Hey, everybody. As you can tell by the fact that I'm here posting a fucking column, my 3 week long absence was cut short. This comes as an advantage to all of you bitches out there in Reader Land, because it means you'll have a few extra Roadkill columns. Yay (Kind of)! The bad news is, this early return comes at the expense of a death in the family.
So, thank you to all of you reading this column today. My "fan support" (if you could call it that) is really gonna help me recover. I think.
Anyways, my situation is sad, but I won't waste your time with it. Let's get down to business, shall we?
Recently, Vince McMahon and all the folks down at the 'E have been hinting at the WWE receiving their own television channel. That's right. A WWE channel. All wrestling. All the time. This channel, which is rumored to be called "The Network" would be on basic cable, and would sort of resemble the MLB Network or the NBA Channel, except in the form of WWE. "The Network" is currently slated to air the stuff WWE puts on "WWE Classics on Demand", the premium subscription network. In my mind, this is a HUGE mistake.
For those of you who know about "WWE Classics", you'd know that their current programing schedule is as follows:
- Old Shit
- Even Older Shit
- Retired Wrestlers Elaborating on the Old Shit we just saw
It's not that I don't appreciate the nostalgia that comes with seeing the same fucking Barry Windham match 90 motherfucking times, it's just that all of these "Classic Matches" that WWE Classics provides aren't necessary. It's like giving me ice in the winter. Do I enjoy it? Kind of. Would I prefer something else? Fuck yes!
If the WWE really wants this "Network" thing to work, they're gonna have to re-vamp some of their programming schedules as seen on WWE Classics. Not only does seeing the same old shit get boring after a while, but WWE's target audience, the kids, are definitely gonna tune out if they keep getting the same shit from the 80s.
So, how can the WWE gain more fan interest in "The Network"? Well, I've come up with a few TV shows and some sort of a "schedule" that can help out the man in Titan Land with his upcoming dilemma:
Original Programming for "The Network"
These are some TV show ideas I've come up with that could really be a success within the wrestling world. These are the "Must-See-TV" ratings powerhouses that the WWE needs to keep their channel relevant and, more importantly, on the airwaves.
- Over the Ropes would be a TV show that chronicles certain WWE Superstars. The superstar would be totally "in character" for the entire show. For instance, in an episode revolving around "Ted DiBiase", you would probably see his luxury mansion and his stunning girlfriend Maryse, sporting luxury apparel and dining amongst the finest cuisine.
I guess you kind of get the picture about how each wrestler would act when they appear on this show- totally in character. So, how would the show pan out, you ask? The layout and format of the show isn't so sophisticated, to be completely honest. To start off each episode, we would be greeted by Josh Matthews. Josh would introduce us to the wrestler being focused on in the episode, whoever it may be. Then, he would segway us into a short and brief biography piece about the "guest of honor". This segment would be fairly short, and would run from the beginning of the show to the first commercial break. After a message from our sponsors, host Josh Matthews would introduce us to the "MTV Cribs" part of the show. Now, for those of you who aren't familiar with "MTV Cribs", it's basically a program where celebrities take the viewers on a tour of their house. Once again, each wrestler would be totally in character for this portion of the show, as well as the entire program. In the case that an "MTV Cribs" type segment would not really work in a particular episode, there would usually be a miscellaneous segment in this time-slot. Maybe a piece on how John Morrison contructed his flashy ring gear; or a work-out session with John Cena; hell, maybe even a segment where a wrestler's favorite match was shown. Following this segment (which would run from one commercial break to the next), Josh Matthews would have a sit-down interview with the wrestler provided. This would fill up the entire last segment, lasting about 7 or so minutes.
And there you have it. I think, if green-lighted, this show could be a huge success for the WWE. Heck, they could use this show to get people over, such as members of the under-card, the NXT Rookies, or even Tag Teams! As for a time-slot? I think this would air best at Saturday nights, with episodes airing at 8:00-11:00. Yep, the entire prime time slot on Saturdays. Whether they be new episodes or re-runs, you'll be able to catch a few episodes of this groundbreaking program every Saturday from 8:00 PM-11:00 PM. Let's move on to my next "money program"...
