anonymous
05-23-2010, 04:11 PM
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Hello and welcome to another edition of Inside the Mind. My name is anonymous and I’d tell you a bit more about myself but that would make my name meaningless. Plus I let it all out in my last column. If I wrote more than one “personal” column in a month, I might be mistaken for a serious writer. And that would be disastrous for my reputation. So, let’s get on with a slightly more anonistic (nope it’s not a word) column and try and restore my carefully gained reputation as a writer who’s so inept, he can only write about comedy. A reputation that I’m proud to hold. Here we go...
http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg81/welshanonymous/ITMfood.png
Sacrifice takes place! For those wondering what’s happened to HHH over the last few weeks, I have some exclusive news. After realising that he’s soon to die, Vince McMahon was determined to keep hold of the WWE. So, he went to search for a host body for his soul. Knowing where his son-in-law lived, he kidnapped HHH and immediately set to work on sacrificing him and then taking control of his body. So, Vince McMahon is in HHH’s body and is probably screwing his own daughter right now. Yeah...I really should think before I start writing these things.
Mark Henry gets a push! In fact, he’s constantly getting a push. The doorways of buildings around the world always seem to be too small for poor old Mark, and he’s always needing someone to push him through them. His latest push came at a KFC restaurant, after he’d been kicked out for eating the furniture. Apparently, some of the chicken grease had spilt on the table and it “tasted good”. Rumours that he tried eating an employee remain unconfirmed.
Change of power for the UK! Following an election, there is a new man in power for the people from the British Isles. William Regal is no longer the highest ranked Brit in the WWE locker room and has been ousted by Drew McIntyre. McIntyre and Layla are thought to have formed a coalition to oust Regal and are now fully in charge of the Brits in the WWE. For the Americans who don’t understand the British election, exactly the same thing happened, only none of the participants were as hot as McIntyre...
German captain Michael Ballack ruled out of the World Cup! It was Kevin-Prince Boateng! Who did it for Rikishi! Who did it for The Rock! How did Rikishi get Boateng to injure Ballack?! Why does The Rock want the Germans to fail in the World Cup?! Has Rikishi targeted the other players?! Tune in to next week’s Raw where Rikishi, Boateng and The Rock will be explaining their actions.
http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg81/welshanonymous/ITMmain.png
Sometimes it’s hard to be a wrestling fan when you’re a fish. Not being able to talk can be a major issue. Not being able to survive outside of water’s another big problem. But, that’s not the biggest dilemma. The biggest dilemma is that no other fish like wrestling. I am a fish. And I’m the only wrestling fan amongst my species. And that’s a tragedy.
Why doesn’t the WWE exploit the fish market? Why don’t they hire muscle-bound sticklebacks and pit them against speedy haddocks? Why doesn’t the WWE try to appeal to fish by hiring our own kind? We don’t care about people. We want to see a whale and a dolphin beating the shit out of each other. Not some weird fat bloke who’s ass is on display. The lack of fish in wrestling is precisely the reason that fish don’t have any interest n wrestling these days. Which is a shame because; fish make better wrestlers than people. I am a fish and I know these things.
Our naturally oily bodies are perfect for wrestling and putting moves on each other; whilst the huge variety of categories of fish insures any wrestling show is a real spectacle. I’m certain that, if humans watched fishes wrestling, they’d be hooked from the start. Fish are also far less aggressive. You never hear of a fish deliberately hurting their opponent if they’re pissed off. You don’t hear about fish taking steroids and killing their family. You never hear about fish getting drunk and starting on their own fans. Simply put, fish are far more suited to wrestling than human beings. I am a fish and I know these things.
Then there’s the shark. Was there ever an animal more deserving of a position on the top of a wrestling card? These huge, muscle bound machines are far more realistic champions than your John Cena’s and Jack Swagger’s. Plus, they have more talent in their left testicles than these guys do in their entire bodies. Born and bred to be main eventing in a wrestling promotion; sharks are another reason why Vince McMahon should start to hire fish. I am a fish and I know these things.
People pay tons of money to see us fish do gay things in SeaWorld and other dumb places like that. There’s a huge market for seeing the more colourful fish in aquariums. If Vince hired fish to wrestle, he wouldn’t lose his human audience. He’d gain tons of new fans. And earn a fortune. Fish’s wages are nothing compared to what he pays humans and, they’d get him a bigger target audience. Plus, he could have one of his roster for dinner if he got hungry. How many other bosses can say they eat their employees? Legally? People want to see fish and fish would be perfect workers for Vince. I am a fish and I know these things.
Finally, fish are phenomenal actors. People rarely get to see that side of us when they’re gawking at the goldfish in their bowl. But, the truth is that every fish is born with a natural gift for acting and performing. Have you ever seen a fish actors do any unconvincing on the stage? No! They’re always the most superb and capable cast member in any performance. If Vince McMahon hired fish then he wouldn’t just have a load of brilliant actors in the ring. WWE films would finally be the success that he’s always dreamed of. I am a fish and I know these things.
The WWE should get rid of the bunch of mediocre and disappointing wrestlers who’ve completely turned the fish community away from wrestling. In its place, the WWE should hire a variety of new and exciting characters from the fish world. Maybe Vince could hire them from FTA, the Fish Training Academy in the Atlantic Ocean. Or the FWFTA, the Fresh Water Fish Training Academy in the River Amazon. Whatever he does, if Vince hired fish, his business would sky rocket. Wrestling would develop a much bigger fan base amongst both humans and fish and, he would have one final success before the passes away. I am a fish and I know these things.
My name is Kanye West and I’m a gay fish. I hope you enjoyed reading the above column.
http://averageguys.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/xzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.jpg
http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg81/welshanonymous/ITMwrestlemon.png
The Closet Homosexual
http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg81/welshanonymous/wrestlemon768.jpg
I’m sorry. But, there’s no way I believe these guys are straight anymore. They’re about as straight as a circle. They’re constantly mincing around and putting on an act but, deep down, they just want to get ploughed in the butt. It’s so obvious that they’re not into the ladies they hang around and they’d be much happier with a man at their side. Maybe one day, they’ll find the man of their dreams but, they need to finally accept their sexuality before it’s too late.
Goodnight my children.
Hello and welcome to another edition of Inside the Mind. My name is anonymous and I’d tell you a bit more about myself but that would make my name meaningless. Plus I let it all out in my last column. If I wrote more than one “personal” column in a month, I might be mistaken for a serious writer. And that would be disastrous for my reputation. So, let’s get on with a slightly more anonistic (nope it’s not a word) column and try and restore my carefully gained reputation as a writer who’s so inept, he can only write about comedy. A reputation that I’m proud to hold. Here we go...
http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg81/welshanonymous/ITMfood.png
Sacrifice takes place! For those wondering what’s happened to HHH over the last few weeks, I have some exclusive news. After realising that he’s soon to die, Vince McMahon was determined to keep hold of the WWE. So, he went to search for a host body for his soul. Knowing where his son-in-law lived, he kidnapped HHH and immediately set to work on sacrificing him and then taking control of his body. So, Vince McMahon is in HHH’s body and is probably screwing his own daughter right now. Yeah...I really should think before I start writing these things.
Mark Henry gets a push! In fact, he’s constantly getting a push. The doorways of buildings around the world always seem to be too small for poor old Mark, and he’s always needing someone to push him through them. His latest push came at a KFC restaurant, after he’d been kicked out for eating the furniture. Apparently, some of the chicken grease had spilt on the table and it “tasted good”. Rumours that he tried eating an employee remain unconfirmed.
Change of power for the UK! Following an election, there is a new man in power for the people from the British Isles. William Regal is no longer the highest ranked Brit in the WWE locker room and has been ousted by Drew McIntyre. McIntyre and Layla are thought to have formed a coalition to oust Regal and are now fully in charge of the Brits in the WWE. For the Americans who don’t understand the British election, exactly the same thing happened, only none of the participants were as hot as McIntyre...
German captain Michael Ballack ruled out of the World Cup! It was Kevin-Prince Boateng! Who did it for Rikishi! Who did it for The Rock! How did Rikishi get Boateng to injure Ballack?! Why does The Rock want the Germans to fail in the World Cup?! Has Rikishi targeted the other players?! Tune in to next week’s Raw where Rikishi, Boateng and The Rock will be explaining their actions.
http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg81/welshanonymous/ITMmain.png
Sometimes it’s hard to be a wrestling fan when you’re a fish. Not being able to talk can be a major issue. Not being able to survive outside of water’s another big problem. But, that’s not the biggest dilemma. The biggest dilemma is that no other fish like wrestling. I am a fish. And I’m the only wrestling fan amongst my species. And that’s a tragedy.
Why doesn’t the WWE exploit the fish market? Why don’t they hire muscle-bound sticklebacks and pit them against speedy haddocks? Why doesn’t the WWE try to appeal to fish by hiring our own kind? We don’t care about people. We want to see a whale and a dolphin beating the shit out of each other. Not some weird fat bloke who’s ass is on display. The lack of fish in wrestling is precisely the reason that fish don’t have any interest n wrestling these days. Which is a shame because; fish make better wrestlers than people. I am a fish and I know these things.
Our naturally oily bodies are perfect for wrestling and putting moves on each other; whilst the huge variety of categories of fish insures any wrestling show is a real spectacle. I’m certain that, if humans watched fishes wrestling, they’d be hooked from the start. Fish are also far less aggressive. You never hear of a fish deliberately hurting their opponent if they’re pissed off. You don’t hear about fish taking steroids and killing their family. You never hear about fish getting drunk and starting on their own fans. Simply put, fish are far more suited to wrestling than human beings. I am a fish and I know these things.
Then there’s the shark. Was there ever an animal more deserving of a position on the top of a wrestling card? These huge, muscle bound machines are far more realistic champions than your John Cena’s and Jack Swagger’s. Plus, they have more talent in their left testicles than these guys do in their entire bodies. Born and bred to be main eventing in a wrestling promotion; sharks are another reason why Vince McMahon should start to hire fish. I am a fish and I know these things.
People pay tons of money to see us fish do gay things in SeaWorld and other dumb places like that. There’s a huge market for seeing the more colourful fish in aquariums. If Vince hired fish to wrestle, he wouldn’t lose his human audience. He’d gain tons of new fans. And earn a fortune. Fish’s wages are nothing compared to what he pays humans and, they’d get him a bigger target audience. Plus, he could have one of his roster for dinner if he got hungry. How many other bosses can say they eat their employees? Legally? People want to see fish and fish would be perfect workers for Vince. I am a fish and I know these things.
Finally, fish are phenomenal actors. People rarely get to see that side of us when they’re gawking at the goldfish in their bowl. But, the truth is that every fish is born with a natural gift for acting and performing. Have you ever seen a fish actors do any unconvincing on the stage? No! They’re always the most superb and capable cast member in any performance. If Vince McMahon hired fish then he wouldn’t just have a load of brilliant actors in the ring. WWE films would finally be the success that he’s always dreamed of. I am a fish and I know these things.
The WWE should get rid of the bunch of mediocre and disappointing wrestlers who’ve completely turned the fish community away from wrestling. In its place, the WWE should hire a variety of new and exciting characters from the fish world. Maybe Vince could hire them from FTA, the Fish Training Academy in the Atlantic Ocean. Or the FWFTA, the Fresh Water Fish Training Academy in the River Amazon. Whatever he does, if Vince hired fish, his business would sky rocket. Wrestling would develop a much bigger fan base amongst both humans and fish and, he would have one final success before the passes away. I am a fish and I know these things.
My name is Kanye West and I’m a gay fish. I hope you enjoyed reading the above column.
http://averageguys.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/xzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.jpg
http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg81/welshanonymous/ITMwrestlemon.png
The Closet Homosexual
http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg81/welshanonymous/wrestlemon768.jpg
I’m sorry. But, there’s no way I believe these guys are straight anymore. They’re about as straight as a circle. They’re constantly mincing around and putting on an act but, deep down, they just want to get ploughed in the butt. It’s so obvious that they’re not into the ladies they hang around and they’d be much happier with a man at their side. Maybe one day, they’ll find the man of their dreams but, they need to finally accept their sexuality before it’s too late.
Goodnight my children.