPV and is now in the RAW MITB match. Word is that John Cena is influencing Bourne’s latest push and I’m really glad that he is. I think that Cena sees the talent Bourne has and he doesn’t want to see it go to waste. Bourne can make his opponent’s look great, almost to the point of endangering himself, but that just proves that he wants success really bad. If this push keeps up, I think Evan could replace Rey Mysterio as the top underdog face in the WWE.

2.Ted Dibiase Jr. with Maryse-


For first time, I like Ted Jr. Before he was paired with Maryse, he bored me to tears. His promos sucked, his matches don’t really get any better week by week like his former running mate Cody’s matches do and nothing he does stands out in my opinion. Then, a few weeks ago, Ted and Maryse become an item and bang! Ted is finally interesting. Maryse has charisma that Ted just doesn’t have, plus valets are badly needed in wrestling right now. I personally think it’s a win- win situation. Ted gets a valet who makes him interesting and Maryse doesn’t have to wrestle EVER again.

2.5.The Uso’s/Hart feud-



Let me just say this, I love Samoans! Every Samoan I’ve ever watched wrestle with the exception of Afa Jr. Has entertained me. So, when I first saw the Uso’s with Tamina, I was excited. Their a little green still but working with the Hart Dynasty will definitely help them improve. I’m really hoping that Nattie is teaching Tamina the ropes because she has a long way to go. Although I think that The Usos and Harts will open the Money in the back PPV on Sunday, I hope they get more then five minutes to showcase why their the future of the WWE.

Buffet Table: Lost Love

“Your breath smells.” Those were the words told to me a little over ten years ago by my soon to be girlfriend. I was in D.C for a school field trip and we were in a museum at the time. I wasn’t shocked, my breath did stink, what did shock me though, was the next week, back at school, the same girl asked me out.

Looking back now on our month and half relationship, I realize that I miss what I had back then. I miss the sloppy kisses, the looks we would give one another, the need to be each other's first. Well, the first time never happened and I try to tell myself that was the right decision, but I can’t help but miss my lost love.

In terms of wrestling, I’ve had a lot of lost loves. I think my first was The Rock. He went Hollywood and has rarely showed up in a WWE ring since. Then there was Brock Lesnar. He left for the NFL but is now UFC heavyweight champion.

I’ve also had wrestling loves that passed away like Eddie Guerreo, a man who would light up the screen and his opponents. Then there was Chris Benoit, who did something so heinous, it’s tough for me to even look at his great wrestling abilities.

Then there are the few in the WWE that I love now, guys like John Cena. A man who gives it his all for the sport he loves. I admire him for that, but most of all, it's his passion that makes me care for him. Chris Jericho, for being the best in the world at what he does and making me believe it. With all of that said though, there is only one man who holds my wrestling heart in his stubby little hand. A man, who may be small, but someone who has a huge heart and a man who can make a grown man cry tears of joy. Without further adieu, I present to you, this great man….

hornswoggle2.jpg

Isn’t he beautiful? Hornswoggle or Horny as I like to call him is the love of my wrestling fan life and it’s not just because he looks like my usual dinner. No, Horny, is more then a pretty face. He has skills that can not be replicated. For a man so small, he is so gifted. He can fly with the best of him or mat wrestle as shown by his classic matches with Chavo Guerreo. He has a great wrestling mind, proven by out witting other superstars to win the cruiserweight title (A title he never lost by the way).

It’s not always been an easy love to have though. Horny, by no fault of his own, was Mr. McMahon’s son. I was stunned to hear the news, but I was happy that my love was happy. That happiness was short lived though. I still remember the tears that came down my eyes, when JBL was beating the tar out of my love. As horny laid their motionless, I wished with all my heart, that he would be ok.

Thankfully, he recovered and though his smarts again, he became a member of DX. Those were joyous times for me and my horny. I loved how he played games with the two, old man, how he would help the old men win matches or play tricks on the other guys. I t was the best time of my life and I’m sure my love’s life.

Then, one day, it ended. One of the old man left and DX was no more. I started to panic then. What would happen to my love, Horny? Weeks went by; I grew crazy with worry and then I saw him again. My heart soared. He was in the ring again! I could tell though, that something was wrong and then it happened. That piece of shit, Dolph Ziggler put my baby to sleep. I was having déjà vu all over again. I started having the nightmares again; I stopped sleeping because I’d rather stay awake then relive it.

Now, as I sit here, I think of the last time I saw him. He was in a tag match. He looked so happy, I wanted to hug him. That was over a month ago. I can’t believe it’s happened again, I want my true love back. I hate losing it, every time. I get to close and bam! It’s gone. I don’t know want to do with myself, will I ever see him again? Or is he just another lost love?

[THE MONKEY]

The opening section wasn't really needed and didn't really fit with the theme. I understand it's part of the gimmick you are going with for the column but I think the main part stood better on it's own rather than being broken up with the intro. Few spacing issues in the beginning as well but an overall decent read. I will suggest abandoning the font in future rounds though, not that the look has anything wrong with it but it comes off as if you are trying to mask the shortness of the column with a larger font. Not saying that's your intention, but it is something you want to avoid.

Decent job here

[JoeyShinobi]

This wasn't half bad, LK.

I agree with Monkey about the font - if it's a short column, don't hide. As long as it does everything it needs to do, you don't need to worry about length too much. You really do need to proof read before you post, and also review the presentation. That picture is way too small. I know it is of Hornswoggle, but that's not the point.

If you get those issues sorted out, I can see you on your way to being a half decent writer. You have quite an endearing tone, and after the shocker of last week, it's really encouraging to see you take so much on board, and if you've taken anything on board from your new Pro, it's his ability to pick things up so quickly. Great job to both of you, but you've still got work to do!

[Mazza]

Ok, first things first, it should be "without further ado". Seeing "without further adieu" is one of my biggest pet peeves. Right, now that is out the way, this is a lot better than last week. You still have a long way to go though. Your main section was definitely an interesting read but your salad was almost as long which kind of made it not a salad. As Joey said, your tone came through here and that helped you a lot. This tourney may have come a little too soon for you but take as much as you can out of it and keep working as there is a strong columnist in there fighting to get out. If you make it through, please work on your presentation and again there was all kinds of spacing issues etc once more. Good luck.

Maz Rating: D

[Hustle]

Come on, bruh.. you need to get this shit posted earlier than a minute before the deadline. You know that. Not to step on your Pro's toes (MC Hustle in the house), but I have a mini-challenge for you if you make it to the next round..

Try to be one of the first few people to get your column posted. At least one of the first half, anyway. Fighting the deadlines like that is going to kick you in the ass more than gently caress your balls, if you know what I'm saying.

This was an improvement over your previous column. If you can continue improving, and continue listening to criticism like you have been, you'll do just fine. It might come in this competition, and it might not, but you will grow into a a really entertaining read on a regular basis. Trust me.

Good luck.

[Dr. CMV1]

As was previously stated, that first part of the column was unnecessary...but I kind of like that you did it. You took the NXT topic and made it the main course of your column, but continued on with your gimmick as usual. I kind of dug that...

This was definitely a step in the right direction. I thought it was legitimately funny that you chose Hornswoggle to be the object of your tribute. Sarcasm worked well.

Here's hoping you get another shot...

[Sean_Taylor]

So this was a tribute to Hornswoggle? I get the set up but it took a long time to get to it and when you did, frankly, I'd lost interest overall from all the jumping back and forth between topics. There were some poor words choices. Leads me to believe that you powered through to write this quickly. Hopefully, you haven't given up on this contest. Need some work next time.

[Mr Bitches]

People just dont get that you live the gimmick like DDP. Nigga's name is LazyKing, why would anyone expect anything else?

I found it funny your Hornswoggle pic was tiny. The part you talked about your love for him was the type of stuff Ive been hoping to read from you. Id congratulate your improvement, but really almost anything would have been better than the last attempt.

[Tito]

Felt rushed, and was confined strictly within a "buffet" gimmick that was unimpressive. King, you need to take this competition more seriously.

[Zuma]

^I can't disagree with this - but I will say one thing - you IMPROVED. That's what this is all about, and I definitely see an improvement here. As Mr. Bitches said - you do live the gimmick, and posting at the last minute is comical to me - because it is totally you. I say tell Hustle to fuck off, and post again at the last minute, just for comedic value. However - have it ready. Preview post it - make it tight, and make it right. I caught a few spelling errors here, and I hope your Pro has a chance to read through it and be an EDITOR for you in the future. The "they're" and "their" mistakes are unacceptable at this level.

As for the column and idea - I liked it. You took a tough challenge, and you waxed slightly poetic about a topic which most people wouldn't. Congrats on that. You might have saved your ass here. Make next week count.

[Lazyking]

Monk: Thanks for reading! Anyway, I wasn't trying to make it bigger to lengthen the column, just after last week, I didn't want it to be too small.

Shinobi: Thanks for reading! Yeah presentation is something that still needs work and more then one proofread is not cutting it, I know.

Maz: Like the others, thanks for reading and the tips, I'll take them all to heart. I know its not my time to shine, I'm here to learn though.

Hus: I won't make excuses for my lateness, just to say that your right and hopefully next round, I'll get it done quicker

Doc: Yes, it was kinda of unnecessary intro, but I wanted to flesh the column out more considering the tribute I chose, my theme stayed the same though, love. Also I really am a fan of Hornswoggle, just not at that crazy in love level lol.

Sean T: Thanks for the advice man. I did kinda rush it but it's funny, I gave up thatr I would even be in this round and then got a second chance, I'm more confident now though and I'm ready for the next round.

Mr. B: Thanks brill, last week was awful lol. I liked my column this week but I can do much better. and I do sorta live my gimmick, in that Lazyking is who I am lol.


Tito: I can't disagree, I do need to take it more seriously.

Zuma: I'll probably will post it like that just to piss off Hus lol. I love this weeks challenge, so I'm gonna try to make it count or I'll likely be gone.

Thanks for reading everyone. I'll try to take all your advice and improve each week. Thanks again!

[Phantom Lord]

It wasn't a bad effort. I am a master of having a couple of paragraph's at the top of my column that have nothing to with what ever topic I end up doing. In this case I think you should have skipped that part all together and just used that for another one. God I hate Hornswoggle, I can't believe he's been around for that long all ready.

Damn kids having to like midgets.