- The Super Six isn't just a great use of alliteration. It's also the name of a show that could do the WWE wonders! TV series such as the MLB Network's "Prime Nine" and the MSG Network's "The Top 50" have proven to be successful, and the WWE would be stupid not to capitalize on this good fortune. In a nutshell, "The Super Six" would be a weekly countdown show. Basically, each episode would be a list of "The Top Six _____", or "The Six Best _____". The concept sounds simple and basic, and could really spark an interest among the WWE Universe.
Although "The Super Six" has the potential to be big for "The Network", it may not be the ratings powerhouse they are looking for. So, I'm gonna have to put this show on at Wednesdays at 8:00, with a 30 minute runtime. An older show will be replayed following the new episode at 8:00, giving this show a one-hour block. NEXT SHOW!
- WWE Presents is my next big concept. Well, I guess you can't really say it's my concept, as the WWE has been doing this for years! "WWE Presents" is currently a monthly Pay-Per-View program where WWE presents (excuse the pun) us with a full-length video from their stocked-up DVD Library. Whether it be the newly released John Morrison DVD, or a video about the Life and Times of Brian Pillman, you'll be able to catch it on "The Network"-- absolutely free!
I understand that the idea of free DVDs on television will create flock-like viewership, so the WWE may want to avoid giving this show a time-slot identical to that of NXT or Smackdown. So, this program will be seen on Tuesdays, from 8:00 PM-10:00 PM, endingjust in time for NXT. A 90 Minute DVD with 30 minutes worth of Ads is two hours, right? There ya go, then. What else do we have cooking in the idea bin?
- This Week in History is usually a short segment you'll usually see run on Smackdown or Raw for filler. On "The Network", "This Week in History" is much more than that. It's a one-hour extravaganza featuring the greatest moments in wrestling history for this particular week.
The concept is pretty self-explanatory, so I just have this to say: it'll be on Wednesday nights, from 9:00-10:00. Next show, please...
- Diva Dish. With a name like that, this show can only mean one thing...
CHICKS, MAN!
I know a lot of you may not be up for a show all about the divas, but I really believe that it can help get the divas of the WWE over with their gumption-less audience. In this one-hour variety show of sorts, featuring interviews and matches and what-not. The program, airing Mondays from 8:00 PM-9:00 PM, would begin with our host, Josh Matthews, introducing us to our first segment. This segment could be absolutely anything: a diva interview, a diva's match from earlier in the week, a video package, a Diva's Pay-Per-View match-- you name it!
And that would basically be the whole show: random segments featuring divas, and only divas. Divas! Divas, Divas, DIVAS!
- My final ground-breaking program has a pretty simple concept, actually. The show will be called The Pay-Per-View of the Week, and will feature a Pay-Per-View from past years. This Pay-Per-View can be from any company. The real point here is is that this Pay-Per-View is old and 100% free-- despite the fact that it's old as shit.
Before I mentioned to you all that nostalgia was like "ice in the winter". I may seem like a hypocrite booking a show like this after a statement like that, but let me explain. WWE has a vast video library that they should utilize. NOTICE! I said "utilize"; not "shove down our throats". Although the WWE needs original programming for "The Network", they should also be able to carefully show us some treasures of the past in small doses. Get it?
Programming Schedule
Coming up with a full programming schedule is hard, but fuck-- I did it!
A few points I need to make before posting my "schedule". Any time that either, one: isn't prime time (8:00 PM-11:00 PM); or two: conflicts with other WWE Programming, such as Superstars or Raw. For those wondering, the non-prime time and conflicting time-slots will feature wrestling shows from the past (from all of the now-defunct companies owned by Vince McMahon), repeats of weekly "Network" programming, and replays of Raw, Smackdown, Superstars, and NXT. That should just about cover it all, right? RIGHT?!
Anyways, here's "The Network"'s programming schedule, as I see it in my eyes:
Monday
12:00 AM-8:00 PM: Miscellaneous
8:00 PM-9:00 PM: Diva Dish
9:00 PM-11:00 PM: Misc. (Raw is on during that time)
11:00 PM-12:00 AM: Misc.
Tuesday
12:00 AM-8:00 PM: Misc.
