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ChrisBear
07-08-2010, 12:21 PM
Include one paragraph on wrestling deaths during the 90s.
Must be 1700-2600 words long.
Use the word "jehosaphat" in it.
One paragraph about Stone Cold Steve Austin. A sentence about his bald head being attractive like in a Bruce Willis sort of way….


I have spoken!!! *thunder and lightning* #EndScene





Jumping Jehosaphat

The above is a phrase I have read several times, I had no idea what it meant or indeed how to pronounce it. I have nothing better to do with my time on a dreary post holiday weekday so I spent a preposterous amount of time researching the origins of it, there seems to be two theories. Surprisingly as I read through the many, many theories handed out in plenty over this medium we call the internet, two popped up regularly. They both got me thinking, both theories regarding the origin of this mysterious phrase could easily have been plucked from any column describing wrestling in the nineties. Think of these a mini-columns if you will. Allow me to reveal what ‘Jumping Jehosaphat’ means…




Theory one




Jehosphat was the King of Jerusalem and had untold wealth. It was said he had a mountain of gold coins and an enormous penis (yes, he was a lucky fuck). One wintery day an army from Koopastan came to steal both his princess (Whom I certainly hope was disfigured in some way; he can’t have it all, can he?) and his mountain of gold coins. As was common ‘back in the day’ Jehosphat challenged Koopastan’s greatest fighter to one-on-one fisticuffs to determine the winner. Beforehand though ‘Jez’ (he is being given a nickname now) ate some mushrooms which legend said made Jez double in size and crush his opponent. Scientists since have revealed that the Basidocarpus todensae mushroom of the desert has certain chemotactic properties that increase hematocrit levels in the myofibrils of muscles, verifying the possible 'doubling in size'. Credit to Wikipedia for the scientific breakdown.




Now, history lesson over let’s talk about how I tie that into wrestling. During the nineties wrestling suffered from a series of scandals involving steroid abuse, albeit far more advanced versions of the wild mushroom Jez took. Back then, wrestling was similar to an underground society, a world in itself, we had no spoilers, fans were given next to no access to how the business worked and kayfabe lorded over us all. The fans had little idea of what these Greek godlike men were doing to gain their physiques. Today, in a mentality of ‘needing to know’ and speculative rumours we know how many digits Maryse uses daily to pleasure her undoubtedly maintained vajayjay, or how many babies Mark Henry ate the previous day. Back in the nineties only a handful of people had any idea of the inner workings of professional wrestling and less people knew anything about the individuals who entertained us weekly. Steroid abuse is cheating, that much is obvious but until the scandals of the nineties hit it was brushed under the carpet by most people in the industry.


When we think about how many of our top stars have passed away over the last twenty years, many, not all I hasten to add can be attributed to the abuse of performance enhancing drugs that were used during the eighties and then more so in the nineties. See with the abuse of the eighties wrestlers were under the impression that to make it, you needed a certain ‘look’ and if you wanted to make it in a business you loved of course you would take a short cut, wouldn’t you? If you could get away with it. I loved Rick rude as a child growing up watching wrestling, I once donned a pair of tights my mother owned and proceeded to gyrate around my bedroom, I don’t still do this, honest. His death in 1999 hit me fairly hard, it was the first time one of the wrestlers I grew up watching had passed away. I was told by a friend in passing that he had died. By that point I hadn’t watched wrestling since 97’ but the Ravishing one was a mainstay in what I had watched the previous 5 years. It was sometime later than I found out the reason for his passing and it riles me to this day that a man who undoubtedly would still have so much to offer professional wrestling was allowed to abuse his perfect (full homo) body in such a way. I checked after writing the above if Rick was in the HoF or not, I couldn’t find his name...


Yes, WWE is doing a much, MUCH better job of ensuring tragedies such as the above no longer happen and they should be applauded for it, ultimately for some it’s too little too late. Jez ate the mushrooms to be the all powerful ruler of his kingdom and died due to poor health aged 39 (although there are suggestions in the minority he lived for much longer). Many of the superstars we adored so much growing up are passing before their 40th birthday. I guess the phrase ‘my dick’s bigger than yours’ and other macho stereotypes have been around a lot longer than we knew.






Theory two



Jez much unlike the first theory was a coward, although the bastard was still very wealthy with an abundance of women at his disposal. Tut. It is said that Jez would align himself with the strongest nations of the time or form alliances with nations or groups that had the largest armies. When any of his said ‘allies’ would declare war on one another Jez would pick the side he believed would win. He was said to be incredibly clever in doing this, often underhanded. His ‘alliances’ would differ always dependant on who was either wealthiest or the most powerful and that’s how he coined the nickname ‘Jumping Jehosaphat’, due to his jumping from one ‘alliance’ to another.


During the Monday night wars of the mid to late nineties many wrestlers could be accused of being a ‘Jumping Jehosaphat’. That had a difficult choice to make, do they sit around and wait to see if their side wins or do they jump ship and align themselves with the enemy? Many wrestlers changed during the nineties, many made the correct move yet many more made the wrong one.


A couple of years ago I found myself in a similar situation, I’d worked with my current company for just over two years. My direct manager left for what she said was a new upcoming company literally just down the round from where we worked. She offered me a job within a month of being there, offered me more money, more opportunities’ but ultimately more skills through their very expansive education system. Four of my seven person team left with the remaining three of us deliberating hourly whilst receiving tempting texts from our former manager with promises of new found luxuries. Two of the three of us stayed put, wary of how a company with no real history or client base would be able to offer so much. One person saw the cash signs and became a ‘Jumping Jehosaphat’. That jumper was me.


The sparkly new interior smelt new when I got there. I spent 5 weeks being educated on things from presentation skills to neuro-linguistic programming (something I still have a vested interest in to this day). After the five weeks of being told how big this company would be and how huge my pay-packet would be down to bonuses I started the role. Weeks past and the novelty of the new desk wore off, the new skills I had learnt weren’t being used and my role was pretty much the same as before, I was just further down the line for any promotion. The bonuses were eventually retracted and alarm bells rang…I had made the wrong move.


The Road Warriors were THE tag team during their first WWF stint from 1990-1992, yes Animal got injured so took a long period off however the team was already no more due to Hawk leaving after the infamous ‘Rocco’ gimmick. Once Animal had recovered three years later they could have moved back to WWF, instead they chose to move to WCW under the influence of Eric Bischoff who (allegedly) had offered The Road Warriors a very lucrative contract. WCW was in the process of building a formidable tag team division and The Road Warriors would fit immediately into the title scene. They feuded with The Steiners, Luger and Sting and Harlem Heat but after several attempts, never won the titles. I imagine they felt they had been taken to WCW under false pretences, or simply went for the money, only they (or Tito) will know.


After five months of joining this ‘new exciting’ company I had left and been brought back to the company I still work for to this day. Nine months after I left 35% of the ‘new exciting’ company’s staff were ‘future endeavored’ (for the want of a better phrase) including the people I had followed over. The Road Warriors, like me realized they wouldn’t get what they wanted if they stayed put, so they went back to WWF and won the titles in the same year. I didn’t win any titles but was recently given a pen for 4 years of service. I’d get four years for rape but at least then I would have ejaculated. Point being, change is something we are told to embrace yet sometimes we accept the change without thinking of the consequences. Look at Chris Jericho who moved at exactly the right time, or Stone Cold Steve Austin, who not only changed the companies he worked for in the nineties but went from being a good looking blond in a Diego Forlan way to being a good looking shaven headed badass, In a Bruce Willis kind of way. They moved at the right time. Others didn’t and came running back years later with their tales between their legs…**cough, cough, Bret**




‘Jumping Jehosaphat’ – He would have been the perfect heel.

NabidHassan
07-08-2010, 12:36 PM
Entertaining as always sir. But would i read it if it was on the main page? I dunno, maybe i would prefer Uncle Joe.

If you find time, please let us know what happened to Regal's rhyming.

Oh one more thing,there's a typo on the first sentence that you missed.

JoeyShinobi
07-08-2010, 12:46 PM
This is littered with grammar errors that really upset the flow of what could have been a really interesting column. Given your Pro majors in English literature, I'd suggest that you ask her to work on that area really hard before your next entry.

I'm not sure I'm such a fan of this kind of column, where you take a phrase you think is kinda cool, and somehow work it into wrestling. There was a link, but I personally felt it was a bit tenuous, and I'm not sure what the whole steroids thing has to do with a wrestler being a heel or not - just as many steroid abusers were faces, were they not? As for whether or not WWE are doing the best they can with clamping down on steroids...I call bull. The only way they can hold a clear conscience when it comes to drug abuse is to adopt a zero tolerance approach. They won't do it, though, out of fear someone like Orton will get caught out and lose them money.

The thing is, I don't know if this column is supposed to spark off a debate like that, and I guess ultimately that's my problem with this column...I'm not really sure what it was all about. It was certainly different, and full marks for pulling something out of leftfield, but for me it fell a little short, partly because of the misdirection, and perhaps most disappointingly, the grammar and punctuation issues that plagued throughout.

Best of luck though, Chris.

Dr. CMV1
07-08-2010, 12:47 PM
I thought this was a good column. I like how you took that random inquiry and turned it into a wrestling column topic.

Maybe it's just a "competition" thing and people are just nervous, but I feel like every column I've read from someone who is a regular in the CF has been a notch below what they normally write (myself included).

Chris, there were several little grammatical errors in here. I typically don't mention that if there's just like one or two, but there were quite a few.

EDIT - well if that was your stip to use that phrase, then more power to you for finding a way to make that work well

Pnk
07-08-2010, 12:51 PM
I actually did check it over and maybe due to reading off my Blackberry, I didn't catch any major grammatical errors. Though that being said, he knows how I feel about the column.

[EDIT] A stip was for him to use that phrase. IDK if that clears it up for anyone.

Mazza
07-08-2010, 01:44 PM
Well, this was.... I am not sure. Odd I think is the best word I can come up with. From the beginning to the end of Theory 1, it was just a bit all over the place and despite a couple of funny bits here and there, you just seemed not to have any idea what you were going on about (or at least I didn't). Then in Theory 2 it turned into a really good piece of work. I loved the way you put your own experience into the ship jumping and if you had focussed on that as the whole of your column, it could have been a very strong effort. Technique wise, there were still some capitalisation issues (Rick rude being a big standout one) and some of the sentences read a bit strangely, particularly before you hit your stride in the second part. Really tough to rate as different parts spread out a long way across the scale.

Maz Rating: D

Stinger
07-08-2010, 06:12 PM
This was a decent effort. Yes, there were numerous grammatical errors that did detract from the column. Take the following for example...

"The Road Warriors were THE tag team during their first WWF stint from 1990-1992, yes Animal got injured so took a long period off however the team was already no more due to Hawk leaving after the infamous ‘Rocco’ gimmick."

That's a mess. You can write and a handle a sentence better than that; all of us that have read your past work know this. So I'd chalk this one up to really poor proofreading. Sending it off to your pro to proofread is all well and good (albeit tough if she's reading on a Blackberry), but you have to go over it yourself several times and I don't think you did that. There were just too many errors, with the highlighted one above being but one that caused me to pause. You're better than that.

Good luck.

ChrisBear
07-08-2010, 07:35 PM
Everyone - Thanks for the feedback. Grammar wise I hold my bear paws up in shame. I did proofread, several times, as I was fully aware that grammar/punctuation is where I have let myself down in the past. That is also one of main reasons I am participating in this competition, to improve it.

Funny thing is, this column took me much longer to put together than any other column I have written here. If I am lucky enough to have shown the pro's glimpses of what I can do in this then I assure you, in round 2 it will be me back to the Bear you all know. I had a few ideas about this column and this one kinda came from nowhere and I ran with it. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Thanks for all the feedback, both constructive and supportive. I can do better, and will.

Tito
07-08-2010, 09:05 PM
Jumping Jehosaphat - That's your column title? Seriously, how would that title look on the main page of LordsofPain.net?

Come on... I don't get the theme and as the prior posters said, the grammar needs to improve. Possibly run your column through Microsoft Word before posting or lean on your pro to review draft columns before posting. This is a SERIOUS contest for a main page spot, so thus take the contest seriously in that manner. But I definitely recommend leaning on your pro for an editorial eye before posting.

I wasn't fully sure what I was reading... Much to improve heading into week 2, and I wish you the best.

I do really like your reply to the criticism above, ChrisBear... Accepting criticism well is a great trait to have.

Viking Rage
07-08-2010, 09:13 PM
I'm not going to hate. that's not really any sort of help. I know you can do better, you know you can do better, so do better. Come out swinging next round, realize your potential.

Zuma
07-09-2010, 03:50 AM
Jumping Jehosaphat - That's your column title? Seriously, how would that title look on the main page of LordsofPain.net?

Come on... I don't get the theme and as the prior posters said, the grammar needs to improve. Possibly run your column through Microsoft Word before posting or lean on your pro to review draft columns before posting. This is a SERIOUS contest for a main page spot, so thus take the contest seriously in that manner. But I definitely recommend leaning on your pro for an editorial eye before posting.

I wasn't fully sure what I was reading... .

This guy made me job easy here. I echo everything he said... I just wasn't fully sure what I was reading, and I don't think you were really certain what you were writing. I'm sure you thought you'd be really clever and run with the Pro's stip of using "jehosephat" in the column, but it didn't come off that way. It came off as a bit cheeky, and just sort of lost. Like a column for a column's sake. Do better. I read some of your stuff before this, and you can produce quality work - but again.... the passion wasn't there. If you don't "feel" what you're writing, why should the reader?

ChrisBear
07-09-2010, 05:33 AM
Tito - Yes, I actually wrote this on microsoft word for that exact reason and no errors were picked up. I have since found an online resource that will help me further though but thanks for the pointers, I'll be using Pnk next time out for sure. As I've stated the topic just came from nowehere and although I knew what I wanted to write I just didnt execute it. I've learnt to look at things now from a reader perspective rather than just the writers, its refreshing but will ultimately improve me for next time.

VR - I know, man. Thanks.

Zuma - Cheeky? I'm not sure how it came across as cheeky. I tried to be clever yes, not cheeky, sorry if it came across that way. It was neither clever nor cheeky! Thanks for the kind words though, you are correct. I was changing my mind daily/hourly as to what I would write about and how I could make it different. Changing your mind so much cant be good. I only had a couple of days to put this together due to my holiday (its not an excuse in any way, I had plenty of time to put something much better together) so next time I'll properly think it through and use Pnk to help me structure things better.

Hustle
07-09-2010, 09:15 AM
You're capable of something better than this. We all know that, and I'm pretty sure you know that, as well.

I didn't hate this or anything. I agree with Doctor Chad, though.. a lot of the "regulars" seem to be coming up short so far in this competition. It's pretty disappointing, but it probably should have been expected. This is a huge deal, with the biggest prize in the history of CF competitions. I don't blame any of the "rookies" for being nervous at all. Hell, I don't blame any of the "pros" for being nervous, either, as we could, potentially, have someone's future in our control. That's tough.

I love that you've taken the somewhat negative feedback and owned up to everything. No excuses. That's big in the eyes of everyone. I really believe that you're going to use this to your advantage in the next round, and that your quality will improve. I have faith in you.

Good luck.

Pringle
07-09-2010, 09:44 AM
Y'know what? I liked this.

Sure, you are definitely capable of better, but this was an good effort considering a difficult couple of stips. You couldn't just through in "Jehosaphat" without any real justification, so you did well linking it with wrestling; you deserve credit for that. Good work.

You'll definitely show us what you can really do in the next round.

Shane
07-09-2010, 12:10 PM
Probably the title and opening hurt you a bit here. People who don't know you are judging you from the first word they read. Most pros are probably asking themselves "what would this look like on the Main Page?"

Since I believe it'd be detrimental to the competition to lose you in the first round, I'm going to assume the best. My advice for next time is to focus from title to content to presentation on conveying the best damn wrestling column you can. Write it as if you are writing for that broader audience and not the CF community. Remember, we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

Pen15
07-09-2010, 03:21 PM
I'd just be repeating others.
C-

Phantom Lord
07-09-2010, 06:41 PM
It wasn't a bad effort. You got handed an obscure reference and ran with it. A good column writer sees a topic no matter how big or small and runs with it.

THE MONKEY
07-09-2010, 08:08 PM
You definitely did well to think outside the box, though there still were errors that could have been avoided and that's unfortunate. All in all I think this is one of those middle of the road pieces you write and in retrospect isn't your worst nor is it your best. The creativity was obviously there though and that goes a long way with me, just work on channeling it a little better next time.

Good luck.

Super Chrisss
07-10-2010, 04:22 PM
I think Shane hit the nail right on the head. This was a good column by CF standards, but would people really want to read something like this on the MP?

My guess would be NO.

It's time to pick things up, Chrisbear. Push yourself to do better, and you will.

For the record, not a bad column at all.

JoeyShinobi
07-10-2010, 04:32 PM
Probably the title and opening hurt you a bit here. People who don't know you are judging you from the first word they read. Most pros are probably asking themselves "what would this look like on the Main Page?"

Since I believe it'd be detrimental to the competition to lose you in the first round, I'm going to assume the best. My advice for next time is to focus from title to content to presentation on conveying the best damn wrestling column you can. Write it as if you are writing for that broader audience and not the CF community. Remember, we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

Actually, they're not. This wasn't poor because it wouldn't work on the main page, and just because Tito said it wouldn't, doesn't mean he's right. Over the last two years, both cicero and Monkey have produced stuff far more leftfield and obtuse than this and presented it on the main page, and it worked really well. What this didn't have over those two I mentioned was execution, but you learn that, to some extent. But that's not really what made this so disappointing, and I don't believe this is good enough for the CF, really, when you consider who is currently posting in it.

This was poor because the author didn't take the necessary time or attention to spot any of the numerous typos, spelling mistakes, grammar errors and punctuation oversights before he posted it, and it doesn't matter if you're posting in the CF or on the main page, it makes it difficult to read. It makes him come across as a poor writer, which is perhaps unfair, but here he's made no attempt to make me think he's worth reading. Fine, occasionally you spell things wrong, and fine, you occasionally miss the odd apostrophe. But the mistakes made in this column were lazy, and it makes no odds to me what URL this column ends up on - it's a bad column because you can't read it properly.

ChrisBear
07-10-2010, 09:16 PM
Joey - I can take any criticism about the column, that's fine. I did take the time to "take the necessary time and attention to spot errors". Both Microsoft word and an online grammar checker failed to spot the errors. The errors were grammatical yes, in abundance but "numerous typos and spelling mistakes" is harsh, seeing as there were two (one being rectified immediately)

So many people are quick to jump on this "shoot him his grammar is bad" bandwaggon. Not one person has pointed out WHERE I went wrong (with the exception of Stinger). That would be of most use here. That's why I entered.