8:00 PM-10:00 PM: WWE Presents
10:00 PM-11:00 PM: Misc (NXT is on during that time)
11:00 PM-12:00 AM: Misc.
Wednesday
12:00 AM-8:00 PM: Misc.
8:00 PM-9:00 PM: The Super Six
9:00 PM-10:00: The Legends of Wrestling Program*
*For those of you unaware, "The Legends of Wrestling Program" is currently a series on "WWE Classics on Demand", an is a roundtable discussion between retired wrestlers, reminiscing about the past.
10:00 PM-11:00 PM: This Week in Wrestling
11:00 PM-12:00 AM: Misc.
Thursday
12:00 AM-9:00 PM: Misc (Superstars airs from 8:00-9:00)
9:00 PM-11:00 PM: The Monday Night Wars- Classic Episodes of RAW IS WAR! and Monday Nitro*
* This is currently a program on "WWE Classics", just like "The Legends of Wrestling Program". I know many nostalgic programs, such as this one, will be show throughout the week, but it will really hurt TNA Wrestling if classic episodes of Nitro and Raw were showing during their broadcast of "Impact!".
11:00 PM-12:00 AM: Misc.
Friday
All Day- Misc.*
*Look guys: no one is barely around to watch Smackdown on Friday Nights. Why would they be watching this instead of spending Friday out? Not even original programming can help Friday's ratings, so it's just better to resort to the 'ol video vault.
Saturday
12:00 AM-8:00 PM: Misc.
8:00 PM-11:00 PM: Various showings of "Over the Ropes"
11:00 PM-12:00 AM: Misc.
Sunday
12:00 AM-8:00 PM: Misc.
8:00 PM-11:00 PM: Pay-Per-View of the Week
11:00 PM-12:00 AM: Misc.
So, there you have it. Sorry if the random subject of this column caught you off guard. Please leave as much feedback as you can, I really appreciate your support, guys! Cum on my Face(book) and Formspring me up as well (links in my sig)! Don't be afraid to ask me something on Formspring. Speak your mind! Wanna know why this column had more bold in it than Mickey Rourke's personality? Ask away! Wanna find out the girth of my dick? Go ahead! ASK IT!
Well, that's it for another edition of---
ALMOST FORGOT! I'm introducing a brand spanking new segment in today's column. Popular amongst the YouTube community, today will feature Typer's Pit's first ever "Response of the Day" competition! Like a ball sack, here it is in a nutshell: I ask a question, and whoever gives the most creative or interesting response gets a plug from me in my next column. (Like a plug from me means anything! At least it'll get you rascals out there in Reader Land excited!)
Anyway, here's today's question:
Can a Kangaroo Jack?
Remember to leave your responses below!
Peace bitches!
Last edited by Roadkill; 07-16-2010 at 10:17 PM.
Hit me up on the Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/?sk=messa...=1370765264244
Formspring me up right here: http://www.formspring.me/RoadieLOP
I dig it, an entire channel that features superstars but almost completely in kayfabe (minus a few of documentaries form the DVDs here and there). I'd actually watch a good majority of that programming. Thought you blended your style with a more serious approach pretty well here.
WTF up with your link.
Last edited by THE MONKEY; 07-20-2010 at 06:36 PM.
Thanks, Monk. Good to know that someone gives enough of a shit to leave feedback.Originally Posted by THE MONKEY
Kayfabe is indeed the game WWE needs to play here. This is the perfect place for them to get people over and maybe even advance some storylines.
Also, IDK what's going on with the link. But do you have an answer for my "Response of the Day" question? If so, leave it here in the feedback section.
Thanks for lookin' out fo' a brother, Monkey.
Hit me up on the Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/?sk=messa...=1370765264244
Formspring me up right here: http://www.formspring.me/RoadieLOP
Roady, sorry man, this must have gone under the radar.
Good to have you back, hope all is well...
Great fucking idea. You know what I love WWE vintage but you're correct, I can get this shit on youtube.
Good stuff.
Hey man, don't take it personally with the lack of feedback, I'm sure most of the guys are busy with their columns and yours probably got lost under the radar.
But yeah agree with the others, this would rock. I'd love to see a mainstream wrestling tv channel. Though I'd probably have even less of a life then.
Good to have you back man.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote